What I learned - Conversion to Heavenly Father and the Lord Jesus Christ

Our purpose is to balance the Church and the home experiences in a way that will greatly increase faith and spirituality and deepen conversion.

I love listening to Elder Cook.  This is the talk where the new Sunday curriculum was explained.  I am in love with going to two hour church on Sundays.  I especially like the idea of studying myself and learning through research and reading what is essential for me to know.  Life is a balance, like my grandchildren on the monkey bars.  There are so many different things that require my attention.  It is a relief to spend some of the time on the Sabbath day actually doing things that help me to be a better person.

Don't get me wrong, I have actually always loved church.  I like the chance to learn and grow and be around others.  But it can be hard with all the assignments and teaching and just doing.  Sometimes, I am exhausted on Sunday.  It is easier to turn everything over to someone else and expect them to teach me or teach my children.

What I like most about the new program is that it puts more of the responsibility for learning and teaching right back on the family.  I feel like I can grow this way better than before.  I love the idea of bringing the gospel home and spending the day learning even more.  

Following the Crowd

I am a very social person, at least, once I know you.   It makes my heart sing to be with others who enjoy my company as well as I enjoy theirs.  That being said, I know that once upon a time in my life, I went wherever and whenever I could be with the crowd.  I was lonely and so very tired of being alone.  I felt like I needed others in my life and I have even been guilty of changing the person I was to be a person who fit in better with the expectations of others.
I am older now.  And have found the above saying to be truer than I ever thought possible.  I no longer need a crowd.  A couple of good friends, and kind husband and family who love me are more than enough.  I walk alone through many things and yet I am not ever really truly alone. 
When I wanted so much to belong, I found myself settling for things that I was not interested in doing.  I found myself doing the things that others wanted.  I found myself feeling unhappy and very unfulfilled. 
When you have the opportunity to walk alone, you learn who you are.  It is not an easy journey, but it is an important one.  I have learned that I like art, I love drawing and painting.  I even was able to see the life story of Picasso in Kanas City with my family.  Don't get me wrong, I still don't like his art!  But I loved learning about his life and seeing the influence of African art, especially in the tribal masks, throughout his lifetime.  It made the way he paints a little more understandable and interesting to me. 
I have also learned that large crowds of people are hard for me.  It makes me feel closed in and vulnerable.  I prefer smaller groups.  I prefer quiet visits and shared experiences.  I have learned that those experiences that I walked through have given me the strength and desire and ability to help others on their own journey.  I have found myself in places that I never imagined I would be. 
And most of all, I have found joy in that journey. 

Who we are becoming

What a comfort it is to my heart to read this today.  I am pretty sure that every one of us has something in our past we are ashamed of.  We have all made mistakes.  We have all chosen the wrong path.  We have all lived in this crazy mixed up world.
Why is it so hard to forgive ourselves for our past mistakes?  Even after we repent, our hearts and minds keep turning back the page and wallowing in the "who we once were", past.  It is like we see the atonement as something that applies to everyone else except ourselves.  Like we are exempt from the grace that is promised to us.  And the Lord's hands that reach out to comfort us. 
With all the things going on in the world today, I find it even more necessary to forgive myself for my past mistakes.   It becomes even more necessary to live in the present than in the past.  It becomes more meaningful.  I have a difficult time in letting go of what has happened.  Not so much the things that others have done to me, but the things that I have done to myself or to others.  I find it hard to forgive the child, the youth or even the adult for the mistakes of the past, even when I have truly repented of them and not repeated them. 
I am unsure of what makes it nearly impossible for me to accept the Lord's atonement in my own behalf.  It is like there is a voice in my head telling me that I will never be good enough for His love.  I have noticed that it is much easier to forgive others and passionately defend their right to repent, than it is to forgive myself.  The adult in me expects the five year old child that I was to have known better. 
I have learned that depression is living too much of our lives in the past.  It robs us of the present with it's whispers of "should have", "could have", and "would have".  My present is so mixed up in the past that I find it hard to put it all aside.  I am sure that the Savior who suffered so much for my sins, is sad when I can't find it within myself, to extend the law of mercy to even such as I. 
My goal for this week is to be a little kinder to myself.  To appreciate the present moments.  To love myself a little more and protect myself a little less.  To allow myself to learn from my mistakes instead of condemning me for them. 
It is a comfort for me to know and understand that the Lord forgives and forgets.  He doesn't hold the past against me.  He wants me to grow and become who I am supposed to be.  May we all strive just a little bit harder to be a little bit kinder to ourselves.  We are always worth His Love. 

Even the smallest act

This one, I have seen for myself.  There was a time in my life when I did not know what it was to believe.  A time when I was hurt and angry and sure that I was completely unlovable.  I have had to learn the "as if" principle in my life. 

When you don't know the answer, you live "as if" you do.  You keep the commandments that are hard as well as the ones that are easy.  You choose to live the way that God tells you to live, and you don't question why.  I believe that the answers come when we live the hard things well. 

I have learned that God loves me, by living as if I knew that He did.  He then provided examples to me that I could not miss.  I have learned that obedience is important, by living the commandments that are hard.  I can't say that I always do everything right, as a matter of fact, I don't do so many things that I should.  But I can say that I try my best. 

I have learned that He knows I will make mistakes.  I have learned the redeeming power of His atonement through those mistakes.  I have felt His love in the midst of repentance.  I have felt the change of heart that comes from changing my life. 

I believe that it is by small things that great things come to pass.  As we struggle and learn and grow, our testimonies are strengthened. Our hearts are changed.  Our love for others increases.  All these things are good.  They remind me that we are each important to our loving Heavenly Father, no matter what our beliefs are.  We are His children, and He wants to see us become more than we have ever dreamed we could be. 

He knows what bonfires we are capable of blazing. 

He knows exactly who we are. 

And most of all, He loves us so much more than our mistakes and short comings.  He loves us exactly as we are now and also as the men and women that we could be. 

Looking Bad

I love it when a quote resonates with me like this one does.  Our world today is so competitive.  We seem to spend way too much time worrying about how others perceive us, instead of thinking about how God perceives our actions.  I can't even begin to tell you how many times people will try to tell me something bad about someone else, thinking somehow, that minimizes their own sins.  All it really does is call even more attention to them. 

Why is gossip so prevalent today?  I live in a small town.  Which, believe it or not, I actually like most of the time.  The only thing that I have real difficulties with is the fact that people think they "know" all about me.  They pass rumors like they were serving a potluck dinner at the neighborhood church.  I get to learn things about myself that I never even knew!

Perhaps the hardest is when people find it necessary to tell me who likes me and who doesn't.  That is not information that I need in my life.  It is not necessary to my eternal salvation, and could even be detrimental to the person that I currently am. 

Why do we insist on telling each other all the negative things?  It is like we somehow, take secret pleasure in making others feel badly about themselves.  We do not ever know what trials someone is facing.  We may think we have a good idea, but unless we are walking in their shoes, we truly don't understand. 

My trials are unique to me.  You are not asked to go through them.  From where I am sitting, they are hard.  They are painful.  They are as much as I can bear.  To hear others say that they know someone who has been through worse, is not helpful in the least.  In this spot I am in, it is a difficult challenge to face and I have to get through it myself. 

I worry about failing and falling and making mistakes. 

I worry about losing the battle and more importantly, the war. 

I worry about who I might become or who I can't become. 

I worry that I have done something in my life to deserve these particular trials. 

I worry, and I keep worrying.

My goal today, and every day for that matter, is to leave my place in this world just a little better than I found it.  I want people to leave my presence feeling a little better about themselves instead of worse.  I want them to feel valued and respected.  I want to remember that we all have our own difficult places.  And that they are hard for each one of us to endure.  Anything that we can do to make the lives of others just a little better, is something we should try and do. 

I doesn't take much effort to try and be a little more positive in our daily interactions with others. 

Life - The difficult

 

This one has real meaning for me.  I know that in my life, I have spent too much time trying to copy the people that I admire and respect.  Cutting my hair like them, dressing like them, picking up on their words and phrases.  It was much worse when I was younger and so insecure with the girl that I was, and even more insecure with the young woman I was becoming.  

The sad part is that inside, I am still sometimes that girl.  I still want to be liked.  I want people to admire me and my family.  I want to be like the other families in our small community, that everyone looks up to.   I want my children to be liked, respected and popular.  Intellectually, I know that popularity isn't everything, but in this community, it really seems to make or break the kids.  People here think that bullying doesn't go on in our town or our schools.  We are talking really big city here.  My daughters graduating class two years ago was 31 students.  So, I think that bullying is even harder in a small town.  If you are not with the in crowd, than you are out, and no one will be your friend. 

It breaks my heart to watch my girls go through this.  It causes so many emotional problems.  My love isn't enough for them.  They want the acceptance of their peers. 

I have grown older (yep, think grey) and now it is not so important to me what "everyone" thinks.  The elusive "everyone" really does not exist.  It still matters what they say though.  For some reason, it is not what is done that is the most difficult for me to handle, it is what is said.  I remember the words long after the deeds. 

I am content with just a few close friends.  I think if I had any more than that, the guilt of not being able to be there for "everyone" would overwhelm me.  I am very grateful for my friends who support me and help me through the hard times.  I am not as grateful for those whom I thought were my friends, but they turned out differently.  I suppose High School lives on in some peoples lives.  As for me, I am so glad that part is long over. 

The reason I love the quote above is because it reminds me that Heavenly Father made me who I am.  He did not make me to be another Mary or Martha or Eve.  He made me and placed me in this place because I can do some good.  I can learn and grow and become more like Him.  He does not ever want us to be "everybody else".  He has always intended that we would be ourselves, with our own talents and blessings.  Most important of all, He loves us exactly how we are right now.  With our makeup off, our hair straight (or frizzy in my case), and our clothes wrinkled and worn.  It isn't the face that we show to the world that He sees.  It isn't how we did on someone else's test that matters.  It is who we are becoming and what He needs us to be. 

So, don't be a poor example of anyone else.  Be your own unique self and know right now that you are loved. 

 

Walking into a Church

Billy Graham has said many times: “Walking into a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than walking into a garage

makes you a car.”  

I love, love, love this saying.   It reminds me that we are made up of what we DO, and not so much because of where we ARE right this minute.  It also reminds me that Christians are more than just beliefs, they are designated by their behavior toward every one of God's sons and daughters.  It reminds me that my family is more than just my biological family or my church family.  My family encompasses friends, neighbors and even those who are hard to love.   

I suspect, that at various times in our lives, we are all a little hard to love.  I also suspect that there are times when each one of us behave in a very unchristian-like way.  We want to be a BMW, but instead, we are more like the common gremlin!  No matter how cool the outside looks, inside we are what we are.  And that person shows through, no matter how we disguise the outside.  Who we become, is the result of our choices. 

We all get to choose the person we become.  We do it each day through hundreds and thousands of individual decisions that we make.  We may not choose exactly what happens to us, but we choose how we react to it.  We might not get to choose the path we are on, but we choose what we see and what we realize.  We choose how we see the world that is around us.  Every choice we make brings us farther away, or closer to, the person that we want to become. 

So, maybe walking into the church doesn't make you Christian, but choosing to stay there, choosing to change, choosing to become, does.    And for me, the most wonderful part of this is that, although we can't change the past, every one of us has the ability to rewrite our futures.  We start today and use the Atonement for our good.  We repent, we grow, we change, we become. 

Isn't it wonderful, that we have a Father in Heaven, who loves us enough to provide a way for each of us to arrive home.  Our paths might be different.  Our pasts might be completely opposite, but none of us are forgotten on this journey.  He cares for each of us individually.  He gives us what we need to grow, and allows us to experience joy in our journey, no matter how rocky the path.   

Believe in Yourselves

How easy is it to get lost in this crazy, mixed up world that we live in?  There are so many voices competing for our attention, that the one inside ourselves gets rather lost in the shuffle.  Sometimes, it can be very hard to hear, and even harder to understand, just who we are.  I think, that there is a part of me, deep inside that really craves to be the same as everyone else.  Sometimes, I would like to be admired, or at least acknowledged for something, anything that is good.   There is a part of me that I am not proud of, that wants to be popular, or at least somewhat in demand.  I wish I did something well.  My house is a mess, my life is even messier, my mind is in total chaos and sometimes I don't know where I am going to find the energy to face tomorrow. 
The hardest voice to hear is the one deep inside yourself telling you that you are who you need to be.  That you are unique.  That you are enough.  That you are being you and that is Okay. 
That is the voice I struggle to hear.  That is the one that screams deep inside my heart and I am so busy trying to be someone that I am not, I can't hear the voice of who I really am.  I am surrounded by the should have, could haves and would haves of the world.  The real me, is drowned out in the crowd. 
I am learning that part of believing in myself has to come from being myself.  You can't believe in someone who is not real.  You can't believe yourself into what is false.  Part of accepting myself is to learn who I really am.  It is asking the hard questions.  The ones that are uncomfortable at times.  The ones that I don't want to know the answers too.  Part of believing in myself is putting aside the falsehoods and the insecurities and acknowledging the person that I really am.  It is finding that person and learning to love her anyway.  It is being myself in spite of everyone else.  It is believing in myself as well as being myself.  It is acknowledging my successes as well as my failures.  It is becoming whom I was always meant to be. 

Be Ye Doers

It is so easy to get caught up in everything that is going on.  It is easy to put our Christianity, our religion, or even our good works aside.  In today's world, it is way too easy to become self-centered and selfish.  It is also too easy to get caught up in the negatives and forget how many blessings we are given.
I had a hard experience this week.  I was told that everybody in town hates me.  That I am way too mean.  That I make everyone angry.  That they were warned about me when they came here.  It was quite hurtful actually and made me want to lash out and retaliate. 
It can be hard living in a small town.  Sometimes it feels like I am in a bubble and everyone knows my business.  It can also be rewarding.  Several times a year, the community gets together for service.  I love how I feel when my brothers and sisters from every religion meet together and participate in something that has meaning and inspiration for my soul. 
Sometimes I have to balance the bad of a moment with the good that I know is really here.  It can be easy to get caught up in the negative and forget the positive. 
If I am honest with myself, I am probably not always as nice as I should be.  I still react to things instead of thinking them through.  I still make mistakes.  I still get angry.  I still get hurt.  I still want people to see things from my perspective.
We all make mistakes.  We all sin.  We all forget.  That is why it does my heart so much good to remember that I am loved by Him.  I am blessed by Him.  Even when I don't feel like it, He is there and loves me through it all. 
Today, I turned to a scripture in James and it reminded me that each one of us needs reminding once in a while.
 
James 1:22  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Sometimes, I think I try too hard to deceive myself. I hear the words that are spoken, but my own habits and responses let me down. I forget to be a doer.  It makes me wonder what I could or should do differently.  What would make me calm instead of angry?  What would make me happy instead of stressed?  What would make me a doer instead of a hearer only? 

I am thankful that He doesn't lose hope in me.  I struggle and I reach and hopefully, eventually, I will achieve what I am looking for.  I hate to even think of praying for patience and understanding, I never have liked the results of that!  But at this time in my life, I think maybe it is time to let go and trust Him.  To have Him help me become a doer of the word so that when others see me, they also feel Him near.  I really want others to feel the love in my heart that I have for them.  I want them to know that they are cared about.  That they are loved and needed.  That they always have been, and always will be His. 

I want to be a doer of His word. 

Nothing you can do

There is nothing you can do

to make God love you anymore,

and there's nothing you can do

to make Him love you

any less. 

Oh how I needed this one today.  Sometimes, I have a hard time believing that I am worth loving.  I know all my faults and all my failings.  I know all the mistakes and the hurt and the anger that lives inside.  There is a part of me that has a hard time believing that God could possibly love someone as imperfect as I am. 
Funny thing is, that when I look at someone else, I don't see the same things at all.  I see people who are doing the very best they can do.  I see mistakes that are being overcome.  I see repentance and sorrow and genuine remorse.  I see the possibilities of change. 
I look at my own children and love them so very much.  They mean the world to me.  One of the hardest things to bear is when they remind me of all my mistakes.  (If you have grown children yourself, you will know what I mean, if you don't, well, it is coming!)  I already condemn myself for not being the best parent.  I already know what my failures are.  It hurts more that they remember them too. 
If I could go back and do anything at all, it would be to be a better parent.  I did as well as I could with the knowledge that I had, but I know that I could have been so much better.  I think that we all feel that way sometimes.  The hard part is recognizing that is not the Lord speaking for us.  He truly does love us with all of our mistakes and failings. 
I know that I love my children no matter what type of mistakes they make.  I love them no matter what they do.  I might want them to do better, but I will love them no matter what.  I think that our Heavenly Father, who is a much better parent than I will ever be, loves us even more than I am capable of loving my own children.  It makes sense to me that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us any more or any less. 
I love the part of this that reminds me, He will never love me less.  He loves me exactly as I am. 
I am not enough by myself, but in Him I will be all He needs me to be. 

A Leap of Faith

I have felt this way so often in my life.  Especially in the past several years.  It seems as if I am tossed and turned by every wind that blows by.  Often, I feel like I can't possibly survive or escape.  I can't find my way out of the darkness that surrounds me.  Sometimes, you just have to trust that somehow, it will all work out all right.  You have to believe that Someone Else, has your best interests at heart.  It can be nearly impossible for me to see and to be patient enough to wait; yet when I do, things change, and I am amazed at the outcome that I never imagined.

Often, those things don't turn out the way I wanted, but they end up being just what I needed.  One of the hardest lessons that I ever had to learn is that God does not take away the free agency of another for me.  He allows all of us to make our own mistakes.  Even when those mistakes affect others in a negative way. 

Eyes refuse to see, lips speak angry words, hearts get broken, and still He lets us make our own choices.  I have learned that the choices of others can be devastating to me.  But just because I hurt, doesn't mean that they don't have the right to choose.  And so I wait, and watch and pray and hope.  Sometimes I even get to see the change, sometimes I have to let it go, but no matter what happens, I get to choose too.  

I choose the power that I give another person to change my life. 

I choose what kind of person I will become because of it.

I choose to forgive. 

I choose who I want to be. 

I choose to follow HIM.   

Sabbath Day Scribblings - One Body

“But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
“And if they were all one member, where were the body?
“But now are they many members, yet but one body.
“And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
“Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
“And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
“For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
“That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.

“And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

—1 Corinthians 12:18–26

Fighting against my shadow

Sometimes, I feel like I am fighting against my own shadow.  Twisting and turning in a battle against my two selves.  There is the part of me that is fine.  That does okay, that gets along with others.  I would call it my Sunday face.  The face the world sees.  The one that people think they know.

Then there is the shadow me, the me that lives deep inside, the me that no one else can see.  The me that isn't really real, but feels that way.  It is the me that judges myself too harshly, the one who sees all my darkness, the one who can never forgive herself.  The one who struggles and juggles and tries.  The one who fails.  Sometimes if feels as if I forever and losing that battle.  I am forever failing.  And even if it is supposed to be imaginary, it really doesn't feel that way. 

I have decided that we all battle against our own shadows.  We all struggle to become what it is we think we want to be.  We all try our best and, at times, end up failing miserably.  Thank goodness that there is one who doesn't fail.  There is one who takes all those trials of ours and, through grace, makes our brokenness whole once again. 

I have learned that we are all broken in some way or another.  We all struggle to define ourselves.  We all come up short.  It is only as we draw closer to the Savior that we truly find ourselves.  That we start to see the shadow is only a shadow.  It is not real, and it never will be.  Who we are is so much more than that shadow person. 

Like the shadow in Peter Pan, whom Wendy sewed together with a needle and thread, the shadows of our beliefs are absorbed and then sewn together with the Savior's love, until what we have left is so much more than we ever thought was possible.  Our damaged bits and pieces are mended in His expert hands.  We are put back together one thread of love at a time, until we stand before Him whole at last. 

We can't do it.  We never have been able to do it.   But He can.  As we draw closer to Him, He embraces our hearts and changes us, until in the end, there is no more shadow, we become only His. 

The Chicken and the Egg

I raise chickens and goats and dogs and ducks.  It is a crazy mixed up world at my house.  But this little thought is so true.  We eat the eggs that our chickens lay, and the life that might have grown from the inside is definitely ended.  But, when our hens are sitting, they stay on the eggs and keep them warm and the chicks hatch by pecking their way out of the shell and into the world.  There life begins. 
I love how this metaphor shows us that great things always begin from inside.  You have to be honest inside, before you can be honest outside.  You have to be happy inside, before you will find happiness outside.  You have to be spiritual inside, before you will find God on the outside.  It is what we focus on inside that really matters. 
They say that you can't sin without thinking about it on the inside first.  You have to desire it and dwell on it.  It makes repentance so much harder.  I think that great things ,and also small things begin on the inside of ourselves.  Life is hard enough.  We are surrounded by bad news and negative behaviors.  If we don't fix ourselves on the inside first, we will be overcome by the forces that are all around us. 

I love the old quote that says:
All the water in the world,
however hard it tries,
can never sink the smallest ship,
unless it gets inside.
All the evil in the world,
the blackest kind of sin,
can never hurt you
one least bit,
unless you let it in.

So today, I am going to try just a little harder to protect the life that is within me.  To protect that spark of divinity that dwells in my heart.  I am going to focus on strengthening myself from the inside instead of waiting for someone else to do it from the outside.  From the inside is life.  Life is a gift from God.  He knew exactly what we would need to be strong and live with him today.   He has made us great from within.  We are His children.  He loves us.  He wants us to be closer to Him.  Perhaps that is really what we need to remember. 

 

Compliments

Today, my youngest daughter taught me a lesson.  It is one I continually struggle with.  We both sang tonight at the Methodist Church.  Our community is pretty amazing.  They several things a year where different churches get together and share with each other our talents, our service, our love.  It is a very fulfilling experience for me.  I love meeting other people and making new friends.

We sang the song, "Not Too Far From Here".  I struggled with it a bit as it was a higher range than I like and I have been so tired that my voice is struggling a little bit.  She did amazing on all her solo parts and also on our duet parts.  I was so very proud of her and made sure that I told her so.  She told me how happy she was to sing with me and how good I sounded.  I told her that I wasn't that good, but she was amazing. 

She looked at me and said, "Mom, you need to just take the compliment.  I mean it.  You are amazing and you just need to accept it."  She caught me a little flat footed there.  I wasn't expecting the wisdom in her speaking.  But, I have thought about it a lot tonight, and she is so right.  I need to learn to accept a complement.  I need to trust that the person being kind is not lying.  They mean it.  I need to simply say "Thank you," no matter what my personal mantra is telling me. 

Only when I learn that, will I maybe be able to start to build my self esteem up.  Only then will I over come the incessant need to un-compliment myself. 

I love the idea that compliments are gifts.  My sweet daughter gave me a wonderful gift by loving me enough to accept me and want to sing with me today.  What a loving and kind thing to do.  Somebody's hurting, not too far from here.  I am going to work on giving more compliments and meaning them as much as my daughter did.

NOT TOO FAR FROM HERE

Somebody's down to their last dime
Somebody's running out of time
Not too far from here
Somebody's got nowhere else to go
Somebody needs a little hope
Not too far from here

And I may not know their name
But I'm praying just the same
That You'll use me, Lord
To wipe away the tears
'Cause somebody's crying
Not too far from here

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here

It may be a stranger's face
But I'm praying for Your grace
To move in me
And take away the fear
'Cause somebody's hurting
Not too far from here

Help me, Lord, not to turn away from pain
Help me not to rest, while those around me weep
Give me Your strength and compassion
When somebody finds, the road of life too steep

Somebody's troubled and confused
Somebody's got nothing left to lose
Not too far from here
Somebody's forgotten how to trust
And somebody's dying for love
Not too far from here

Now I'm letting down my guard
And I'm opening my heart
Help me speak Your love
To every needful ear
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here
Someone is waiting
Not too far from here

Which Path To Take

When I was girl, I read pretty much everything I could get my hands on.  Even Alice in Wonderland.  I had a hard time getting into the book, I think I was too old when I finally found it, but one thing about it that I have always loved is the eternal principles that are written within it's pages.  The Cheshire Cat was one of my favorites with his quirky wisdom.  In my adult life, I have found this one to be particularly true. 

There have been times when I could not decide where I wanted to go.  Or even when I did not make a choice.  I have found that the path really didn't matter because I didn't have a destination in mind. 

There have been other times when I knew exactly what I wanted and I was willing to do what I needed to get there.  The path was very important to me.  One of those times would be graduating from college.  It mattered to me that I received a degree.  As much as I would have loved to major in music or nursing, I chose business because that is what I am already practicing.  It made sense to major in something that I was using and would continue to use.  I worked hard to get my bachelors degree and continued on until I finally received my MBA.   I was  before I finished school.

The path mattered because I wanted my children to know that you can do anything you set your mind to do.  I had  children and still managed to finish school with honors.  It took much longer than I ever imagined, but I think it was worth the work and effort.

We all have choices to make in our lives.  At anytime there are myriads of paths to take.  There are choices to make.  There are mountains to climb.  The point the Cheshire Cat was making to Alice, is that she needed to decide where she wanted to go before asking for directions. 

Heavenly Father is willing to lead the way for us if we ask, but I have learned that it works better if I have a direction in mind before I ask Him.  I plan the way and He opens the opportunity.  Moving to the mountains was like that for me.  I did everything I could do first and then took it to Him.  He opened the way and there was never any doubt that this was where we belonged. 

It can be hard to live in a small town, but it is much easier when I have the confidence and assurance to know that He sent me here. 

You are not a waste of time

 

I needed this reminder today.  It is easy to get caught up in what other people perceive me as.  It is easy to start to believe their perception of what I am, especially when they are particularly vocal about it.  I struggle daily with self worth and with even liking myself.  I see all the imperfections and find myself lacking from where I think He wants me to be.  Then I read something like this, from someone that I admire so much.  She has changed her life and turned it around to become who she needs and wants to be.  So today, I am going to keep repeating to my broken heart:

You are not a waste of time.

You are not a waste of time.

You are never and have never been a waste of time.

 

I hope that you remember always that you are loved.  He has placed you right where you are needed.  I know it is hard.  I know it can be heart-breaking.  I know it can be filled with anguish and even anger and hate.  But when I picture His face in my mind, it is always filled with love.  I truly believe that you and I are not a waste of anyone's time. 

Cheering you on

 

I have felt alone for so much of my life.  Alone in a room full of people, alone in a town, alone in a city, alone in church.  Just alone.  I have felt and believed that no one could possibly understand what it is that I am going through.  I have felt like I had to keep the bad secret from everyone.  Like I had to showcase the good. 

Slowly, with a lot of effort and energy, I am learning that is not the case.  I am learning that the only way I am really alone is if I choose to believe it.  I do have good friends, although they are pretty much as busy as I am.  I have my family in my life, even if their needs are different from mine.  I am learning that I am really only alone when I choose to be.  I just haven't been aware that it was a choice. 

I love thinking about having heaven cheer us on.  Just to know that someone is rooting for me through all the hard times, and the hurtful times.  Just to know that someone has their arms around me even when I fail.  To know that they are calling for me to get back up and try again.  To know that mistakes are not the end. 

It does my heart good to feel like I am not in this by myself.  It reminds me that Heavenly Father wants me to succeed in all that I do in His name.  I believe that He wants us all to return to His loving embrace.  I believe that He doesn't want us left behind in this crazy, mixed up and very messy life.  He wants us to embrace each other and keep moving forward, even if it is one wobbly step at a time. 

Heaven is cheering us on. 

I Am A Light

We forget this simple truth.  We forget that there is nothing the dark can do to us without our consent.  We let the dark in, we choose to give it a foothold.  We forget the power that we have within us.  The light that shines brighter than any darkness.  We forget to let ourselves shine as a beacon on a hill. 

“I am the light which shineth in darkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.”

Doctrine and Covenants 6:21

So, how to we walk away from the darkness?  How do we find the light?  First, we start where we are, right now.  Isn't it wonderful that we don't have to be perfect to enjoy the blessings that He has promised us?  Isn't it wonderful that He wants to help us change?  Heavenly Father doesn't expect us to be perfect all in one afternoon.  We need to start one step at a time.  Start today to make the changes that lead you into the light.  Prepare yourself spiritually for His feast.  He is waiting to welcome you in. 

Second, turn your heart toward God.  If you are like me, you probably already know the changes that you have to make to have that happen.  One of the things I have found that helps me the most is to start looking at the positive side of life.  Find the blessings instead of the trials.  As I acknowledge the blessings that I do have, I find my heart softening and turning even more toward my Savior.  The more blessings I find, the more I acknowledge and the more my eyes see.  It has been a great way to draw my heart toward my Heavenly Father.  When we seek the good, we will find it. 

Third, walk in the light.  Don't let your mistakes discourage you from trying again.  Heavenly Father knew that we would all fail.  He knew that we would need encouragement.  He has given us the gift of repentance so that we can turn aside from our mistakes and walk again with Him.  He wants us there.  He is waiting with arms outstretched to help us in our journey. 

Light overcomes darkness, little by little, ray by ray, moment by moment, until at last we see that there is no need to be afraid.  That in all reality, the darkness is overcome by the light that burns within us.  Yes, sometimes life can appear to be surrounded by darkness.  Our hopes can be extinguished, our hearts can be wounded, our life can be filled with oppression.  But, with Christ, darkness can not succeed.  It cannot win.  With Christ, you are protected and held safe in the arms of His love.  Hold on, just hold on.  I promise the light will come. 

Consistently Becoming

Have you ever tried to play piano?  I have, and it is HARD!  As far as I have ever found out, it is not possible to just sit down and play something without ever having played the instrument before.  You have to practice for years.  You have to work at it, and really love it. 
I tried to give my girls the gift of piano.  They are better than they used to be, but none of them have really ever played it like they could.  It is not what or who they want to be.  It is what I wanted them to be. 
On the other hand, I have a daughter who has never done any art in her life.  In our small town, there are no art classes in school (unless you count graphic art, which she never had an interest in).  She was a singer, and she loved it, but when she went to college, she decided to try something completely new and picked art to study for one class a day. 
The amazing thing for me is to see her blossom and grow in her art.  She loves it.  It is so fun to watch her practice different mediums and grow as she experiments with something that she loves. 
Everything that we want to become in life takes practice.  As we work on the things that we want to become, we become a little better each day.  We can work on any of the traits and attributes that we would like to better utilize. 
Imagine if we all became a little more kind, compassionate, loving, willing to serve, and even more grateful.  Think of the difference we could make in our own part of the world!  Just remember that we need to work at those things every day.  I believe that we all have something that we can work on that will make us better.  I know that I do.  As I seek to become, I am hoping that I find peace in following Him.