Thursday, September 30, 2010
Music is a Blessing
Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Graves disease. This is a thyroid disease that makes your thyroid over active. I had too much thyroid hormone in my blood and it had some pretty severe symptoms. The symptom that was most concerning to my doctor, was that my heart rate was over 180 beats per minute when I was at rest. I was exhaused, scared, and really, really sick.
The worst part (for me) was that I had a goiter that was over my vocal cords. The goiter messed with my voice so that I lost my ability to sing. I have never been a professional. But I must admit, that I love music. I have sang for most of my life. I have sang in church, at weddings, for funerals, for fun, at events, and I have sang to every one of my children as they were growing up.
When I ended up with Graves disease, I also lost my ability to sing music. I went from having a three octive range to about a six note range. After I got the thyroid disease treated when the problems did not decrease, I went and saw a specialist that looked down my throat to decide what treatment to take. He told me that I would need to decide what I wanted to do. The goiter was located around the voice box and if he did surgery I stood the risk of losing my voice completely. I was heart broken. The one thing in my life that I loved, I could not longer do and the doctor told me that I would probably never be able to sing again.
Well, time went on. The goiter is still there. If you know me well, you can see it as a slight bulge on my neck. I did not sing for over three years. Then one day, someone asked me to sing. I spent weeks working on that song. I did exercises. I memorized. Most of all, I felt the song in my heart. I chose a song that did not have a large range, but it was a song I could do. I ended up with so many comments on that one song, that I have been asked many more times since to sing. I have gained back almost three octives of my range. I do not have the range that I used to, but I am not that far from it. It has taken nearly eight years for me to get to the point I am at today.
I have learned that when God closes a door in our lives, He always opens a window, but sometimes we spend so much time looking back at the door that we don't see what He has really offered us. I learned many life long lessons from this experience. The first was the blessing of healing. Although my body will never be quite what it was, it does work well and gives me many opportunities for joy.
I learned that I could survive without something that I thought meant everything to me. I learned to find other talents and other abilities. I also learned how much my Heavenly Father loves me. I have learned that each moment is a gift. We have to share our talents and abilities with those around us because we never know when that will change. I have learned to dig deep within myself and try harder. I have learned that if I trust in Him, He will always bless me. It is not always the blessing that I would choose for myself, but it is better than I ever dreamed.
I never would have imagined eight years ago that I would be singing with my thirteen year old daughter in a College Choir. That we would use this opportunity as a bridge to teach and support and love. I would never have dreamed that I would receive this gift at this time in my life to help her.
I have learned that the hardest thing to say is, "Not my will, but Thine", and not just to say it, but to mean it with my whole heart and soul.