Sabbath Day Scribblings - Cheering you on

Revelation 3:10

Because thou hast kept the word of my patience,

I also will keep thee from the hour of  temptation,

which shall come upon all the world,

to try them that dwell upon the earth.

Accidental Believers

 

I have found this one to be more true than I ever imagined.  Belief is a personal matter, but if you don't study and learn and grow, your beliefs will change.  If you don't have a personal testimony, there will come a time when it will be easier to not believe.  There will be times when others will sway you with their arguments or opinions. 

All my life, I have had a testimony that God loves me.  I can't even begin to explain why I felt so strongly about that.  Perhaps it is because of the fear I had as a child,  seeing a face in the window that terrified me and praying so hard for it to go away.  Feeling the comfort and knowledge that is was gone and I was safe.  It never seemed to matter what church I was going to either.  My testimony at that time was not built upon a church.  It was built upon a Savior.  It seemed to me that I could find Him anywhere if I looked hard enough. 

I think that might be why my testimony today is so strong.  It is because I have looked for Him and believed in Him no matter where I was or what I was doing.  When I searched for Him, I found others who taught me of His love.  When I needed Him, He was there.  He didn't take away the bad things in my life, but He was always there so that I did not walk the path alone. 

I have learned that I have to look for His influence in my life.  He does not shout out to me.  He does not appear beside me to save the day.  Mostly, He is just there.  Comforting my journey, lighting my way, reminding me that I am loved and needed and enough. 

The world would have us believe there is no Savior, that He is a great myth.  That there is no righteousness or unrighteousness.  That we don't need a God in our lives anymore.  I have even heard that we have outgrown our need for Him.  But I say, He is there waiting for you to hear the still small voice.  He is there to carry you forward when your footsteps falter with fatigue and weariness.  He is there to heal your heart and make you whole. 

We never outgrow our need for acceptance and love.  We never outgrow our need for understanding and peace.  We never could possibly outgrow our need for Him. 

What I Learned - A child's guiding gift

At times we may all feel as if we are drowning. Life can be heavy. We live in “a noisy and busy world. … If we are not careful, the things of this world can [drown] out the things of the Spirit.”

I am continuing my conference talk series.  My councilor challenged me to read one talk a day.  Since I am writing this once a week, I think I will end up reading them a lot more times.  The interesting thing about that is simply that I end up getting so much more from them that way.  This was one of my favorite talks of the conference.  It really resonated with me on a personal level. 

It can be hard in my own life to recognize the spirit.  It can be hard to know if a prompting is really a prompting, or just something you want to do.  I loved how she spoke about teaching our children to recognize the spirit in their own lives.  Sometimes, the only way to know what a prompting feels like is to see what happens when we follow it. 

I believe that all of us have promptings to do what is right.  It can be to visit someone, or call someone, or even send a letter or a note.  It can be simple, or complex.  But a prompting always helps others or even ourselves. 

I have had so many promptings in my life, and the way that I learned to follow them is by the consequences that happened when I didn't!  There were times when I didn't heed the prompting to help and found out later how much someone needed me.  There were times I didn't heed and something happened to one of my children. 

When I have heeded the promptings, I am always blessed.  The knowledge that comes is always that I am loved and that Heavenly Father is mindful of each one of us.  He knows exactly who we are, what we need and He knows our names and circumstances. 

The best way to teach our children to follow promptings is to recognize them in our own lives and follow them ourselves.  Our children will be blessed to learn to hear the voice of the spirit in their own lives also. 

It will be as Elder Richard G. Scott said: “As you gain experience and success in being guided by the Spirit, your confidence in the impressions you feel can become more certain than your dependence on what you see or hear.”

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Despite out Pleas

Venting

 

Ouch!  Yep, this one just might be for me.  I have been having a hard time with forgiveness lately.  There are people in my life who have done their very best to make sure that I "pay" for what they perceive are my wrongs.  Problem is, they are not my wrongs.  So, I end up dealing with something that should not be mine to deal with and many, many other people get hurt.  So, I keep asking myself, does Jesus still love them?  The answer would be a resounding, yes. 

As a mother, I know that I love my children no matter what choices they make, no matter what trials they go through, no matter whether I agree or disagree with their life style.  I also know that loving them and accepting them is part of my calling.  I know that Heavenly Father expects that of me.  The problem comes when I am dealing with people who are not my children, who I trusted and cared about, and they manage to find the worst possible ways to hurt me and my family. 

That is really, really hard to forgive.  But having met Brother Cook, I know that he really believes we need to be more Christ-like in our lives.  We need to be less judgmental and more forgiving.  We need to become more like our Savior.  So, as hard as this lesson is to learn,  I know that I cannot vent that anger to others. 

I know that I need to conduct myself more like Christ did every single day.  I know that He did not condemn, even when people walked away, even when they mocked, even when they called for His death and imprisonment.  He loved them through their own anger and weaknesses.  He loved them in spite of themselves. 

I am not perfect, but the more I seek to become like Him, the more I feel impressed to behave likewise.  It is not enough to not say anything.  It is not enough to simmer and keep it all inside.  Somehow, I really need to learn to let it go and Love them anyway.

Remember that Jesus Himself was despised and rejected by the world.  In the Book of Mormon we read about Lehi's dream.  In that dream, those coming to the Savior also endured “mocking and pointing … fingers” (1 Nephi 8:27). “The world hath hated [my disciples],” Jesus said, “because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world” (John 17:14). But when we respond to our accusers as the Savior did, we not only become more Christlike, we invite others to feel His love and follow Him as well.  We set the example.  Maybe right now, they can not see, or don't want to see, but someday, I have to believe, they will. 

Sometimes, true disciples must show Christian courage by saying absolutely nothing at all. 

And that can be very hard indeed. 

 

Faith in God

To those who have strayed:
I know that life is hard.  I know that sometimes people we love make wrong choices.  I know that sometimes people we respect behave badly.  But I also know that people are not God.  They are not perfect.  They are simply doing the best they can at this moment to try and hold it all together.  Sometimes that means that we are really falling apart. 
We can all say that we know someone who is unworthy, or even hypocritical.  That person can also be ourselves.  I found a long time ago, that I am the one responsible for my own testimony and faith.  If I am doing the things that are right, what someone else believes or saysdoes not influence me.  I love it when people share the positive.  I dislike it when I am always on the defense with those I care about because my beliefs are different, but all the arguing in the world does not change my faith, my hope or my own belief.  Even when I can't defend those beliefs, it just makes me study harder so that I can be more prepared next time. 
I have learned that none of us have the power to convince someone to believe when their eyes are not opened and their hearts are far from Him.  Then I resort to the scriptures.  I especially love the one that says,
Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind and strength.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like unto it; Love thy neighbor as thyself. 
I don't see anything there about only loving those who believe the same as me, or who are easy to love.  I only see that we are supposed to love each other. 
People in the church can hurt you.  I have had that happen to me in very hard ways.  But you should know that God always loves you.  Why in the world do we let others who might not even like us, determine our own relationship to our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally? 
He is my anchor.  People are nice to have around, but I worship always to get closer to Him. 

Just Because We Cannot See

We live in a world where seeing, is believing.  A world that would have us cast aside those things we cannot see, understand or explain.  However, I have learned that just because you can't see it, doesn't mean it isn't there. 

The sun sets every night and rises in the morning.  It isn't visible to the naked eye in the darkness.  The storms will come.  The wind will blow.  The raccoons will eat my chickens!  Just because I don't see it right now, doesn't mean it is not going to happen.  So many people are so caught up in needing proof.  They need physical evidence to understand and believe. 

However, there are so many things around us that bear testimony of Him.  So many things to see and hear and recognize.  Just because you can't explain it, doesn't mean it isn't so.  I believe that when science is proven, it too will speak of God and all the creations that He has made.  I believe in choosing the best things for me. 

I can't see love either, but I know it is there.  My husband is amazing to me.  He is willing to work through things with me that are hard to deal with.  He can't see those things, but he can totally see the results in my own attitude and willingness to change.  You can't see a voice either, but you can hear the meaning in the words.  Ask any mother and she can tell you when her children are happy or unhappy, just by the tone of their voice when they speak. 

I can tell my daughter hates to do dishes, by the way she stomps her feet.  I don't have to see them.  I can feel the vibrations all the way to my room.  God speaks to our hearts.  He touches our minds.  He allows us to see through the spirit.  I Feel when something is right. 

I don't have to see in this world, I know that there will be other times and places in which to ask my questions and receive the answers.  It doesn't have to be right this moment.  I know that everything will be explained and we will finally understand the wonder and grace that are such a part of this wonderful earth upon which we live. 

I can't always see the why's, but I can see the consequences of the why not's.  I can see the difference that kindness makes in the life of a struggling child.  I can see His love in the actions of others.  I can receive answers to prayer in the words of his teachings.  I can find His gifts all around me.  I just need to open my heart and really see. 

Elder Charles W. Penrose said: “Some people will not believe anything they cannot grasp with their human reason or cannot see with their natural eyes. But blessed is the man of faith, blessed is the woman of faith! For by faith they can see into things that cannot be discerned by the natural eyes. They can reach out to the regions of immortality, grasp eternal realities and lay hold upon the things of God!”

Faith is learning to be OK

Oh yes, today this one is for me.  I struggle with this.  Once, quite a few years ago, I was struggling in my personal life, and someone at work asked me how I could profess to have faith, and then still be depressed and filled with anxiety.  Of course, that statement rather ruined my day, but later on, caused me to look really hard at faith in general, and especially my own faith. 

I do have faith, often times, lots of it.  But sometimes, it seems as if I struggle to exercise that faith when things go wrong.  I have a hard time putting aside worry, and a harder time putting aside the hurt.  I can look back at things and really be okay with the way they turned out.  To the point that I can accept those times in my life as the things that have helped to make me who I am today.  But when I am in the midst of trials, I have a much harder time maintaining the faith that everything will work out for the best, no matter what that might be. 

I have decided that it doesn't matter what others think about my faith.  As hard as it is, faith is personal, between me and my Savior.  What those around me perceive is not nearly as important.  I also know that I am blessed, often in unmentionable ways.  I know that my Savior lives, that He loves me and that He knows me personally.  He knows my name and my heart. 

I also know that I am not perfect.  But I do strive to get a little better each day.  I am truly working on having the faith to be okay no matter how things turn out in my life.  There is good and bad for each one of us.  Sometimes the most difficult parts of the journey are the ones that bring us the greatest lessons to learn, and eventually, even great joy.  So, although I can't always say that I am okay right this minute, if you give me a little time to think about it, I will, in time, admit to being okay with the way things have turned out.

Maybe, before the end of this crazy life I am living, I will reach the point where I can shrug it off, and move on.  I don't know everything, but I do know enough to keep in going in the direction that I am moving in.  I know that I am a daughter of God.  I know enough to believe.  I know enough to hold fast.  I know enough to desire to become. 

Memoirs Monday - Gratitude and Hope in Adversity

"Keep the faith.  The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment when you are about to give up hope".

My life has not always been easy.  It has been better than some and worse than others.  I has been up and down and pretty much all around.  Yet, I have received some of my greatest blessings in the middle of my hardest trials.  

I thought that I would never be loved.  My experience taught me that every man in my life would eventually leave me.  I had real problems with my own self-worth and with hope.  I really struggled with whether or not God loved me.  

Many years ago, I was a single mom with six children.  They were are are amazing.  We worked hard together and took care of each other, and they have always loved me.  Even when I forget.  I was diagnosed with cancer in my ovaries.  The doctor scheduled a complete hysterectomy for the next week.  I was heartbroken.  Even though I had six children, I had always imagined more.  Now I was going to lose even that gift.  

I went to my bishop and he gave me a blessing.  In our church, we receive blessings for worthy Priesthood holders to help in times of sickness and need.  In the blessing, I was told that I would be completely healed and that the Lord had more children for me if I lived worthy. 

I went back to the doctor the next day for all the preliminary testing before the surgery.  I asked the doctor if he would check and be very sure before he took anything out.  He promised that He would.  He reran all the tests and checked everything.  The next morning I received a call from his office to come in.  He reran the tests again and told me he was really sorry, but someone must have made a mistake because everything kept coming back clean.  I did not have cancer.  I did not need a hysterectomy, I did have a cyst that needed to be removed from off my ovary.  It was done with a simple surgery that did not require a hospital stay.  

I knew without a doubt that my Heavenly Father loves me.  He answered that prayer many years later with the birth of a daughter that we named Miracle.  She is the answer to prayer and the gift to me from a loving Heavenly Father.  

We can't always see the end of our trials.  It was 10 years before I was married again.  I had honestly decided that I would not marry and that the blessing would be answered with Step Children, or possibly in the next life.  I did marry a wonderful man who had two children of his own.  Imagine my surprise when I had three more girls starting when I was 37 years old.  I have never been more blessed.  

Together, we have 11 children.  I have learned the blessings of "yours, mine and ours" and I have learned to have gratitude for my trials.  Without them, I would never realize how often Heavenly Father answers our prayers.  I would not realize the depth of His love for each one of us or how much He desires to bless us.  Keep your faith.  The blessings really do come after our trials.  

Becoming Like Him - Day 29 - Unite

For my 31 days of writing, I am linking up over at Heading Home and over at the Nester. There are several of us that are taking the 31 day writing challenge. Kate has suggested that we spend 31 days of Five minute writing. You can use the prompts or write about anything you would like, you just need to write.

I am sharing my journey for 31 days as I strive to become more like Him. My prayer is that you can find hope and peace in my words.

10 For thou art great, and doest wondrous things: thou art God alone.
11 Teach me thy way, O Lord; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name.
12 I will praise thee, O Lord my God, with all my heart: and I will glorify thy name for evermore.

The Prompt today is:

UNITE

START

How hard is it to unite our hearts?  I have a rather large family.  We blended two families together and had a few more children to form a large blended family.  It was not an easy journey.  Sometimes, my children thought that they should be loved best, and sometimes his did.  One of the hardest things to teach them was that they are all our children.  They are each loved individually for themselves.  They are needed and wanted and each a blessing in our lives.  
Uniting together is one of the best things we have ever done.  It was a rough journey at times with a lot of potholes along the way.  Yet, it has been so rewarding and I would not change it for the world.  
Uniting our hearts together to God is not easy either.  There are so many things that would interfere with our relationship.  The world would have us believe that the Sabbath is just another part of the weekend.  It is a time to have fun and forget about everything else.  I know that the sabbath is a day of worship.  As I used to tell my children, Heavenly Father has given us everything and right now He is only asking for a little bit of your time.  
Uniting ourselves for His purpose is such a blessing.  Gathering together helps each of us to strengthen our own testimonies as well as the testimonies of others.  It helps us to find ways to remain strong and faithful.  For me, going to church, fulfills a need that is deep inside my heart.  A need to be more like Him.  It is a chance to teach, learn, listen and love. It is a choice that places my feet in the right direction for the rest of the week.  
Uniting my heart in His glory.  
I can't think of a better place to be.

STOP

Becoming Like Him - Day 4 - Learn

For my 31 days of writing, I am linking up over at Heading Home and over at the Nester. There are several of us that are taking the 31 day writing challenge. Kate has suggested that we spend 31 days of Five minute writing. You can use the prompts or write about anything you would like, you just need to write.

I am sharing my journey for 31 days as I strive to become more like Him.  My prayer is that you can find hope and peace in my words.

Today the prompt is:

LEARN

START

"Learning is the only thing 

the mind never exhausts, 

never fears, 

and never regrets."  

Leonardo Da Vinci

I was a youth, I learned a scripture that has stayed with me my whole life.  It is simply this:

Mosiah 2:17  "And behold, I tell you these things that ye may learn wisdom; that ye may learn that when ye are in the service of your fellow beings ye are only in the service of your God". 

Learning for me has become more than knowledge.  It is more than finding out something new.  It is so much more than books or lectures or talks or even the internet.  As much as I love all those things (especially reading), I love learning more about my Heavenly Father.  I love getting to know Him through the scriptures and through prayer.  As I struggle to know Him better, I feel peace in my heart and soul.  I find comfort in the simple things that surround me.  I start to see Him in the beauty of a sunset, the love of my children, the helpfulness and compassion of my husband.  

As I continue to learn about my Heavenly Father, I find myself working harder to become more like Him in every way.  There is also a beautiful scripture in Psalms.  (Is there anyone that doesn't love Psalms?)  It says:

"Thy hands have made me and fashioned me: give me understanding, that I may learn thy commandments".  Psalms 119:73

This one teaches me that I need understanding so that I can learn the commandments.  It is not enough to read them.  It is not enough to memorize them.  We need to absorb them into our hearts and our minds so that we can truly live the spirit of the law and not just focus on the letter of the law.

How many of us can truly say that we never bear false witness?  How many of us don't covent what our neighbors have?  I am as guilty as anyone.  So today, I want to learn wisdom.  I want to learn of Him.  I want to become like Him in my heart and my soul.  I want to make His commandments a part of my everyday life.  

Today, I want to become just a little more like Him.  Today I am learning His ways. 

STOP

The Light in the Fridge

If we are not supposed to have midnight snacks,

Why is there a light in the refrigerator?

I must admit, I love to snack.  I could feast on Oreo cookies and chocolate cake several times a day.  I would look like it too!  But I am not sure if the way I would look would completely stop me from doing it.  I do know, that the way I would feel keeps me from eating sweets more than every once in a while.  (As long as I don't buy the packages of Oreo cookies!)

I taught a lesson a week ago on the scriptures and how they are supposed to be a feast for us.  How the Lord never intending them to be something that we turn to every once in a while.  I talked with the girls about what they think of when they think of a feast.  I talked with them about Thanksgiving, Christmas, Birthdays and even Easter.  How, when we think about those meals, we can even smell them in our minds.  We look forward to them with anticipation and with excitement.  We put together the dinners and desserts with love and joy.
The scriptures are very much like a compass or a map or even a GPS.  They will guide us on the path we should go if we will only use them.  Too many of us treat the scriptures like they might be a snack, something we eat every once in a while.  Something that we take out and nibble at from time to time.  But to really feast on them means that we look forward to the light that is in them . We look for that light, we search it, we embrace it, we welcome it.
It becomes the light that leads us home.

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.  Psalms 119:105

Stories We Tell

Fears,

Are Stories

We Tell Ourselves.

We all do that, at least,  I think that many of us do.  I have been afraid of so many things in my life.  Afraid of the dark, afraid to try, afraid to succeed, afraid that I would not have any friends, afraid that my friends wouldn't like me.  If you really think about it, there is so very much to fear in our lives.
I am on a vacation with my new Grandson and grand daughter.  I am spending grammy time, without fear.  I am learning to love them and hold them and kiss them and squeeze them and call them both George.  For me, the fears are about being unwanted or unaccepted.  They are about plane crashes and car problems.  They take place fully in the magical realm that is called my imagination.  Part of overcoming the fear, is to beat it, on small step at a time.  It is not easy, but it is so very possible.  In the midst of all my stories of fear, I will try and write, but don't be surprised if we take a little break here.  Babies in my life are amazing things.  They remind me of God's love for each of his children.  They snuggle, they cry, the eat, the wet, all in all, they remember those parts of like that we need to be reminded of every once in a while.
I think babies remind me that they cannot conquer their fears on their own.  It takes a family to calm a child.  It takes a Grammy to hold Alexander and a dad to read Emma Bear her favorite stories.  It takes the mom to get everything ready and to hold hand tickle her precious daughter.
It takes us all to over come the stories of fear that we have told ourselves of why the best cant happen.  Of why we don't deserve this.  Of why it doesn't have the meaning that our hearts know it has.
Fear is what is inside us.  We choose to bury it there in the darkness, or bring it out into the little light and have a little more fun.
Use your imagination for all the good that surrounds us.  Figure out how you can change your own little corner of the world.  How can you share happiness instead of hurt and sorrow.  It is up to each of us to find  the imagination inside that will let us be free.
The dream is ours.  The stories are ours too.  What amazing work of art have you to share?
Make it a masterpiece.  Because when I look at this little man, I know that he is capable of so many more things than I could ever do.  He has not and will never be the fear.  The fear is that I won't know him as much as I want to.
As much as my heart aches to hold him, to whisper stories of his family, to remind him that he will always be loved.  I want fear to have no place in his heart, because his heart is already full of the stories for those who love him best.  Those stories will get him though.  Sometimes love is enough and then some.

Building Faith

If the blessings were immediate,

Choosing the right,

Would not build faith.  

This was my daughter last summer learning to boulder.  I can't tell you how many times she fell in the pool.  It was trail and error all evening.  But she tried.  The goal was to climb out of the water and, using her hands and feet, make it over to the other side.  It was so much harder than she thought it would be.  It looked easy, but it really wasn't.  She did not give up, and she actually made it pretty far before the evening was over.   

Now, she believed when she started that it was an easy task.  The blessing of making it to the other side would be immediate.  She wanted to show us that she was strong enough to do something that was that "easy".  She found out that what appeared easy was not easy at all.  The blessing that she was looking for was not to be found.  Yet, she found the tenacity to keep trying.  She had to struggle to get out of the water.  She had to use strength she did not know that she had in order to move fingertip by fingertip across the rock.  

She might not have succeeded quite the way she imagined, but she learned that she could try hard things.  She learned not to give up.  I love that she had the faith in herself to try.

One of my very favorite scriptures comes from the Book of Mormon.  I love it because it reminds me that faith is not knowledge.  It is hope and belief.  It is being willing to do our best even when it is hard.  It is being willing to keep trying even when we fail.  The blessings come after the trials and often in ways we never imagined.  

Ether 12:6   And now, I, Moroni, would speak somewhat concerning these things; I would show unto the world that faith is things which are hoped for and not seen; wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.

Step Outside

Sometimes, you need to step outside,

Get some air and remind yourself

Of who you are and who you want to be.

We all have moments when we need to remember who we are.  We need to forget what the world tells us.  We need to put aside the labels and names that others have given us.  We need to find ourselves, no matter who we are.  This beautiful picture is my grand daughter.  She knows exactly who she is, in all her pink princess glory.  She knows where she has been, and where she is going.  She knows that she is a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves her mightily.  

I have spent most of my life learning what this beautiful girl seems to know innately.  We are all, each and every one, children of God, and He loves us.  He wants us to return to His presence.  He wants to bless us.  He wants to nurture us.  He wants us to return to Him.  Sometimes, I get so involved in what I am doing, earning a living, taking care of the kids, running here and there, watching my favorite programs and even blogging, that I forget who I am supposed to be.  I forget who He made me to be.  

"As daughters of God we are each unique and different in our circumstances and experiences. And yet our part matters—because wematter. Our daily contributions of nurturing, teaching, and caring for others may seem mundane, diminished, difficult, and demeaning at times, and yet as we remember that first line in the Young Women theme—“We are daughters of our Heavenly Father, who loves us”—it will make all the difference in our relationships and our responses".  Elaine Dalton

Your Opinions

You can have your own opinions,
but you can't have your own facts.

This is my super cute grand-daughter who definitely has her very own opinions about nearly everything.  Any you know what?  That is perfectly okay with me.  I love her opinions.  I love listening to her ideas and her crazy fun.  

We all have opinions about nearly everything we do in life.  I have an acquaintance that not only has opinions, but she is always right too.  It is really hard to talk to someone like that because they start to believe that their opinions ARE the facts.  The reality is, that person has to be always right.  No matter how much they hurt or offend others.  

I have learned that I don't always have to be right.  It is nice to be right once in a while, but it is not necessary.  What is necessary is for us to learn and grow and accept the opinions of others.  We don't have to agree with everything, we just have to care about the relationship enough to acknowledge their opinions.  

True facts don't change.  They are the same yesterday, today and forever.  They are the things that give us hope and faith and keep us moving in the right direction.  Facts are things that come after much searching.  Sometimes, they elude us for most of our lives.  They are there, but they are not open to our view yet.  As time goes on, and we learn, we discover the mysteries that have been hidden from our view.  

My Entire Life

 

My Entire Life

Can Be Described In One Sentence:

It didn't go as planned,

And that's Okay. 

I am pretty sure that most of us can identify with this one.  I remember when I was a teenager and we wrote what our husbands were going to be like when we were older.  Mine was going to have blond hair and blue eyes and be six foot tall and be an athlete.  I never really thought about the traits I wanted in a man.  I thought mostly about the physical.  Instead, I have learned that there are so many more important things than looks.  Kindness is at the top of my list.  A willingness to let me be myself.  A love of Heavenly Father.  A testimony.  Love for my children.  A good father and a good husband.  There are so many more important things than what people look like or pretend to be like.  

For my own self, I should have wanted to be independent, with self-reliance and a strong testimony.  I never knew that I would need tenacity and love for the people in my life that would hurt me so much.  I never knew how important forgiveness would be, not only for myself, but for others in my life.  I think when I was young, I thought forgiveness was more between my Heavenly Father and me, I never realized that it would need to be part of many areas of my life.  

I have learned that it is okay to dream, but it is also okay to adjust our dreams to something we never imagined.  Life has never been what I imagined in would be.  In someways, it has been so much worse, but in the ways that matter most, it has been better than I ever could have dreamed.

If I could go back and change anything, I would not.  Don't get me wrong, I have made lots of mistakes that I wish I hadn't, but I have learned so much.  And everything I have been through has brought me to this point.  A place where I am happy, where I am needed and where I am loved.  A wife with an amazing husband, a mother with eleven amazing children, a grandmother with loving and wonderful grand-children.  

I have had a lot to learn and absolutely nothing has gone as planned.

And that is totally Okay!

He Never Fails

If what's ahead scares you,

And what's behind hurts you,

Just look above;

He never fails to help you.  

It is so easy to be overwhelmed in this life.  We are surrounded with business.  We work, we volunteer, we keep trying.  Our kids are busy too.  They are in sports, music, activities and school.  There are so many good things, that it is easy to be worried about whether or not we are doing the best that we can.  The future is the great unknown.  It could be better or it could be so much worse.  There are wars and rumors of wars.  There are gangs and violence.  There are evil and wicked people in the world today, as well as the righteous.  It is easy to look ahead and be scared.

Sometime, the past can be even worse.  We know what is hiding in our memories.  We know the demons that await us in the night.  We all have a past.  We all have things that have hurt us.  Sometimes it is people, sometimes it is events, sometimes it is our own mistakes.  Whatever it might be, the past can have tremendous hold upon us until we learn to let it go.  Until we learn that it does not have any more power today than we give it.  

So, in spite of our past or our future, we have to remember to look up.  He really is willing to hear our hearts and our prayers.  He is willing to be the difference in our lives, if we will only let Him.  My each of us remember to look up!

This is one of my favorite stories from General Conference a few years ago.  

At the end of a particularly tiring day toward the end of my first week as a General Authority, my briefcase was overloaded and my mind was preoccupied with the question “How can I possibly do this?” I left the office of the Seventy and entered the elevator of the Church Administration Building. As the elevator descended, my head was down and I stared blankly at the floor.

The door opened and someone entered, but I didn’t look up. As the door closed, I heard someone ask, “What are you looking at down there?” I recognized that voice—it was President Thomas S. Monson.

I quickly looked up and responded, “Oh, nothing.” (I’m sure that clever response inspired confidence in my abilities!)

But he had seen my subdued countenance and my heavy briefcase. He smiled and lovingly suggested, while pointing heavenward, “It is better to look up!” As we traveled down one more level, he cheerfully explained that he was on his way to the temple. When he bid me farewell, his parting glance spoke again to my heart, “Now, remember, it is better to look up.” 
Carl B. Cook  General Conference October 2011

The Answers, I never had them to begin with.

Faith is having peace,

Even when you do not have

The answers.

The past two years, I have been learning a lot about faith.  With all the prayers, with all the struggles, with all the asking, I still have not found many answers.  But, I do keep trying.  I keep saying to myself that the answers will come.  Sometimes we just have to act "as if" it will all be explained.  We have to act "as if" we already know. 
Take my daughter for example.  When we were visiting in St. Louis, we went to a place that has jumping and rolling and shooting games.  The kids had a blast and what they really wanted to do was to roll around in these large plastic balls.  My young daughter, just "knew" she wasn't going to fit because she is too fat.  She has lost a lot of weight this year and has really struggled with her self esteem.  She still sees herself as someone who weighs too much. 
Obviously, to me, she does not have a weight problem.  And in-spite of all her protestations to the contrary, she fit inside the ball just fine and rolled and crashed into everyone.  She laughed and had fun because she had the courage to try. 
I think, that faith can be about courage.  It is hard to believe sometimes.  It can be especially hard when those we love choose differently than we do.  Yet, what they choose should not affect our own beliefs.  It is almost as if everyone has to see things the same way or else nothing is true. 
Faith never has been about believing the same things as the "in group".  It is about standing for something.  It is about courage.  It is about walking forward in spite of your own doubts and fears. 
Faith is hard.  It was never meant to be easy.  It is about finding the peace within, even when the answers without, elude you.  It is knowing that someday, those answers will come.  It is knowing that someday, you will be in a place to recognize them.  It is about finding peace in spite of yourself.

“When you get to the end of all the light you know and it's time to step into the darkness of the unknown, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.”  Edward Teller

Another Letter To God

"The soul is healed by being with children."

This letter was harder for me to answer.  Probably because I worry too much.  I worry about things that have happened, mistakes I have made, and I worry about the future with all it's possibilities.  I know that many of the things I worry about never come to pass, but still, I worry.  I worry about being worthy to enter Heaven.  I worry about making the right choices and giving enough love to others.  

"Worry is like a rocking chair, 

it gives you something to do, 

but doesn't get you anywhere."  

Erma Bombeck

 

Here is a child who is not worried about the normal, childish things.  They just want to go to Heaven and see God.  What a beautiful wish.  What a pure heart.  And what a sweet reminder to me about what is most important after all.  I will remember this letter for a very long time. 

Dear Child,

Thank you so much for your letter.  I am so happy that you want to live with me in Heaven.  That is what I want too.  Right now, I need you on earth with your family, learning and growing and becoming the person that I need you to be. 

When you have faith, it leads you back to me.  It helps you to make good decisions and it helps you to keep my commandments. 

I am never far away.  You can talk to me in your prayers anytime that you would like.  I will always take time to listen.  I am aware of the good things you are doing.  I know who you are.  No matter what happens or what troubles you face, you will never be separated from my love.

Romans 8:38-39  

For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come,

Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

You always have my love and I am with you here.

Love,

God