Hypocrites

I really believe this one.  Why is it that we want to be forgiven for our own sins, but somehow we also want to judge?  To say someone else's sin is worse than our own?  To say who or who should not be forgiven.  I don't mean that we have to continually allow others to hurt us or be in abusive relationships.  We have every right to protect ourselves.  But we also have to allow others the chance to repent and change their lives.  We need to allow them the opportunity to get to know the Savior for themselves, repent and change.
I have had amazing experiences in my own life for the change that can happen.  One of the most amazing experiences that I had involved and family who was newly baptized. 
They had a special needs son, whom the father did not like or want to be around.  He did not hold him or hug him or want to be with him at all.  They also had a younger, healthy son whom the father doted on and gave all the attention to.  The man had made a lot of mistakes in his life.  He had been a biker, and involved in gangs.  He was covered in tattoos.  He was very gruff around the edges.  The parents were seriously talking divorce.
I watched the gospel and the love of God change this entire family.  I especially watched the father change as his changes were visible to all of us.  He went from being gruff around the edges to one of the most concerned individuals I have ever met.  He treated his wife like she was his world and started treating his older son the same.  They became inseparable and nearly everywhere the father went the young boy was with him, riding on his shoulders.  I watched them bring so many others to the Savior with their love and acceptance and especially their believe that anyone could change. 
There is so much more I could add about them, but they touched my heart in so many ways.  I knew them for over two years before they were transferred.  His wife and I became good friends and we did many things together.  I saw those changes for myself and it taught me that we can never judge someone else by their past, perceived or known.  Every single one of us is capable of repentance and forgiveness.  It takes and willing heart and a true desire for change. 
I am grateful to have been able to call myself their friend. 

Lessons for the Weary - Even as Christ Forgives

 

Even as Christ Forgives You, So Also Do Ye

by Elder Larry J. Echo Hawk

 

"Today, I want to focus on forgiveness, an essential and precious gift offered to us from our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

On a December night in 1982, my wife, Terry, and I were awakened by a phone call to our home in Pocatello, Idaho. As I answered the phone, I heard only sobbing. Finally, my sister’s struggling voice said, “Tommy is dead.”

A 20-year-old drunk driver, speeding at more than 85 miles (135 km) per hour, recklessly ran a stoplight in a suburb of Denver, Colorado. He crashed violently into the car driven by my youngest brother, Tommy, instantly killing him and his wife, Joan. They were returning home to a young daughter after a Christmas party.

My wife and I immediately flew to Denver and made our way to the mortuary. We gathered with my parents and siblings and grieved the loss of our beloved Tommy and Joan. We had lost them to a senseless criminal act. Our hearts were broken, and anger toward the young offender began to well up inside me.

Tommy had served as a lawyer in the United States Department of Justice and was on a course to be a strong advocate for protection of Native American lands and natural resources for years to come.

After some time had passed, a court sentencing hearing was held for the young man found responsible for vehicular manslaughter. In their ongoing grief and sorrow, my parents and oldest sister, Katy, attended the hearing. The drunk driver’s parents were also there, and after the hearing concluded, they sat on a bench and wept. My parents and sister were sitting nearby as they sought to gain control of their own emotions. After a moment, my parents and sister stood up and walked to the driver’s parents and offered them words of comfort and forgiveness. The men shook hands; the women held hands; there was deep sorrow and tears for all and a recognition that both families had suffered immensely. Mom, Dad, and Katy led the way with their quiet strength and courage and showed our family what forgiveness looks like.

That outreach of forgiveness in those moments caused my own heart to soften and opened a pathway to healing. Over time I learned how to have a forgiving heart. Only with the help of the Prince of Peace was my painful burden lifted. My heart will always miss Tommy and Joan, but forgiveness now allows me to remember them with unfettered joy. And I know we will be together again as a family.

I am not suggesting that we condone unlawful conduct. We know full well that individuals are to be held accountable for their criminal acts and civil wrongdoings. However, we also know that, as sons and daughters of God, we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. We are to be forgiving even when it seems others may not warrant our forgiveness."

 

I wanted to quote that story directly from his talk.  I too, have had terrible things happen to me in my life.  Forgiveness can be so hard.  I have been able to forgive most others without a lot of difficulty, even when they might not deserve it, there is a part of me that really feels judgment is not up to me and I can trust Heavenly Father to judge righteously in all things.  I have been given to understand that if they do not truly repent, they will suffer even as I have suffered and that makes me feel so much better than just thinking they will get away with it.  It also allows me to grow in faith and trust and allows me peace.  

Up until the past two years, I would have said that I was good at forgiving others and loving them anyway.  Than something happened which was way more difficult than I ever imagined.  Suddenly I found myself in a place where I did not WANT to forgive.  I could not even begin to understand what happened and why.  I have banged my head against the wall, been severely depressed and anxious and not been able to think with clarity.  My every waking moment was spent in the "what if" phase of life. 

I have prayed and fasted and read scriptures to no avail.  Finally, I have been lead to believe that all will be made right, probably not in this life, but later on.  I know that it doesn't matter what people think, it only matters what God thinks and knows.  

Finally, I am learning to let go.  I wish I could say it was easy, and that it is all behind me, but I can't.  It is a daily struggle.  

I did love this talk.  I pricked at my consciousness and made me want to change.  I hope that you have a chance to learn from this talk as I did.   

 

  “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”        

He Chose

This one hit me hard today.  I sometimes still struggle with feeling good about myself.  I struggle with feeling doubts and fears.  I struggle with feeling good enough, or righteous enough, or even worthy enough.  Lately, my struggle has been even more personal.  I am struggling with forgiving enough. 

It is easy to feel like I am not what I should be.  It is easy to let myself get swallowed up in thoughts of depression and anxiety.  It is easy to doubt myself.  It is even easier to look at my own sins and doubt that there is any forgiveness for one such as I.  

I have to remember that He already paid the price and that I am included in that.  I have to quit condemning myself for things I have already repented of.  I have to learn to let go and trust His mercy and His love.  

Something happened yesterday that really made me think.  I was talking to someone about forgiveness and the difficulty that I am having forgiving one person.  He asked me if I could forgive the fact that they were ill and not in their right mind.  He wondered if I could allow myself to not look at them as if they are whole, but to look at them as if they are mentally challenged.  (they are, and hopefully I can).  

Looking at sin as a result of an illness is slightly easier for me to accept and might allow me to have the peace in my heart that my Heavenly Father has always intended for me to have.   Peace doesn't mean I have to give anyone permission to hurt me.  It doesn't mean that I can't be sad it happened and that I have to trust someone who has never gotten any help for their illness.  It just means that I can put my trust in Heavenly Father and let Him judge.  

Jesus chose the nails, for you, for me and even for people we don't like very much.  He chose the nails so that we would all have the chance to repent and live with Him again.  We could not and can not ever do it alone.  He loved us enough to choose the suffering and the nails.                                           

Healing our Problems

I love this quote!  I have been trying to teach this to my children all their lives.  I try and remember it myself.  I have been known to say:  "Church is for the sinners, not the saints".  Too many of us try way too hard to pretend to be someone we are not on the Sabbath Day.  The problem is, that gets exhausting after a while.  We can't heal our problems if we are always trying to hind them from others. 
This has been brought home to me in such a forceful way.  There is someone at church who does not like me.  They think that I am somehow to blame for something I did not do.  They do not look me in the eye, or are not kind in any way.  It makes going to church a little bit hard for me. 
But, I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect.  It is possible that I have totally wronged someone without meaning to.  It is possible that I have made more than one mistake in this crazy mixed up life of mine.  And it is completely possible that I have managed to offend others in the process. 
When we stop judging others and just love them, we give them permission to change.  We help them in that process.  Just because someone has made a mistake, does not mean that they are completely evil.  The same is true of those whom we perceive to be "good".  We all make mistakes.  We all do things wrong.  We all have more things that we should be doing in our lives.  We all sin. 
So,  as the Sabbath day approaches and we walk into our various churches, let us remember that we are all there for the same reason.  We are there to worship our Lord and Savior.  We are there to seek His forgiveness as well as His spirit.  We aren't there to show anyone else how pious we can be.  We are there because we are His.

His Spirit to Comfort

I like to find Memes with meaning.  Ones that help me through the hour, the day, the week, the life that I am living.  This one reminded me today that I really am not alone.  And when I think very hard about it, I realize that His spirit does visit me in my sorrows, and it is always uplifting.  Sometimes it doesn't take away the pain or the suffering, but it does give me the strength I need to endure. 

The past several years have been hard on me.  I feel like I have aged 10 years for every single one of them.  I feel tired and drained.  My mind spins with the need to defend myself against the slander of others.  Yet, when I pray, I feel His peace.  No defense is necessary.  Somehow, everything will work out.  Maybe, not quite the way I would wish, but it will work out nevertheless. 
Letting go of negative feelings can be hard.  Letting go of feeling wronged can be even harder.  But I know that it is necessary to move on.  I am trusting that God has my back and that someday, all will be made right.  I don't know how, I don't know when, I don't even know what He will do, but I believe He has the power to change hearts and soften them.  I believe that He knows what needs to be done. 
So, although He never takes away another's free agency, He also never takes away the consequences of the sin.  He lets us make our own decisions and our own choices.  I believe that someday, those who do not repent will end up feeling the pain that they have caused others along the way.  I think they will come to a realization of the magnitude of suffering that they have inflicted on others.  I think that, in the end, they will come to know the pain that I have felt. 
His redeeming love and the atonement are there for each one of us.  Even (or especially) when we make terrible choices in our lives.  Part of repentance is to feel sorrow and make amends.  I can wait with the surety that all will be made right. 
So today, I choose to be comforted.  I choose to be encouraged and inspired.  I choose to forgive. 

The Face of God

One of my very favorite musicals is Les Miserables.  I love it for the story and the teachings that it provides.  I have seen the movie, the musical and read the book.  It is an amazing story of mistakes, judgments and forgiveness.  This is a line from one of my favorite songs in the musical.  It is sang at the finale with so much compassion and love.  This is the story of a man who steals to feed his sisters children, who is given 20 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread.  Who escapes and starts a new life when a priest changes the life he was living and gives him the chance to be an honest man. 

For me, it is a story about life and the mistakes we all make, and the judgments we all pass on others without knowing their story.  Sometimes we become so involved in justice, there is no room for mercy.  I believe that mercy doesn't take the place of justice, when we act, we are also choosing our consequences and sometimes those are most grievous to bear.  But I also believe that true change can take place in anyone of us and that our past should not hold us back from the possibilities of the future. 

There is not a single one of us that hasn't made mistakes, and if we could only see others as God sees them, I think we would behold all the difference. 

I Am Not Perfect

I needed this one today.  I am a mom, and grandmom, who wants nothing more that to surround my children with perfection.  I want to be there when they need me, I want to know the things I should say.  I want to know the right thing to do in every situation.  I want my children and grandchildren to never, ever have to endure some of the things that I have had to.  In short, I want every single part of their lives to be better than the life that I have lived. 
It is so very difficult to watch your family have to endure the hard things.  It is so very difficult to have them not listen or pay attention to my stories of the past.  It is really awful to have them say, "It turned out alright for you, so I should be fine".  I just never imagined the amount of excuses that I would hear for my family making the wrong decisions.  I never, ever, imagined that they would still find a way for me to be responsible. 
Life is hard.  No matter how hard we try, Heavenly Father has given each of us our free agency.  He never takes that away, even when exercising that free agency brings heartbreak to your own family and friends.  We live in a world that not only wants everything, they want it right this minute.  Heavenly Father doesn't work in this moment of time.  Sometimes, He needs to wait until our experiences have grown.  He needs to wait until the answer will make sense to us.  He needs to wait until we are ready to listen. 
It is hard to feel alone in the waiting.  It is hard to feel imperfect in a world where you imagine perfection in ever corner.  It really isn't there, but we imagine it anyway, and feel totally incompetent when we compare our broken selves to others in all their imagined perfected glory. 
Funny thing about that though, not a single one of us are perfect.  Not a single one of us are exactly where we imagined we would be.  We are all broken.  We all feel alone.  We all sometimes feel unloved and unlovable.  And that is even OK as long as we can keep in in perspective. 
For the past few years, I have really had to struggle with hating another.  I have had to just learn to breathe when I know her sins.  It has made me angry to think that she still has a temple recommend and that the church does not even know what she has done to those around her.  It is hard, because in her own mind, she is without sin, without fault, without blame.  So she has been allowed to say anything she wants and slander anyone she dislikes.  I would be nice if Heavenly Father would reach out an slap her upside the head.  Seriously!!!
I know he doesn't though.  He needs me to learn to forgive this one.  He needs me to look beyond the moment and find a reason to love.  He needs me to be more Christlike and forgiving.  It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, but oh so very necessary.  Heavenly Father does not tell us to forgive after others have forgiven us.  He does not tell us to wait for and "I'm sorry".  He does not tell us to wait for Karma or fate or anything else.  He tells us that we need to forgive, and if we don't, the greater sin lies against us. 
So I struggle daily in this desire to forgive.  Sometimes, I even come close, but then something else will happen and it all goes straight out the window of my mind. 
I am reminding myself that it is ok not to be perfect.  That that will come with time and prayer and love.  I am reminding myself that there are things that take a very long time to heal.  It isn't easy (Oh how I wish it were), but it is doable.  It will just take more time and effort than I ever imagined. 
I am not perfect, but I can do this.  One moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.  Until at last the anger goes away and I can accept and love Heavenly Father's child for the reasons that He does. 
Remind yourself that perfection does not come overnight, and might not even come in this life, but it will come.  As I pray, and seek and search and find, it comes.  One single moment at a time. 

Let Love conquer

Darn, I did not want to read this one.  Sometimes, I just want to know that I have been wronged.  That someone has not been kind, or loving, or even very nice.  I don't want to conquer my pride.  I don't want to set it aside.  I don't want to feel weak and helpless.  Sometimes, I just want the person that did all the hurting to pay the consequences of their sin. 
But I try and listen when those loving me speak.  I try and pay attention.  And I even know their words are for me.  As hard as it is, these words tell me that I need to let go.  That I am also in the wrong.  There is a scripture that reminds me of this.

Matthew 6:14-15

 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Sometimes, I just want to be angry.  I want  to pour oil on the fire and fan the flames.  I want someone to pay for what has been done.  Sometimes, retribution sounds so much better than forgiveness. 

And then I remember the healing that came with His blood.

The power of His Atonement and sacrifice. 

The strength of His love. 

I am content to let the water of forgiveness wash away the fire of revenge. 

I am content to let His Healing was away the pain.

I am content to put in all in His Hands.

You are His Light Bearers

 

It is easy to find faults in others.  It is even easier to find the faults in myself.  To me, part of being a light bearer is to give that gift of life to those who are around me.  A favorite saying of mine, often attributed to St. Francis of Assisi reads, “Preach the gospel at all times and if necessary, use words.”  Implicit in this saying is the understanding that often the most powerful sermons are unspoken.

When we have integrity and live consistently by our standards, people notice. When we radiate joy and happiness, they notice even more.

Everyone wants to be happy. When we, as members of the Church, radiate the light of the gospel, people can see our happiness and sense the love of God filling and overflowing in our lives.
I think that being a light bearer is reminding people that they are worth loving.  Not only because of who they are, but because of whose they are. 
Bearing His light is acting as much as possible in the ways that He would act.  It is giving the gift of light to those who wander in darkness.  It is acting as His earthly angels while we are here upon the earth. 
It might mean buying dinner or bringing dinner to those in need.  It might be treating someone with kindness when they themselves are unkind.  It might mean forgiveness and understanding when people make mistakes. 
To be a light bearer means to keep myself worthy to have His light within me.  To bring that light to others means to treat them as He would treat them.  Even when we doubt that they deserve kindness, it is remembering that every single on of us really does deserve kindness in our lives.  We only see people in the here and now, we don't see what has brought them to this place, but our Heavenly Father knows both the past and the present.  He sees not only what we do, but why we do it. 
May each of us seek to bring His light to all those who fall within our sphere of influence. 
May we seek to heal others and not the hurt them. 
May we find within our hearts forgiveness and love. 
May we ever be light-bringers and light-bearers on this difficult journey of life. 

Any Fool can do this

It can be so very hard to be forgiving.  It takes a lot of effort and work and trust to do it.  It takes a lot of prayer and desire to even try.  I have found that it is easier to carry a grudge.  But the problem is, as easy as it can be, it doesn't help me feel better.  I actually makes me feel angrier and it means that I dwell on my own thoughts and feelings a lot longer.  It become more difficult to put it aside and move one.  I have discovered that the times I don't forgive, are some of the worst times in my life.  Because I am not positive, a lot of things get me down and I struggle even more with what is going on in my world.  

I am sure that forgiveness doesn't make sense to some people.  I am equally sure that we justify it by thinking that some actions aren't worth forgiving, or should never be forgiven.  Let me just be clear, I believe that we all need forgiveness.  The Lord never quantifies sin.  He doesn't talk about how some sin is worse than others.  I am just grateful that I don't need to be judge and jury for anyone else's sins.  I have enough of my own to worry about.  I have had people do some horrible things to me and to those I love.  I have been accused of things I have never done.  I have been talked about, ridiculed and had more gossip involved around me than I ever cared to have.  However, I do not forgive people for them.  I do it for me.  Only God has the power to forgive any of us.  Only He can judge our hearts.  Only He knows whether or not there is change and true repentance.  

Since I don't know those things, I choose to forgive and not hate.  I choose to let go of my anger and hurt and humiliation.  I choose these things because I know that I need forgiveness in my own life.  I know that I am also guilty of sin.  I know that I need forgiveness and compassion just as much as anyone else.  

However, saying that, does not mean that you can always trust again.  There are some things that  are so hurtful that you have to walk away.  Forgiveness does not mean that you give anyone the chance to do abuse you again.  It means, that when you think of them, you are not destroying yourself with anger and hate.  It means that you trust God enough to know that He will somehow work it all out.  

I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have that kind of faith.  I believe we have a loving Father in Heaven who has walked with us every step of the journey.  He knows exactly what we have been through.  He knows our deepest, darkest secrets.  He knows our trials and our joys.  He knows our names.  

You are more

I love Al Carraway.  She is an amazing woman.  She lived a different lifestyle and totally turned her life around, embraced the gospel and changed everything she knew to become the person that she wanted to be.  I am so impressed with her dedication and her faith.  She reminds me what Amazing Grace really is. 

I have made so many mistakes in my life.  Some still haunt my nightmares, some still come back and remind me that I will never be perfect. Sometimes, in my deepest, darkest nights of despair, I wonder if the Lord's grace really applies to me.  How sad is that.  This amazing Father in Heaven that we have, and I doubt that His grace is sufficient for my sins.  Guilt is my constant companion.  It is not even that I have been terrible in my life.  Mostly, the things have been done to me, yet somehow, I think I should have known better.  I should have been able to stop it.  The five-year-old, should have been an adult.  She should have protected me.  How absolutely ridiculous is that! When I talk these things through, I recognize how silly they sound, but inside my head, it is not nearly so silly. 

I forgive others so easily usually.  Sometimes, I need a little time to stew about it, but eventually, I can see both sides and it is not difficult to forgive.  I do not give myself the same courtesy.  I am not even sure why.  As I go to counseling each week, he points out the unfairness of my thinking.  He helps me to see the bigger picture.  The one that is God-focused and not me-focused.  It is a struggle that I am slowly overcoming. 

I wonder if Heavenly Father thinks I am selfish.  Here He gave His only begotten Son to suffer and die for our sins, and it is like I am saying it is not enough.  I have to learn to forgive myself.  I have to find the power to see the best in me.  No one ever needs to point out my own faults to me, I see them all in living color.  I know how difficult I have been.  I know that I caused my Savior pain as He suffered for me.  I know every single mistake I have made.
But I also know that the sum of me is far more than those mistakes.  I know that with the grace and love of my Savior Jesus Christ, I am whole.

I don't think I'm perfect

“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.”
― Ray Bradbury, 

  

I go to church nearly every Sunday, rain or shine, sickness and health (well, not sickness if it is contagious).  I help when I am able, I reach out to others, I stretch myself.  In short, I do all the things that I think perfect people might do, the difference is that I know how very far I fall short.
Not everyone likes church.  Not everyone likes the people.  Not everyone wants to spend their Sundays sitting on a hard bench and listening to other people speak.
I have found that my week goes better when I am willing to sacrifice that small amount of time.  When I am willing to gather in His name and with His love.  Don't get me wrong, things don't always go all right.  We are human after all.  Sometimes we don't like others, sometimes we are angry, sometimes we hold grudges, sometimes we resent others, sometimes we feel lonely and weak and afraid.  But I go in spite of myself, and in spite of those who don't like me.  I go to worship a Heavenly Father who loves me.  I go to find forgiveness and to turn my heart to him.
This past Sunday, we had two really amazing speakers.  They talked about repentance and forgiveness.  The spoke about a loving Heavenly Father who truly loves us and knows us each personally.  It was such a comfort for me.  I loved hearing them speak about choosing not to be offended.  About loving one another and forgiving each other, because we are human.   I used to never have a hard time forgiving.  My problem was that I forgave too easily and endured the consequences as if they were mine alone.  It took me a very long time to understand that forgiving was not forgetting and that we could forgive and still protect ourselves from future harm. 
Now, sometimes I am very closed off.  I am afraid to trust and afraid to love.  In short, I am afraid of being hurt.  Of having valuable pieces of myself thrown back in my face.  And so, I listened and I learned, and I continue to learn and grow.  I am amazed at how the simple things can mean the most.  I know I have heard those words before, but Sunday, I could swear they were just for me.  And so, I will try to reach out, and try to forgive, and try to quit worrying about whether or not my fingers are going to get burnt! 
I am going to choose to live in the here and now.  Moment by moment, step by step, until I arrive Home at last and am safe in His presence. 
Life has thrown me lots of loops along the path, but I am learning, maybe a little slowly, but learning nevertheless.  I am not perfect, and I am not trying to be, I am just falling down life everyone else and struggling to pick myself up and move forward.  One small step at a time. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - They were Forgiven

Moroni 6:8 
But as oft as they repented and sought forgiveness, with real intent, they were forgiven.

No life so shattered

I can't be the only one who has ever thought that my sins are so terrible that there is no way back.  I can't be the only one who has felt the terrible grief and remorse for a life that is not the pristine one I wish it could have been.  I would venture to say that each one of us have skeletons that dance a boogie dance in our closets! 

There are so many things I wish that I could go back and have a "do over" for.  So many decisions that didn't work out the way I wanted them too.  So many times I should have, could have and would have, if I had only known then what I know now.

However, as bad as life has been sometimes, I really do believe that none of us are beyond His power to save.  Every single one of us are surrounded by His love.  He does not turn His back on us, we choose to turn our backs on Him.  We choose to put our heads down and not meet His eyes.  We choose to keep our hands behind our backs instead of stretched toward His grace. 

So, if you are someone like me, with a past that makes you regret and bow your head in shame, I hope you remember that you are of great worth.  You are still, and always will be, a child of a loving and forgiving Father in Heaven.  He has prepared a way for you to return Home to Him.  You might be broken like Humpty Dumpty and all the kings horses, and all the kings men, can't put you together again.  But your Father in Heaven not only CAN, He WILL. 

You are not broken beyond His power to save.

He loves you in spite of your sins.

He knows your name and He is calling out to you. 

He has given you the power to change.

Being a Victim

I have been a victim in my life.  It is not something I like to talk about or even remember.  I actually prefer to not think about those times.  So much so, that I really don't remember a lot of things about my childhood and even parts of my adulthood.  Occasionally I worry that I have a true memory problem because so much is a blank. 

But, because of it, I know what it is like to be angry.  I know what it is like to want others to suffer like they have made me and mine suffer.  I know what it is like to want life to be fair and just.  I know what it means to desire justice for someone who has wronged me.  Because of all I have been through, I also know what it is like to truly forgive.  I know how it feels when the burden is lifted off of my own shoulders.  I know what a miracle forgiveness can be, not only for the person who has wronged me, but for myself. 

It is amazing how much relief I can feel when I turn it over to the Lord.  If I can't trust Him, who can I trust?  I know that only He can know when someone has really repented.  If they do not, than it is up to Him to judge.  He will do it fairly and lovingly.  And isn't that all any of us can ask for? 

I know in my own life that I have also sinned.  I am sure that I have hurt someone else's feelings or caused pain.  I know that I want to be forgiven of my own sins.  I know that the atonement was for each and every one of us so that we can be forgiven.  I really believe that if I want the atonement to work for me, I have to also allow it to be utilized for those who have hurt me. 

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think that Heavenly Father expects us to pretend that some things never happened.  Even though there is forgiveness, there are still consequences.  The Lord does not take those away.  We still need to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe and secure. 

So, I use my own attitude to help me determine if I have forgiven or if I still need to pray and work harder on it.  If I can think about the person and the act without getting angry and hurt all over again, than I have finally let it go.  If I can love the person in spite of their shortcomings, than I have forgiven.  Then I can move on with grace and gratitude for His love and forgiveness in my own life.  If I still get angry and hurt, then I have found it helps to pray for the person, sometimes several times a day, until those feelings pass.

The one thing I have discovered is that usually the person who hurt me, doesn't care how I feel about them.  I don't hurt them to stay angry, I only hurt myself.  I tear myself up inside wanting revenge instead of turning it over to the Lord and feeling His peace. 

I don't know about you, but peace seems to be a much more welcome answer for me.  I am reminded of the words to one of my favorite hymns,

 

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
With patience bear thy cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: the hour is hastening on
When we shall be forever with the Lord.
When disappointment, grief and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love's purest joys restored.
Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

What I learned - The Healing Ointment of Forgiveness

If I had to pick a favorite talk from this past conference, this just might be it.  I loved the message about how forgiveness heals us.  The quote from this talk is: 

Forgiveness is a glorious, healing principle.

We do not need to be a victim twice.

We can forgive.

Isn't that amazing?  We live in a world that is filled with darkness and confusion.  It makes perfect sense that we would all suffer in some way for the actions of others.  Sometimes it is on purpose, and sometimes it is an accident, but we still suffer from another's choice.  I love the idea of not being a victim more than once.  That no matter what has happened, I can turn the judgement over to Him and He will take care of it for me.  It doesn't matter if it is in this life, or the next one.  Only He can make a completely fair judgement of any of us.  I love knowing that He can Heal my wounded soul. 

"I am convinced that most of us want to forgive, but we find it very hard to do. When we have experienced an injustice, we may be quick to say, “That person did wrong. They deserve punishment. Where is the justice?” We mistakenly think that if we forgive, somehow justice will not be served and punishments will be avoided.

This simply is not the case. God will mete out a punishment that is fair, for mercy cannot rob justice (see Alma 42:25). God lovingly assures you and me: “Leave judgment alone with me, for it is mine and I will repay. [But let] peace be with you” (D&C 82:23). The Book of Mormon prophet Jacob also promised that God “will console you in your afflictions, and he will plead your cause, and send down justice upon those who seek your destruction” (Jacob 3:1).

As victims, if we are faithful, we can take great comfort in knowing that God will compensate us for every injustice we experience. Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin stated: “The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. … Every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude.”  Quoted by Kevin R. Duncan

I believe that as we seek to see others as our Heavenly Father sees them, that it will be easier to forgive.  For me, I do not want the poison of hate in my own heart.  I do not want to be a victim twice.  For me, I will trust that the Lord will use justice and mercy in His righteous judgments.  It is not necessary to see it all come about right now.  May we each have to desire and power to forgive.  I know that I have sinned and I want that forgiveness in my own life, how can I choose not to give it to another?  Forgiveness does not mean that you have to pretend nothing happened.  There are things that make someone untrustworthy in this life.  However, forgiveness does mean that you can think about the person without anger and hate.  It does mean that you can put it all in the Lord's hands.  It does mean that you can move forward and live your life. 

Life's Not Fair

It's probably my job
to tell you life isn't fair,

but I figure you already know that. 

So instead,

I'll tell you that hope is precious,

and you're right not to give up.

Bad things happen to all of us.  I wish they didn't.  It can be so hard when you are living deep in one of the valleys of despair.  It can be so easy to want to give up.  This past few years, I have been able to experience first hand how unfair life can be.  I used to tell my kids that "fair is the place you go when you want to see the pigs".  Now, I find that I need to keep reminding myself of that. 

It seems as if I get to experience life in all it's unfairness lately.  Or at least, all I can handle at this point in my life.  Hope is precious.  Hope can sometimes be all that we have left when every part of what we thought was fair is gone.  My heart aches for those who have made decisions to hurt others.  

It aches for those who are blind to the good that is in others.  My heart hurts when I think of all the love that choices have caused people to miss out on.  Most of us just want to be cared about.  We want to be  accepted for who we are.  There are those who only accept us for their own made up opinions of us.  Or maybe, they just pretend until the time comes when they don't have to pretend any more. 

I don't know any of the answers anymore.  I just know that I desperately want life to be fair.  Just for a little while. 

Luke 8:15 But that on the good ground are they, which in an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it, and bring forth fruit with patience.

So, even in the scriptures, we are counseled to have patience.   We are told to bring forth fruit with patience.  Nothing happens exactly the way we would wish it to.  We get to till the ground, plant the seeds and wait for the harvest.  It doesn't happen in a moment or a day, or even in a month.  It takes time and the harvest happens when it is supposed to. 

So today, I will wait and trust that God knows what I need.  He knows what is fair and what I have lost.  He knows who is really to blame.  And that will be enough.  I will trust His mercy and His love.  I will hope and believe with all my heart that I am right not to give up.  That, in time, all things shall be made whole. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - The Joy of Forgiveness

 

Moroni 6:8 

"But as oft as they repented and sought forgiveness, with real intent, they were forgiven".

Be True To Your Faith

I am not asking you to pretend to have faith 

you do not have. 

I am asking you to be true to the faith 

you do have.

Elder Holland

I have some adult children that I hope will one day read this.  I want them to know that I do have faith.  That is did not come quickly.  That I struggled for it just like them.  I want them to know that whatever faith they have is enough for now.  

I love this quote from Elder Holland.  I don’t believe that Heavenly Father wants us to pretend to anything.  If there is one thing that I have learned in my life, it is that we are all in different places with our faith and our testimonies and even with our willingness to learn and grow.  He does not expect us to pretend to be anyone that we are not. 

I have been blessed to know some pretty amazing people in my life.  One couple, embraced the gospel and struggled.  They had problems with people and teachings and study and even prayer.  We all knew about the problems that they were having and it was necessary to step up and help them through it.  It was a teaching opportunity for all of us.  They asked questions, they went out with the missionaries, we went to their house, they kept learning.  I know that it strengthened my own testimony to find the answers to their many questions and to try and work with them and help them along. 

Another couple seemed to embrace the gospel and believe everything they heard.  They did not ask questions.  They did not seem to struggle.  Everything on the outside was going great.  But internally, they were going through the same exact things that the first couple was.  The difference was that their faith was never strengthened.  Their testimonies withered.  I failed them because I did not see or understand that there were problems until it was too late to help and they no longer were willing to accept the help.  They became inactive and eventually joined another church.

I wish that these experiences were only those two couple’s, unfortunately, I have seen it happen time and time again.  I have come to understand that one of the biggest problems we seem to deal with is pretending you have faith when you actually do not.  This causes many of the problems that you will face later on in your journey.  It is pretending that you don’t have doubts.  It is pretending that you are farther along than you really are.  It is pretending to be the person that you think everyone else expects you to be.  

When you pretend to be strong, no one is aware that you need help.  They aren’t praying for you or checking on you and trying to bless you.  They aren't serving you or taking you along to serve others.  When you are pretending, the doubts can’t be addressed and no one realizes that you are in a crisis until it is over. 

In a very tragic way it is like pretending that you don’t have cancer, when in reality, you are dying from it.  No one knows that you need help, that you need their strength, that you need their love and prayers.  No one is aware because we are all so busy with our own lives.  It is not that we don’t want to help.  It is not that we don’t care.  It is simply that we are busy and overwhelmed with our own different problems.  Sometimes, we need to recognize an opportunity to be a blessing in someone else’s life.  We need a reason to look out for you.  I wish I were perfect in that respect, that I could just read your mind and know, but I am not.  I am only human and I don't always notice the things that I should.  

Where ever we are in our own spiritual journey is OK.  Whatever we have as faith is good.  But whatever we have, we need to be true to that faith.  If you have faith that prayers work, than pray!  Be believing in the Lord’s blessings in your life.  If you struggle with prayer, than let others know.  Study to find out what the problem is.  Work on it little by little.  Just because you don't understand a concept now, doesn't mean that you won't understand in the future.  Don't push everything aside because you don't get it right this minute.  The Lord never intended for you and I to become perfect in a single day.  It will take well into eternity.  The questions will all be answered.  You will understand.  

Whatever current state your faith is in, be true to it.  Know that you are never alone.  Know that you are loved and needed.  Know that the Lord wants to bless you and is waiting to bless you as you draw ever closer to Him.  Don't abandon the things that are true just because it is a difficult road.  All of our journeys are difficult.  All of us have problems.  All of us need Him in our lives.  Each one of us has faith.  It is up to you to cling to that which you have and nurture it and cherish it.  Be true to your faith, whatever it might be.  

Your Story

I love this quote.  My story has been a hard one for me.  But I am learning, that no matter what you endure in your life, it will be hard for you.  Somehow, there is not such things as small or large trials. They are all trials for a reason.  It is only as we live through them that we can quantify them ourselves.  No one else has the right to do that.  

Learning to talk about them, well that is a whole different matter.  There are things in my life that I never imagined talking about.  I kept them inside for years.  I did not share.  I did not express.  I did not even knowingly get angry about them.  I have learned that part of letting go and moving on is learning to talk about my own story.  I can choose to leave parts out, but talking about it to others gives them a different experience.  Especially when they can see that those things did not cause me to make bad choices.  

I believe that there comes a time in all of our lives when we have to quit blaming the past for all the wrongs in the present.  There comes a time when we have to accept responsibility for the right to choose our own way.  That is hard to do.  It is so much easier to blame someone else for our own failings.  

I agree, bad things happen to us sometimes.  Terrible things happen to us sometimes.  But it is a choice to let it go.  It is my choice to move on.  I have seen the terrible damage that hate can do to a family, a life, a friend.  I have seen what anger destroys.  I have lived in my past before and I choose to not do it again.  I want the ending of my own story to be so much better than the beginning of it.  

The past, mine or yours, never needs to become your future.  We just need to talk about it, pull it out of the darkness and into the healing of the light, and let it go.