A desire to change

Maybe this is something I need to work on.  I do not like change.  I do not like it when things don't go as planned.  I do not like the need to do a 180 degree turn when the road is not wide enough to manage it.  I am a planner.  I am not spontaneous at all.  Really I can say that I know how Martha felt when she was trying to do everything by herself.  She had to learn to change.  And I bet it wasn't easy at all.

I love Martha, in her worry of whether everything looked good enough for the Savior.  In her need for perfection in the humbleness of her home.  I sometimes look at my house and wish that magic really existed and that I could wiggle my nose or snap my fingers and have perfect.  The desire is there, but the strength is long gone. 

2 Corinthians 5:17 - Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 

When I pass away, one of the first people that I want to meet is Martha.  I want to know how she managed to change.  How she managed to learn to put her Savior before all else.  I want to know how she could put aside the natural woman and choose the good part.  When I hear the Savior rebuke her, I hear Him say the same things to me in my heart. 

Change is always hard.  It is exhausting.  It is overwhelming.  It is a trial all by itself. 

Have you ever had to deal with so many changes that you were overwhelmed into shutdown mode?   Have you every been frozen in place and totally and completely unable to cope?

I have, but I wish so much that I was stronger than that.

I remember one year, we came home Christmas eve to water streaming out the ceiling in our garage.  Some people can just start cleaning and everything would work out.  Me, I go numb.  My mind shuts down.  I don't know where to start or what to do.  The water was freezing.  It was about 20 below and it was not a warm night.  I did not even know how to help.  Thank goodness for a loving home teacher who cam immediately and started getting the water out of there.  He was amazing.  In my weakness, I found strength and love in the work of another.  At that point in my life, I wasn't even capable of being a Martha.  I think I was one of multitude that did not know what to do. 

I am not always like this.  Sometimes I can jump right in and do what needs doing.  But sometimes, I just need someone to take over and tell me what to do. 

This man, taught me what Christ like love looked like.  I am pretty sure Christmas Eve was not the time he wanted to be helping us.  But he showed the saviors love by doing that wonderful service for me.  He did not know what I was going through at the time.  He did not know what I needed.  But I believe the Lord touched his heart and at that moment he knew exactly what to do. 

I believe the Lord will change our hearts as we seek to become more like Him.  He will help us to overcome the water and the world to do a good work.  He will let us know how to reach out and help his children.  A change of heart is more than accepting the Gospel in our lives.  It is more than admitting that Jesus is the Christ.  It is more than sharing a gospel message.  I believe a true change of heart takes place on evenings like that difficult Christmas eve night.  In freezing water and ice, surrounded by ruined things.  A true change of heart is what makes us willing to bear one another's burdens.  To mourn with those who mourn and comfort those in need of comfort.  A true change of heart may not be convenient, but it is necessary.   As we seek to serve Him and take upon ourselves His name, our hearts will change to become more like Him. 

What I learned - The Beauty of Holiness

“Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name:
bring an offering, and come before him:
worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness.”

This talk was given by Carol F. McConkie, 
First councilor in the Young Women General Presidency

She used one of my favorite bible stories.  It is the story of Mary and Martha, and I often feel like I am Martha when I should be Mary! 

When Martha received Jesus Christ into her home, she felt a tremendous desire to serve the Lord to the best of her ability. Her sister, Mary, chose to sit “at Jesus’ feet” and to hear His word. When Martha felt burdened about serving without any help, she complained, “Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone?”

I love the words of the most gentle rebuke that I can imagine. With perfect love and infinite compassion, the Savior admonished:

“Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things:

“But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.”

Sisters, if we would be holy, we must learn to sit at the feet of the Holy One of Israel and give time to holiness. Do we set aside the phone, the never-ending to-do list, and the cares of worldliness? Do we set aside our busy lives, if only for a short space of time to ponder and feast upon His words?  Prayer, study, and heeding the word of God invite His cleansing and healing love into our souls. We have to actually make time to be holy, We have to choose to have that sacred time with Him, that we may be filled with His sacred and sanctifying Spirit. Holiness isn't just a goal, it is a choice.  One each one of us must make as we seek Him in the world today.  Oh how my heart wants to sing the Hymn, More holiness give me.  I can't even think of the words without tears coming to my eyes and my heart yearning to be nearer to Him.

1. More holiness give me,
More strivings within,

More patience in suff'ring,
More sorrow for sin,
More faith in my Savior,
More sense of his care,
More joy in his service,
More purpose in prayer.

2. More gratitude give me,
More trust in the Lord,
More pride in his glory,
More hope in his word,
More tears for his sorrows,
More pain at his grief
More meekness in trial,
More praise for relief.

3. More purity give me,
More strength to o'ercome,
More freedom from earth-stains,
More longing for home.
More fit for the kingdom,
More used would I be.
More blessed and holy--
More, Savior, like thee.

Text and music: Philip Paul Bliss, 1838-1876

 

What I learned - "Come Follow Me"

"As the Savior’s latter-day disciples, we come unto Him by loving and serving God’s children"

 

This talk was given by Elder Robert D. Hales and I found myself eagerly listening to his words. 

 

"Nobel laureate Elie Wiesel was in the hospital recovering from open-heart surgery when he was visited by his five-year-old grandson. As the little boy looked into his grandfather’s eyes, he saw his pain. “Grandpa,” he asked, “if I loved you more, would you [hurt less]?”¹ Today I ask a similar question of each of us: “If we love the Savior more, will we suffer less?”

No matter what your beliefs, this talk about service is priceless, especially in the world we live in today.  I love the idea of serving others.  I actually love serving and doing things for others.  I love teaching the children in Primary and hearing their voices sing.  I love helping neighbors and friends.  I love doing service where it is needed without having everyone else know about it.  Service is not a competition.  It is love in action. 

He talked about parents, whose grown children are lost, and how they cannot pray free agency away.  That is so true.  I find in my children, things to love about them no matter what path they have chosen.  I believe that is my job as their mother.  To love them unconditionally and to help them when they need my help and care. 

He told stories and talked about love and acceptance. 

One of the greatest testaments to love that I have personally witnessed happened when I used to work in a nursing home long ago. 

There was a woman who had Alzheimer's.  It was so far advanced that she could not straighten her limbs and was bedridden.  She could not speak or do anything at all for herself.  Her husband of over 50 years came every single day.  She could not eat by herself and had to be tube fed.  Nevertheless, he made her favorite foods and ground them up in a blender so that they could be put in a syringe and she could have the foods that she had made all her life. 

In the two years I worked there, he only missed one day of coming and that was because he was ill.  He washed her face and her hair.  He talked to her constantly.  He loved her in both word and deed. 

She did not even seem to know he was there, but he did.  He served her every single day until she passed away after 10 long years with that disease.  It brought tears to my eyes to witness that kind of love.  It made me long for that in my own life. 

Often, when we follow the Savior's teachings, it is not glamorous work.   It is hard work.  Changing diapers, making meals, getting no sleep, running on the ambulance late at night, having people yell at me because they want something that I do not have.  But service, when done with the right attitude, is simply love in action.  It is bring Christ into our hearts and sharing Him with everyone around us.  It is learning to come follow Him. 

 

 

Something Sacred

Who knew that Mr. Rogers could be so profound!  I love this.  I love that we can all choose to be more Christ-like in our lives through loving and serving those around us.  I love that it can be a sacred responsibility.  I especially like where he says appreciation is a holy thing.   How many times do we, in the very human mess that we live in, fail to appreciate the efforts of someone else?  How many times do we think that we can change things tomorrow? 
It is easy to think about the things that we wish we could have done, or the things we wanted to see, or even the person that we would like to become.  It is easy to place blame somewhere, anywhere else.  We can lose our focus and not appreciate those whom we love the most. 
I have learned that it does not matter how people behave in public, I want to know how they behave in private.  I want to know how the speak to their wives and children, to their families and close friends.  One thing that I have observed in life, is that we tend to treat strangers better than we treat our families.  We expect more from our families. 
A good example of that is found in my own life.  Many, many years ago, I was the person who always signed up to bring dinner to others, or make cakes for birthdays.  Once, I only had one cake mix left in the cupboard and needed to make a birthday cake for a friend, so I did.  One of my small children was so very disappointed that I made something for someone else and not them that he started crying, and told me that I "never did anything nice like that for them". 
Now, I know that little boy was exaggerating, but something in his tone and tears hit me right in the heart.  I vowed then to change so that my children would never think I saw them a second best.  I can't say that I am always as successful as I want to be, but I can say that I am more successful than I used to be.  Today, when I make dinner and dessert for someone else, we make the same thing for our own house.  If I make brownies, or rice krispies treats, I make them for home too. 
My family could never be second best to me.  I am pretty sure that most people feel the same way about their own families, so, if we are supposed to love our neighbor as ourselves, our own family needs to feel and see that love first, not second or third.  They should feel our love in both our words and our deeds. 
As I struggle to become more Christ-like in my life, I really can't think of a better place to start than right in my own home. 

Any Fool can do this

It can be so very hard to be forgiving.  It takes a lot of effort and work and trust to do it.  It takes a lot of prayer and desire to even try.  I have found that it is easier to carry a grudge.  But the problem is, as easy as it can be, it doesn't help me feel better.  I actually makes me feel angrier and it means that I dwell on my own thoughts and feelings a lot longer.  It become more difficult to put it aside and move one.  I have discovered that the times I don't forgive, are some of the worst times in my life.  Because I am not positive, a lot of things get me down and I struggle even more with what is going on in my world.  

I am sure that forgiveness doesn't make sense to some people.  I am equally sure that we justify it by thinking that some actions aren't worth forgiving, or should never be forgiven.  Let me just be clear, I believe that we all need forgiveness.  The Lord never quantifies sin.  He doesn't talk about how some sin is worse than others.  I am just grateful that I don't need to be judge and jury for anyone else's sins.  I have enough of my own to worry about.  I have had people do some horrible things to me and to those I love.  I have been accused of things I have never done.  I have been talked about, ridiculed and had more gossip involved around me than I ever cared to have.  However, I do not forgive people for them.  I do it for me.  Only God has the power to forgive any of us.  Only He can judge our hearts.  Only He knows whether or not there is change and true repentance.  

Since I don't know those things, I choose to forgive and not hate.  I choose to let go of my anger and hurt and humiliation.  I choose these things because I know that I need forgiveness in my own life.  I know that I am also guilty of sin.  I know that I need forgiveness and compassion just as much as anyone else.  

However, saying that, does not mean that you can always trust again.  There are some things that  are so hurtful that you have to walk away.  Forgiveness does not mean that you give anyone the chance to do abuse you again.  It means, that when you think of them, you are not destroying yourself with anger and hate.  It means that you trust God enough to know that He will somehow work it all out.  

I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have that kind of faith.  I believe we have a loving Father in Heaven who has walked with us every step of the journey.  He knows exactly what we have been through.  He knows our deepest, darkest secrets.  He knows our trials and our joys.  He knows our names.  

Bringing Light - Women's Conference

I

 
Will Bring the Light of the Gospel into My Home

Jean B. Bingham
First Counselor in the Primary General Presidency

 

Oh how I loved this talk!  Since I  am now doing the music in primary, I was prepared for the talk to "speak" to me specifically.  I didn't plan on how very much I needed to hear what Sister Bingham was saying. 

I love how she states that it is our obligation and privilege is to embrace improvement in everyone as we strive to become more like our Savior, Jesus Christ.  I love that it is a privilege to embrace improvement and not judge.  I know that I have sinned in my life, I have children who have struggled with arduous difficulties.  It is a comfort to me to think of becoming more Christ-like in my own actions as well as watching as others work to become that way also. 

I especially loved her question, "As sisters (and brothers) in Zion, will we commit to “all work together … to do whatsoever is gentle and human, to cheer and to bless in [the Savior’s] name”?

Can we, with love and high hopes, look for and embrace the beauties in others, allowing and encouraging progress? Can we rejoice in the accomplishments of others while continuing to work toward our own improvement?"

These were and are wonderful questions to me.  I often feel like so many people are competitive, instead of kind and cutthroat instead of caring.  What a wonderful idea to embrace the accomplishments of others. 

Yes, we can bring the light of the gospel into our homes, schools, and workplaces if we look for and share positive things about others and let the less-than-perfect fade away. Isn't that what the Savior does with each of us?  Doesn't He focus on what is good about us?  What is worth redeeming?  If we all had to get back to Him without His grace and mercy, not a single one of us would make it. 

What gratitude fills my heart when I think of the great gift of repentance that our Savior, Jesus Christ, has made possible for all of us through His infinite atonement.  We who have inevitably sinned in this imperfect and sometimes very difficult world!

How grateful I was to hear these words of wisdom today to remind me to walk more closely with Him and work together one with another to become more like Him in all my ways. 

 

1. As sisters in Zion, we'll all work together;

The blessings of God on our labors we'll seek.

We'll build up his kingdom with earnest endeavor;

We'll comfort the weary and strengthen the weak.

 

2. The errand of angels is given to women;

And this is a gift that, as sisters, we claim:

To do whatsoever is gentle and human,

To cheer and to bless in humanity's name.

 

3. How vast is our purpose, how broad is our mission,

If we but fulfill it in spirit and deed.

Oh, naught but the Spirit's divinest tuition

Can give us the wisdom to truly succeed.

Let it Go

Trying to let go, can be one of the more difficult things to do in life.  I wonder sometimes, if I hang onto things simply because they are what I know.  Do I hang on to the past because I am afraid to move forward?  Or do I hold on just because it is familiar to me?  Is it easier to dwell on the past than to look toward the future?  Is it easier to be angry and hate than to just let it go?

My burdens can seem so heavy to bear.  It is hard to hold them all in, and it is harder still to let them go, but I know it is necessary, for my own well being, for my own happiness, for my own piece of mind.

I have found, that the older I get, the more the past intrudes on my present possibilities for happiness.  Yet, somehow, as easy as it has been in my life to forgive, I am struggling to continue to do so.  I know that forgiveness is the only way for me to be truly happy, but when bad things happen to me, I find it much easier to forgive, than when they happen in the lives of my children and grandchildren.

Burdens can be so heavy.  I feel exhausted so much of the time.  I know that I need to let them go.  I need them to dissolve or fly away somewhere else, anywhere else besides my own head and heart.  And so I struggle just to let them go.  To not hold them tight to my heart.  To not be angry or hurt.  I struggle to give them away.  To forgive. 

I let them go so that I can be free. 

Nothing is Permanent

I have got to love a good Charlie Chaplin quote.  Especially this one.  Nothing is permanent, even though it feels that way.  I know that sometimes things are just hard.  We struggle, we search, we wonder, we ask, we seek, we ache, we cry, we hope, we love.  All things in their won seasons and at their own times.  But I try and remember this when I am overwhelmed with adversity.  

We find friends in the strangest places.  People we never knew were going through the same things are we are.  We find hope in their courage and convictions.  I know that I have felt so filled with sorrow and pain, that I couldn't bear to face it anymore.  It just felt too hopeless.  I retreat inside myself and try and center.  I go to counseling, I go to church, I talk to friends, I keep trying, even though inside, I am so very broken.  

Funny thing is, just when I feel as if I can't walk another step or bear another burden, something happens that gives me the courage to continue on.  This morning, I discovered someone who has been through many of the heart aches that I have.  This person's strength and testimony brought me hope in my own journey.  I felt the spirit fill my heart with peace and I know that at this time, in this moment, all is well. 

You never know what those around you might be going through.  We profess to try and be Christ-like in our lives, but how many judge one another as "bad" or "good"?  How many gossip and talk about someone behind their backs.  How many mean things do we say in the course of our daily existence.  

I have learned, it doesn't matter if you can trace your roots all the way back to Adam, or if you don't know the name of your maternal Grandfather, we are all Children of God.  We are all charged to "love one another."  

My prayer today is that we will remember the Saviors wisdom when he said, "Let him who is without sin cast the first stone".  And the accusers left one by one and did not stay.  Then the Savior said to "Go thy way and sin no more".  My prayer is that we will stop throwing stones at one another.  Stones of anger, hate, unkindness and words.  They do destroy.  They do cause damage.  They destroy hearts and hope and courage.  We damage each other so much by the words we choose to speak, by the names we choose to call.  

We can also heal the aching by sharing a part of ourselves with others.  We can heal by being kind, by showing compassion and love.  We can heal the breaking hearts by sharing our own.  We can build each other up.  

Absolutely nothing is permanent, but I think we can choose to make kindness permanent.  We can choose to give a smile, or share a tear.  We can choose to help one another.  

Memorable People

I have several jobs and hobbies, and have seen people behave in all different ways.  I have seen kindness by strangers when none is expected.  I have seen love in the eyes of those who are saying a last goodbye, I have seen adults throw better temper tantrums than any two year old, I have seen the couple who have been married for over 70 years, still holding hands on the way out of church.  I have been blessed to see people at their very best, and people at their. well,  "not so good". 
One of my memories is taking someone to the hospital who had a chronic illness.  Her husband pretty much blew her feelings off.  He wasn't in a hurry to help her, he didn't want to go with her.  It broke my heart.  I could not help thinking about the difference between him and my own husband. 
My husband deals with everything about me.  I have chronic migraines.  They are not a lot of fun, and they seem to happen at all the most inconvenient times.  I get them especially bad on vacations.  For some reason, my body pulls out all the stops and they haunt my every fun moment. 
the thing is, John never criticizes me for them.  I know that if I needed to go to the hospital, he would not leave me there alone.  When I have been afraid, it is his shoulder that I cry on.  When I feel hurt, he is there.  For me, love means being there for everything.  It means being available for the hard times and the good times.  It means wanting to be a part of my life even when I am sick and hurting.  It means loving me even when I am most unlovable. 
My point for this isn't how blessed I am, it really is how we need to be careful what face we are presenting to those we love.  Are we available for them even when it is not something we want to do?  Are we happy for them?  Do we love them in spite of themselves?  I think we can all benefit from sharing a little more love in the hearts and lives of those around us.  I would pray that each one of us is always a little kinder than we need to be.  I would hope that we are each more forgiving than we wanted to be.  I would believe that we can all be just a little more like Him. 

The Chicken and the Egg

I raise chickens and goats and dogs and ducks.  It is a crazy mixed up world at my house.  But this little thought is so true.  We eat the eggs that our chickens lay, and the life that might have grown from the inside is definitely ended.  But, when our hens are sitting, they stay on the eggs and keep them warm and the chicks hatch by pecking their way out of the shell and into the world.  There life begins. 
I love how this metaphor shows us that great things always begin from inside.  You have to be honest inside, before you can be honest outside.  You have to be happy inside, before you will find happiness outside.  You have to be spiritual inside, before you will find God on the outside.  It is what we focus on inside that really matters. 
They say that you can't sin without thinking about it on the inside first.  You have to desire it and dwell on it.  It makes repentance so much harder.  I think that great things ,and also small things begin on the inside of ourselves.  Life is hard enough.  We are surrounded by bad news and negative behaviors.  If we don't fix ourselves on the inside first, we will be overcome by the forces that are all around us. 

I love the old quote that says:
All the water in the world,
however hard it tries,
can never sink the smallest ship,
unless it gets inside.
All the evil in the world,
the blackest kind of sin,
can never hurt you
one least bit,
unless you let it in.

So today, I am going to try just a little harder to protect the life that is within me.  To protect that spark of divinity that dwells in my heart.  I am going to focus on strengthening myself from the inside instead of waiting for someone else to do it from the outside.  From the inside is life.  Life is a gift from God.  He knew exactly what we would need to be strong and live with him today.   He has made us great from within.  We are His children.  He loves us.  He wants us to be closer to Him.  Perhaps that is really what we need to remember. 

 

What I learned - To the rescue, we can do it!

The Lord has provided all of the tools necessary for us to go to the rescue of our less-active and nonmember friends.

The Savior clearly understood His mission to rescue our Heavenly Father’s children, for He declared:

“The Son of man is come to save that which was lost. …

“[For] it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.”  This talk is about rescuing our brothers and sisters, our children, our families and our friends.  We rescue them by bringing them to Christ.  By teaching them His teachings, by living in His ways.  We don't give up.  We trust the Lord to help us do it.

One of the things I enjoyed about this talk is the stories.  Some were sad, but all were uplifting.  The one that sticks in my mind is about the brother of Elder Alejandro Patanía.  He was on a fishing boat and went out to sea, there was a hurricane warning and they were coming back to shore when they found another boat in trouble.  They tried to tow them to shore and sent out an SOS call for immediate assistance.  In the way that governments do, the rescue was delayed until there was a plan and all aboard both boats perished.  The moral is to not delay. 

I believe that there are so many people out their that need us.  When we are hurting, we want the pain to go away fast.  Those who are lost and lonely want the same things.  Rescuing isn't just about bringing others to Christ, it is also about letting them feel Christ-like love in their lives again.  It is reminding them that they are important and valued.  It is helping them to know that they are children of God and that they have been and always will be His. 

What I learned - Whoso receiveth them, receiveth me

“And [Jesus] commanded that their little children should be brought [to him]. …

“And … he took [them], one by one, and blessed them, and prayed unto the Father for them.

“And when he had done this he wept.”

I love the listen to Elder Neil L. Andersen.  He is a really good speaker and he always has something to say that hits home for me.  This talk for me, is about how much Heavenly Father loves children, all children.  It is about how much they need love and acceptance no matter what their family is like.  
This one hit home for me because I have had children who weren't accepted because they were different from the rest.  I have a daughter who really struggled as a teenager and the young women leaders came to me and told me that she was not welcome at young women's.  It was devastating to me because by taking away any chance of friendship with those who could be an example to her, these well meaning women drove her right out of my arms and into the friendships with those who would mistreat and abuse her.  
I have many more instances of those well meaning people who mistreat and misjudge children ewho are different.  I love that Elder Anderson talks about the children and youth who do not come from picture perfect families.  Who are raised in foster care, or by single parents.  He talks about how much need we have for sensitivity in our dealings with others, especially the youth.  
  

President Thomas S. Monson has said: “Help God’s children understand what is genuine and important in this life. Help them develop the strength to choose paths that will keep them safely on the way to eternal life.”  Let’s open our arms and our hearts a little wider. These youth need our time and our testimonies.

I love that Elder Andersen talked about how we need to reach out to the youth who feel alone, left out, left behind and outside the fence.  He does not say that we should ignore them or cast them out.  He talks about how much Jesus loved the children.  In every instance where he blessed children, I never recall that He said to only bring Him the perfect children.  He said to bring the little children to Him.  He blessed them all.  He loves them unconditionally, no matter what type of family they come from. 
May we all be just a little more like Him as we seek to include all the children and the youth around us.  May we not judge them just because they don't come from perfect families.  May we seek to help them and to welcome them with open arms and loving hearts.  May we always let them in.       

What I learned - Standing With Our Leaders

The growing question of today is clear:

are you standing with the leaders of the Church in a darkening world so that you might spread the Light of Christ?

It can be hard to stand with our leaders.  Sometimes, they seem so far away, and they are so much older than many of us.  It is easy, in our questioning, to doubt their influence and knowledge.  It is easy to tell ourselves that they don't understand the way the world is today.  That we live in a different time and place.  It is easy to forget that they just might know the world all too well.
In my life, I have seen many things.  Some are amazing, and many are not quite that good.  I remember what it is like to be tempted and tossed about on the winds and waves of trial.  It happens nearly everyday for me.  I believe that our leaders know those trials also.  They are not perfect, but they are getting their direction from one who is. 

 

There is a destiny that makes us brothers:

[No one] goes his way alone:

All that we send into the lives of others

Comes back into our own.

Edwin Markham

 

We can send our support to our leaders, our sisters, our brothers and our friends. When we reach out to lift one another, we prove those powerful words: “[No one] goes his way alone.”

Most of all, we need our Savior, Jesus Christ. One of the accounts from scripture that has always spiritually moved me is when Jesus Christ walked out on the water to meet His disciples who were traveling in a ship on the Sea of Galilee. These were leaders newly called, many did not have the experience of being leaders.  They were common (or even uncommon) fisherman.  

 

The account is recorded in Matthew:

 

“But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with [the] waves: for the wind was contrary.

“And in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea.

“And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, … and they cried out for fear.

“But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid.”

Peter heard that call of love and encouragement from the Lord.

“And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.

“And [Jesus] said, Come.”

Pretty bold. Peter was a fisherman, and he knew about the hazards of the sea. However, he was committed to following Jesus—night or day, on a ship or on dry land, in stormy or calm seas.

In my mind I can imagine Peter leaping over the side of the boat, not waiting for a second invitation, and began to walk on the water. Indeed, the scripture says, “He walked on the water, to go to Jesus.” As the wind increased in strength and force and as the waves swirled about his feet, Peter became “afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried [out], saying, Lord, save me.

“And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him.”

For me, this is a powerful lesson. The Lord was there for him, just as He is there for me. He reached out His hand and drew Peter to Him and to safety, Just as He has reached out His hand for me many times before.

In my life, I have needed the Savior and the touch of His hand so many times. I need Him every single day.  I have wanted to feel confident enough at times to leap over the side of my own struggling boat, figuratively speaking, into the unfamiliar places that I must go, only to realize that I could not and never will be able to do it alone.  And so, like Peter, Christ reaches out to take my hand and help me through the troubled waves of my trials.  And like Peter, I am not alone in my journey.  He does not leave me to sink and drown in my tribulations.  He is there for me and is willing to rescue one, even as imperfect as I am.   

 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Service

In contrast to the narcissistic life, President Spencer W. Kimball (1895–1985) offered a simple expression of the more excellent way:

“When we are engaged in the service of our fellowmen, not only do our deeds assist them, but we put our own problems in a fresher perspective. When we concern ourselves more with others, there is less time to be concerned with ourselves! In the midst of the miracle of serving, there is the promise of Jesus that by losing ourselves, we find ourselves! 

Matthew 10:39-40 

39 He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

 40 ¶He that receiveth you receiveth me, and he that receiveth me receiveth him that sent me.

He Can Make Us Whole

The reality of the Resurrection of the Savior overwhelms our heartbreak with hope, because with the assurance of that truth, comes the assurance that all the other promises of the gospel are just as real. 
We know that He has the power to cleanse our sins.  We know that He has borne our pain, our infirmities, our hurts and our anguish.  He knows about the injustices that we have suffered. 
In Alma we read:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

We know that He has risen from the dead and that He has healing in His winds.  We know that He can make us whole no matter what is broken within us.  So today, in all our sorrow, I hope it helps to remember that He really does know.  ‬

What I learned - I am a child of God

The soul that on Jesus 

hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, 

desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell 

should endeavor to shake,

I’ll never, no never, 

I’ll never, no never,

I’ll never, no never, 

no never forsake!

This talk was good for me in my present time.  I think that it can be easy to forget who we really are, and where we come from.  We are surrounded by a world that is filled with busy things.  It become easy to focus on those things instead of who we are.  I loved how Elder Hailstorm asked the questions: 

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? 

Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? 

Is it a blow to our faith? 

Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? 

Or is our first response to remember who we are—that we are children of a loving God?

For me, I find myself blaming.....well, myself.  I rarely point fingers at others.  Instead of having doubts, or blame or sacrificing my faith, I usually sit and think about what I should have done, or could have done to change those difficult things.  Somehow, without anyone else pointing fingers, I find myself questioning my own thoughts and actions.   

It isn't a blow to my faith, it is a blow to my own worth.  

So, this week, I am working on remembering that I am a Child of God.  That He loves me, exactly as I am right this minute.  That my sins are forgiven and that He knows my name.  

This week I am working on my immediate response.  I am working to ensure that I  remember who I am, where I am from and where I am going. 

Give God Your Weakness

Easy to say, not so easy to do.  I see my own weaknesses.  They seem huge to me and so very overwhelming.  They are not something that I want to keep, and yet I seem to hold tight to them like they are priceless heirlooms.  Why is it so hard to let go of those things about myself that I don't even like?  In my mind, I don't want to keep them.  I want to turn them loose and let them go.  I want to turn the over to Him. 

Yet, I think there must be a part of me that clings to the old because they are familiar and even comfortable seeming.  They are like well worn shoes.  Not fashionable at all, but familiar and easy to wear.  Maybe it is better the weakness that I know than to risk appearing even weaker with something that I have never tried. 

All I know for sure is that it is so very hard to give them up to Him.  I wonder if I own weakness like it is a part of my very self.  I think I want to let it go.  I think I am ready, but then, I am like a child and try and hide the weakness behind my back and hope He doesn't see. 

Silly of me, He sees everything, but He leaves me to it and waits for me to let it go.  I am learning that part of letting go is to put my trust in Him.  To be willing to turn something loose, for something else that I can't see yet.  It is to be ashamed, and be willing to not hide it anymore.  I have a hard time with things that I am ashamed of.  They haunt me like yesterdays that I can't quit having nightmares about. 

Shame is something that is hard for all of us.  It gets inside and doesn't let us go.  We keep reliving and yearning for something that we never knew.  But, the thing is, He already suffered for our shame.  He already forgave us of the sins that we committed.  He already knows all the reasons that we feel the shame.  He knows, and He loves us anyway.

I haven't figured out why it is so hard to turn over my weaknesses.  I know that He loves me, I know that He already knows all my secrets.  I guess, I just don't want to see the disappointment in His eyes, or feel it in His actions.  Heaven knows, I feel it all the time. 

Part of this life is in learning to trust, to believe His words, to find the faith to go forward instead of back.  It is to know that He will give you strength.

One of my favorite scriptures on the subject is found in the Book of Mormon. 

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

His grace is sufficient.  What a marvelous promise to us.  His grace.  I can let go of weakness for His grace.  I can let go of fear and shame.  I can find my strengths through His grace.  I can do all things through Him.  It is enough and more.  I am never alone. 

Standing With God

 

It is so easy to stand with the world.  I can look at my own life and see all my mistakes.  I can see the things that I don't do enough of (or maybe even at all!)  I can see the need to pray more, read my scriptures more, study more.  In short, I see all my faults and failings.  Sometimes, it is easier to focus on those things than on the things I may actually be doing right.  We have as story in the Book of Mormon about Lehi.  It is called Lehi's dream.  In the story, there is a large and spacious building that calls out to those who are living and partaking of God's word and love.  Many people are led astray by the others in that building.  They feel ashamed that they are partaking of the fruit of the tree.  The wonder away from the straight and narrow path and are either lost, or join those in the great and spacious building. 

In todays world, that building is probably bigger than it has ever been.  There are so many people who are willing to lead us away from following the Lord.  There are so many conflicting ways and so many good things we can do.  We don't even have to be doing bad things, we just don't have to be doing the best we can do. 

God is not dead.  He never has been.  I know that He doesn't always answer the way that I would like Him too, but if I wait long enough, He always answers in a way that is best for me.  He allows me trials, that I might find joy in the overcoming of them.  He shows me people who hate, that I might learn not to behave in the same way.  He shows me forgiveness and mercy, that I might give those to others around me. 

In short, He gives me blessings each and every day and all things testify of Him.  I would so much rather be found standing with Him, that against Him.  As easy as it is to walk away, the only thing that prevents us from coming home to Him is our own pride.  His arms have always been opened wide to welcome us back. 

May we all be found partaking of the fruit of His love.

Soft-Hearted

BEING SOFT-HEARTED DOES NOT

MAKE YOU A WEAK PERSON. 

IT TAKES COURAGE TO STAY DELICATE

IN A WORLD THAT IS SOMETIMES CRUEL.

I am very blessed.  My husband, is one of the most soft-hearted people that I know.  He is kind, he is loving, he does what needs doing, and usually, he doesn't even complain about it.  He even puts up with me.  I think that might make him nearly perfect!  Seriously, I think that staying soft-hearted can be one of the hardest things we ever do.  We live in a crazy, mixed up world, a world that thinks that men and women should be exactly the same.  A world that rewards the courser attributes.  A world that thinks that kindness and compassion are weak. 

I know this personally, because those things have caused me a lot of trouble in my own experience.  Those traits are ridiculed and criticized.  They are not wanted in the business world that I work in.  It makes it hard to keep those things which are important, but not acknowledged or rewarded, as part of your life. 
I think that we have enough anger in our lives.  We have enough hardness, callousness, and bitterness in the world.  Maybe, just maybe, we need a little more tenderness, nurturing and soft-heartedness.  Maybe we need to try and develop those traits that are a little more gentle and caring.  Maybe we need to change what we are looking for in our personal lives.  Maybe, we just need to be a little more accepting of those God-given traits that are within each one of us. 
We are made in His image.  I think that He wants us to be soft-hearted, compassionate, and caring toward one another.  I think He wants us to be more like Him. 

What I learned - Where Two or Three are Gathered

If you listen with the Spirit, you will find your heart softened, your faith strengthened, and your capacity to love the Lord increased.

I love General Conference, for those of my friends who are not LDS, it is a weekend filled with spiritual nourishment.  Talks that help me get through my life.  No matter what I am facing, there is always some hidden gem inside the talk for me.  I decided that once a week, I will share some of the things that I have learned there.  I hope they help you with your own trials. 

Where and when we feel the closeness of the Savior depends on each of us. He gave this instruction:

“And again, verily I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall call upon me while I am near—

“Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (D&C 88:62–63).

 

For me, probably the most important part of this talk was the reminder that He is near.  He wants us to ask.  If we do not feel close to Him, it is not because He has pulled away, it is because we have.   He talked about the parable of the sower and how well the seeds did depended on the ground that they fell on.  He talked about how devious Satan is, that he tries to lead us a stray by telling us that belief is childish and not important. 

 

I just went to counseling the other day, and my counselor brought up much the same things to me.  I have seen how Satan works in my own family.  I have seen how he destroys and damages those I love.  It is so hard for me, with all the amazing testimonies that have been part of our lives, how easy it is to walk away simply because something doesn't make sense right this moment. 

I have learned to work on patience in the waiting.  I am not perfect at it, but I am working on it.

 

I love my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.  I believe that they will guide and direct us if we will ponder and ask.  I believe that they are near, if we just open our hearts and let them in.   

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/where-two-or-three-are-gathered?lang=eng