Becoming Like Him - Day 20 - Fear

For my 31 days of writing, I am linking up over at Heading Home and over at the Nester. There are several of us that are taking the 31 day writing challenge. Kate has suggested that we spend 31 days of Five minute writing. You can use the prompts or write about anything you would like, you just need to write.

I am sharing my journey for 31 days as I strive to become more like Him. My prayer is that you can find hope and peace in my words.

Fears are stories

We tell ourselves.

Today's Prompt is:

FEAR

START

There have been so many things that I have been afraid of.  Sometimes, it is what people think and what they believe.  Sometimes it is what might be happening or being humiliated.  I love the quote above about fear because I have come to find that most fears are actually things that might not come true.  I worry more about the "what if's" than about what is real.
This week, I tried something new.  I put aside my fear of "what if it looks really bad" and took a painting class.  It is only for one evening, and you can choose the night you want to go and the painting that you want to do.  I chose this one!  I know, it doesn't look like much yet, but I did the entire thing by myself.  The teacher showed us the strokes on his painting and I painted mine in about 3 and 1/2 hours.  I was so afraid it would be worse than everyone else's.  I was so afraid that I couldn't do it.  But I did.

This is me, filling in the background on the black and just painting.  I could not believe that it was so much fun!  How long have I denied myself chances to achieve simply because I had too much fear to even try.  Yesterday, I could never have imagined that I could ever do this.  Today I know I can.  

I am planning on doing this once a month for awhile.  It was so much fun and even if it is not perfect, I can at least tell what it is supposed to be.  That is a start, and an accomplishment.  I did something today that was beyond my fear.  As I am seeking to become more like Him, it makes me wonder how many things have held me back because I was too afraid to even try.  He is the one who gave us talents to use and enjoy.  He is the one who sends us blessings and tender mercies to share with others.  As I strive to become more like Him, I am also seeking to overcome my fears and to nurture the gifts that He has given me.

STOP

Memoir Monday - Talent

Describe a special talent you have used to your advantage.

I suppose that the only talent I have used to my advantage is writing.  I never knew how to write.  When I was young, I did not get good grades in English.  I did however, read like a crazy person.  I was reading at college level by the time I was in 7^th Grade.   I wrote for the school newspaper in 7^th grade, but did not do it for High School.  I also wrote poems about things that I felt strongly about.  Funny thing, I found out after my mother died that she even saved some of them.  I never felt like they were very good, but it was nice to know that she thought so. 

When I finally got to go to college, I did not know the first thing about writing formats or how to put together a paper.  I did not know what MLA was or APA.  I did not even know there was a difference.  Imagine my shock when I had certain teachers that wanted it one way, and others who wanted it a different way.  I had a lot to learn.  I took classes in writing.  I learned how to format papers and how to research.  I learned how to write and what to write.  When it came time to work on my Master’s Degree, I even had to write a 5 page paper every single week, along with a 10 to 15 page group paper.  I learned to write. 

Once I had an MBA, then I was able to put that to use and write in my job.  I wrote reports, I did investigations.  I learned how to put the: who, what, where, when, why and how, into everything. 

I learned that I actually like writing.  I like doing investigative reports.  I like interviewing others, I like hiring, I like writing grievances and arguments. 

But the best thing I write is not for work.  I like writing on my blog.  I like finding the positive in my very ordinary life.  I love to share the Love of my Heavenly Father with others.  I know that not everyone believes the way that I do, but I really want to share the personal love of our Heavenly Father.  I hope through writing, that I can help others to see and feel and know some of the things that are most important to me. 

Writing has been an advantage in my work, in church, and even in my family.  I write because it frees my heart from struggle.  Writing gives me wings of words to carry me on and to send a little hope to others.  Writing lets me work through my hurt and through my lack of understanding.  It is a way for me to express how I am feeling and even why I am feeling that way.  Some of my writing is dark, but most of it looks for the sunshine behind the clouds.

Someday, I dream of writing a book.  Interestingly, as much as I love fiction, that is not what I want to write.  I want to write something that reminds others that they are better than the think, that they have more than they could ever imagine, that they are loved more than they can possibly believe.  I want to write something that leaves people with the knowledge of who they are and whose they are. I want to write something that makes a difference in the lives of my own posterity.   

Words on a Page

by Patricia A Pitterle

Words on a page, flowing forth 

Good and bad, all in a row.

Each sentence now becoming clear  

With words that make them flow.

Sometimes, life throws obstacles

Like rocks, along the way.

The words I write will help me know

The darkness isn't where I'll stay.

I keep searching for the positive,
Hidden here along the trail.
He suffered too, I'm not alone

and His love never fails.

He won’t stop protecting me,
He won’t forget I’m here.
He knows all about me.
He knows I need Him near.

And so I keep on writing
Words of truth to help me see.
His love burns within my heart
His hands reach out to me.

I have seen His miracles,

And I have felt His grace,

He holds me tight within His arms

Safe in His embrace. 

Now it is your turn.  What talent to you have in your own life?  Don't forget to link back up and share.  

Killing A Dream

It only takes one negative thought 

to kill a dream;

Remember that next time.

We have all had unfulfilled dreams in our lives.  We have all had wounds that refused to heal.  A few years ago, my daughter was in a dance class.  She was not built for dancing, but she loved it.  She really wanted to do it.  Dancing was a sport that she liked to participate in.  She was so excited to go every single week.  Then one week, the girls were in a particularly negative mood and told her that she was too fat to dance.  

That was the end of her dream.  Nothing I said could change her mind.  As far as she was concerned, if her "friends" told her that she was too fat to dance, than she was just too fat.  She refused to sign up for dance ever again.  She refused to go.  She refused to even try.

It has been a long road for us with her damaged self esteem.  She has tried other sports now, mind you, she doesn't like those ones either, but she tries.  She has lost a lot of weight and can pretty much do anything she wants to these days, but in her eyes, she still sees the child that is "too fat to dance".

I think that we can so easily be guilty of killing someones dreams.  Whether it is in a name we call them, or just our unbelief, we can take away their enthusiasm for that dream.  We can change them inside into someone else that we never wanted them to be.  

We can take someone who has just not grown into her body yet and make her someone who will not dance.  Someone who stands on the scale several times a day.  Someone who worries constantly about what she eats and how much she eats and how healthy it is.  

We can take away a smile and a dream.  Such a lot of power to wound is in our hands.  Please, please, please, don't let it be in our hearts.  

Music is a Blessing

Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Graves disease.  This is a thyroid disease that makes your thyroid over active.  I had too much thyroid hormone in my blood and it had some pretty severe symptoms.  The symptom that was most concerning to my doctor, was that my heart rate was over 180 beats per minute when I was at rest.  I was exhaused, scared, and really, really sick. 
The worst part (for me) was that I had a goiter that was over my vocal cords.  The goiter messed with my voice so that I lost my ability to sing.  I have never been a professional.  But I must admit, that I love music.  I have sang for most of my life.  I have sang in church, at weddings, for funerals, for fun, at events, and I have sang to every one of my children as they were growing up. 
When I ended up with Graves disease, I also lost my ability to sing music.  I went from having a three octive range to about a six note range.  After I got the thyroid disease treated when the problems did not decrease, I went and saw a specialist that looked down my throat to decide what treatment to take.  He told me that I would need to decide what I wanted to do.  The goiter was located around the voice box and if he did surgery I stood the risk of losing my voice completely.  I was heart broken.  The one thing in my life that I loved, I could not longer do and the doctor told me that I would probably never be able to sing again.
Well, time went on.  The goiter is still there.  If you know me well, you can see it as a slight bulge on my neck.  I did not sing for over three years.  Then one day, someone asked me to sing.  I spent weeks working on that song.  I did exercises.  I memorized.  Most of all, I felt the song in my heart.  I chose a song that did not have a large range, but it was a song I could do.  I ended up with so many comments on that one song, that I have been asked many more times since to sing.  I have gained back almost three octives of my range.  I do not have the range that I used to, but I am not that far from it.  It has taken nearly eight years for me to get to the point I am at today. 

I have learned that when God closes a door in our lives, He always opens a window, but sometimes we spend so much time looking back at the door that we don't see what He has really offered us.  I learned many life long lessons from this experience.  The first was the blessing of healing.  Although my body will never be quite what it was, it does work well and gives me many opportunities for joy. 
I learned that I could survive without something that I thought meant everything to me.  I learned to find other talents and other abilities.  I also learned how much my Heavenly Father loves me.  I have learned that each moment is a gift.  We have to share our talents and abilities with those around us because we never know when that will change.  I have learned to dig deep within myself and try harder.  I have learned that if I trust in Him, He will always bless me.  It is not always the blessing that I would choose for myself, but it is better than I ever dreamed.
 I never would have imagined eight years ago that I would be singing with my thirteen year old daughter in a College Choir.  That we would use this opportunity as a bridge to teach and support and love.  I would never have dreamed that I would receive this gift at this time in my life to help her. 
I have learned that the hardest thing to say is, "Not my will, but Thine", and not just to say it, but to mean it with my whole heart and soul.   

Talents

Talents 
by Patricia A. Pitterle

My book room is filled with books.
Many are old and well worn,
Friends that I have enjoyed throughout my childhood.
Testifying of hands which pick them up
To be read again, and again.

Some are more recently read
And their pages have been creased
Only once or twice.
Still others,
Are used simply as points of interest

And there are yet a few
Whose covers still creak when they are opened
For they, haven't been used at all.
Their lessons and enjoyments
Are still hidden from my view.

People are like my book room.
The books within represent the talents within themselves.
Some are old and well worn
Testifying of much use that has brought joy
into the lives of others.

Some are more recently developed
And have only been used
A few times.
We have not yet discovered the confidence
In our own abilities to use them.

Others are used simply as points of interest,
Few and far between, their depths are still, as yet, unexplored.
Still others have never been used at all.
The benefits and knowledge contained within
Are still hidden from our view.

Each of us is like a book room.
With talents developed
Used, unexplored, And hidden.
It is up to each of us to discover
Those gifts within.

I wrote this many years ago.  I was learning that there was much more to me than I ever thought possible.  Sometimes, it is easy to look at others, see their many talents, and wish that we were just like them.  But Heavenly Father is much wiser than that.  He has given each of us the talents we need to return to Him.  Instead of focusing our attention on the things we don't have, perhaps we should turn our hearts toward discovering what we have been given and finding ways to use it to help others in our lives.  So, take a good look at yourself and discover the talents that He has given you!  What really makes you shine?

Is it all about "ME"?

 "Sing unto the Lord; for he hath done excellent things; this is known in all the earth. 
Cry out and shout, thou inhabitant of Zion;  for great is the Holy One of Israel in the midst of thee".   2 Nephi 22:5-6  

We had an interesting weekend.  A few weeks ago, my daughter and I were asked to sing at the local "Sing and Celebrate" community event that is hosted every year by the Methodist Church.  We invited a few people to come to the event.  It is something that the kids really enjoy every year.  The music is fun and upbeat and it is all about the Savior.  One of the people that we invited stated that they did not like it because it was the same thing every year.  I told them that we have been going for the last several years and that it was all different and had different people every year.  This person than said, "If they want me to come, someone needs to invite me".  Miracle and I both said that we would love to have them come.  This person replied, "No, I only come if I am invited to perform."
I thought about that and I have to admit that first I was a little bit "miffed" about the attitude.  Then, I got over it and just felt genuinely sorry that someone would refuse to attend, simply because they were not in the show.  I am sorry for what they missed by choosing to have that attitude.  We have been here for four years and this is the first year that we have been asked to perform, although we have attended every year.  We have always watched others with enthusiasm and enjoyment.  It is one of the things the girls look forward to and a way to help bring our community together, no matter what the individual beliefs are. 
There were several people who were amazing last night.  One was the Lutheran minister.  He also teaches my girls (and myself, although I think I may be his biggest challenge) to play piano.  He did some amazing numbers.  Everyone of the girls loved the piano, because they finally appreciate how difficult those pieces are to play.  They all looked at each other and said a reverent "Wow!"  I told them that my dream is that someday they will play like that!  They let me know that I am crazy!
Miracle and I sang in the middle of the program.  She was wonderful.  We received so many compliments.  Many people could not believe how grown up her voice sounds.  She is quite the little singer and this year in College has been one of the best things that has ever happened for her. (Can you tell that I am so proud of her?).  The program ended with the barbershop chorus.  This is an all man group that sings in a city 45 minutes away.  They were so wonderful.  They sang completely without accompaniment and did it on tune and in harmony!  I loved the evening.  This year was so good.  They had many people that I have not heard before and they had so many different types of talent.  It was an evening of sharing and rejoicing in the gifts that Heavenly Father sends to His children. 

Are there things in our own lives that we choose to miss because we aren't involved in the performance?  Do we find excuses not to read the scriptures, because they weren't written about us?  Do we find excuses not to go to church or class because we are not the one speaking or teaching?  Many of the things that happen in our lives are not about us.  Sometimes we need to put those things in their proper perspective. 

We are each here to bear one anothers burdens, mourn with those who mourn, comfort those who stand in need of comfort, cheer up the sad, and gladden the hearts of our brothers and sisters.  We are each here to share the joys and the sorrows with each other, to share our talents and our testimonies, and yes, we are even here to sometimes clap and cheer others on in their pursuits.  We do those things that all may be edified and encouraged in their journey.  We cannot return to our Heavenly Father all by ourselves.  We need the encouragement and understanding of those around us.  We need to both, follow the examples of others and be examples to those around us, as we progress and come closer to our Heavenly Home.
 

Me and my Miracle

Lift Up Your Heart
by Sally DeFord

Lift up your heart in faith, for God is ever nigh you
Eager to bless his children
Mindful of every child
Lift up your heart in prayer, for God will ever heed you
Seek him in every sorrow
Find him in every need
Lift up your heart through tears of grief
He will give you peace
And heal you

Lift up your heart in praise of Him who hath redeemed you
Praise his unfailing mercy
Praise his unchanging love
Lift up your heart, for by his might
He doth guard your path
And guide you

Lift up your heart unceasing
Praising the Savior's name
Lift up your heart for he hath ransomed you
Lift up your heart for he doth succor you
Lift up your heart for he doth offer you
A crown of everlasting life.

It makes me shiver!

Anyone who knows my family and myself, knows how much music means to us.  My sister and her children sing, and both my brothers also sing.  My children did not stand a chance against a mom armed with a love of music and a will to work with them and teach them to love it to!  We have many stories about music in our family.  We play musical games, we make pretend musical instruments, we listen to CD's and we watch musicals.  My father even plays the saw!  (Yep, you heard right, that tool that you use to build a house!)  And I must admit, you have never heard Amazing Grace sound as lonely and melodious, until you have heard him play it on that toothy instrument.

My children have been singing in church since they were very small.  They are all good and I love singing with them.  Usually, they sing the melody and I sing the harmony or descant.  Recently, one of my younger daughters has discovered that she also loves the intricate harmonies of music.  She just lights up when she sings it and she has a talent for singing the right notes.  Now, the little sisters sing the melody and she takes the descant and I sing harmony.  It has brought us all a lot of enjoyment.  (As long as dad does not have to sing with us!)  It is something that we can do together and it is something that brings others enjoyment when they are listening to us.  Sometimes, it can be very difficult for me to find just the "right" song.  I once spent over 30 years looking for an arrangement of a song that I heard the Utah children's chorus sing!  I finally found it last year, and my daughters and I performed it for our ward and a couple of other wards in our stake.  My daughter, Miracle, sang a duet with me last Sunday.  A few weeks ago we were asked to sing.  I spent a lot of my time finding a perfect song, and finally settled on an arrangement of "Jesus the very thought of thee" by Sharon Austad Bagley.  I love her music and found this particular piece on her website.  It has always been one of my favorite hymns.  

I found the sheet music with a musical track to play so that we could both hear how it was supposed to sound.  I played it for Miracle to see what she thought about it.  It brought tears to her eyes.  She said, "Mom, I really want to sing that. It makes me shiver!"  We had a great discussion about the spirit whispering to our hearts and letting us know what we should do.  She is an amazing young woman who really wants to choose the right and do good things.  We practiced the song and sang it last Sunday.  It was beautiful!
So, what are the things in your life that "make you shiver"?  What are those things that happen to you, that make you sure it is from the Spirit?  I have found that if I take the time to recognize and acknowledge the spirit in my life, I feel it more often.  I also seek it more often.  I have found that music can help me feel the spirit when I am struggling.  Good music touches my heart also and makes me shiver!

Jesus, The Very Thought Of Thee,

Text by Bernard of Clairvaux, Music by John B. Dykes,

arrangement by Sharon Austad Bagley

Jesus, the very thought of thee

with sweetness fills my breast;

but sweeter far, thy face to see

and in thy presence rest.

Nor voice can sing, nor heart can frame,

Nor can the mem'ry find

a sweeter sound than Thy blessed name,

Oh, Savior of mankind.

Oh, hope of every contrite heart,

Oh, joy of all the meek.

To those who fail, how kind Thou art!

How good to those who seek.

Jesus, our only joy be Thou,

as Thou our prize wilt be;

Jesus, be Thou our glory now,

and through eternity.

Jesus, the very thought of Thee

Now, my daughter and I have been asked to sing in the community night of  "Sing and Celebrate".  It is at one of the local churches and many people in the community attend.  So, I am, once again, looking for just the right song.  Hopefully, it won't take me another thirty years to find it!  If you know of any that "make you shiver" don't be afraid to let me know!  We just might sing it!

They came because they loved me

We all have times in our lives when we feel alone or lonely.  We all have times of difficulty and trial.  We all hurt and are afraid.  It can be hard to remember that our Heavenly Father often works through us to heal the pain of another.  Do you follow the promptings that you feel?  Do you pick up the phone when you are impressed to call?  Do you visit the lonely, the needy or the sick?  Sometimes, it can be so hard to get what we think of as "the little things" done in our lives.  It can be hard to understand why we need to "be there" when there are so many other places we need to be. 
I sing in the community choir and we went to a care center to sing Christmas carols.  It was on a Sunday evening in December, and that is always a really busy time for me.  I really wanted to not go.  I had to stretch my schedule and attend the Piano Recital than drive forty minutes to Snowflake to sing.  Miracle came with me.  We barely made it in time for the concert.  We sang for the elderly.  They were so appreciative of our time and efforts!  Afterward, Miracle and I went around the entire room, talking with each individual.  They were so warm and grateful.  It was an inconvenient thing to do, but it was so worth the little labor and time that I had invested in it.  
You were chosen for this day and in this time because of your unique talents and gifts.  We live in a busy, fast-paced world.  There is so much noise going on around us that it becomes easy to ignore the good that needs to be done.  You can make a difference right in your own little corner of the world.  You can change someone else's life for the better just be being there when you are needed.  I want to bear testimony to you of how important those little, everyday things can be.   Of how much you have to offer, when you truly offer yourself. 

Here are a couple of my favorite quotes on this subject.  

One really powerful statement from an inactive sister who was visited monthly "without fail"  was this:  "They didn't come because they would get blessings or heavenly points...They came because they loved me." 

 “We must cherish one another, watch over one another, comfort one another and gain instruction that we may all sit down in heaven together.” - Lucy Mack Smith

So, what are you doing for your fellow sisters or brothers?  What are you doing for your neighbors or your friends.  I want you to know that you don't have to do everything.  Maybe, try to add just one thing today that is for someone else.   Take one moment to make a difference.  Remember, it really is the little things that mean the most to those around us. 
I can't tell you how much it meant to call my home teacher and have him come help clean out the flood in my garage.  I can't tell you how much it means when my visiting teachers come by, even for a moment.  (I know that I can be the world's hardest woman to visit!)  I can't tell you how much it means when my children come to visit me and stay at my house (even though they are allergic to the cat!).  It really is not about doing big things for people.  It is mostly about the simple act of being available and listening to the promptings of the spirit in your life.  You can do it!  I know you can.

Whenever I'm disappointed with my spot in my life, I stop and think about little Jamie Scott. Jamie was trying out for a part in a school play. His mother told me that he'd set his heart on being in it, though she feared he would not be chosen. On the day the parts were awarded, I went with her to collect him after school. Jamie rushed up to her, eyes shining with pride and excitement. "Guess what Mum," he shouted, and then said those words that will remain a lesson to me: "I've been chosen to clap and cheer!"

May we each enjoy the times when we are chosen to clap and cheer!