We all go through stuff

I needed this laugh today.  It reminds me that every single one of us have problems and difficulties.  What might have me overwhelmed and completely underwater, might be just a puddle for you.  None of us are alike.  And, just because I handle my stuff differently than you do, doesn't make either one of us weak or unfaithful. 

I had an experience several years ago that I remember.  I was really struggling with depression.  (sometimes I think that struggle is pretty much never-ending)!   One of the people that I worked with expressed criticism that I could profess to be a woman of faith, and yet not seem to have to faith to view my own world differently.  It was pretty devastating at the time, as I really do try and strengthen my faith every chance I get.  However, I have learned that the amount of faith you have, does not destroy depression and discouragement.  Sometimes it can help you through the process a little bit faster, but it does not destroy it. 
I really have wished and prayed and studied, hoping that somehow faith would overcome this thorn in my side, but the answers have been slow in coming.  This is something that I have struggled with all my life.  As much as I wish I could put it aside, I have learned that it is constantly with me.  Having faith, does not and never has lessoned the depression.  Having faith, gives me the strength to push through even when my head can't see the way.  It gives me the chance to overcome my fears and my nightmares.  It doesn't change the problem, but it does change me. 
We can't judge anyone else by our standards.  What may seem as naught to you, might be a huge gap to me.  What might take all my strength to walk across, might just take you a hop and a skip.  I have learned that my problems are not worse than yours, and yours are not necessarily worse than mine.  Our problems just are.  They are a result of our choices, others choices, or just something that life has given us to endure.  As we struggle through them, we will find the blessings.  Maybe not quite how we imagined, but they will be there. 
I believe that I have a loving Father in Heaven who has not left me here to be alone in my trials, but rather has sent those along the way to give me the courage to keep marching on.  I believe that we all go through "stuff", and that stuff gives us purpose, compassion and understanding.  Sometimes, okay, oftentimes, it is very hard, but still it can be done.  We can get through anything as long as we know that He has us by the hand and does not let go.  We can walk on through Him.  We can make it because of Him.  In our trials, We can become His. 

Nothing is Permanent

I have got to love a good Charlie Chaplin quote.  Especially this one.  Nothing is permanent, even though it feels that way.  I know that sometimes things are just hard.  We struggle, we search, we wonder, we ask, we seek, we ache, we cry, we hope, we love.  All things in their won seasons and at their own times.  But I try and remember this when I am overwhelmed with adversity.  

We find friends in the strangest places.  People we never knew were going through the same things are we are.  We find hope in their courage and convictions.  I know that I have felt so filled with sorrow and pain, that I couldn't bear to face it anymore.  It just felt too hopeless.  I retreat inside myself and try and center.  I go to counseling, I go to church, I talk to friends, I keep trying, even though inside, I am so very broken.  

Funny thing is, just when I feel as if I can't walk another step or bear another burden, something happens that gives me the courage to continue on.  This morning, I discovered someone who has been through many of the heart aches that I have.  This person's strength and testimony brought me hope in my own journey.  I felt the spirit fill my heart with peace and I know that at this time, in this moment, all is well. 

You never know what those around you might be going through.  We profess to try and be Christ-like in our lives, but how many judge one another as "bad" or "good"?  How many gossip and talk about someone behind their backs.  How many mean things do we say in the course of our daily existence.  

I have learned, it doesn't matter if you can trace your roots all the way back to Adam, or if you don't know the name of your maternal Grandfather, we are all Children of God.  We are all charged to "love one another."  

My prayer today is that we will remember the Saviors wisdom when he said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone".  And the accusers left one by one and did not stay.  Then the Savior said to "Go thy way and sin no more".  My prayer is that we will stop throwing stones at one another.  Stones of anger, hate, unkindness and words.  They do destroy.  They do cause damage.  They destroy hearts and hope and courage.  We damage each other so much by the words we choose to speak, by the names we choose to call.  

We can also heal the aching by sharing a part of ourselves with others.  We can heal by being kind, by showing compassion and love.  We can heal the breaking hearts by sharing our own.  We can build each other up.  

Absolutely nothing is permanent, but I think we can choose to make kindness permanent.  We can choose to give a smile, or share a tear.  We can choose to help one another.  

In a Dark Place

In A Dark Place

by Patricia A. Pitterle

Sometimes,

The road I walk

Seems dark and deep.

I find myself

Sinking into despair.

I am in an aching state,

I am in a lonely place.

My past catches me

Unaware

And all those things

That I thought taken care of

Come back for another round

Of pain.

It might not be so bad

If the past were 

Things that I had done

Myself,

But when it is full

Of evil done to me

There is no escape,

And when it intrudes 

Into the present

It is worse than

When it happened 

For the very the first time.

I am in a dark place,

A space where my heart

Falls into 

so many tiny pieces

And where, 

no matter how hard I try,

I cannot glue them 

together again.

I am in a space 

where it would be easy 

To wish myself no more

To walk away from pain

To put aside the sorrow

To be something 

I have never been,

Free.

And so,

I fall upon my knees

With tears upon my cheeks

And pray for relief 

From the darkness.

I pray for understanding

I pray for love

I pray for forgiveness 

And most of all

I pray for peace.  

I want to wish it all

So very far away.

I want to know 

That it will not 

Taint the very air I breath.

I want to be 

The person that 

I have always tried to be.

I want the darkness 

That seeks to destroy

Me from within

To go away,

To be destroyed,

To never return.

And so I fight

One breath,

One moment,

One fear, 

One hurt at a time.

I fight to believe 

In myself.

I fight to feel loved, 

And needed, 

And enough,

Just as I am .

I fight to remember 

Not only who I am, 

But whose I am,

And where 

I have always belonged;

With Him.

Five Minute Friday - Friends

So let’s spend our five minutes of writing today, sharing about friendship. Fight it, love it, hate it, hurt or healed by it, we were certainly built for it.

Set a timer and just write. Don’t worry about making it just right or not.

Go all in with your words.

Are you ready?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking

2. Link back over here at Lisa Jo's and invite others to join in.

3. Please visit the person who linked up before you and encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

::

Friend…

START

A year ago, my life crashed in around my ears.  I lost my best friend.  She was a friend of my heart.  A friend of my soul.  Someone I trusted completely.  She turned away from friendship, from me, from all that I hold dear.  She broke my heart.
 I have always had a hard time making friends.  It is not something that comes easily to me.  I have always wanted them, needed them, but really struggled to find them.  I struggle to fit in with those who are around me.  It did not help that I uprooted our family to a new town seven years ago.  To a place where we had no family and knew no one.  My friends, that I had for most of my life, became, at that moment, out of reach.
I am a busy mom.  I work, I drive the kids everywhere, I teach, I try.  But lets face it, the time that I need to spend on my family is enormous.  The time I have for friends, not so much.   I have learned that friends require time.  They require nurturing, they require effort.  In the midst of my battle with depression and anxiety it is not the best time in my life to discover a way to change my focus outward and find new friends. 
I am learning.  I am starting all over again.  I am figuring out that there are people who care.  Who believe in me.  Who are there for me.  I am making new "best friends".  I am changing from having one friend to many.  I can't even begin to tell you how these amazing women have been there for me through this year.  I can't begin to describe the way they have reached out and taken me in.  How they remind me that I have worth and that everything will eventually work out OK. 
 I am learning that friends do not seek to destroy you; they lift you and help you, even when you are not in a place to return the favor.  I am finding love and friendship in places I never knew.  I find amazing friends in my own part of the blogging world, I find friendship in the minds and hearts of my grown daughters, I find friendship in an amazing doctor and a fellow EMT. 
I am finding friendship where I never thought to look before.  I am healing and being healed by the greatest Friend of all, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  In a way I don't yet understand, He has endured my hurts for me.  He knows the pain of depression and grief.  He loves me in spite of me and calls me His Friend.  And I am learning, that is enough.   

STOP

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Why Worry?

To all who suffer, to all who hurt inside, to all who feel discouraged, worried, afraid or lonely, I say never give in.  Never quit.  Never, never give up.  Never surrender.
Never allow despair to overcome your spirit.
Embrace and rely upon our Savior Jesus Christ, who is the Hope of Israel.  The love of Christ shines forth in all darkness, comforts all sorrow and brings peace to every heart.
Remember always, no matter what your trials, that you ARE loved.  That He knows your name.  He knows your heart.  He knows you.  He loves you in spite of anything you have or have not done.  He takes care of all things and He will take care of you.  He knows what you need.
He is your Savior, your Redeemer and your friend.

Matthew 6: 28-34
28  And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:
29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.
30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?
31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?
32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.
33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

31 Days of Hope - Day 28

SABBATH DAY SCRIBBLINGS

"The scriptures say that there must be “an opposition in all things.”   So it is with faith, hope, and charity. Doubt, despair, and failure to care for our fellowmen lead us into temptation, which can cause us to forfeit choice and precious blessings.

The adversary uses despair to bind hearts and minds in suffocating darkness. Despair drains from us all that is vibrant and joyful and leaves behind the empty remnants of what life was meant to be. Despair kills ambition, advances sickness, pollutes the soul, and deadens the heart. Despair can seem like a staircase that leads only and forever downward.

Hope, on the other hand, is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."  Dieter F. Uchtdorf

2 Nephi 2:11   "For it must needs be, that there is an opposition in all things. If not so, my first-born in the wilderness, righteousness could not be brought to pass, neither wickedness, neither holiness nor misery, neither good nor bad. Wherefore, all things must needs be a compound in one; wherefore, if it should be one body it must needs remain as dead, having no life neither death, nor corruption nor incorruption, happiness nor misery, neither sense nor insensibility."