You are Worth it!

I have done hard things in my life.  There have been times when I could not believe that life was worth living, let alone that  I might ever be worth loving.  For much of my life, I craved love and affection from people who were unable to give it.  I truly felt as if every one that I ever loved eventually turned their backs on me and betrayed me in some way.  It was not a happy way to live, and has pushed and pulled at me right through my life.  Last year, wanting it or not, some things happened that made it impossible for me to ignore what I needed any longer.  I have had to work very hard to help myself and to be willing to get help for myself.  I have had to change, and like it or not, it has been a difficult, yet positive thing. 
I know that I needed that change, although I really have fought against it.  I really struggle to get help for myself, to spend money on myself, to bare my soul, relive the hurt and overcome my past.  I wish the remodeling of my soul was finished, but I know that I still have so very far to go. 
I have told you before that I am a worrier.  I think my past probably made me that way.  It certainly made me strong in some ways, and weaker in others.  I constantly struggle with self esteem and the cruel taskmaster jealousy.  I feel like life is somehow a competition for love. 
Living years with a man who constantly points out the good in my, has gone a long way toward healing the hurt that has always been a part of me.  And, on the days when I just can't seem to get out of bed, he is supportive of that too.  Maybe, the guilt comes from my own need to be better. 
There is a scripture that I love, it is found in Doctrine and Covenants 121:7

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;"

When I was younger, it seemed as if the bad times in my life lasted practically forever.  It still seems that way when I am going through a bad place, but this past couple of years have not dragged like the ones before.  There have been things to learn and grow with.  There have been so many parts of me to change.  Time, as hard as it can be, also brings us joy. 
My youngest daughter turned 16 yesterday, and I look back and remember as if it were a blink.  Time has flown when I think of her.  She brings me laughter and joy.  When I work at changing my focus to the happy times, the bad ones don't have such a hold over my heart and do not seem to last as long. 
I saw something on facebook yesterday, and it made so much sense to me.
Those who argue about whether the glass is half empty or half full are completely missing the point. 
The glass is refillable.
That is life.  It is not good or bad, it just is.  There are half full joys and half empty trials, but the glass, the opportunity to live life to the fullest is refillable.  And one of us (including me) can start today and change the ending of our own story.  No matter what trials we have faced or what sins we have made, we can each one, take charge from here on out.  Indeed, that is the only thing we have control of.  Nothing I do will change the past, and nothing I do will change the decisions of others, but I can and I will make my own decisions to be joyful and happy. 
I am worth that.

Becoming Like Him - Day 11 - Teach

For my 31 days of writing, I am linking up over at Heading Home and over at the Nester. There are several of us that are taking the 31 day writing challenge. Kate has suggested that we spend 31 days of Five minute writing. You can use the prompts or write about anything you would like, you just need to write.

I am sharing my journey for 31 days as I strive to become more like Him. My prayer is that you can find hope and peace in my words.

START

I have been teaching since I was 14 years old.  I love to teach.  I love to help others to learn the things that matter the most to me.  I haven't always been a good teacher, I had to learn what worked and what did not.  I believe that teaching is one of the most wonderful things that we are called to do.  Not all of us teach school, not all of us are mothers or fathers, not all of us teach in church, but we all come in contact with people.  We all have an opportunity to touch the lives of others.
There is a scripture in Matthew that describes teaching really well.  It says:

"Whosoever therefore shall break one of these least commandments, and shall teach men so, he shall be called the least in the kingdom of heaven: but whosoever shall do and teach them, the same shall be called great in the kingdom of heaven".  Matthew 5:19

Think about it for a minute.  We are accountable for what we teach others to do.  If we set the example of doing wrong, and encourage others to go along with us, that we are not good teachers.  But if we do what is right and teach others to do those things, than we become the teachers that God need us to be.  I think we all have chances in life to teach.  What makes a teacher truly great is that they teach by the Spirit.  They teach with compassion and kindness and love.  They teach with stories and humility.  I think they teach like the Savior.
Some of the very best teachers that I have ever had, were not rich or learned.  They were humble.  They were kind.  They were Christ-like.
It didn't even matter what religion they were, they were the ones who loved everyone, even if you weren't popular or didn't understand.  Even if you asked lots of questions and had lots of comments.  They were kind and caring.  They believed in me and taught me to believe in myself.  They taught me to be more than I thought I could every become.

Teach your children that strength 

doesn't come from what you can do,

but from overcoming the things 

you thought you couldn't.

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Not Perfect

God is fully aware

That you and I are 

Not Perfect.

Let me add,

God is also fully aware

That the people you think

Are perfect,

Are not.

And yet, we spend so much time and energy

comparing ourselves to others - usually comparing

our weaknesses to their strengths

...As a result, we never celebrate our good efforts

Because they seem to be less

Than what someone else does.

Deiter F. Uchtdorf

I hope today, that we each celebrate our own strengths.  Our own efforts.  Our own successes.  They are there within.  Our Heavenly Father did not send us to this earth without strengths.  He did not send us here to compete against everyone else.  The only person that we should ever compare ourselves to is the person that we were yesterday.  Honor your trials and your journey, and especially honor the overcoming of your difficulties.    

Ether 12:27 And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them.

Looking Sideways

I found this great quote on Pinterest.  I think it is now one of my newest favorites.  It is so easy to look sideways at everything.  It is easy to compare ourselves at our "worst", to everyone else at their Sunday Best.  It is so easy to get caught up in the world.  It is easy to look at beauty and not imagine ever being there.  It is easy for me to see my chubbiest and my grey hair and my wrinkles and not ever see the good qualities that I have taken a lifetime to develop.  
I just need to put on blinders and not worry about what sideways is telling me.  If I look up, the only words are hear are filled with love.  I know that I am a daughter of God.  Love your neighbor as yourself.  Fear not.  You are my sheep.  
There is nothing the the words of God that is designed to make me feel like I am worthless.  Instead, there is so much in the scriptures that reminds me of those things that matter most in my life.  There are so many words that remind me that I am loved.  That I am valued.  That I am His.
So, my challenge to all of us, no matter what we might think of ourselves, is to simple look up.  Stop looking sideways and keep your focus on the One who matters most of all.  

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf has taught, “Disciples of Jesus Christ understand that compared to eternity, our existence in this mortal sphere is only ‘a small moment’ in space and time (D&C 121:7). They know that a person’s true value has little to do with what the world holds in high esteem. … The Lord uses a scale very different from the world’s to weigh the worth of a soul” (“You Matter to Him,” Ensign, Nov. 2011, 20, 22).