The Scale is Not My Friend

"Don't step on it.....it makes you cry"

As many of you know, I have become a dieting fiend.  I have been eating next to nothing and losing weight that took me years to put on.  I have lost over 40 lbs.  It has been hard, discouraging work.  I would venture to say that it has been one of the hardest things I have ever done. 
Food has always been my way of treating myself.  When we could not afford many things, I could always cook cinnamon rolls from scratch, make up a few cookies, and even experiment with packaged cake mixes.  I love to cook.  I love the smell that wafts through my kitchen when something is baking.  I love the planning, the preparation and the actual event of eating. 
So, dieting has made me change a lot of areas in my life.  It has made me learn patience, tenacity, and will-power.  I still have a ways to go.  I still need to lose some more of the weight before I am through.  I have learned that I will probably have to "diet" all the rest of my life.  It doesn't mean I can never have treats.  After all, moderation should be good in all things!  However, I can't treat myself every day.  I can't eat sugar like it is one of the four food groups.  (And probably the main one at that). 
So, I now have rituals that I go through to give me the motivation I need to continue on this path.  The first one is the weigh in.  As soon as I get up in the morning, I weigh myself on the bathroom scale.  I am always nervous for this part.  Did I eat too much yesterday?  Did I cheat?  Do my pajamas weigh 10 lbs or only 2?  You know, all those fun things that run through your mind.  Yesterday, I stepped on my scale and it read simply "LO".  What????  Seriously??? I have never seen that one before.  Does it miss the days of sagging under my weight?  Why in the world would it say "LO"?  I know that I have not lost THAT much weight.  So, I came to find out that the battery is not working correctly and now I can't weigh myself until I get a new one.  It doesn't show anything except "LO".  What is a woman to do???  I seriously thought about making some Oreo truffels to celebrate.  But, instead, I am still being nearly reasonable.  I only snuck off to Subway for a 6 inch sub!  (Totally not on my diet, but can I just say it was heavenly???)

I think that the Holy Ghost (or Holy Spirit) can be a lot like this little scale.  That so small, quiet inner voice that directs us in the way we should go.  Sometimes it reveals things about us that we do not want to know.  We do not want to face.  We do not want to admit. 
Sometimes, it forces us to see ourselves as we really are and to make changes into what we would really like to be.  Sometimes, that small voice just motivates us to be a little better than we originally thought we could.  It helps us to stretch a littler further.  It helps us to fix what is wrong around us and make it right. 
So today, I am thankful for that quiet inner voice that is willing to lead me, motivate me, and encourage me.  I am thankful that I have been taught to listen and obey.  I am actually thankful that it rarely is silenced.  I am thankful that I have been willing to learn from this peaceful, inner voice.   

At the moment, my motivation to continue this diet is gone.  But I know that I will be heading out to Walmart tonight and looking for a little stinkin battery to put back in the scale.  Because, I have learned a lot from that simple, small appliance that reigns over the bathroom of my house. 
And let me just say for the record, It is so NOT my friend!

Is this what I really wanted???

Well, most of you know that I have been dieting like crazy and managing to lose some weight.  It is ALL about starvation, and no fast food!  Seriously, this is the hardest thing that I have ever done.  I am doing it for myself;  no one else has asked me to or even encouraged me too much in this endeavor.  As a matter of fact, when I make an observation to my husband, (you know the kind), like "does it look like I am losing weight yet?  He just looks at me over the tops of his glasses and simply says, "You look fine to me".

Seriously????  Fine????  Here I am, giving up all my favorite foods and I only look "fine"?

Weight loss can be so frustrating!  This is such a long process.  I have been doing it for just over two and a half months now.  I have lost 25 lbs, (that is FIVE bags of sugar I might add), but I still have so far to go.  I never thought that losing all that "baby fat" would be so difficult.  I am not sure what I thought actually.  I had so many excuses about why I wasn't losing any weight right now, that I failed to focus on what I could do in order to slowly lose the weight I wanted.  Instead of looking at short-term milestones, I focused so far in the future that I never had the strength to start at the beginning.  I think that I had decided I would lose weight after I was 90 (or 100) and certainly not until chocolate did not taste so good anymore.
Instead, here I am.  Middle aged, overweight, under-exercised, and well on my way to who knows how many diseases.  My knees creek, my belly bulges, and I have no muscles anywhere.  I am not sure what made me decide to do something about it.  I only know that I have several close friends who have recently lost several sizes and have managed to keep it off.  I finally allowed myself to be talked into doing it because I really want to succeed at this one area of my life.

From the very beginning, my husband has not wanted me to do this.  He likes the shape I am in, (round is a shape, right?).  He loves to cook and enjoys sharing his many culinary marvels with me.  I must admit that I have been way too spoiled!  He makes the best homemade bread and pasta dishes around.  And we are not even going to TALK about the cheesecake!  Now that I am on a serious diet, the only things he cooks that I can eat are grilled meats and vegetables.  The vegetables are not his favorite thing to make.

The same things that I love about him when I am fat, are the things that drive me crazy about him now!  He thinks I look fine just the way I am.  He thinks that I don't need to do this.  He thinks I should be happy with the body I have been blessed with and not keep wanting one that I haven't got.

When all is said and done though, I need to lose this weight for me, and that is probably what is making the difference.  I am not losing it for anyone else.  I have to stay focused in order to succeed, and most of all, I know that this crazy husband of mine will love me whatever the shape I am in!  (That includes the newer, skinnier model that I am working toward).

We should all have goals for ourselves.  Things we do for no one else.  Oh, don't get me wrong, others might benefit from them, but they should predominately be our dreams, our desires, our goals.   Success comes after we have made the decision to change.  It comes after the work, the sweat and the tears.  Success comes after the trial.  In my case, success comes after I give up the desserts.  It comes after I give up the food that I love.  For me, it comes after I change. 

Almost half-way there!!!!

five bags of sugar lighter than before!

"Unless you change how you are, you will always have what you've got".  Jim Rohn  

(And you might even have a little something extra!)