Remember!

When I was younger, I used to wish that God would answer every prayer and guide my every step.  I really wanted to return back to Him, and thought the only way I could ever manage that is if He took control of my efforts.  Most of the time, He didn't seem to be listening.  Bad things continued to happen.  Worse things than I could ever imagine came my way.  So often, I could not feel Him in those dark places.  But you see, mixed in with all the darkness, were the few times full of light. 
There were times my fervent prayers were answered.  There were times the light broke through the darkness.  There were times of peace in the midst of sorrow.  There were friends found among the enemies.  So many little things that all bore testimony to me that He lives and that He loves me.  So many times where I felt His spirit there and when I was embraced in the arms of His love.  So many times, when I knew He was watching out for me. 
I learned, that He doesn't answer every prayer, but that He always listens.  I learned that He never gives us a trial, without a blessing.  I learned, that even in the hardest times of my life, at the very darkest moments, He was still there and I did not walk that way alone. 
An so, when life brings me even more darkness, as it is ever willing to do, I remember those feelings that I experienced and when I don't feel God right here in my life, I still know that He is there watching.  I remember the answers that have already come and am more willing to wait for the answers I want to come now.   Even if they are not here today, I know that they will eventually be there for me.  I remember the yesterday's of the past when my vision was blurred and the feelings of my heart that came with the answers to my prayers. 
He loves us.  He is there.  You are not alone. 

Believe in Miracles

This is our little miracle boy.  He is an amazing testimony to me of perserverence and strength.  He has overcome so many obstacles to get where he is today.  He is now a welcome member of our family.  We can't be more pleased that he is with us. 

My life has been pretty difficult these last few years, but I look at him and realize that it doesn't really matter after all.  Families are what matters most.  Loving each other in spite of our differences.  Those are the things that are most important.  Because of things, I have wanted to back away and not participate in life.  A wonderful person gave me some much needed advice.  This life is but a couple of minutes in eternal time.  I am changing myself into someone I am not because of a few minutes of eternity.  I am just starting to glimpse how vast eternity really is, and although I still think that there are many things that are unfair, I am realizing that there are even more things that are great blessings. 

This person told me to cherish the blessings, to talk about them, be involved with them and to post all about them.  Only by being myself will the difficulties be overcome.  And if not in this life, I can have faith that in the next all will be revealed. 

I know in the next lift this little guy will be just as amazing as he is now.  He is perfect to us and a very long awaited blessing, one we have waited anxiously for.  My grand-daughter Sadie has been praying for a baby brother for years, even when her mom and dad told her that there wouldn't be one.  She believed in spite of the difficulties to overcome.  This little guy is literally an answer to a young girl's faith and prayers. 

What a beautiful testimony to me about the love of a Heavenly Father who absolutely listened to a small girls desires and found a way to bring them to pass.  We are eternally blessed with this beautiful baby boy. 

The Lord's NO's

I don't like to be told "No".  It just makes me feel bad.  Generally, when I ask for something, it is something that I think I really need or really want.  I spent way too much of my life hearing the word, "no".  Still, when the Lord says No, as disappointed as I might be, I have learned to wait.  I am not able to see the bigger picture.  I am living in the here and now, not in forever yet.
Sometimes, (OK, all the time) the Lord knows and sees so much more than I can.  He has told me "no" a lot.  Later when I look back, I am so grateful for that simple unanswered prayer.  No matter how heart felt it was at the time, there was so much more in store than I could have imagined.
I have learned that the Lord is mindful of me and my needs.  He is always willing to bless me and wants what is best for me.  He allows me to struggle, but He also rewards my efforts.  The purpose of life here is to grow, to struggle, to be strengthened through our own many experiences.
We may never know when we will receive the answers that we seek, but I know, with time and strength, we shall find the yes that we really needed after all.

Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Rely on the Lord

“Pray for the strength to walk the high road, which at times may be lonely but which will lead to peace and happiness and joy supernal.....Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him.”  
—Gordon B. Hinckley, "Stay on the High Road," Ensign, May 2004, 114

Enduring your labor!

First of all, I am posting today over at Mormon Mommy Blogs.  I even included my recipe for the easiest and best apple butter ever.  I hope you enjoy it.  http://mormonmommyblogs.blogspot.com/

Today is my son David's birthday.  I won't tell you how old he is, but I will tell you that he is happily married and has four wonderful children.  Two boys and two girls.  They are amazing.  I thought for my post today that I would tell you about my labor and his birth.  Not my usual writing, but it is important, and a miracle in itself. 
D.J. is my third child.  The other two before him were born early.  One at six weeks and one at four weeks.  No one expected me to be able to carry a baby to term.  When I was pregnant with D.J., we were very involved with the missionaries in the area.  I made them milk, (it was freeze-dried and we all liked it), took them places, hosted discussions in my home, let them use my washer and dryer and any number of other things you do to help young men who are away from home on their missions. 
I went into labor six weeks early, while I was at church.  I was pretty upset, because we knew this baby would be small.  My husband and the missionaries gathered with me in a vacant classroom and gave me a blessing.  One of the missionaries gave the blessing.  He blessed me with heath and strength and that I would be able to endure my labor.  I thought at the time that was interesting, but was glad that I would get through it.  Little did I know.
We went to the hospital where I was in labor.  They admitted me and decided to try and stop the labor.  They were actually successful, something they had not been able to do with the other children.  I was put on bed rest and sent home.  I had to go back to the hospital several times to have the labor stopped.  I had contractions continuously ranging from mild to hard. 
Finally, after four weeks, they did an ultrasound on the baby and said I could go ahead and deliver him.  They took me off of bedrest and off of the medications.  I kept having contractions, but now, they weren't doing anything.  I had never carried a baby to term before.  Finally, two weeks past his due date, the doctors decided to induce me before the baby got too big.  After being in labor for over eight weeks D.J. was born.
I truly learned the meaning of "enduring my labor".
To this day, we laugh about that.  The next three children were all born early.  I never carried one of them to term.  Only that one pregnancy at that one time with the blessing of a young missionary.  I know that Heavenly Father answered his prayer.  He didn't answer it in the way that I wanted, but he did answer it.  I know that there was a reason that I needed to be able to endure the labor.
In our lives, there are often answers to prayer that do not happen in quite the way we planned.  We think that we need one thing, and Heavenly Father sends us something else entirely.  Looking back, we can see that the gift we received was exactly the one we needed at the time.  But we won't recognize that until much later.  Today, I am thankful for the gift from my Father in Heaven.  I know that He is always mindful of us, His children.  He loves us and He wants us to be happy.  May you trust Him enough to let Him answer your prayers in just the way you need.

Oh, and by the way, Happy Birthday D.J.!  You are a joy and a blessing in my life.  And your were so worth waiting for.

Know For Yourself

Sometimes, it feels to me, like Heavenly Father must be busy somewhere else.  I am sure that He is often needed elsewhere, and I know the world does not revolve around my needs.  Still, it is so hard to do what I am supposed to do when I don't see or understand the blessing.  Have you ever felt that way?  Are there times in your life when you question His purposes.  Are there times when you doubt that He hears your prayer?  Or doubt that He remembers you are there and you are suffering?
I think we have all felt that way.  It is so easy to get the "poor me" attitude.  It is so easy to forget who we are.  I have discovered in my life that the spirit is always around me.  It is not a case of Him not hearing me, it is a case of me not hearing Him.  Of me not recognizing the sound of His voice in my life.  I have found some things to do that help me feel the spirit and recognize the still small voice in my life on a daily basis.
The first one, is to never let a general conference go by without using it as an opportunity to hear the spirit testify of the truth.  I had a very wise seminary teacher a long time ago, who taught us that we should always pray to know for ourselves of the truthfulness of those things we hear during conference.  The Lord will answer those heartfelt prayers and you will Know of the truthfulness of the talks and messages given.
The nice thing about doing this, is that it helps you to be more aware of what the spirit feels like.  I have done this simple exercise twice a year for over 35 years now.  It is amazing how much that simple task means to me.  I never go through a general conference without feeling the spirit or getting a witness that the President of the Church is truly a Prophet of God.  Now, after so many times of that influence in my life, it makes it much harder for me to believe that the Lord is not mindful of us.  It gives me a slight spiritual edge.  It takes away the doubt and fear.  I KNOW He is here.
The second thing is relatively new for me.  Each day, for the past couple of months, I have prayed that I may have the Holy Ghost to guide me in my choices.  I pray for that each morning before I do scripture study with my family.  I have found as I struggled with remembering to do this everyday, that I am calmer, more peaceful, more loving, and my ability to feel that spirit has increased.  The spirit is easier for me to recognize and it is also easier for me to follow the promptings instead of talking myself out of it.
Now, I am so far from perfect.  I struggle through many things.  I still don't understand why tramadic things happen to my family.  It has been a very rough year for my family.  Both last year, and this one.  I honestly don't know why some of the things are happening.  But taking the time to pray about it and knowing how to listen for the answer and the comfort, has made it bearable.  I don't question as much as I did before.  I am praying to learn the lessons He wants me to learn instead of asking "why me?" or "Why my family?"

Richard G. Scott, in the last General Conference stated: "Father in Heaven knew that you would face challenges and be required to make some decisions that would be beyond your own ability to decide correctly. In His plan of happiness, He included a provision for you to receive help with such challenges and decisions during your mortal life. That assistance will come to you through the Holy Ghost as spiritual guidance. It is a power, beyond your own capability, that a loving Heavenly Father wants you to use consistently for your peace and happiness.
I am convinced that there is no simple formula or technique that would immediately allow you to master the ability to be guided by the voice of the Spirit. Our Father expects you to learn how to obtain that divine help by exercising faith in Him and His Holy Son, Jesus Christ. Were you to receive inspired guidance just for the asking, you would become weak and ever more dependent on Them. They know that essential personal growth will come as you struggle to learn how to be led by the Spirit.
What may appear initially to be a daunting task will be much easier to manage over time as you consistently strive to recognize and follow feelings prompted by the Spirit. Your confidence in the direction you receive from the Holy Ghost will also become stronger. I witness that as you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear".

Our Heavenly Father does answer prayer.  He is aware of you.  He knows your needs.  He is there.  It is up to you to learn to hear His voice above all the other noises and distractions in the world today.
What are you doing to find Him?

Secret Prayer

When I was a young mother, many years ago, the children and I took a road trip up to Oregon to visit my grandmother and grandfather.  It was a very long drive, and I was exhausted after 17 hours of driving (the last several hours were used up in searching for a place to sleep, I was literally falling asleep in the car).  I had to make the many stops and starts required when traveling with children, so the distance covered was not enough to get us even close to our final destination.  I could not find a hotel willing to let the children sleep in the same room with me, and there were no rooms together even if we could have afforded it.  The hotels we stopped at wanted me to get a second room across the hall, and none of the children were old enough to be alone in a room.  I did not want to teach my children to lie, so I was upfront and honest with the many desk clerks for several hours of searching.
Finally, completely spent and crying, I felt impressed to go into a small motel in a small town off the freeway.  I went into the office and told them what I needed and how many children I had in the car.  The woman smiled a warm and welcoming smile and gave me the key to a room at a price that was less than everywhere else we had looked that night.  I came out to the car and my young son (he was only about six or seven at the time), quietly asked, "Mom, which hotel room is ours?"  I looked at him and asked him, "what if they told me they don't have a room?"  He gave me a smile and said, "Mom, they wouldn't do that, we had a prayer when you were gone and Heavenly Father is going to give us a room here."  Then he pointed over to the corner room away from the car and said, "I am pretty sure it is that one."  You know, he was right.  It was that room.  The room had two queen beds and a cot and my children willingly had a family prayer of thanks with me and than snuggled down for the night to let their mother sleep.
Isn't the faith and prayers of a child amazing!  Those sweet little children had more faith than I did that we would get what we needed and all of us would be safe.  There was no doubt in their minds that their prayer would be answered.  I love prayer.  There are so many times in my life when I have received answers.  I know that Heavenly Father listens.  Especially when we need him the most.

I was reading one of Elder David A. Bednar's talks in the Ensign and found this statement on prayer:
"In my office is a beautiful painting of a wheat field. The painting is a vast collection of individual brushstrokes—none of which in isolation is very interesting or impressive. In fact, if you stand close to the canvas, all you can see is a mass of seemingly unrelated and unattractive streaks of yellow and gold and brown paint. However, as you gradually move away from the canvas, all of the individual brushstrokes combine together and produce a magnificent landscape of a wheat field. Many ordinary, individual brushstrokes work together to create a captivating and beautiful painting.
Each family prayer, each episode of family scripture study, and each family home evening is a brushstroke on the canvas of our souls. No one event may appear to be very impressive or memorable. But just as the yellow and gold and brown strokes of paint complement each other and produce an impressive masterpiece, so our consistency in doing seemingly small things can lead to significant spiritual results."

It is the little, seemingly inconsequential acts that matter the most.  Those small things will be the ones that lead us home.  Work to gain your own testimony of the Savior. Pray passionately. Pray often.  Be believing.  Read the Book of Mormon when no one is watching. (Or even when they are!)  Take time alone to think about who Jesus really is, what He means to you and how His life and sacrifice are important to you.

Remember the example of the young prophet, Joseph Smith. When he lit the candle at night to read the Bible, it was because he wanted to. It wasn't because someone else made him do it.  When he went into the grove to pray, he went alone.  He didn't have to take someone else to see.  

I love the phrase 'the tender mercies of the Lord'.  It paints such a vivid picture in my mind.  I have reflected repeatedly upon that phrase.  I have  pondered and prayed about it and I believe that I have come to better understand the Lord's tender mercies in my own life.  I have seen those tender mercies in a very personal way.  I have received answers to prayer, blessings, protection, strength, guidance, and love.  Those are just a few of His tender mercies that have blessed me as I have struggled to do what is right.  Truly, His tender mercies are there for each of us, as we come to Him in earnest prayer.  

Richard G. Scott has said it so wonderfully, that I feel impressed to quote him.
"It matters not our circumstance, be we humble or arrogant, poor or rich, free or enslaved, learned or ignorant, loved or forsaken, we can address Him. We need no appointment. Our solicitation can be brief or can occupy all the time needed. It can be an extended expression of love and gratitude or an urgent plea for help. He has created numberless cosmos and populated them with worlds, yet you and I can talk with Him personally, and He will ever answer."

Little Things

"Sometimes, when I consider what tremendous consequences come from little things....
I am tempted to think....
There are no little things."  attributed to Bruce Barton

So, earlier this month, as I was getting ready to head out of town and go on one of my many trips for the Postal Service, I was trying to get everything ready.  I wanted to take the old green Volvo.  I was going to be putting a lot of miles on whichever car I took, and would rather put the miles on the older car. 
The brilliantly flashing, red check engine light was on (again) and it wouldn't go off.  I was not having a good feeling about taking that car.  I decided to make John drive it because it didn't feel right to me.  He drove it to work for a couple of days and told me everything would be fine.  (famous last words!) 
So, I got everything packed, but I could not shake the feeling that I should NOT take that car.  Now, I don't always have feelings that are that strong about things, and when I do, I tend to doubt them a little and it makes me question myself and why I am feeling that way.  I thought, "no, everything is fine, you are just worrying for nothing!  You get better mileage on this car and besides that, it has air conditioning!"  Now, air conditioning is a big plus at that moment because I was driving to a hot part of the Arizona Desert, and the truck that I like to drive has been having air conditioning problems and usually won't cool the air once I am off the mountain where I live.
The night before I was to leave, I told John that I really was not comfortable driving the Volvo and I was going to use the truck.  The next evening, long after I left in the truck, John was on his way to work at the school in the Volvo when it completely died in the middle of the road.  It just stopped.  John called his friend Val who came and tried to change the fuel filter to no avail.  John had to call a tow truck and have the car towed to our house where he could work on it with Val.  They tried a couple of different things to get it running, but none of the easy things worked.  Come to find out, after much testing and labor, it needed a new fuel pump.
Now, you should know that I had been having a few issues with the car.  The check engine light likes to come on and annoy me and we can't seem to make it go off.  I am really not fond of those annoying red lights.  But, everytime John looked at it and took it in to get it evaluated, the light just comes back on.  So, mostly we just have to let it be red and ignore it.  I thought at first that the light that came on in the car this time was the same one and that I could just ignore it until I got back.  But, I just couldn't shake the feeling that I needed to drive a different car.
Good thing too!  If I had insisted on taking the green monster out into the desert, I would likely have ended up somewhere on the open highway between Holbrook and Kingman.  If you have ever driven on that road, you would know there is not much out there in the way of services and help for stranded motorists.  There is a very good chance that I would have been stuck with no easy solutions for getting the car fixed.
I just thought that this was a little thing that didn't really mean anything.  But the spirit gave me that "little warning" or "hey, pay attention" whisper to my soul.
Haven't we all felt that way at one time or another in our lives?

It makes me wonder how many other little warning lights that I might have ignored in my life?  How many things have I thought about doing but it seemed too little or unimportant to bother with at the time?
Maybe a feeling that I needed to call a friend or neighbor, but I had just seen them at church yesterday.
Maybe I needed to call my sister, but there wasn't any real reason for the call, so what am I going to say?
Maybe I felt like I needed to visit one of my ward sisters, but I already went by earlier that month.
Sometimes, the answer can seem like such a very little thing.

I think we all need to learn to follow those promptings.  It might just be nothing, but than again, it might just be everything to someone who needs you that day.  Sometimes it is so hard to know if the prompting is coming from within myself, or from Him.
I believe that the Lord probably communicates with most of us far more than we acknowledge.  We are tempted to believe that it is just our own thoughts, concerns and doubts.  But what if it really is from Him?  I love to remember one of my favorite scriptures in the Old Testament:
And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord.  And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind and earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:
And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire:  and after the fire a still small voice.
1 Kings 19:11-12

The Lord uses us to answer the prayers and pleas of others if we will only learn how to listen.  He does take the time to communicate with us.  He does let us know what he needs us to do.  So, if something seemingly unimportant, but naggingly persistent comes to mind....maybe we should just take the time to listen, or call, or go visit, or write, or do whatever the prompting is telling us to do.  And than see what happens.

"If you think you are too small to be effective, than you have never been alone in the dark with a mosquito!"

October 20th 2009

Today is a pretty busy day. I have been working on reports all morning and just need a little break. Maybe Chocolate will help! I was out all night on a fire. I got to stand and freeze and watch the guys put it out. It was a pretty cold night, so all of us were quite chilly and the guys were wet and very cold. It is quite different to work for the fire department. It is a job I really love. Too bad that there are some things going on right now that I am having a hard time with. All of us that used to be "part timers" have now become full fledged volunteers. That means we don't get paid for any more than five shifts a month. That has really given me a problem. Before, I could justify what I love to do based on the fact that it at least paid a little bit and helped support my family. Now I can't really justify all the hours that I used to spend on it because it has now become nothing more than a hobby. It would be a lot easier if I did not love to run on the ambulance and be part of this quite so much. Supposedly, the decision has to do with FLSA laws that say we cannot work those hours. All my research has not shown that to be true, but what do I know? I am just a volunteer. So, now I am researching the issue online and also spending more time with my totally great family. I suppose that this is what I need to be doing now.
I am trying to find the time to make everyone a halloween cape before the big day. I bought YARDS of black satin and the patterns to get the costumes made. Now it is just the cutting, pinning and sewing. To say nothing of all the blankets that I am behind in. I need to just set that sewing machine up on the kitchen table and have a great week or two. I would be really remiss if I did not write about the past couple of weeks. I was able to go to Time Out for Women. This is an event for Latter Day Saint Women and it is the first time that I have been able to go. I really loved it. I was able to listen to the speakers and feel motivated and uplifted. I really have a desire to draw closer to my Heavenly Father and to follow His counsel and teachings. I especially love the talk from John Bytheway. He spoke of a challenge that was given. Here is my favorite part.

Here's the experiment that was referenced in the talk. A Dr. Watson asked women to perform this experiment:
"For five days in their morning prayers, they were to pray with concerted effort for the Holy Ghost to be with them that day. Then, throughout the day, as they encountered any difficult, tempting, or trying situation, they were to pray for and really picture the Spirit being right there with them.
Among the results they experienced were:
An increased desire to "de-junk" their physical environments. A greatly reduced desire to watch TV. An increased desire to reach out to others and follow through on commitments. An increased ability to be kinder, gentler, and more patient. An increased desire to take care of their bodies by living the Lord's law of health more fully. An increased ability to see how they could have handled situations better. An increased mental focus. An increased ability and desire to study and learn. A greatly decreased desire to backbite, gossip, or be cynical. A dramatic increase in their physical energy because energy-draining negative emotions were gone. An unbelievable reduction in stress. Profound changes in their conversations with others."

The really amazing part of this challenge is that I tried it out for myself and it really worked! I have had a truely wonderful week that has been full of the spirit. Even the fighting between the girls in our home has decreased. That is pretty amazing as they all are teenager want-a-bees. I am so much happier and so much calmer than I have ever been. I need to keep doing this. I hope that it might be something that all of you want to try too. Have a wonderful day!