I am definitely getting older. When my older children were young, we experienced lots of misunderstandings. Someone would mutter under their breath, someone else would hear, someone would push or shove or take. Someone would use words that were not nice. They could and would make each other cry. One of my most used expressions at the time was, "if it makes someone else cry, it is not fun or funny!" I know that they got tired of hearing it, and it took many, many years for them to finally understand (I hope) that teasing is mean. It is tremendously hard on people to be mad fun of. It hurts their hearts and their spirits. We have learned together that the worst distance ever between us is always a misunderstanding.
In this crazy age of technology, it is easier than ever to develop misunderstandings. The way we write, the punctuation that we leave out. The shortcuts we take all lead to misunderstandings. As I try to teach the young women I am working with at church this principle, I know they think I am old fashioned. I know that sometimes they tease on purpose. They MEAN to hurt each other. That can be the hardest to bear of all. So I work on teaching them that no matter how angry or hurt they think they are, it is never, ever all right to treat anyone in a way you would not want to be treated. Even if they treat you that way.
It hurts my heart when they are unkind to each other. It is so hard for them to understand that every single moment can help to encourage someone else. You can literally be the reason that their day changed for the better.
I found a good scripture for this one in the New Testament. I hope that it touches you as it has touched me. May the words we speak always bring happiness to the Lord.
Colossians 8:8 But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth.
"You knew it was a good day if you didn't hit or bite anyone". Nathaniel Age 4
I love this for some reason. And that face! It just reminds me of being a child. Maybe it is because, as an adult, I have to stay more in control. I can't behave badly and get away with it any more. Not that I really did as a child, but at least it was a little more acceptable.
I remember the day in sixth grade, one of the boys would not leave me alone. I had the misfortune of being the girl that everyone picked on. They tried to get under my skin by calling me names, taking my stuff and even beating me up. I did not make friends easily, and got my feelings hurt way too often.
On this occasion, the boy would not quit calling me names. The rest of the class was laughing at me and I was humiliated and embarrassed. I lost my temper and picked up my dictionary and hit him right over the head. The entire class was silent in shock. I had never fought back before. He was fine, other than a slight headache. I got detention (not for the first time I might add). I had a knack for being the kid that always got caught.
Anyway, that day was not a good day. However, good things came of it. I ended up making a friend with one of the girls that actually stuck up for me after that. Her name was Fern and she taught me how to fight. Instead of being the one beaten up, I learned to defend myself from the others. I never did get good at hitting first, but I got very good at defending myself so that I didn't get hurt.
It is amazing to me how much our perspective changes with time. When we are young, controlling ourselves has more to do with how we behave physically. It is learning to control our impulsive actions. As we get older, we have to learn to control our physical reactions as well as our words, our thoughts, and even our desire to get even. We have to learn to choose our actions and not choose to react to what is done to us. We hopefully become adults.
As we grow, our ideas of what is acceptable change. I know that I would never want to hurt anyone by hitting or biting. Nor would I want to intentionally hurt them with words or actions. I think as we grow, we start to learn that anything not done with compassion and caring becomes unacceptable. Kindness really does begin with me.
Until I moved to my mountain home, I had never heard of a bark beetle. The bark beetle is not very big. It is only about 1/8th of an inch long or about the size of a single match head. The beetles attack trees by boring through the bark and laying eggs. When the eggs hatch,the larvae feed on the soft inner bark. Also, the beetles introduce a “blue-stain” fungus that spreads and clogs the water conducting tissues in the inner tree and hastens the death. Once the insects mature, they leave the infested tree and travel to a new one. Usually, they travel only a short distance, but they are capable of moving up to ½ mile or more.
Normally, the insects only kill about 2% of the trees. The sap in the adult pine and juniper trees will push the beetles out. But, sadly, we have had several years of drought in our forests. The loss of trees can be as high as 90% in some areas. Especially on the south facing slopes.
If you take a close look, you can see all the gray, dead trees on the mountain.
This is what a bark beetle can do.
They are named "bark beetles" because they live and feed underneath the tree's bark. People often wonder how such a small insect can kill a tree. A single beetle alone cannot kill a tree. The key is the condition of the tree and number of beetles that attack it. While stressed trees are the most susceptible, even healthy trees can be overcome by a "mass attack" from many beetles.
The adults bore through the bark, mate and lay their eggs. When the eggs hatch, the numerous larvae then begin feeding on the inner bark, girdling the tree. Additionally, as the adult beetles colonize the tree, they introduce a blue stain fungus that blocks the water conducting cells. This prevents water from getting to the tree crown. As a result, the foliage begins to fade from green to light green or yellow and finally changes to bright red as the needles die. Eventually the red color fades as the needles begin to fall off the tree and you are left with a colorless dead tree.
Such a tiny insect that has helped to cause the death of literally millions of trees in the Arizona and New Mexico areas. One simple, little, uncontrolled insect.
Sin is like that insect. No one starts sinning by committing the most "major" infractions. You don't go from total righteousness to adultery in one simple step. You start by doing one small thing at a time. You might decide you are not happy at church. You might quit serving. You might start wearing revealing clothes, reading women's magazines, watching R rated movies. You will begin to justify your descent. You will find reasons to continue with your activities. You may never quite reach the "major" sin, but you will be lost along the way with all of the little ones that are making your spirit unhealthy. All the "little" sins that are girdling your tree. The ones that keep you from feeling your Heavenly Father's love. Remember that the most important part of "standing strong" is not letting Satan have his hold over any part of your life. You can't fall unless you let him in. The devil never "makes" you do anything. You give away your agency through the choices you make. You choose to invite him under your bark. You choose to let him block the spirit from your life. You choose to listen to him whisper, "you are not good enough. You have made so many mistakes that you can never go back. He doesn't love you anymore. You are so filthy that no one can love you."
"All the water in the world, however hard it tries, can never sink the smallest ship unless it gets inside.
all the evil in the world, the blackest kind of sin, can never hurt you one least bit unless you let it in."
Think for a moment, just who you are listening to. Think about what he really wants. Then ask yourself, just who are you going to believe? Are you going to listen to the one who wants to see you fail, whatever the cost? Or are you going to listen to the One who already suffered for your mistakes? Who knew what you would do? The One who made it possible for you to return home.
Again, the choice is yours. All you have to do is look around at the loss on my beautiful mountains to see the devastation that comes from letting something in. To see the cost of sin.
My daughter, Kirbi and I were making dinner and talking today. The menu required sauteed chicken which she was quite adept at making. While we were talking, I was doing the dishes and I remembered the time that her sister was making chicken in Kirbi's kitchen.
Kirbi likes decorated things. She has candles and knick-knacks. She also has a decorated oil bottle by her sink. Emily was making the chicken and thought how the flavored oil would go really well with the chicken. She grabbed the bottle and put a generous amount on the chicken than covered it with a lid and went out of the kitchen. In a very short while she heard hissing noises coming from her dinner. She went in the kitchen and found bubbles coming up and spreading out all over the stove.
She found out that her sister does not keep oil in the bottle by her sink, she keeps her dish-soap in there. Of course, the dinner was ruined. It is hard to rescue chicken from a soapy sauce. Emily felt so bad, and so frustrated! She could not understand why her sister would keep soap in an oil bottle. We have all had a good laugh about it over the years. Sometimes, that is all you can do in a bad situation, just find something to laugh about and go on.
I was thinking today that Satan acts a lot like that oil bottle in our lives. He tempts us and tries us with things that are decorated and pretty. We think we are getting one thing and instead, he leaves us with nothing but soapy water.
So many of the temptations we face today are designed to look great from the outside. Think about it. Alcohol looks good in the advertising. The people look happy. They are all drinking in moderation. They are laughing and joking together. But what is really happening? Usually someone is drinking a little too much. People are not acting responsibly. They drink and drive, or drink and act foolishly.
On the surface, something that looks so blameless, can lead to so much heartache and sin, for themselves, and for those around them. Watching movies, listening to music, steady dating, all of those can look harmless on the outside.
How many of you have ever heard or even said, "It's OK to listen to that, I don't even pay attention to the words. It is the music that I like". Or how about, "I know the movie is rated R, but the rating is because of the language. There is nothing really bad in it. I should be able to watch this movie".
Isn't it funny how Satan works to convince us that a little sin is perfectly acceptable. Sometimes it can be easy to forget that those things are decorated bottles with nothing but soap inside. The soap would bind us to Satan's paths and would lead us to believe that we are unlovable, unchangeable and unable to ever live with our Heavenly Father again. With a little soap, he has convinced us that we can never go home. There are so many things that he decorates on the outside, but inside they are never what you expected.
Remember that he is called the "Father of lies" for a reason. He is under no obligation to tell the truth. He usually works with partial truths until we have become completely ensnared.
The only thing that can protect us is to follow our Savior. Remember, in Lehi's dream, the people had to grasp the iron rod. It did not hold on to them, they could not just walk beside it, they could not go by sight. They had to take the iron rod firmly in their hands and follow it to the Tree of Life. Today, as you are involved in your daily tasks, ask yourself if you are holding tightly onto the rod, or are you led astray with nothing to grasp except a few soap bubbles.
Remember, it is not what is on the outside of the bottle that matters, it is what is on the inside and what you are doing with it that counts the most.
I heard an amazing talk today given in our church. I really liked it and wanted to paraphrase and add to it a little here. This good brother, was talking about living in our small town and about one of the first years that he was asked to coach the high school football team. He spent a lot of time with the boys and worked with them and wanted them to do well. It was their first big game and he coached the game. The team won! The boys did an amazing job.
When he was on the field with the boys talking to them, the parents of one of the boys came up to him and started yelling at him because he did not play their son enough in the game. They yelled at him in front of the boys and the other parents. They behaved that way and than on Sunday they went to church with him.
Somehow, he was supposed to just forget about it. He saw them in Church, he saw their kids at school, he saw them around town and around the neighborhood. He could not escape seeing them and dealing with them. He had to slowly learn to let go of the anger and forgive them, even though they never asked for forgiveness, and even though they probably never even thought that they did anything wrong.
Small town living can be so rewarding! When we first moved here, the girls were so excited when we went to the little neighborhood grocery store and they saw their teacher! Or when we went to church and saw their principal. Or when we went out to the only restaurant in town and saw their new friend. It can be so fun to meet those people who are so much a part of your life.
However, sometimes it can be a hard thing too! When you meet the boy you used to like, or the girl who calls you names everyday on the bus. When you did something stupid and have to see the people who witnessed your mistake, in the Post Office. It can be so hard to live in a small town because you can never escape your mistakes. Everyone knows all about them!
Sometimes, that it the way it is. Our churches can be a lot like my small town. You see the same people every week. They are even called your "church family". So, think for a moment. Do you ALWAYS get along with your family? Are you always loving and kind? I think that we all have difficulties at home with those we love. And if we have difficulties with them, why would we think for a moment that we would not have difficulties with other people? I have always told my children that home is the one place they can always return to if they are in trouble. I will always love them. I may not love some of their choices. But I will always love each and every one of my children.
If I can feel that way, don't you think your Heavenly Father feels that way even more so than I? Don't you think He loves you always. He knows of your sins. He gave His son so that we can return back home as long as we repent. I have decided that repentance means so much more than being sorry for your own sins. I think it means to feel remorse for those who have offended you also. If someone wrongs you, or offends you, why do we not make the first move to forgive?
It is exactly the same as when my daughter, Mikayla, hits her sister, Anya, and Anya's feelings are hurt and she is going to be mad until Mikayla says she is sorry. Mikayla is not sorry because Anya was teasing her and annoying her. Who is at fault? Who needs to say they are sorry? If you have ever been a parent, you know that they both need to apoligize for their mistakes. They both are to blame.
Sometimes, maybe it is truly one person's fault. I have known people who were offended at church and than quit going. They would not go to the same church as "those people". Why, when someone we don't respect, says something hateful to us, why would we allow that to determine how or when we worship our Heavenly Father? Why would we allow someone else's opinion or actions to decide what type of relationship we have with God? And the biggest why of all: Why would be allow ourselves to feel angry, upset, and unforgiving due to anyone elses actions?
True forgiveness means to let go of the anger. True forgiveness happens when we forgive before the other person asks us to. True forgiveness is when we remember that each one of us is a child of God. No matter what path we have chosen to travel.
D&C 64: 8-10
"My disciples, in days of old, sought occasion against one another and forgave not one another in their hearts; and for this evil they were afflicted and sorely chastened.
Wherefore, I say unto you, that ye ought to forgive one another; for he that forgiveth not his brother his trespasses standeth condemned before the lord; for there remaineth in him the greater sin.
I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men".
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
If men wound you with injuries, meet them with patience; hasty words rankle the wound, soft language dresses it, forgiveness cures it, and oblivion takes away the scar. It is more noble by silence to avoid an injury than by argument to overcome it.
-- Francis Beaumont
