This is one of my favorite quotes. I am really working on it in my own life. I can get so caught up in living, that I forget there is supposed to be joy in the things we do.
Without going into a lot of detail, I have gone through some rough things in the past year. I had someone today tell me that I seemed happier because someone else is not around to hurt me. I think I am. I just haven't realized how very difficult it is for me to be around people who suck the happiness right out of me.
I am someone who always tries to do things for others. I put myself last. Usually only when I don't have any reserves left. Even my councilor says that he doesn't want to see the old me again. He is afraid that in spite of the amazing strides I have made this year, I will lose it as life reaches out and grips me by the throat once again. I don't want that to happen.
I am leaning that there are some things you cannot change. There are people who are always going to take advantage of me. There are people who just don't like me and aren't willing to give me a chance. If I judge myself based on what all those other people think, I will go right back into the cycle of depression and anxiety that I have worked so very hard to get out of.
I know that I focus so much on serving, I forget to serve myself. It is really a struggle for me because I end up feeling selfish when I fight for something that I want badly. I hate feeling selfish. I really want to help others. I just run out of energy when I don't do something for myself every once in a while.
So today, I am going to try harder to find joy in my own journey. It may be hard, but it is mine. It may not be exactly what I planned on, but it is beautiful in it's own way. May we all remember that the finish line is very far away, and Heavenly Father never intended for us to suffer through life without any joy. We might have to walk between sorrows to find it, but there is always, always joy in our journey.
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