Joy in the Journey

This is one of my favorite quotes.  I am really working on it in my own life.  I can get so caught up in living, that I forget there is supposed to be joy in the things we do. 
Without going into a lot of detail, I have gone through some rough things in the past year.  I had someone today tell me that I seemed happier because someone else is not around to hurt me.  I think I am.  I just haven't realized how very difficult it is for me to be around people who suck the happiness right out of me. 
I am someone who always tries to do things for others.  I put myself last.  Usually only when I don't have any reserves left.  Even my councilor says that he doesn't want to see the old me again.  He is afraid that in spite of the amazing strides I have made this year, I will lose it as life reaches out and grips me by the throat once again.  I don't want that to happen. 
I am leaning that there are some things you cannot change.  There are people who are always going to take advantage of me.  There are people who just don't like me and aren't willing to give me a chance.  If I judge myself based on what all those other people think, I will go right back into the cycle of depression and anxiety that I have worked so very hard to get out of. 
I know that I focus so much on serving, I forget to serve myself.  It is really a struggle for me because I end up feeling selfish when I fight for something that I want badly.  I hate feeling selfish.  I really want to help others.  I just run out of energy when I don't do something for myself every once in a while. 
So today, I am going to try harder to find joy in my own journey.  It may be hard, but it is mine.  It may not be exactly what I planned on, but it is beautiful in it's own way.  May we all remember that the finish line is very far away, and Heavenly Father never intended for us to suffer through life without any joy.  We might have to walk between sorrows to find it, but there is always, always joy in our journey. 

Our Job is to Love

Why is it so hard to give those around us the benefit of the doubt?  Why do we compare ourselves to others?  I have been thinking about that one a lot.  I am pretty good about not judging those around me, but not so good about not judging myself, or even my children. 
I seem to live in a place where people decide they are successful or unsuccessful based on the worthiness of their children, or their own professed worthiness.  Like having kids that totally follow the straight and narrow, would make me any better of a person, or a mother. 
Women talk about the things their children do.  How good they are, how righteous they are, how they have done everything right in their lives.  They talk about how all 12 of their children have been to the temple and hold callings.  It is very hard for me to not compare my struggles with their righteousness. 
I have children who have chosen different paths in their lives.  They don't follow the same things that I do.  They have made mistakes.  They have struggled.  They have cried.  They have failed and some of them have overcome.  Some of them are still working on that.  I also have children who have chosen to live good lives, righteous lives.  Who work hard to serve others and who make good choices.  I am proud of every single one of them.  I love each one and rejoice in the things they have accomplished and continue to accomplish. 
I am grateful for the lessons they have taught me.  I am also grateful to my son in laws and my daughter in law for the way they treat my children and the love they have for them.  No matter what their choices have been, each and every one of them deserve love and kindness. 
Sometimes, I feel like I should love the good ones more.  But as a mother, I have learned that I love them all.  Good choices or bad.  Those young adults and teens mean the world to me.  I am equally in love with the people that I know they are.  The funny thing (or not so funny) is that I don't judge them for their mistakes, I judge myself.  I compare myself to those families whose children have not had the struggles that mine have had.  I can't help feeling like there must be something wrong with me that my children would make those decisions, or have those things happen to them in their lives.  No matter how hard I have tried, bad things happen.  No matter how much I pray, bad things happen.  No matter what choices I make, bad things still happen.  I have had to learn that Heavenly Father does not take away anyone's free agency.  None of us really choose what happens to us, but we all get to choose how we react to the things that others bad decisions bring into our lives. 
We are each one of us unique and loved and needed and wanted and cared for.  Each one of us is a rare gift to the world around us.  Let us work harder on not stealing the joy that being unique can bring into our own life as well as the lives of those around us.  Don't steal joy that I know Heavenly Father takes in each one of us.  We are unique for a reason.  Sometimes, it is that very uniqueness that brings joy into the life of someone else. 
To each one of my children and children-in-law, I love you.  You are amazing!!!  You are everything I could have ever hoped for and dreamed of.  You are exactly who I want you to be.  I love you dearly, in all your imperfections and insecurities.  I admire you spunk, independence, and perseverance.   You are Sons and Daughters of a Heavenly Father who loves you more than you can ever imagine. 
You are mine on loan, but you are His for eternity. 

More Faith

 

I love the scripture from Matthew:

“And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”     Matthew 17:20

Just a little bit of faith.  Just a tiny amount, and we could accomplish so very much.  I think that He used the mustard seed specifically for a reason.   It is a very small seed, yet it grows into a very large tree.  I think that if we have even a small amount of faith, the Lord will help it grow within us until we can accomplish many great things in His name.  We have to plant faith through study and prayer.  We need to ponder upon the words and the scriptures.  We take those things into our lives and live as if we have faith.  We start to grow and learn and grow some more.  We come to know Him and as we do, our lives are changed.  We become blessed to see and to live and to become. 
There are so many blessings for each of us in these trying times.  It becomes easy to focus on the one big thing that is wrong, instead of the multitudes of small things that are actually right.  We become blinded by what we are looking at, instead of focusing on the other things that surround us. 
I believe that we all have just a little more faith that we think we have.  We have a little more belief, a little more hope, and a little more love.  Most of us are struggling, right where we are, to do our very best.  To become our best selves.  Many times we feel as if we are failing because we look to others to gage our own success. 
When I focus on where I have been, and what I have overcome in my life, I am amazed at the blessings that God has given to me.  His love and compassion overwhelms me.  It is only when I change my focus to "where I should be", that the doubts creep in.  I know that I "could've, would've and should've" myself right into the ground. 
I am so thankful for a loving Heavenly Father who knows me.  He doesn't compare me to anyone else.  I am loved because of who I am and whose I am.  I am cared for and appreciated.  I am blessed in spite of myself.  Since He loves me, I know that He wants me to succeed in this life.  I am not quite sure what success for me will look like.  You see, I think that is only something that He can judge.  The things that I do, just might look much different than the things that you do.  It doesn't mean that He loves me less and you more. 
I believe, that just as I love each of my children for their own individuality and their own unique struggles and commitments, that He also loves us.  He is a much better parent than I will ever be.  He knows each and every one of us.  He knows our thoughts, our minds and our hearts.  He knows the things we have done, and He also knows the why. 
I think, that as I struggle to find that teeny tiny bit of faith within my heart, I also struggle to become just a little more like Him. 
Perhaps that is what makes all the difference.
 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Daughter of God

"As daughters of God we are each unique and different in our circumstances and experiences. And yet our part matters—because we matter."

—Elaine S. Dalton, "We Are Daughters of Our Heavenly Father", Liahona, May 2013

Women of Faith

This one is so true.  Women, throughout the modern world have fought to become more like men, and they have succeeded only too well.  As the years go by, it gets harder and harder to find the differences between us.  I think that is sad.  I believe that being a woman is a gift.  It is an amazing journey.  In all our struggles to be "equal" we have lost our ability and willingness to be different.  We have lost our uniqueness.  In our willingness to gain what we think we need, but have lost so much of what we were.  I will never understand how willingly we have changed from women of God to women of the world.  I wish that every single Daughter of God, could understand how unique she is, how valuable she is, how loved she is.  I will never understand why, as women, we are so willing to judge one another harshly, to put each other down, to criticize and condemn.  We have to stop trying to be worse than we are.  We have to love each other, lift each other up and share each others burdens.  Women of God can never, ever, be like women of the world.  We are so much more. 

Nothing you can do

There is nothing you can do

to make God love you anymore,

and there's nothing you can do

to make Him love you

any less. 

Oh how I needed this one today.  Sometimes, I have a hard time believing that I am worth loving.  I know all my faults and all my failings.  I know all the mistakes and the hurt and the anger that lives inside.  There is a part of me that has a hard time believing that God could possibly love someone as imperfect as I am. 
Funny thing is, that when I look at someone else, I don't see the same things at all.  I see people who are doing the very best they can do.  I see mistakes that are being overcome.  I see repentance and sorrow and genuine remorse.  I see the possibilities of change. 
I look at my own children and love them so very much.  They mean the world to me.  One of the hardest things to bear is when they remind me of all my mistakes.  (If you have grown children yourself, you will know what I mean, if you don't, well, it is coming!)  I already condemn myself for not being the best parent.  I already know what my failures are.  It hurts more that they remember them too. 
If I could go back and do anything at all, it would be to be a better parent.  I did as well as I could with the knowledge that I had, but I know that I could have been so much better.  I think that we all feel that way sometimes.  The hard part is recognizing that is not the Lord speaking for us.  He truly does love us with all of our mistakes and failings. 
I know that I love my children no matter what type of mistakes they make.  I love them no matter what they do.  I might want them to do better, but I will love them no matter what.  I think that our Heavenly Father, who is a much better parent than I will ever be, loves us even more than I am capable of loving my own children.  It makes sense to me that there is nothing we can do that will make Him love us any more or any less. 
I love the part of this that reminds me, He will never love me less.  He loves me exactly as I am. 
I am not enough by myself, but in Him I will be all He needs me to be. 

Ducks in a Pond

I don't have all, or even some,

of my ducks in a row. 

But they're all in the same pond,

so I've got that going for me, which is nice. 

I have always wanted to be one of those women who had it all put together.  The women I admire are strong and independent.  They are successful in their own right.  They are great mothers and grandmothers.  They seem to know exactly what they want and how to get there.  Unfortunately, I am not even close.

It is one of my largest struggles to not compare myself to other women.  Somehow, when I do, I find myself incredibly lacking.  In my mind, they are just so much better than I am.  I think, to an extent, we all struggle with this one.  We want to be better, we really do, but sometimes life just gets right in our way.  We have waves and tides and sometimes even a whirlpool or two.  Right now, I am in the depths of whirlpool and can't even begin to see my way out.  I know, if I hold on, it will come.  I have faith that it will all work out. 
Like I said, my ducks are at least in the same pond!  Problem is, so is the whirlpool! 
So, as I seek not to judge myself today, let me council with you, that you might not be too harsh a judge upon yourself.  I believe that most of us are simply doing the very best we can at this given moment in time.  I believe that what we are, right this moment, is enough.  I believe that He loves you and me just as we are.  It isn't that He doesn't want better for us, it is simply that He loves us in our own here and now.  He knows who we are.  He know how we struggle.  He knows how much life can hurt. 
I believe that He wants us to accept ourselves and come to Him.  He stands waiting to heal our broken hearts and lift our weary knees.  He wants to share our burdens and bear our pain, but He also won't take it from us if we don't ask.

 ^"Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me".  Revelation 3:20


 

Stand Where it is Shining

A few years ago, we were camping on the Rim and it was pretty cold.  Even with the camp fire blazing, the air was chilly.  One of the girls was complaining about how cold she was, and her bother told her that if she wanted to be warm, she needed to go stand in the sunshine.  So she did, and she warmed up and spent the rest of the day happily playing in the crisp mountain air. 

I wonder how often I forget in my own life, that if I want to feel the light on my face, I need to stand where it is shining.  It doesn't do me any good to stay indoors, or sit in the shade.  If I want the light in my life, I need to bask in it.  I think the Savior works the same way for us.  If we want to feel His light in our lives, we need to stand in His influence.  We need to do what is right, we need to read and listen to His words, we need to obey His commandments. 

We all have times that we question and struggle, He has never told us not to question things, but in with the questions, we still have to be willing to step into His light.  We have to give Him the chance to answer. 

When I think of the way the Savior dealt with questions during His life here upon the earth, I don't recall an instance where he turned anyone away.  He might have sat and thought about it for a moment.  He might have given an answer that they did not want to hear, or that they did not understand at that time, but He always answered them. 

He does the same thing today.  I have received many answers to prayer.  Sometimes the answer is yes, sometimes it is no, and sometimes it is not this moment.  Sometimes I don't want the answer I am given, especially when it is painful.  But there is still an answer if I am willing to hear it. 

He wants to be part of our lives.  He suffered for our sins.  He knows our names.  He loves each and every one of us, but if we want Him in our lives, we have to walk into His light.  When we do, He will be there waiting.  His light will touch our hearts, and bring peace to our troubled minds.  His light will be the light in the darkness that cannot be hid.  It will enfold us in the arms of His love. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Children of God

D&C 46:26 And all these gifts come from God, for the benefit of the children of God.

He Can Make Us Whole

The reality of the Resurrection of the Savior overwhelms our heartbreak with hope, because with the assurance of that truth, comes the assurance that all the other promises of the gospel are just as real. 
We know that He has the power to cleanse our sins.  We know that He has borne our pain, our infirmities, our hurts and our anguish.  He knows about the injustices that we have suffered. 
In Alma we read:

11 And he shall go forth, suffering pains and afflictions and temptations of every kind; and this that the word might be fulfilled which saith he will take upon him the pains and the sicknesses of his people.

12 And he will take upon him death, that he may loose the bands of death which bind his people; and he will take upon him their infirmities, that his bowels may be filled with mercy, according to the flesh, that he may know according to the flesh how to succor his people according to their infirmities.

We know that He has risen from the dead and that He has healing in His winds.  We know that He can make us whole no matter what is broken within us.  So today, in all our sorrow, I hope it helps to remember that He really does know.  ‬

Vulnerable

 

I love Ernest Hemingway. He has a way with words. And he also manages to make me feel like I have virtues instead of vices. I have been wounded so much in my life. I mean, really wounded. I have had physical problems, emotional ones, mental ones and even spiritual crisis in my life. I have felt vulnerable in so many aspects.

I used to wish to be an ostrich, who could hide my head in the sand and not notice what goes on around her.  I wanted desperately not to see the bad and the ugly in the world.  No matter how hard I tried, I always was forced to lift my eyes and see what I was surrounded by. 

Trust me, I haven't always liked it either.  There is so much ugliness in the world we live in.  So many things that threaten our salvation and our sanity.  So much wrong and so much evil.  But, being forced to see has also shown me that there are many things good about the world we live in.  There are amazing, loving people out there.  There are people who stop to help pull my car out of the snow.  There are people who pray for my children and grandchildren, even though they do not know them.  There are people who follow promptings and show up when we least expect them, but really need them the most. 

So, I take comfort is these words, and I know that, deep down, I really am good people.  I love beauty in all its forms.  I have courage and take risks for the ones that I love.  I believe in telling the truth and in doing the best that I can.  I also believe in the commandment to sacrifice.  I am not perfect.  I am so far from it that at times, I am very discouraged.  But I am a daughter of a loving Heavenly Father.  I may be vulnerable, but through Him, I will not be destroyed. 

What I learned - I am a child of God

The soul that on Jesus 

hath leaned for repose

I will not, I cannot, 

desert to his foes;

That soul, though all hell 

should endeavor to shake,

I’ll never, no never, 

I’ll never, no never,

I’ll never, no never, 

no never forsake!

This talk was good for me in my present time.  I think that it can be easy to forget who we really are, and where we come from.  We are surrounded by a world that is filled with busy things.  It become easy to focus on those things instead of who we are.  I loved how Elder Hailstorm asked the questions: 

"When difficult things occur in our lives, what is our immediate response? 

Is it confusion or doubt or spiritual withdrawal? 

Is it a blow to our faith? 

Do we blame God or others for our circumstances? 

Or is our first response to remember who we are—that we are children of a loving God?

For me, I find myself blaming.....well, myself.  I rarely point fingers at others.  Instead of having doubts, or blame or sacrificing my faith, I usually sit and think about what I should have done, or could have done to change those difficult things.  Somehow, without anyone else pointing fingers, I find myself questioning my own thoughts and actions.   

It isn't a blow to my faith, it is a blow to my own worth.  

So, this week, I am working on remembering that I am a Child of God.  That He loves me, exactly as I am right this minute.  That my sins are forgiven and that He knows my name.  

This week I am working on my immediate response.  I am working to ensure that I  remember who I am, where I am from and where I am going. 

Give God Your Weakness

Easy to say, not so easy to do.  I see my own weaknesses.  They seem huge to me and so very overwhelming.  They are not something that I want to keep, and yet I seem to hold tight to them like they are priceless heirlooms.  Why is it so hard to let go of those things about myself that I don't even like?  In my mind, I don't want to keep them.  I want to turn them loose and let them go.  I want to turn the over to Him. 

Yet, I think there must be a part of me that clings to the old because they are familiar and even comfortable seeming.  They are like well worn shoes.  Not fashionable at all, but familiar and easy to wear.  Maybe it is better the weakness that I know than to risk appearing even weaker with something that I have never tried. 

All I know for sure is that it is so very hard to give them up to Him.  I wonder if I own weakness like it is a part of my very self.  I think I want to let it go.  I think I am ready, but then, I am like a child and try and hide the weakness behind my back and hope He doesn't see. 

Silly of me, He sees everything, but He leaves me to it and waits for me to let it go.  I am learning that part of letting go is to put my trust in Him.  To be willing to turn something loose, for something else that I can't see yet.  It is to be ashamed, and be willing to not hide it anymore.  I have a hard time with things that I am ashamed of.  They haunt me like yesterdays that I can't quit having nightmares about. 

Shame is something that is hard for all of us.  It gets inside and doesn't let us go.  We keep reliving and yearning for something that we never knew.  But, the thing is, He already suffered for our shame.  He already forgave us of the sins that we committed.  He already knows all the reasons that we feel the shame.  He knows, and He loves us anyway.

I haven't figured out why it is so hard to turn over my weaknesses.  I know that He loves me, I know that He already knows all my secrets.  I guess, I just don't want to see the disappointment in His eyes, or feel it in His actions.  Heaven knows, I feel it all the time. 

Part of this life is in learning to trust, to believe His words, to find the faith to go forward instead of back.  It is to know that He will give you strength.

One of my favorite scriptures on the subject is found in the Book of Mormon. 

“And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them” (Ether 12:27).

His grace is sufficient.  What a marvelous promise to us.  His grace.  I can let go of weakness for His grace.  I can let go of fear and shame.  I can find my strengths through His grace.  I can do all things through Him.  It is enough and more.  I am never alone. 

Venting

 

Ouch!  Yep, this one just might be for me.  I have been having a hard time with forgiveness lately.  There are people in my life who have done their very best to make sure that I "pay" for what they perceive are my wrongs.  Problem is, they are not my wrongs.  So, I end up dealing with something that should not be mine to deal with and many, many other people get hurt.  So, I keep asking myself, does Jesus still love them?  The answer would be a resounding, yes. 

As a mother, I know that I love my children no matter what choices they make, no matter what trials they go through, no matter whether I agree or disagree with their life style.  I also know that loving them and accepting them is part of my calling.  I know that Heavenly Father expects that of me.  The problem comes when I am dealing with people who are not my children, who I trusted and cared about, and they manage to find the worst possible ways to hurt me and my family. 

That is really, really hard to forgive.  But having met Brother Cook, I know that he really believes we need to be more Christ-like in our lives.  We need to be less judgmental and more forgiving.  We need to become more like our Savior.  So, as hard as this lesson is to learn,  I know that I cannot vent that anger to others. 

I know that I need to conduct myself more like Christ did every single day.  I know that He did not condemn, even when people walked away, even when they mocked, even when they called for His death and imprisonment.  He loved them through their own anger and weaknesses.  He loved them in spite of themselves. 

I am not perfect, but the more I seek to become like Him, the more I feel impressed to behave likewise.  It is not enough to not say anything.  It is not enough to simmer and keep it all inside.  Somehow, I really need to learn to let it go and Love them anyway.

Remember that Jesus Himself was despised and rejected by the world.  In the Book of Mormon we read about Lehi's dream.  In that dream, those coming to the Savior also endured “mocking and pointing … fingers” (1 Nephi 8:27). “The world hath hated [my disciples],” Jesus said, “because they are not of the world, even as I am not of the world” (John 17:14). But when we respond to our accusers as the Savior did, we not only become more Christlike, we invite others to feel His love and follow Him as well.  We set the example.  Maybe right now, they can not see, or don't want to see, but someday, I have to believe, they will. 

Sometimes, true disciples must show Christian courage by saying absolutely nothing at all. 

And that can be very hard indeed. 

 

What I learned - Where Two or Three are Gathered

If you listen with the Spirit, you will find your heart softened, your faith strengthened, and your capacity to love the Lord increased.

I love General Conference, for those of my friends who are not LDS, it is a weekend filled with spiritual nourishment.  Talks that help me get through my life.  No matter what I am facing, there is always some hidden gem inside the talk for me.  I decided that once a week, I will share some of the things that I have learned there.  I hope they help you with your own trials. 

Where and when we feel the closeness of the Savior depends on each of us. He gave this instruction:

“And again, verily I say unto you, my friends, I leave these sayings with you to ponder in your hearts, with this commandment which I give unto you, that ye shall call upon me while I am near—

“Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you” (D&C 88:62–63).

 

For me, probably the most important part of this talk was the reminder that He is near.  He wants us to ask.  If we do not feel close to Him, it is not because He has pulled away, it is because we have.   He talked about the parable of the sower and how well the seeds did depended on the ground that they fell on.  He talked about how devious Satan is, that he tries to lead us a stray by telling us that belief is childish and not important. 

 

I just went to counseling the other day, and my counselor brought up much the same things to me.  I have seen how Satan works in my own family.  I have seen how he destroys and damages those I love.  It is so hard for me, with all the amazing testimonies that have been part of our lives, how easy it is to walk away simply because something doesn't make sense right this moment. 

I have learned to work on patience in the waiting.  I am not perfect at it, but I am working on it.

 

I love my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ.  I believe that they will guide and direct us if we will ponder and ask.  I believe that they are near, if we just open our hearts and let them in.   

 

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2016/04/where-two-or-three-are-gathered?lang=eng

 

Faith in God

To those who have strayed:
I know that life is hard.  I know that sometimes people we love make wrong choices.  I know that sometimes people we respect behave badly.  But I also know that people are not God.  They are not perfect.  They are simply doing the best they can at this moment to try and hold it all together.  Sometimes that means that we are really falling apart. 
We can all say that we know someone who is unworthy, or even hypocritical.  That person can also be ourselves.  I found a long time ago, that I am the one responsible for my own testimony and faith.  If I am doing the things that are right, what someone else believes or saysdoes not influence me.  I love it when people share the positive.  I dislike it when I am always on the defense with those I care about because my beliefs are different, but all the arguing in the world does not change my faith, my hope or my own belief.  Even when I can't defend those beliefs, it just makes me study harder so that I can be more prepared next time. 
I have learned that none of us have the power to convince someone to believe when their eyes are not opened and their hearts are far from Him.  Then I resort to the scriptures.  I especially love the one that says,
Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, might, mind and strength.  This is the first and greatest commandment.  And the second is like unto it; Love thy neighbor as thyself. 
I don't see anything there about only loving those who believe the same as me, or who are easy to love.  I only see that we are supposed to love each other. 
People in the church can hurt you.  I have had that happen to me in very hard ways.  But you should know that God always loves you.  Why in the world do we let others who might not even like us, determine our own relationship to our Heavenly Father who loves us unconditionally? 
He is my anchor.  People are nice to have around, but I worship always to get closer to Him. 

Follow the Savior Today

I have many regrets in my life.  I have to admit though, I don't have a single regret from the times in my life when I have followed the Savior's teachings.  I might not be able to do all things perfectly, but when I do the best I can, even I am able to recognize it.  I have done things I am ashamed of.  I have made so many mistakes.  I have sinned, accidently and even on purpose; all those things, I regret.  So many battles I fought against myself.  Far too often, I did not take the higher road or the better path. 
As I have grown older, I have noticed that the times of my life when I did not follow the Savior are some of the hardest lessons that I have ever had to learn.  I have also been blessed to have those lessons stick with me throughout my life.  I regret every moment I wasted not bringing myself closer to Him. 
I can testify that things go better and we have many less regrets when we choose to follow the Savior in our lives.  There is never a need to regret kindness, love, compassion, understanding, believing, helping, and gratitude.  There is never a need to regret feeding the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick and supporting those around us.  There is never a need to regret unselfishness or meekness or mercy.  There is never a need to regret forgiveness.  There is no regretting Christ-like behavior in any of it's forms. 
In my life, I am learning to seek Him in those around me.  I know that we are made in His image.  And even if I can't see Christ in someone, I know He could be there.  If only I try a little harder to see.  I know that He loves each of us, and the reason that He said, "Come follow me", is because that would lead us to happiness.  He never promised that there wouldn't be trials to face.  He only promised that it would be worth it, and that we would have no regrets from following Him. 
I can't possibly say it any better than Joshua did:

"And if it seem evil unto you to serve the Lord, choose you this day whom ye will serve; whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the flood, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land ye dwell: but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." 
Joshua 24:15

Brave

I love this simple quote. 

It is something that I forget.  Every.  Single.  Day. 

We all have trials, we each feel alone and forgotten from time to time.  Bravery is about seeing through all that and finding ourselves.  It is the story of overcoming.  It is the trial of our faith.  It happens all around us every day.  We have the power to decide what we are going to do with our lives.  We have the ability to change the world that is around us.  We get to choose to make a difference, (or not).  We hold our fate in the palm of our hand, we just have to be willing to see it and then, to live it. 

Being brave isn't necessarily about doing great things.  It is overcoming all the small and seemingly insurmountable things in our own lives.  Some days, getting out of bed might be the bravest thing you have ever done! 

The one thing I am learning right now is that we can be so very hard on ourselves.  We know our worst faults, or deepest, darkest secrets.  Sometimes, that is all we see.  We can't pull our eyes away for the faults.  We don't see the good that is within.  We don't see the amazing truth of all we manage to do.  We only see the should have's, would have's and could have's.  They haunt our thoughts and our lives. 

Being brave is moving through all of that in spite of ourselves.  It is reaching into those hidden places, and forgiving the human being that we are.  It is allowing ourselves to be imperfect and messy.  It is being kind to ourselves and recognizing our own individuality. 

Being brave is seeing beyond the crazy, upside down, inside out, messy moments of our lives and realizing the potential that lives inside. 

That spark of divinity that God placed there to remind us of who we are and where we are from. 

It is realizing that you, truly are,   His.   

I Need God

May I never forget on my best day,

that I still need God as desperately

as I did on my worst day. 

 

Oh, how I need Him.  Sometimes, things actually go pretty good around here and then, I think, I might be guilty of not remembering Him as fervently as I should.  I never forget Him when things are going wrong.  I plead my case with Him, I seek His comfort and peace in my life.  But there are times when I am not as industrious in my prayers.  I think those times are when things are going well.  When all is quiet and calm.  When my heart is not troubled and I am not insecure. 

I suspect, that He is like a good friend, easy to be around when we need him, but easy to forget in the day to day things that can overwhelm us with their time.  I don't want to forget Him.  I want Him to know that I recognize His blessings in my life each and every day.  So, now at last, I am really trying to focus on the blessings.  I don't want to be just a friend in times of need.  I want Him to know that I need Him every single day. 

In this Easter season, my we each remember how much we need Him.  May we remember His greatest gift to us and His willingness to bear all for us.  My we remember how very much He loves each and every one of us. 

May our hearts be filled with His love and peace. 

He Will Wipe Away Our Tears

Oh how I love this quote from President Uchtdorf.  I am learning to truly love the atonement of Jesus Christ, not that I didn't love it before, but in my younger years, I used to believe that He only atoned for my sins.  It took me so much longer (and way more experience) to discover that He also atoned for my sorrows, my anxieties, and my aching heart. 

The atonement means to literally become "at one with" Jesus Christ.  How could we become one with Him if He did not understand us?  If He did not know our deepest hurts and anguish.  If He did not rejoice in our overcoming.  If He did know love us in spite of our faults and failings.  As I have struggled to understand the atonement, I have grown closer to my Savior and my Redeemer.  I depend on Him more.  I want to please Him more.  I love Him even more. 

The best thing about all this for me is that we truly can go forth with clean hands and a pure heart.  The past is not and never has been our future.  It is a path, and we get to choose the turnings in it.  If we spend too much time looking backward on our journey, we will stumble even more over the current obstacles.    We can leave every part of our past behind.  We don't have to forget it, but we do need to learn from it and then let it go. 

I am not trying to sound like that will be the easy thing to do.  I know from my own experience, that it is one of the hardest things any of us can do.  I am so much harder on myself than anyone else will ever me.  I judge me at my worst, and compare myself with you at your best.  I am hopelessly lost some days, yet seem to have it all together on others.   It brings me comfort to know and understand that I don't have to have it all together in order to be close to Him.  He loves me in my weakness and my messiness.  He loves me in my weeping and my uncertainty.  He loves me with my wild morning hair and my stubbornness.  He loves me just as I am. 

By myself, I would never make it, but with Him, I am starting to realize the potential in me to become just a little better each and everyday.  With Him, I am enough.