It Starts With You

 

 

This one is hard for me to remember.  Sometimes, I feel like it is Someone Else's responsibility to make sure I am happy.  My head knows that is wrong, but my heart wants it to be true. 

I found a great quote yesterday that says:  "Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they never stopped to enjoy it!" 

That is very much me.  I don't stop and smell the roses as my husband would tell me.  I just kind of go along trying and failing to get everything done and make everyone else happy.  It hurts me when I can't make it happen!  I get so busy with everyone else, that I forget to take the time that I need for me.  

Fighting depression and anxiety is a constant struggle.  I want so much to BE happy, but I go about it in all the wrong ways.  I spend way too much time working and surviving and not nearly enough time sitting back and enjoying.  I focus on the getting there, instead of on the journey itself.

I think maybe, my priorities for happiness are just a little bit (OK, maybe a lot), mixed up.  I forget how things don't make us happy.  It really is about what I am feeling inside, and when I am too tired to even enjoy the fruits of my labors, how can I ever think to find happiness.  

So, here I am, taking a deep breath and moving on.  

Happiness seems so elusive when we are getting down and dirty with life.  Just when it seems that I will move forward, I sink into a hidden puddle and end up sliding back.  Life is unpredictable.  It is hard.  It is lonely, it is rough and rowdy and really, really messy.   But I also know that it is possible find those little, sparkling gems of happiness in the middle of the mud. 

I have to find them inside myself first.     It sounds so simple, but is in reality pretty hard.  I have to look past the darkness and find those bits and pieces that can bring me joy.  I have to live in the present moment, instead of the future and the past.  I have to let go and trust that everything is in His hands and that He has my back. 

I have to believe that I am lovable and worth loving.  I have to believe that I am worth some tiny spark of happiness.  I have to believe that there is good within myself. 

I have to take time and make time to be happy.      

Wordless Wednesday - Wrestling with Alligators

A single photo 

– no words –

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Letting Go

 

I forget to find joy in the moment.  I have an entire laundry list of Should have's and could have's, but I really need to figure out how to burn that list and come up with all the things are really ARE. 

When I was young, I really wanted to be a doctor, but life stepped in and I became a mother instead.  I am not sorry for a single moment of not doctoring that happened.  I am sorry that that dream took me so very long to let go of.  I started going to school to be a nurse, but found myself in the position of being a single mother instead.  So, I went to work.  I have waited tables, been a nursing assistant, delivered papers, taken pictures, been an EMT and even been a telephone solicitor.  I have done anything and everything that I could to support my family and raise my children. 

But I have never let go of the should have's and could have's.  Perhaps it is time now. 

I love my EMT job.  It doesn't really pay, but it is truly a job of love.  I love being able to help people who are hurting and see direct results because I get them to the care they need.  I love my family.  I have been able to raise and love my children.  They have become adults that I can be proud of.  They are truly better than I have ever been, and that is all I could ever ask for.  I think that my life looks exactly how it is supposed to.  It might not be the way that I imagined it, but it is a life that I can celebrate.   

 

2 Nephi 2:25    Adam fell that men might be;
and men are, that they might have joy.

Heavenly Father did not send us here to be miserable.  He wants us to be happy.  He wants us to have joy.  He wants us to celebrate the good things in our lives.  He wants us to celebrate our blessings.  I love that He is mindful of our happiness.  I love that He wants us to be positive about our lives.  So today, I am going to trust that He knows exactly who I needed to be and that all these experiences shall be for my good. 
Today, I am letting go of the past and moving forward toward a new future. 
Today, I am going to find my joy. 

Wordless Wednesday - Makes me smile!

A single photo 

– no words –

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

To Try Them

I need more patience!  I don't want to have more, but I really do need it.  I am doing better that last year, but still find myself impatient and grumpy way too often.  That is one attribute that is really hard for me to develop.  I am not sure why I am so impatient with things and people.  I find myself knowing what I mean to say, but having others misunderstand it.  Then everyone gets a little bit snappy. 

That is not what I want at all.  I find myself constantly having to explain what I mean so that people don't take it badly.  I am going to try and experiment.  I read somewhere, (I really wish I could remember where!) in the past couple of days about trying to turn your words around and making what you say come out as gratitude to the person listening. 

For instance, when someone complains, tell them thank you for bringing that to my attention, I am so sorry that you feel that way.  It is supposed to defuse situations and reduce misunderstandings.  Hopefully, if I can be successful at it, I will also be developing more patience to go along with the gratitude. 

Revelation 3:10 Because thou hast kept the word of my patience, I also will keep thee from the hour of temptation, which shall come upon all the world, to try them that dwell upon the earth.

I found this scripture and it actually made me smile.  Who doesn't need help with temptations?  I know, right?  We all do, so if we keep the word of the Lord's patience, than He will keep us from temptation.  That is a promise that I really need in my own life.  I know that I certainly don't need more temptations! 

Every gift that He gives me helps me to learn and grow and to develop

even more patience with myself. 

Patience with my own faults and failings.

Patience in His word. 

Patience in His timing. 

Patience in suffering. 

Patience in His Grace. 

Be Ye Doers

It is so easy to get caught up in everything that is going on.  It is easy to put our Christianity, our religion, or even our good works aside.  In today's world, it is way too easy to become self-centered and selfish.  It is also too easy to get caught up in the negatives and forget how many blessings we are given.
I had a hard experience this week.  I was told that everybody in town hates me.  That I am way too mean.  That I make everyone angry.  That they were warned about me when they came here.  It was quite hurtful actually and made me want to lash out and retaliate. 
It can be hard living in a small town.  Sometimes it feels like I am in a bubble and everyone knows my business.  It can also be rewarding.  Several times a year, the community gets together for service.  I love how I feel when my brothers and sisters from every religion meet together and participate in something that has meaning and inspiration for my soul. 
Sometimes I have to balance the bad of a moment with the good that I know is really here.  It can be easy to get caught up in the negative and forget the positive. 
If I am honest with myself, I am probably not always as nice as I should be.  I still react to things instead of thinking them through.  I still make mistakes.  I still get angry.  I still get hurt.  I still want people to see things from my perspective.
We all make mistakes.  We all sin.  We all forget.  That is why it does my heart so much good to remember that I am loved by Him.  I am blessed by Him.  Even when I don't feel like it, He is there and loves me through it all. 
Today, I turned to a scripture in James and it reminded me that each one of us needs reminding once in a while.
 
James 1:22  But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving your own selves.

Sometimes, I think I try too hard to deceive myself. I hear the words that are spoken, but my own habits and responses let me down. I forget to be a doer.  It makes me wonder what I could or should do differently.  What would make me calm instead of angry?  What would make me happy instead of stressed?  What would make me a doer instead of a hearer only? 

I am thankful that He doesn't lose hope in me.  I struggle and I reach and hopefully, eventually, I will achieve what I am looking for.  I hate to even think of praying for patience and understanding, I never have liked the results of that!  But at this time in my life, I think maybe it is time to let go and trust Him.  To have Him help me become a doer of the word so that when others see me, they also feel Him near.  I really want others to feel the love in my heart that I have for them.  I want them to know that they are cared about.  That they are loved and needed.  That they always have been, and always will be His. 

I want to be a doer of His word. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - His Timing

“God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope; they come according to His timing and in His ways. … The promises of the Lord, if perhaps not always swift, are always certain.”

President Dieter F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, “Continue in Patience,” Ensign, May 2010, 58.

Plan A

 

Life never seems to go quite the way we plan it.  I am learning, through my own experience, that is ok.  I used to love to go to Women's Conference up in Utah at BYU.  It is a weekend with speakers who talk about all kinds of things.  I take it pretty seriously and go through the entire schedule to circle the speakers I would like to hear and also back up ones in case the session is full.  It can get crazy there as it seems to me that all the speakers I want to hear, there are several thousand of my sisters who want to hear the same ones.  I can't tell you how many times I have had to go to a class that didn't even sound interesting to me, only to find it was exactly what I needed to hear. 
Life is a little like those conferences.  We go through lots of trials in this life.  Most of us have a plan for dealing with them.  However, if you are like me, often plan A does not even come close to dealing with the problem.  Sometimes, it seems as if I get all the way to plan X or Y before I find something that will work. 
I can get so caught up in my own visualizing of the situation, that I don't take into account what is really needed.  For instance, I get so excited about serving someone, that I forget to take into account others might not want to serve with me.  In my mind, everyone is on the same page.  They all want to do the same things that I want to do.  Of course, that is not true, I just forget and want everyone else to find the same joy that I do in service.  Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.  We each find joy in our own types of service.  We don't all find joy in doing the same things.
I am a planner, and often, when things don't go quite the way I planned for them to go, I get upset and stressed about what is going to happen.  I am not sure that I will ever deal with stress in a positive way, I am trying to see stress as simply more changes.  I keep telling myself that "change is good", right???
Or, if it is not good, perhaps it is good for me.  Nevertheless, much like my experience at BYU, I think that my Heavenly Father knows the things I need to do and He will put them in my path if I will just trust in Him.  He knew I needed to hear those speakers at just that time.  It can be hard to trust when you can't see where the road you are on ends.  It can be even harder to let go and simply believe.  However, I know that He is ever mindful of us.  One of my favorite scriptures, that brings me peace is found in Alma

Alma 36:27
And I have been supported under trials and troubles of every kind, yea, and in all manner of afflictions; yea, God has delivered me from prison, and from bonds, and from death; yea, and I do put my trust in him, and he will still deliver me.

I might not have been in prison, but I have been made a prisoner because of the actions of others.  I know that He is with me and watching over me.  As I look back over the past several years, I can realize that my Plan A, was never His.  He wanted me to work through it, but He did not leave me alone.  Eventually, I got there. 
I have come to discover that, only after our trial, comes the blessings.  Today, I can be thankful that the Plan A's of my life have seldom worked out.  I an appreciate the struggle.  I can recognize the strength I have gained, and I can appreciate the Love that He has for me. 

Let Love conquer

Darn, I did not want to read this one.  Sometimes, I just want to know that I have been wronged.  That someone has not been kind, or loving, or even very nice.  I don't want to conquer my pride.  I don't want to set it aside.  I don't want to feel weak and helpless.  Sometimes, I just want the person that did all the hurting to pay the consequences of their sin. 
But I try and listen when those loving me speak.  I try and pay attention.  And I even know their words are for me.  As hard as it is, these words tell me that I need to let go.  That I am also in the wrong.  There is a scripture that reminds me of this.

Matthew 6:14-15

 14 For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:

 15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Sometimes, I just want to be angry.  I want  to pour oil on the fire and fan the flames.  I want someone to pay for what has been done.  Sometimes, retribution sounds so much better than forgiveness. 

And then I remember the healing that came with His blood.

The power of His Atonement and sacrifice. 

The strength of His love. 

I am content to let the water of forgiveness wash away the fire of revenge. 

I am content to let His Healing was away the pain.

I am content to put in all in His Hands.

Everything you need

This has been a hard thing for me to learn.  I did without for so many years, that I tend to collect things now.  I really don't need anymore of pretty much anything.  I am out of space to put everything and the dust bunnies are ready to run away with my house!!  I think they are on the attack!
Why is it so easy to want the next big thing?  To look forward to tomorrow, or next week, or even next year?  Why do we waste so much of our lives looking for the next moment? 
I can remember saying,
I will be happy when they are all out of diapers.
I will be happy when they can feed themselves.
I will be happy when they don't mess up the house.
I will be happy when I am retired
I will be happy when.............

I am thinking that Heavenly Father doesn't want us to wait to be happy.  He wants us to find things that bring us joy every single day.  They can be simple things, or more complex.  I love the way my Grand children smile and laugh and giggle.  I love the way my teenage girls are learning to help each other and be kinder to each other. 

I love living in the now.

This Christmas, I received one of the greatest gifts I could have imagined.  Christmas is hard for me.  It is the busiest season at work, I usually have a lot to worry about, (money, hours, people, packages, ect....)  It is also busy at the fire department where I volunteer.  People get sick any time and the holidays don't make it any better.  Sometimes, it is even a little bit worse. 
To top it off, my husband loves to be Santa.  He goes to the valley every weekend and does his "Santa Gigs".  He loves it.  However, 7 days a week work, me having to teach his church class as well as the Primary music every week, makes Mom and little bit cranky. 
He has 3 Santa appointments on Christmas Eve and to top that off, a blizzard blew in that evening.  We were not sure that he was going to make it home that night.  We have a tradition for Christmas Eve.  We all open one gift, and that gift is always Pajamas.  The girls decided (on their own with no prompting from me) that they would wait to open their Pajama's until Dad got home safely.  Midnight came around and He was taking it slow up the rim when I got a call for the Fire Department to go out in the storm and drive someone to the hospital. 
Imagine my surprise when I came home at 3:00AM to find my family snuggled up on the couch, sleeping, and waiting for me.  So, we all opened our Christmas eve Pajamas and slept in.  It was amazing. 
Then the next morning the girls (again on their own) decided that we weren't going to open any Christmas presents until their brother got home later that day.  Not once did anyone complain.  We had Miracle and Quinn over, made a nice dinner and enjoyed it as a family and then opened gifts at about 7:00PM. 
All I could think of what that this was Heavenly Father's way of showing me that I have made a difference in my own small corner of the world. 
I love that corner!
I love everything and everyone that are in it.
I love living in the now
All that I have really is everything that I need.

Wordless Wednesday - Posterity

A single photo 

– no words –

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Doing Love Wrong

I had to write about this today.  I can be very opinionated it what I believe is wrong or right.  At least, I can be opinionated within myself.  But perhaps my greatest strength is simply my ability to love everyone.  I believe this.  More importantly, I think my Heavenly Father believes this way.  We are not placed here to be judge and jury over our fellow sojourners.  Only He has the ability to be that.  Only he looks inside and knows everything about us.  Only he knows why we make the mistakes we make. 

Genesis 1:27 "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

I believe every single one of us are made in His image.  That that image shines through us and into the hearts of others when we find within ourselves that little piece of Christ Like love within.  Personally, whether you are right or wrong doesn't matter to me.  I have made plenty of mistakes all by myself that I need to repent of, without worrying about yours. 
In my life, love is a gift that I give to those around me.  Perhaps that is why I take betrayal so very hard.  You are worth loving, no matter what choices you have made.  Whether they are good or bad, whether you are rich or poor, no matter your color, gender, ethnicity or sexual orientation.  You are His and HE loves you always. 
I have learned that people don't always like differences.  I wonder if our differences scare us a little.  I am amazed by that.  I think this earth would be so very boring if we were all exactly the same.  I have experienced those in my own life who are prejudiced against me.  Mostly because I am female or a boss or because of my religious beliefs.  It can be so difficult to be judged for something that means the world to me. 
I have been persecuted and condemned and even told that I was going to go to hell because I did not believe the same way.  It makes me sad.  The God that I believe in is a loving Father, who has my back in all things.  He knows exactly who I am and loves me in spite of myself.  The God that I know is one who loves each of us, no matter what we affiliate with.  He knows us intimately in our grief, sorrows and pain.  He also knows our joys and blessings.  The God that I believe in wants us to have joy in this life.  He wants us to love one another.  To be kind to one another.  To help one another on our journey. 
He wants us to learn to love right.  Without condition.  Without needed to be the same.  Without needing to agree or be right or be wrong. 
The God that I believe in is a God of love and kindness, a God of repentance and forgiveness, a God of peace and joy. 
My hope for today is that we will each strive a little bit harder to love those that are hard for us to love.  Find a little bit of common ground in every sinner and in every saint. 
I believe if we love them, we will find no time at all to judge them, and a lot more time to love Him.   

You are Worth it!

I have done hard things in my life.  There have been times when I could not believe that life was worth living, let alone that  I might ever be worth loving.  For much of my life, I craved love and affection from people who were unable to give it.  I truly felt as if every one that I ever loved eventually turned their backs on me and betrayed me in some way.  It was not a happy way to live, and has pushed and pulled at me right through my life.  Last year, wanting it or not, some things happened that made it impossible for me to ignore what I needed any longer.  I have had to work very hard to help myself and to be willing to get help for myself.  I have had to change, and like it or not, it has been a difficult, yet positive thing. 
I know that I needed that change, although I really have fought against it.  I really struggle to get help for myself, to spend money on myself, to bare my soul, relive the hurt and overcome my past.  I wish the remodeling of my soul was finished, but I know that I still have so very far to go. 
I have told you before that I am a worrier.  I think my past probably made me that way.  It certainly made me strong in some ways, and weaker in others.  I constantly struggle with self esteem and the cruel taskmaster jealousy.  I feel like life is somehow a competition for love. 
Living years with a man who constantly points out the good in my, has gone a long way toward healing the hurt that has always been a part of me.  And, on the days when I just can't seem to get out of bed, he is supportive of that too.  Maybe, the guilt comes from my own need to be better. 
There is a scripture that I love, it is found in Doctrine and Covenants 121:7

"My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;"

When I was younger, it seemed as if the bad times in my life lasted practically forever.  It still seems that way when I am going through a bad place, but this past couple of years have not dragged like the ones before.  There have been things to learn and grow with.  There have been so many parts of me to change.  Time, as hard as it can be, also brings us joy. 
My youngest daughter turned 16 yesterday, and I look back and remember as if it were a blink.  Time has flown when I think of her.  She brings me laughter and joy.  When I work at changing my focus to the happy times, the bad ones don't have such a hold over my heart and do not seem to last as long. 
I saw something on facebook yesterday, and it made so much sense to me.
Those who argue about whether the glass is half empty or half full are completely missing the point. 
The glass is refillable.
That is life.  It is not good or bad, it just is.  There are half full joys and half empty trials, but the glass, the opportunity to live life to the fullest is refillable.  And one of us (including me) can start today and change the ending of our own story.  No matter what trials we have faced or what sins we have made, we can each one, take charge from here on out.  Indeed, that is the only thing we have control of.  Nothing I do will change the past, and nothing I do will change the decisions of others, but I can and I will make my own decisions to be joyful and happy. 
I am worth that.

Sabbath Day Scribblings - New Heart

"Cast away from you all your transgressions, whereby ye have transgressed; and make you a new heart and a new spirit: for why will ye die, O house of Israel?"

Ezekiel 18:31  

 

 

Be Patient With Yourself

 Be patient with yourself!
Those words have become a mantra to me.  I am the person who doesn't care about the sins of another.  It is easy to forgive in most instances.  It is easy for me to believe in the Atonement and sacrifice of the Savior for someone else.   It becomes much harder to believe that it will happen for me.  I really don't understand why I separate myself from others.  Maybe it is because when I look back, I see the person that I Should Have been.  I see the decisions that I Could Have made.  Maybe it is because I look at myself through eyes that want to see perfection, and I always come up short. 
So, I am going to work hard on finding patience for myself and my own short comings.  I know that I am not a very patient person, and perhaps that is the thing that I need most to discover. 

James 1:3 
"Knowing this, that the trying of your faith worketh patience". 

President Uchtdorf, in a talk given to women back in 2011, reminded women that everyone has strengths and weaknesses—that no one is perfect, even those who may seem so.
“God wants to help us eventually turn all of our weaknesses into strengths, but He knows that this is a long-term goal,” President Uchtdorf said. “It is OK that you are not quite there yet. Keep working on it but stop punishing yourself. “
“Dear sisters, many of you are endlessly compassionate and patient with the weaknesses of others,” he added. “Please remember also to be compassionate and patient with yourself.”

So, as I seek to make positive changes in my life, I am seeking to have patience with myself.  I am seeking to forgive myself.  I am seeking to have compassion for the person who has made so many mistakes.  Perhaps the problem is that I want so much to be perfect.  I want to change.  I want the storms to cease and the waves to ebb.  I want to like the person that I have become. 
Satan is so good at telling us partial truths and lies.
He would say, Why try, you will never be enough. 
Lie, we might not be enough now, but with God all things are possible.  And with His sacrifice, we can be enough exactly as we are.
He would say, You have made too many mistakes to ever be loved.
Lie, Lie, Lie.  Jesus Christ Atoned for our sins.  Yours and Mine.  He knows what mistakes we have made.  He knows how badly we want to change.  He knows our minds and our hearts and our doubts and our fears.  He loves us in spite of all those things. 
You are enough.  You are loved.  You are wanted.  You are needed.  You are His. 

You are Amazing - He knows

I wanted to do a series of blogs about how amazing you truly are.  It is easy to get lost in the shuffle of comparing ourselves to everyone else.  It is easy for me to feel "not good enough".  The truth is, that we are all good enough, just as we are.  He loves us right here and right now, at what may be our best moment, or our worst.  He loves us no matter what our past has been.  He just loves us and accepts us with all our faults and failings.  Every single one of us has the opportunity to start right now, and change the course of our history.  We can change the ending of our stories.  We can still become exactly who He needs us to be. 
So, each day, I am going to try to introduce a verse of scripture or a quote that reminds you that you are loved, that you are enough, and that you can do this.  We just have to stop looking over the mountain at where we think we should be and study the place in which we find ourselves right now. 

Matthew 14:27
"But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid". 

What a beautiful verse!  Imagine for a moment, what it would be like to have Christ standing next to you and telling you to "be of good cheer, it is I, be not afraid". 
I am a worrier by nature.  I worry about everything.  As a matter of fact, I actually made myself sick this week worrying about whether or not things were going to be alright.  When I read this scripture, I honestly felt as though Christ were whispering into my own ear!  He was telling me not to worry, not to be afraid.  He has got this, and me, through everything. 
How easy it can be to look at the scriptures and believe that they were written for others.  To think that they are for another time and place and don't apply to our current busy lives.  To recognize, in someone else's life, the need for the words in scripture. 
How difficult it can be to take the teachings and apply them to the here and now world that we live in.  To realize that He loves us equally as much as He loved them.  To acknowledge that we aren't alone and that our lives matter to Him.  So, today, I would like to remind you that you matter.  Be of Good Cheer.  He knows you.  He knows what you need.  He knows that you are hurting.  He knows your pain.  He knows your trials.  And in a very real way, He knows the blessings that you will be given. 
Today, put your hand in His and be not afraid. 

A Twig of Faith

 

I have learned that choosing to have faith can be hard.  I think, as we grow older and see more things, it becomes harder to choose to have faith.  I remember when I was small, I knew that God would answer my prayers.  And He did.  He took that small twig and made it into a tree.  I would not doubt God.  I could not doubt his answers.  I have been told that I am blessed to believe.  I suppose that might be partly true.  But I know that Heavenly Father knew I would go through hard things in my life. 

He knew that I would need the strength that only faith could bring me.  So I have seen prayers answered (not always in the way I wanted but still undoubtedly answered).  I have felt His presence.  I have felt His love and protection.  I have even been able to escape grave danger, not because of my faith, but because of His blessings.  Sometimes, the hardest thing to do is to believe that everything will all work out for the best when we are surrounded by the worst. 

I am a constant worrier.  I worry about things that have happened, things that are happening and even things that just might happen.  Because of that, faith has sometimes been difficult for me.  I constantly have to fight my inner need to KNOW and SEE.  But that twig that was planted when I was small, has led to some amazing moments of faith in my life. 

Heavenly Father works with us in all of our imperfections.  He sees the endless possibilities within our hearts and souls.  He knows how hard it is for us, in this world of quick answers, to trust in His timing.  And so, I hold tightly to the twig from my youth.  I try my hardest to believe that He knows all things.  I anxiously await His growing me to become who He needs me to be.  I let Him plant me where He wants and grow me where He will and as time passes, I bloom and grow, and bloom some more, and my faith continues to grow. 

Heavenly Father works with who I am and makes me into so much more than I ever dreamed.  I don't like the hard things.  I don't like growing pains.  But I do like the person that I am becoming.  And so, I act on the small twig of faith and He continues to grow inside of me. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - the Hands of God

 

I love this scripture.  I need this scripture.  It reminds me that I don't need to worry about everything.  In this time of chaos and despair, He really does have it under control.  He knows what we are going through and He as engraven us in the palms of His hands.  We truly are in the hands of a wonderful, loving God. 

Made my day!

 

So, those who know me, know how very much my family means to me.  My husband and I have eleven children, most of them are grown now, but they are still loved and needed and wanted and cherished.  I love each one of them for themselves.  There are things about each that make my heart swell with love and amazement.  That these special people would be in my life actually makes me cry.  I wish I could share with words how much joy they bring to me. 

 

Today I received a text from one of them.  It said simply:

Oh lady!

 

Love you so much!  Thank you for giving me life & teaching me about life!  I adore you!

 

Such simple sentiments, yet they mean the world to me.  It is a greater gift to receive love and appreciation from my children that anything that money could ever buy.  In this wonderful season of giving and remembering and loving, let us not forget the exquisite joy of simple things done in great love. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What does God Do?

“I recognize that, on occasion, some of our most fervent prayers may seem to go unanswered. We wonder, ‘Why?’ I know that feeling! I know the fears and tears of such moments. But I also know that our prayers are never ignored. Our faith is never unappreciated. I know that an all-wise Heavenly Father’s perspective is much broader than is ours. While we know of our mortal problems and pain, He knows of our immortal progress and potential. If we pray to know His will and submit ourselves to it with patience and courage, heavenly healing can take place in His own way and time.”

—Russell M. Nelson, "Jesus Christ—the Master Healer," Ensign, Nov. 2005, 86

I know what it is like to feel my prayers are ignored.  I know how much it hurts to wonder "why".  I think that I often ask Heavenly Father the wrong questions.  I want Him to direct every single moment of my life.  I am afraid of making mistakes and losing Him in the process.  I know what it is to be scarred and anguished.  I know how it hurts to want healing and feel like I am just not worthy of it. 
It can be so hard to come to Him when everything is going well, and so hard to come to Him when we see ourselves as being so unworthy.  One of the things that I am really working on is coming to Him no matter what.  Learning that His grace really does make all the difference.  I want Him to be my trusted friend.  Someone that I can tell every thing too.  Not just my trials, but my joys as well. 
I am working on remembering to tell Him how very grateful I am every single day.  I don't want Him waiting to hear from me.  I don't want to be the person who only prays when there are problems.  I think it is important to share my joys as well as my sorrows. 
I have been blessed to feel His healing in my own life.  I have seen how He can work from nothing, and change literally everything.  It is amazing to witness His miracles upon the earth.  I have also felt His joy when I am happy, or when I am trying to be.  I have been comforted in the dark places of life.  I have felt His love amidst the pain. 
I am also old enough now to realize that I can't see the bigger picture.  There have been things that happened a long time ago that we horrible at the time.  I could not understand how a loving God could be so unaware.  Now I know that He never is.  He knows each and everyone of us.  Now I see the blessings that come after the trials have passed.  Now I can appreciate that He does know us and love us, even in our tribulations. 
Heavenly healing does happen, maybe not when we want it too, maybe not even in this life.  But I know for myself that my wounds will be healed and the blessings will come.