I don't think I'm perfect

“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.”
― Ray Bradbury, 

  

I go to church nearly every Sunday, rain or shine, sickness and health (well, not sickness if it is contagious).  I help when I am able, I reach out to others, I stretch myself.  In short, I do all the things that I think perfect people might do, the difference is that I know how very far I fall short.
Not everyone likes church.  Not everyone likes the people.  Not everyone wants to spend their Sundays sitting on a hard bench and listening to other people speak.
I have found that my week goes better when I am willing to sacrifice that small amount of time.  When I am willing to gather in His name and with His love.  Don't get me wrong, things don't always go all right.  We are human after all.  Sometimes we don't like others, sometimes we are angry, sometimes we hold grudges, sometimes we resent others, sometimes we feel lonely and weak and afraid.  But I go in spite of myself, and in spite of those who don't like me.  I go to worship a Heavenly Father who loves me.  I go to find forgiveness and to turn my heart to him.
This past Sunday, we had two really amazing speakers.  They talked about repentance and forgiveness.  The spoke about a loving Heavenly Father who truly loves us and knows us each personally.  It was such a comfort for me.  I loved hearing them speak about choosing not to be offended.  About loving one another and forgiving each other, because we are human.   I used to never have a hard time forgiving.  My problem was that I forgave too easily and endured the consequences as if they were mine alone.  It took me a very long time to understand that forgiving was not forgetting and that we could forgive and still protect ourselves from future harm. 
Now, sometimes I am very closed off.  I am afraid to trust and afraid to love.  In short, I am afraid of being hurt.  Of having valuable pieces of myself thrown back in my face.  And so, I listened and I learned, and I continue to learn and grow.  I am amazed at how the simple things can mean the most.  I know I have heard those words before, but Sunday, I could swear they were just for me.  And so, I will try to reach out, and try to forgive, and try to quit worrying about whether or not my fingers are going to get burnt! 
I am going to choose to live in the here and now.  Moment by moment, step by step, until I arrive Home at last and am safe in His presence. 
Life has thrown me lots of loops along the path, but I am learning, maybe a little slowly, but learning nevertheless.  I am not perfect, and I am not trying to be, I am just falling down life everyone else and struggling to pick myself up and move forward.  One small step at a time. 

What I learned - Be Thou Humble

One of my all time favorite Hymns is Be thou humble.  It reminds me of who I would like to be and what I am really working on.  This talk was also amazing.  I learned so much listening.  I love the idea that "some of the greatest sermons are preached by listening to the hymns." 
The hymn Be Thou humble is based on a scripture in Ether and one in the Doctrine and Covenants. 
Ether 12:27. The verse in Ether reads: “And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; … for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.”
I really need the weak things in my life to become strengths.  I know that I need to not worry so much.  That I need to trust more and try and take care of it all myself, less.  Trusting is hard for me.  I never quite correlated trusting God with the ability to humble myself.  I am just trying to bother Him less and take care of my own problems. 
This talk has reminded me that those problems are not necessarily mine to take care of.  Sometimes, we all need to trust in a higher power and allow Him to bear the burden.  Humility is the willingness to admit that I can't possibly do it all.
I have had many experiences to try myself and make me more humble.  I have walked through the shadows and  tears.  I have felt my soul ache and my heart break.  Humility keeps it all real for me.  I know that there is nothing that I could possibly suffer, that Christ himself isn't aware of.  I know that He is willing to walk with me. 
As Elder Snow shared the story of His son, my heart ached with him and I could not help but remember my own experiences with my children.  There is so much uncertainty in knowing what will happen.  Whether they sin, or someone else does, whether life is fair, or it isn't.  I believe that we never stop worrying about their welfare and their spiritual well-being.  No matter what happens, they are my children, grown or small, it doesn't really matter.  I love them.  I know that Heavenly Father loves them and that He desires they may learn how to be humble and loving here upon the earth.
He desires to lead us safely Home. 

Lyrics to Be Thou Humble

1. 1. Be thou humble in thy weakness, and the Lord thy God shall lead thee,
   Shall lead thee by the hand and give thee answer to thy prayers.
   Be thou humble in thy pleading, and the Lord thy God shall bless thee,
   Shall bless thee with a sweet and calm assurance that he cares.
2. 2. Be thou humble in thy calling, and the Lord thy God shall teach thee
   To serve his children gladly with a pure and gentle love.
   Be thou humble in thy longing, and the Lord thy God shall take thee,
   Shall take thee home at last to ever dwell with him above.
   
   Text and music: Grietje Terburg Rowley, b. 1927
3. (c) 1985 IRI

Passing Through the Trials- Serving Others

"As we pass through the trials in life, let us keep an eternal perspective, let us not complain, let us become even more prayerful, let us serve others, and let us forgive one another".  James B. Martino

This weekend was Stake Conference at church.  I have learned so very many things that go with this.  There was a sister who spoke last night on overcoming your anger and hurt and learning to forgive.  She spoke about how difficult her life was for her.  How much her heart ached.  How she wanted revenged for the things that were done to her.  As she grew up, she cut the people involved during that horrible time, out of her life.  She tried to get through it on her own.  She tried to forgive and to move on, but inside, there was always this little niggling doubt about what had happened and what she should do about it.
Finally, after much soul searching, she went to the temple to contemplate and pray there.  Struggling to get an answer to help her forgive what needed to be changed in her life.  The answer cam there, in the peaceful, quiet moments of worship and reflection, the answer came.  And it was not one that she thought she could accomplish.  But she prayed and she felt strengthened and she opened up her notebook and wrote a letter with the help of her loving heavenly Father.  She poured out her heart and her sorrow and her regrets.  Then at the end, she poured out her love.  And with her tears and sorrow, she found the power to forgive another.  She send the letter and received and answer back and their were more apologies and tears and because of her strength to follow the inspiration from the Lord, her family is starting to find peace and healing and love once again.  The first step has been made A hand reached out to touch another.  At one time, hearts and aching could not block the space and loneliness that overcame where love had been  before.
But today, love returned where it was never expected and through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, Forgiveness has to power to turn our hearts back to God.  He waits for us with His Hands stretched out in welcome.  I waits for us to come to Him.  He waits for us to ease the pain and suffering of those who have wronged us, but he also waits for us to realize that we need His forgiveness also.  For with the wrongs come the words said, the stories told, the meanness in our hearts as we desperately hope that things will be fair.  But fair is not usually want we need.  We need to have the struggles that help us to find His path back home.  We need to have the trials that prepare us for what we will need.  But we also need to learn to forgive and come to Him.  He will be there, quietly waiting to bless you and help you through your trials.  If you only know how very much you need those blessings.  He waits, for you.  Only for you.  You are His and He knows exactly what you need.  My you recognize His blessings in all of your life and may you recognize His love.

Who gets the credit?

"It is amazing what you can accomplish 

if you do not care who gets the credit".  

Harry Truman

The quality of writing speaks for itself.  Some books go down for generations.  They are enjoyed time and time again.  In these days of quick rewards, some people like to take credit for themselves for the writing accomplishments of others.   (This is called perjury, by the way). 
Children learn to write their names at the top of every paper.  They are rewarded with a grade for their accomplishments.  Their papers are posted on a board on parents night where everyone can see who wrote it.  The papers are admired and hopefully remembered. 
I am learning that a great poem or story or even blog article should speak for itself.  What an honor it is, as a writer, to have someone want to use your article or poem in something they write.  What a wonderful feeling it is when they seek me out and ask to use my poems or my thoughts in their own writings or talks.
When they speak, I might not get the credit, because they are the ones speaking, but my works are remembered through their love and enjoyment of my writing.
I think the words we write should speak for themselves.  They should be remembered because of the gift they are to others.   Don't get me wrong, I am not saying we should all be guilty of perjury.  I am just saying that we should not worry quite so much about getting the credit each and every time.
I want my poems to have my name, but I also want them to be loved and enjoyed and learned from.  I want credit for my writing, but I don't mind at all sharing it with another person who is speaking.  I think if we know who said something, we should mention them, but we also should share often those things from others that strengthen our testimonies and lighten our burdens.
For me, those good things can be songs, poems, stories or even a simple blog post.  For me, it is amazing that there are so many people out there who have the same thoughts that I have and we each express them in slightly different ways.  And sometimes, together we work miracles, and the credit all goes to HIM, and I am so grateful to be a small part of it.

Pride, Who Is Right

I find this one to be so true.  And it helps me to work on keeping many things that are prideful out of my life.  We all like to be right.  It makes us feel that we might be worthy of more.  That we might be better than someone else.  And, I have to admit, that I am way too good at convincing myself that I am not good enough.  So, I have to ask myself, is this right?  I have to separate myself from the action and then ask if it is right and good, or do I just want it to be?
Pride is not a sin that only happens outside the church, or only to to others, it also happens from within.  It is initiated in our minds and hearts as we deal with the daily challenges of living the way we know we should.  We are all susceptible to pride.  Today we live in a world full of external influences. We are admonished in the scriptures to be “in the world but not of the world.” In other words, we are supposed to live with those who choose differently than we do, but we are also supposed to keep our standards and morals.  The evils of the world can bring sorrow and tragedy whenever we do not protect ourselves against their influence.
May we echo the words of the ancient prophet Nephi:

“I know in whom I have trusted.
“My God hath been my support. …
“O Lord, I have trusted in thee and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh”
(2 Ne. 4:19–20, 34).

Pride and reliance on man can be replaced with trust in the Lord.  We have to work on it, learn what to keep and what to eliminate from our lives.  We need to seek the right in all that we do and say.  We need to learn to be a little more like Him.