The Quieter you Become

This one is for me today.  For those of you who know me, I am not very quiet at all.  I like to talk, I like to listen, I like to be a part of the world around me.  I like to always, always interact.  I think that I am afraid that if I am too quiet, I will miss something important, something big, something that I have never seen before.  Actually, I know in my mind, that it is probably better if I am quiet.   If I could stop and be calm, I just might observe more.  I might be able to be a part of the world around me. Instead of simply watching and wondering if I am good enough, I just might find out.   

There has been so much trauma in my life, so many times when I have been ignored and left alone.  More often, shunned or made fun of.   I just don't feel like I have the strength for that anymore.  For me, being quiet is a risk.  It is the risk that I might be overlooked.  It is the risk that I might be ignored.  It is a risk that I might become a shadow of my true self. 
Being quiet, is a learned ability for me.  It has been a chance of finding the joy in listening to someone else.  It also means not being so quick to defend myself before I know what is really being said, or even more important, what is really meant.  I somehow judge myself as not enough, no matter how hard I try.  It is easy to look back and think of what I should have done.  I get defensive because I really hate feeling like I have failed.  I am someone who probably over-analysis life.  I look hard at everything.  Believe me, if I have made a mistake, I have already been hard on myself for it.  I don't like being the reason why others don't participate or feel needed.
As I look and ponder on the above message, I feel the noise that surrounds me, the busyness of the day and night.  I feel my heart yearn for peace. 
Today, I want very much to just be still.......

What I Learned - A child's guiding gift

At times we may all feel as if we are drowning. Life can be heavy. We live in “a noisy and busy world. … If we are not careful, the things of this world can [drown] out the things of the Spirit.”

I am continuing my conference talk series.  My councilor challenged me to read one talk a day.  Since I am writing this once a week, I think I will end up reading them a lot more times.  The interesting thing about that is simply that I end up getting so much more from them that way.  This was one of my favorite talks of the conference.  It really resonated with me on a personal level. 

It can be hard in my own life to recognize the spirit.  It can be hard to know if a prompting is really a prompting, or just something you want to do.  I loved how she spoke about teaching our children to recognize the spirit in their own lives.  Sometimes, the only way to know what a prompting feels like is to see what happens when we follow it. 

I believe that all of us have promptings to do what is right.  It can be to visit someone, or call someone, or even send a letter or a note.  It can be simple, or complex.  But a prompting always helps others or even ourselves. 

I have had so many promptings in my life, and the way that I learned to follow them is by the consequences that happened when I didn't!  There were times when I didn't heed the prompting to help and found out later how much someone needed me.  There were times I didn't heed and something happened to one of my children. 

When I have heeded the promptings, I am always blessed.  The knowledge that comes is always that I am loved and that Heavenly Father is mindful of each one of us.  He knows exactly who we are, what we need and He knows our names and circumstances. 

The best way to teach our children to follow promptings is to recognize them in our own lives and follow them ourselves.  Our children will be blessed to learn to hear the voice of the spirit in their own lives also. 

It will be as Elder Richard G. Scott said: “As you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.”

31 Days of Hope - Day 24

Be Still, My Soul

Be still, my soul: The Lord is on thy side;
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In ev'ry change he faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: Thy best, thy heav'nly Friend
Thru thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: Thy God doth undertake
To guide the future as he has the past.Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: The waves and winds still know
His voice who ruled them while he dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: The hour is hast'ning on
When we shall be forever with the Lord,
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: When change and tears are past,
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

This is one of my all time favorite hymns.  I love the second verse where it says, "Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake".  I am learning that hope is really up to me.  Be still my soul.  Be quiet and listen to His voice.  He is there if I will only listen for Him.  He is reaching out to me if I will only reach up and out to Him.  He has never left my side no matter what my sorrow.  And so today, I tell myself, "Be still, be still".  

Calvin and Hobbs

“You know Hobbes,
sometimes even my
lucky rocketship underpants
don’t help.” – Calvin

I read this today and forgive for saying this, but it made so much sense!!  I have had a week that I hope not to repeat very soon.  Suffice it to say that I was needed, although maybe not quite in a way I would have preferred. 

I received a phone call on Sunday morning to go to a friends house, she was having chest pain and did not want to call the Fire Department, so I got out of bed, got dressed, (called the fire department anyway), and met them at her house.  Then I drove 45 minutes away to the hospital on snowy, icy roads.  I brought a book, stayed all day, and visited as well as helped where I could.  I came back for several hours each day for the next few days. 

My sweet friend had to have stints put into her heart, so it was quite the interesting event.  Her family lives far away and I am the close one that they trusted to make the calls, check with the doctors, and make sure that she has the home care that she needs.  Her daughter and son were very worried, and it was a relief to them to know that I was staying with her as much as possible.

She hates it when other people worry about her.  She thought she was fine by herself, and she thought that I needed to be home with my family.  She truly loves me, I know that!  But, I see in her a vision of myself.  I think that we all want and desire to be independant.  We want to do it "alone".  We want to succeed because we were strong and determined, (or at least, I know that I do).  But as I have struggled with this week, I have also learned that Heavenly Father sends others where and when they are needed. 

You see, when the phone rang, I answered it out of a sound sleep and came instantly allert. I talked with her, made my decision and acted on it all without even getting out of bed.  I was dressed in less than a minute and running out the door.  I KNEW it was serious, and I knew that she needed to go to the hospital immediately.  I can't explain that feeling, but I was absolutely sure of it.  Everything I have done this week was done out of love, compassion and with a deep sense of knowledge that it was exactly what I needed to be doing. 

This week, I have learned that, if we truly listen, He will use us to help others and to bring them peace.  I have learned how important it is to trust those feelings and perceptions.  My heart is full of gratitude that I was able listen to that still small voice, to believe and trust in the feelings that came, and that everything contrived to provide a way for me to do what needed to be done.  Life is full of miracles.  Sometimes, we just have to look around us to find them.  We recognize them as miracles when we acknowledge the hand of God in our lives. 

"Love works in miracles every day:  such as weakening the strong, and strengthening the weak; making fools of the wise, and wise men of fools; favouring the passions, destroying reason, and in a word, turning everything topsy-truvy."  Marguerite De Valois