Why We Won't Move

 

I love this one.  I have often heard the one about whenever God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window, but I really love the fact that He knows when it is time to get us moving forward and onward toward His good gifts.  I sometimes feel like I am stuck.  Like life just keeps pushing me down and stopping me.  Perhaps, it is more about how I am looking at it and less about what my perception is.  Perhaps it is more about moving forward and less about looking longingly back.

I have had God close so many doors in my life, and except for the time I am actually going through the trial, I am able to look back and understand the blessings that He had in store for me.  I am someone who likes everything to stay the same.  I don't even move the furniture in my house.  I don't try new things well.  I don't like sleeping in unfamiliar places or being with people I don't know.  But how else and I going to get to know new friends and new places if I don't try.  

Our circumstances can totally be a stumbling block or a stepping stone.  It is up to us to look at them from a different perspective and be willing to change.   

Lifting the hands that hang down

I am loving the new changes from visiting teaching to ministering.  I don't know why exactly, but there is just something about the work "ministering" that makes a difference to me.  It is a chance to lift another.  To help those who need help.  To watch over those who are ill or injured or just need a little extra help.  I think I might like it because it is my chance to really help others.  To keep them safe and go the extra mile in service.  For some reason, serving sounds so much better than teaching.  

I love having the opportunity to find ways to serve.  

This week, we had a fire in our area.  Actually, it is still burning and destroying part of my beloved forest.  However, when I found out where it was burning, the first thing I though of was to call those nearest the fire and see if I could help them in any way.  I wanted to make sure they were safe and secure and far away from danger.  

I make a lot of mistakes.  I can't fix everything that I wish I could.  I can't put out a fire that is burning over 22 miles of forest.  I can drive an ambulance and take care of others.  I can offer to help those who need to evacuate.  I can minister to those who need me.  I can lift up the hands that hang down.  

One of the things I have learned is that when I am busy helping others, I am also busy forgetting my own problems and issues.  I also feel better about myself when I can take the time to help those around me.  

I might not be a great teacher, but I can love those who need loving.  I can care for those who need caring.  I can make a difference.  

Born with Potential

 

It was interesting to me that it takes courage to practice any virtue.  Sometimes, I think it is easy to take goodness for granted.  After all, that is the way that we are supposed to be.  However, if you think about it, it can be hard to be good.  It is so much easier to follow the crowd. 

I have been blessed (or unblessed) to see so many examples of "group think".  Where the popular person makes a bad decision and everyone else in the group follows along because they want to be popular too.  They want to be accepted.  They want to fit in.  And, as a person who has been there, I can't blame them.  But, as a mother who has had to watch her children be bullied and left out, I do blame them for that.

Kindness is hard.  It is so hard for kids to stand up and be kind when the "popular" kids don't want them too.  It is so hard to realize that ignoring, making fun of, gossiping, and judging are all forms of bullying.  And if they hear or see their parents doing it, it is even worse.  I am pretty sure that most of them don't even realize how harmful it is for them to do.  And many adults excuse the behavior as "just being kids".  However, I have sat of the side of the parent whose children are being bullied.  I have seen the hurt in their eyes.  I have had them not want to go to church or school to deal with the other children. 

Maybe if we start teaching children that it is courageous to be kind and generous.  Maybe if we teach them that they can be proud of having courage.  Maybe then we can start to change our own little corner of the world. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Faith

 Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?

Mormon 5:23

What it is.

I found this one and it resonated with me.  I think I am guilty of being a person who has definite ideas of how things "should" be.  I know for a fact that when I live too much with the "would have's", "could have's" and "should have's" I am most certainly not happy.  I have decided that that lack of happiness is because I focus too much on how things should be, I am not living in the present, but more in the past or even the future. 
It has been hard for me to find my own "happy" place.  I have to focus constantly on living in the here and now, not next week or next month or even next year.  Raising so many children, it seems as if all the good was just around the corner.  When they are potty trained, when they are in school, when they graduate. 
Too often, I find myself not enjoying the spot right where I am.  I find myself waiting to see what else might happen.  I find myself not living right here.  I find myself in living the "What next" phase of life.  
I am learning that things are never the way I dreamed they would be.  People make their own choices, bad things happen to good people, promises are broken, and sometimes, it is as simple as illness that changes the way you always looked at the world around you.  
I am learning that we each look at life according to our own experiences, our own heartaches, trials, misadventures, and fears.  We look at life the way that we expect it to be based on our past.
As I read the above quote, I am reminded that I survived the past.   It is not longer here to disappoint me.  It is no longer part of my life to hurt me.  I can  hurt from it forever, or learn from it now.  The choice to be happy has always been mine.       

The source of the light

I was really touched by this one.  I have not been able to see a silver lining for a very long time.  Sometimes, it feels as if God cannot possibly be there.  This was a good reminder for me.  My mind knows that He is there, my testimony knows he is there, but my heart can feel very alone sometimes. 
I have learned that we are all going through different "stuff".  Often, it feels like more than we can possibly bear. 
It hurts. 
It hinders.
It blinds us to what might be coming. 
The "stuff" we go through becomes our own mixed up sense of reality.  It isn't our entire existence, but it can certainly feel like it.  It can make everything else feel like a negative in our lives.  The very hardest thing for me during those times is to trust God that it will somehow work out right. 
As I listen to the talks of others, I know that there have been many things that I have not had to go through.  But the things that are on my plate, are more than enough for me.  I used to believe that God never gave us things that we couldn't handle.  I have come to understand that He does.  He gives us many things that are too great for us to bear alone.  Those things turn our hearts toward Him. 
I don't believe that he causes our problems and difficulties.  I do believe that they are caused by three things:  One is our own sins.  Our own decisions when they are the wrong choices can give us pain and suffering. 
Two is the sins of others.  I don't believe that the Lord causes abuse or anger or murder or anything else.  I have learned that He allows us all our free agency and when people make bad choices, it leads to bad things for others. 
Three is sometimes it is just life.  Hurricanes happen, tornadoes, flooding, famine, hardships.  All those things can bring pain and suffering that we are not exempt from. 
I am over simplifying here, but still it remains true.  God does not cause our problems.  He does allow us to go through things that are too big for us to bear alone.  We can choose to turn to Him and know that He is there.  We can choose to believe that somehow, in ways we have yet to understand, the blessings will be more than the suffering. 
He is the source of the light in the darkness of life.  If we turn to Him, whatever happens in the here and now is not the most important thing we will go through.  Choosing Him in the midst of darkness, is. 

What I learned - Gathering the Family of God

Gathering the Family of God

April 2017 General Conference

By President Henry B. Eyring

First Counselor in the First Presidency

 

God the Father wants His children home again, in families and in glory.

 

 

When I was little, I went to many churches.  I believe that there is truth to be found in all of them.  The one principle that I had a really hard time with was the teaching of a vengeful God.  The old Testament type of God that had to keep disciplining his people because they kept falling away. 

Sometimes, I really was scared that there was no hope for me.  That God would take one look at me and send me away from Him forever.  That He would tell me that I am not good enough.  What I loved about President Eyring's talk, is that he reminds us all of how great our Heavenly Father's love is for each one of us.  We were not sent her to fail.  We were sent here to succeed and return to Him. 

"You see, the names “brother” and “sister” are not just friendly greetings or terms of endearment for us. They are an expression of an eternal truth: God is the literal Father of all mankind;"

Now, I should tell you that a large part of the talk concerned Genealogy and  finding our ancestors.  Turning the hearts of the hearts of the children to the fathers.  I am trying to learn to do family research, but right now, I am absolutely sure that my daughters are much better at it than I am.  So, I am struggling to do that. 
For me, I loved the talk most because he mentions a loving Heavenly Father who really does want us to return to Him.  That is such a contrast from the angry God that I grew up knowing.  I love feeling like there is hope in my own journey. 
I love that we were not sent here in the dark.  That each one of us has an innate sense of right and wrong.  We may choose to ignore it, but it is there. 
We may choose not to be gathered "home", but it is a choice we will each make.  It doesn't depend upon our birth.  It depends on our own choices while we are here.  There are millions of Heavenly Father's children who have not had the chance to hear about Jesus Christ and his sacrifice for us.  They don't know anything about the atonement.  But they are not penalized for that.  They also will be given the choice to decide. 
That is what I love about the restored Gospel of Jesus Christ.  It shows me, always and in every way how much our Father loves us, and also how individually He knows us. 
It reminds me, that He wants us to come Home. 

The Face of God

One of my very favorite musicals is Les Miserables.  I love it for the story and the teachings that it provides.  I have seen the movie, the musical and read the book.  It is an amazing story of mistakes, judgments and forgiveness.  This is a line from one of my favorite songs in the musical.  It is sang at the finale with so much compassion and love.  This is the story of a man who steals to feed his sisters children, who is given 20 years in prison for stealing a loaf of bread.  Who escapes and starts a new life when a priest changes the life he was living and gives him the chance to be an honest man. 

For me, it is a story about life and the mistakes we all make, and the judgments we all pass on others without knowing their story.  Sometimes we become so involved in justice, there is no room for mercy.  I believe that mercy doesn't take the place of justice, when we act, we are also choosing our consequences and sometimes those are most grievous to bear.  But I also believe that true change can take place in anyone of us and that our past should not hold us back from the possibilities of the future. 

There is not a single one of us that hasn't made mistakes, and if we could only see others as God sees them, I think we would behold all the difference. 

I Am Not Perfect

I needed this one today.  I am a mom, and grandmom, who wants nothing more that to surround my children with perfection.  I want to be there when they need me, I want to know the things I should say.  I want to know the right thing to do in every situation.  I want my children and grandchildren to never, ever have to endure some of the things that I have had to.  In short, I want every single part of their lives to be better than the life that I have lived. 
It is so very difficult to watch your family have to endure the hard things.  It is so very difficult to have them not listen or pay attention to my stories of the past.  It is really awful to have them say, "It turned out alright for you, so I should be fine".  I just never imagined the amount of excuses that I would hear for my family making the wrong decisions.  I never, ever, imagined that they would still find a way for me to be responsible. 
Life is hard.  No matter how hard we try, Heavenly Father has given each of us our free agency.  He never takes that away, even when exercising that free agency brings heartbreak to your own family and friends.  We live in a world that not only wants everything, they want it right this minute.  Heavenly Father doesn't work in this moment of time.  Sometimes, He needs to wait until our experiences have grown.  He needs to wait until the answer will make sense to us.  He needs to wait until we are ready to listen. 
It is hard to feel alone in the waiting.  It is hard to feel imperfect in a world where you imagine perfection in ever corner.  It really isn't there, but we imagine it anyway, and feel totally incompetent when we compare our broken selves to others in all their imagined perfected glory. 
Funny thing about that though, not a single one of us are perfect.  Not a single one of us are exactly where we imagined we would be.  We are all broken.  We all feel alone.  We all sometimes feel unloved and unlovable.  And that is even OK as long as we can keep in in perspective. 
For the past few years, I have really had to struggle with hating another.  I have had to just learn to breathe when I know her sins.  It has made me angry to think that she still has a temple recommend and that the church does not even know what she has done to those around her.  It is hard, because in her own mind, she is without sin, without fault, without blame.  So she has been allowed to say anything she wants and slander anyone she dislikes.  I would be nice if Heavenly Father would reach out an slap her upside the head.  Seriously!!!
I know he doesn't though.  He needs me to learn to forgive this one.  He needs me to look beyond the moment and find a reason to love.  He needs me to be more Christlike and forgiving.  It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, but oh so very necessary.  Heavenly Father does not tell us to forgive after others have forgiven us.  He does not tell us to wait for and "I'm sorry".  He does not tell us to wait for Karma or fate or anything else.  He tells us that we need to forgive, and if we don't, the greater sin lies against us. 
So I struggle daily in this desire to forgive.  Sometimes, I even come close, but then something else will happen and it all goes straight out the window of my mind. 
I am reminding myself that it is ok not to be perfect.  That that will come with time and prayer and love.  I am reminding myself that there are things that take a very long time to heal.  It isn't easy (Oh how I wish it were), but it is doable.  It will just take more time and effort than I ever imagined. 
I am not perfect, but I can do this.  One moment at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time.  Until at last the anger goes away and I can accept and love Heavenly Father's child for the reasons that He does. 
Remind yourself that perfection does not come overnight, and might not even come in this life, but it will come.  As I pray, and seek and search and find, it comes.  One single moment at a time. 

We all go through stuff

I needed this laugh today.  It reminds me that every single one of us have problems and difficulties.  What might have me overwhelmed and completely underwater, might be just a puddle for you.  None of us are alike.  And, just because I handle my stuff differently than you do, doesn't make either one of us weak or unfaithful. 

I had an experience several years ago that I remember.  I was really struggling with depression.  (sometimes I think that struggle is pretty much never-ending)!   One of the people that I worked with expressed criticism that I could profess to be a woman of faith, and yet not seem to have to faith to view my own world differently.  It was pretty devastating at the time, as I really do try and strengthen my faith every chance I get.  However, I have learned that the amount of faith you have, does not destroy depression and discouragement.  Sometimes it can help you through the process a little bit faster, but it does not destroy it. 
I really have wished and prayed and studied, hoping that somehow faith would overcome this thorn in my side, but the answers have been slow in coming.  This is something that I have struggled with all my life.  As much as I wish I could put it aside, I have learned that it is constantly with me.  Having faith, does not and never has lessoned the depression.  Having faith, gives me the strength to push through even when my head can't see the way.  It gives me the chance to overcome my fears and my nightmares.  It doesn't change the problem, but it does change me. 
We can't judge anyone else by our standards.  What may seem as naught to you, might be a huge gap to me.  What might take all my strength to walk across, might just take you a hop and a skip.  I have learned that my problems are not worse than yours, and yours are not necessarily worse than mine.  Our problems just are.  They are a result of our choices, others choices, or just something that life has given us to endure.  As we struggle through them, we will find the blessings.  Maybe not quite how we imagined, but they will be there. 
I believe that I have a loving Father in Heaven who has not left me here to be alone in my trials, but rather has sent those along the way to give me the courage to keep marching on.  I believe that we all go through "stuff", and that stuff gives us purpose, compassion and understanding.  Sometimes, okay, oftentimes, it is very hard, but still it can be done.  We can get through anything as long as we know that He has us by the hand and does not let go.  We can walk on through Him.  We can make it because of Him.  In our trials, We can become His. 

A Twig of Faith

 

I have learned that choosing to have faith can be hard.  I think, as we grow older and see more things, it becomes harder to choose to have faith.  I remember when I was small, I knew that God would answer my prayers.  And He did.  He took that small twig and made it into a tree.  I would not doubt God.  I could not doubt his answers.  I have been told that I am blessed to believe.  I suppose that might be partly true.  But I know that Heavenly Father knew I would go through hard things in my life. 

He knew that I would need the strength that only faith could bring me.  So I have seen prayers answered (not always in the way I wanted but still undoubtedly answered).  I have felt His presence.  I have felt His love and protection.  I have even been able to escape grave danger, not because of my faith, but because of His blessings.  Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to believe that everything will all work out for the best when we are surrounded by the worst. 

I am a constant worrier.  I worry about things that have happened, things that are happening and even things that just might happen.  Because of that, faith has sometimes been difficult for me.  I constantly have to fight my inner need to KNOW and SEE.  But that twig that was planted when I was small, has led to some amazing moments of faith in my life. 

Heavenly Father works with us in all of our imperfections.  He sees the endless possibilities within our hearts and souls.  He knows how hard it is for us, in this world of quick answers, to trust in His timing.  And so, I hold tightly to the twig from my youth.  I try my hardest to believe that He knows all things.  I anxiously await His growing me to become who He needs me to be.  I let Him plant me where He wants and grow me where He will and as time passes, I bloom and grow, and bloom some more, and my faith continues to grow. 

Heavenly Father works with who I am and makes me into so much more than I ever dreamed.  I don't like the hard things.  I don't like growing pains.  But I do like the person that I am becoming.  And so, I act on the small twig of faith and He continues to grow inside of me. 

He Knows All

I am learning that He knows everything about me.  It is not Him that doesn't accept me, it is that I don't accept myself.  No matter how much I forgive others, I have a really difficult time forgiving myself.  Sometimes I feel like it is all my fault. 
Today, I really needed someone.  I haven't been feeling good, I was very emotional, my heart was aching.  I miss seeing people that I love and taking blame for something that I didn't even do.  Heavenly Father knew how much I needed to know that He remembered me. 
I made a blanket for one of my grandsons and he received it in the mail today.  His mom video taped him opening the box and being so excited about getting a blanket from Grammy.  That short and sweet video was just what I needed to remind me that I am loved.  That I am enough just as I am.  I can't control anything that people want to believe, I can only go forward and do the best I can do. 
He made the stars and the moon above, but He also made my heart.  He filled it with love and with caring.  I think the reason that it hurts so much is because I really do care.  I really do want to make a difference.  I really do want those who I don't get to see to know how much I love them.  I want them to know that they mean the world to me. 
Heavenly Father knows my name, and He also knows theirs.  He know what we each need.  Somehow, what I am missing now is just a short moment in the eternity of things.  It doesn't always seem that way, but I know it is true.  Time can seem like it lasts forever, but it is really very fleeting and somehow things will all be made right in the end. 
He knows my heart and my story and my name. 
That is enough. 

Let it Go

Trying to let go, can be one of the more difficult things to do in life.  I wonder sometimes, if I hang onto things simply because they are what I know.  Do I hang on to the past because I am afraid to move forward?  Or do I hold on just because it is familiar to me?  Is it easier to dwell on the past than to look toward the future?  Is it easier to be angry and hate than to just let it go?

My burdens can seem so heavy to bear.  It is hard to hold them all in, and it is harder still to let them go, but I know it is necessary, for my own well being, for my own happiness, for my own piece of mind.

I have found, that the older I get, the more the past intrudes on my present possibilities for happiness.  Yet, somehow, as easy as it has been in my life to forgive, I am struggling to continue to do so.  I know that forgiveness is the only way for me to be truly happy, but when bad things happen to me, I find it much easier to forgive, than when they happen in the lives of my children and grandchildren.

Burdens can be so heavy.  I feel exhausted so much of the time.  I know that I need to let them go.  I need them to dissolve or fly away somewhere else, anywhere else besides my own head and heart.  And so I struggle just to let them go.  To not hold them tight to my heart.  To not be angry or hurt.  I struggle to give them away.  To forgive. 

I let them go so that I can be free. 

Women of Faith

This one is so true.  Women, throughout the modern world have fought to become more like men, and they have succeeded only too well.  As the years go by, it gets harder and harder to find the differences between us.  I think that is sad.  I believe that being a woman is a gift.  It is an amazing journey.  In all our struggles to be "equal" we have lost our ability and willingness to be different.  We have lost our uniqueness.  In our willingness to gain what we think we need, but have lost so much of what we were.  I will never understand how willingly we have changed from women of God to women of the world.  I wish that every single Daughter of God, could understand how unique she is, how valuable she is, how loved she is.  I will never understand why, as women, we are so willing to judge one another harshly, to put each other down, to criticize and condemn.  We have to stop trying to be worse than we are.  We have to love each other, lift each other up and share each others burdens.  Women of God can never, ever, be like women of the world.  We are so much more. 

Tell them

I sometimes don't tell the things that are in my heart.  I think that it is easy to take people for granted.  It is easy to think they understand me so well, that they know what I am thinking and feeling.
I hold my words inside, instead of pouring them out, from one heart to another.  I keep the good things locked tight, instead of pouring those words and thoughts and feelings into someone else. 
I grew up hard.  I grew up early.  I learned more about the evil in the world than I ever wanted to know.  I learned that wishes never come true and that heartaches are a part of life.  I learned that words are often unkind and that they can give us some of the most lasting hurts.  The ones we never forget. 
I have often thought that because of my own experiences, maybe I have left unspoken way too many positives in the lives of those I love.  I needed to say "I love you" more often and harsh words so much less.  When I think about how much my Heavenly Father loves me, I want to have more patience and kindness for those here who also love me.  I want to never be responsible for leaving words unspoken that should have been said.  I want to make a difference for the positive in their lives.  I want to always remind them that they are loved and needed and have value in this life and in the next.  I never want their hearts to be broken by what I did not find the courage to say. 
So for today, I want to speak words of love.  I want to cherish the amazing people in my life that I call my family.  They are truly the ones who bless my life.  I love them today and always. 

1 John 4:16 
And we have known and believed the love that God hath to us. God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.

Life Lessons

Oh, how I have learned.  Sometimes, I get caught up in the things that are going wrong.  They can be overwhelming.  Then I focus on all the things that have happened and all the mistakes that I have made.  Eventually, I come back to the thought that I have learned from them all.  The mistakes and the hurt are the things that have given me understanding and tenacity.  Life goes on, sometimes up and sometimes down, but never just middle of the road.  We are either running or falling or picking ourselves up from the mud, but I know that I am certainly never bored. 
And so I learn, moment by moment and day by day.  I learn and grow and become someone that I never imagined I would be or could be.  Often, in the darkness of the night, I find myself remembering the child that I used to be.  What happened to all those hopes and dreams?  What happened to all the wishes from dandelions and stars?  My heart has been shattered, my eyes poured tears, my thoughts have been deep and dark, but that little girl has learned, and learned some more.
There have been times when I would have wished for changes.  Times when I cried as if my heart were breaking (and it was), times when I didn't want to breathe or go on or dream ever again.  I have learned to keep going, no matter how rough the road, you just keep walking one small step at a time.  This life is but a fleeting moment of our eternity.  I realize that even more now than I ever have before.  And although there is pain, there is also joy in the overcoming of it.  Although there are hurts, there are also healing and love. 
We can choose to focus on all the bad, or we can choose to embrace the good.  We can choose for the sacrifice not to have been in vain, or we can choose to live those dark moments over and over again.  For me, the past is not worth the price of my present and my future.  I am choosing to let it go. 
I am choosing to look forward instead of back.  I am choosing love instead of anger and hate.  I promise it isn't easy, but I am learning, and that is what is most important after all. 

One side of the story

So many people take sides.  We take sides based on who we like, or who we don't.  We take sides based on what we hear, or what we are told.  We take sides because we only know part of the story.  It is too easy to judge based on which side you hear.  It is too easy to be in the wrong, when we don't value someone enough to listen. 

I love the story of Solomon and the baby.  Two women went before his judgment seat.  They had both had a baby.  One of the babies had died and one lived.  Both women claimed the living baby was their own. 

After some deliberation, King Solomon called for a sword to be brought before him. He decided that there was only one fair solution: the living son must be split in two, each woman receiving half of the child. Upon hearing this terrible verdict, the boy's true mother cried out, "Oh Lord, give the baby to her, just don't kill him!" The woman who lied, in her bitter jealousy, exclaimed, "It shall be neither mine nor yours—divide it!"
The king declared the first mother as the true mother, as a true, loving mother would rather surrender her baby to another than hurt him, and gave her the baby. King Solomon's judgment became known throughout all of Israel and was considered an example of profound wisdom.
Both women wanted to be right, but one was willing to be wrong in order for the baby to live.  King Solomon was able to listen to both sides of the story and reach a fair and just decision.  What an example for the rest of us. 
No matter what we believe, or how much we hurt, or what has happened to us, there are always two sides to every single story.  Often, both sides have hurt and heartache.  When we jump to conclusions and judge, we risk never finding out the truth.  We risk supporting others in their lies and jealousy.  We risk condemning the wrong party. 
How grateful I am that the only person I have to worry about judging me is the Lord.  He alone knows my thoughts and my heart.  He knows my innocence and even my guilt.  He knows everything about me, including why I am the way that I am.  With Him on my side, I don't have to worry so much about the opinions of others.  With Him in my Heart, I know that the truth will someday come out and that, in ways I don't yet understand, All will be well. 
So, for now, my prayer is that we will all learn to listen to the story in it's entirety and not just one side of it. 

A Leap of Faith

I have felt this way so often in my life.  Especially in the past several years.  It seems as if I am tossed and turned by every wind that blows by.  Often, I feel like I can't possibly survive or escape.  I can't find my way out of the darkness that surrounds me.  Sometimes, you just have to trust that somehow, it will all work out all right.  You have to believe that Someone Else, has your best interests at heart.  It can be nearly impossible for me to see and to be patient enough to wait; yet when I do, things change, and I am amazed at the outcome that I never imagined.

Often, those things don't turn out the way I wanted, but they end up being just what I needed.  One of the hardest lessons that I ever had to learn is that God does not take away the free agency of another for me.  He allows all of us to make our own mistakes.  Even when those mistakes affect others in a negative way. 

Eyes refuse to see, lips speak angry words, hearts get broken, and still He lets us make our own choices.  I have learned that the choices of others can be devastating to me.  But just because I hurt, doesn't mean that they don't have the right to choose.  And so I wait, and watch and pray and hope.  Sometimes I even get to see the change, sometimes I have to let it go, but no matter what happens, I get to choose too.  

I choose the power that I give another person to change my life. 

I choose what kind of person I will become because of it.

I choose to forgive. 

I choose who I want to be. 

I choose to follow HIM.   

The Chicken and the Egg

I raise chickens and goats and dogs and ducks.  It is a crazy mixed up world at my house.  But this little thought is so true.  We eat the eggs that our chickens lay, and the life that might have grown from the inside is definitely ended.  But, when our hens are sitting, they stay on the eggs and keep them warm and the chicks hatch by pecking their way out of the shell and into the world.  There life begins. 
I love how this metaphor shows us that great things always begin from inside.  You have to be honest inside, before you can be honest outside.  You have to be happy inside, before you will find happiness outside.  You have to be spiritual inside, before you will find God on the outside.  It is what we focus on inside that really matters. 
They say that you can't sin without thinking about it on the inside first.  You have to desire it and dwell on it.  It makes repentance so much harder.  I think that great things ,and also small things begin on the inside of ourselves.  Life is hard enough.  We are surrounded by bad news and negative behaviors.  If we don't fix ourselves on the inside first, we will be overcome by the forces that are all around us. 

I love the old quote that says:
All the water in the world,
however hard it tries,
can never sink the smallest ship,
unless it gets inside.
All the evil in the world,
the blackest kind of sin,
can never hurt you
one least bit,
unless you let it in.

So today, I am going to try just a little harder to protect the life that is within me.  To protect that spark of divinity that dwells in my heart.  I am going to focus on strengthening myself from the inside instead of waiting for someone else to do it from the outside.  From the inside is life.  Life is a gift from God.  He knew exactly what we would need to be strong and live with him today.   He has made us great from within.  We are His children.  He loves us.  He wants us to be closer to Him.  Perhaps that is really what we need to remember. 

 

Dear Abby

I love this definition of maturity.  I even remember reading it long ago.  Most of it is easy to understand and to do.  Some of it is harder.  I am pretty sure there are those among us who never master it.  For me, the hardest might be to be able to bear an injustice without wanting to get even.  Somehow, in my mind, I want things to be "fair".  I want those who have wronged me and my family to "pay".  Don't ask me what I want them to pay, because I honestly don't know, I just want everything to be fair in my life.
I am trying to reach a point where "fair" doesn't matter anymore.  Where I can trust God to met out justice and mercy in the amounts required for the other person to be able to repent and still know they are loved.  That is important to me.  I know in my own life, that I want a second chance, (sometimes even a 3rd or a 4th).  I know that I seek and want to have forgiveness.  I know how much it hurts to have people believe the bad things about me that they do.  I know, that change is possible for all of us.
It is the wanting to get even part that I struggle with.  Sometimes, I wish that I could open up the head of the offender and put inside the knowledge of what they have done.  Do they know and understand?  Or does it totally escape them?  There is a part of me that believes if they knew, they would stop making those decisions.  They would be sorry.  They would change.
However, in many instances, we have to be willing to accept an apology that we will never get.  We have to love even when we don't want to.  We don't have to like what someone does, but we do need to love them in spite of themselves.  For me, I don't get angry very often, but when I do, it can be difficult to let it go.  My focus right now is on letting go of the anger, and frustration, and the hardness of my own heart.  Letting it go and letting God have the problem.  Letting Him find the reasons to forgive.  Remembering, that no matter how I feel, we are all, each and every one, His children.  Letting Him soften my own heart and fill me with His love.