Peaches

Believe it or not, this one is hard for me.  All my life, I have wanted to be liked.  I have wanted to have friends and people around me who care.  I have wanted to feel like I had worth.  Yet, most of my life, I have struggled on alone and often lonely.  I thought that I was friendless and unlovable.
When I was in school, I was the child who got off the bus, with over a mile to walk home, and got beat up just because I looked funny.  I learned to walk the five miles home through the desert to avoid the fights.  I never  could figure out what it was that I did in 9th grade to deserve that kind of treatment.
Looking back, I think it was mostly that I was a survivor.  I was abused, beaten, and ridiculed.  I never did learn how to just shut my mouth and take it.  I always had to have the last word.  Looking back, I probably was exactly the type of child they were looking for to pick on and beat up.
I was a child with no self esteem.  I did not know where I was going or what I wanted, but as I figured those things out, one at a time, I hung onto that truth with all the tenacity of my soul.

Trial after trial has come to my life.  Hope after hope has been vanquished.  But I have kept growing.  In my adult years, I have even discovered the joy of a few friends.  I have realized that you can be kind to everyone, yet people will still not like you.  I have also realized that I don't have to hate them for it.  That it is better for my heart if I love them anyway in spite of the fact that they hate peaches!  (and me).

As I have grown, I have discovered that really good friends do not surround you.  They don't suffocate you with attention or needs.  Mostly, they hold you up when you are down, they talk you through the hard times, they hold on tight when you are falling, and they love you through it all.   I have discovered that one or two good friends can do more than multitudes of acquaintances.  And that means everything to me.
I am so thankful for those few good friends who steady me, love me, and support me in my life.

We make a lot of Mistakes

I make a lot of mistakes.  I struggle with many things.  But, I have to admit, I would much rather be around others who make mistakes and admit them and talk about them, than to be around those who can do no wrong. 

I am so blessed to have a few good friends.  I am blessed to have those around who will grumble and complain about their own problems and then willingly listen to mine.  I am blessed to have wonderful women in my life who have shared their hearts with me and allowed me to share with them. 

When we share one another's burdens, we become closer to them, more accepting, and even a little safer in our own disclosures.  There is not much that I would be uncomfortable sharing because they accept me for exactly who I am right this minute, and encourage me to become better. 

I have found that the best friends are the ones who allow you to be comfortable in your own skin.  They allow you to cry, and mourn, and to just be yourself, in all your agony.  I have come to understand that the best friends don't just listen to you, they also share a part of themselves with you.  It helps me not to feel worse because I might have perceive them to be better than I am.  It helps me to understand that we are all human.  We all struggle.  We all cry.  Sometimes, we are overwhelmed.  But good friends help you find your center.  They help you get your focus.  They love you through your very worst times. 

My friends share their own mistakes.  I need that.  I learn from them how to handle the trials in my own life.  Sometimes, I am so sorry for them and I realize through them how blessed I am that I am not going through those same things too. 

Love is amazing.  We have the power to lift each other up to be the Daughters of God that we were meant to be.  None of us can walk this life alone.  Sharing the love with imperfect sisters is one of the most fulfilling parts of my life.  They help to make me feel whole.  They remind me everyday that I am loved, needed and never really alone. 

I can be strong, because they hold me up and give their strength to me.  They strengthen my knees when they are weak, and hold up my arms when they hang down.  They pray for me, fast for me, and love me. 

I am richer because they are in my life.  I am blessed.

Wordless Wednesday - Best Friends

A single photo 

– no words –

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Fake Friends

Life is too short for

Fake Butter,

Fake Cheese,

Or Fake Friends.

For a long time, I did not know how to make friends.  I tried to belong.  I tried to be a good friend, but I really did not know how friendship was supposed to be a give and take opportunity.  I did most of the giving, and not too much of the receiving.  As a consequence, rather than getting my feelings hurt all the time, I chose not try and have too many people around me.  

I learned to make friends after my feelings got hurt way too many times.  I learned how to make lasting friends.  I learned that real friends are there for you, no matter what, even if you are in a place in your life that makes you not as available as you should be.  I learned that real friends are willing to talk when you need them to talk and listen when you need them to listen.  

I learned that friends accept you, with all your faults and baggage and that they choose to overlook those things that you don't want pointed out.  They also can choose to tell you the things that you couldn't handle hearing from anyone else.   Most of all, I have learned that being a good friend takes work, but it is so worth the effort.  It means sometimes you give, and sometimes you take and sometimes you just lean and love together.  

There is nothing in life quite like a real friend.  

As for fake butter and cheese, well, I think those speak for themselves!  I happen to love the real in life.  I love what I am learning to be and I love those who are willing to walk this journey with me.  

Real Friends

"Electronic games and cyber acquaintances are no lasting substitute for real friends who can give an encouraging hug, who can pray for us and seek after our best interest".  Ian S. Ardern

We live in a busy world. Television, games, sports, school, movies, parks, music, dance and who knows what else surrounds us.  Every day, it is more and more busy.  I work, I work and I work some more.  I drive kids here, there, and everywhere.  I take them to doctors, dentists, councilors, and anywhere else they need to go.  

Sometimes, I yearn for the days of my Great-Grandmother.  When you rode horses to get where you were going, when there was no TV or radio, when kids played outside and did chores every morning and night.  When the only sports were played after school with your neighbors.   I envy the days of meeting your neighbor across the back fence.  

When I lived in Mesa, I didn't even know who my neighbors were.  We never saw each other.  We never communicated.  If I didn't see the kids, I didn't know the parents.  I hated it.  When I moved to a smaller town, I got to know so many more people.  It is really different here.  People tell me when my kids do something wrong, they tell me when there are things going on that might interest them.  They tell me who they should stay away from.  They tell me pretty much anything.

I did not count on the way gossip flies in a small town.

Oh well, it is still nice to know your neighbors.  It is nice to live somewhere people care.  It is nice to help each other and stand up for each other.  Sometimes, we all need real friends, ones who love us, care for us and watch over us.  I am loving learning what it means to know my neighbors.  

When We All Work Together

My girls were in a fashion show a couple of weeks ago.  One of the girls did the fashion show about modesty in dress and showing the other girls that they can be modest at all times.  There were different styles and types of dressing:  Casual, dating, school and Prom.
There was a lot of work that went into this production.  It was hours of putting it together, hours to set it up more hours to design and decorate a runway and make and display decorations on the tables, and a lot of talent to put the outfits together for each girl in different areas.  There were even changing areas behind the "stage" for the girls to change their outfits and not have to worry about being walked in on.
I think the girls had a lot of fun and they really enjoyed being in the spotlight and getting their pictures taken.  There was also a potluck where all the mom's made italian dishes to share.  All in all, it was a really nice Mother-Daughter evening.
The biggest worry for me, was taking the time to help put it all away.  I thought it would not be done until very late, but every single girl and every mom pitched in and starting taking it all down.  When everyone worked together, the job was done in just over an hour.  It was amazing to watch all the work just disappear in moments.  One of the young women made a comment on it taking a lot less time to take everything down than it did to put it all up in the first place.  What a wonderful way to teach the girls that when we all work together the job is made light. 

Galatians 6:2,9 Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ.And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.

When You Go Looking

"If you go looking for a friend, you're going to find they're scarce.  If you go out to be a friend, 

you'll find them everywhere."  

Zig Zigler

This world is such a serious place most of the time.  Things happen and we feel alone.  I know that I have.  It can be hard for me to start over and make new friends.  It is always a little bit of a reach.  What if they don't like me?  What if they don't want to know me?  What if I share too much? Or too little.
We each hurt at times during our lives and having a friend can really ease the pain.  I have discovered, especially living in a small town, that when I really look for friends, I just can't seem to find them.  There is no one there who has time for me.  It is almost like we are living on different planets instead of just down the street.  But this year, when I really needed friends, there they were.  People I never had thought to reach out to, just opened their arms and reached out to me.  I am learning that to have friends, it is not enough to look for them, you really have to seek to be one first.
I am making new friends every day.  As a strange matter of fact, I think I have more friends now than I have ever had.  These ones have walked into the fire for me and brought me back out.  They have staying power.  So, my message is, don't despair.  If you don't have friends, go out and serve.  Develop an interest, find a place to help, find something that you like to do, and they will come.  They will see that you are worth knowing and worth loving.  They will make a difference in your life just as you will make a difference in their's.  And that is a beautiful gift indeed.   

“Friendship is born at that moment 

when one person says to another: 

"What! You too? 

I thought I was the only one.” 

~C. S. Lewis~

God-Given Friends

"I didn't find my friends; 

the good Lord gave them to me."  

Ralph Waldo Emerson

This year has taught me many things.  Probably one of the most important is that He knows exactly what I need and when I need it most.  When my best friend decided that she did not want to have anything to do with me any more, I felt so lost and alone.  I did not have any other friends.  For me, making friends is difficult.  I love people, I have lots of acquaintances,  I care for people and I want to help them, but I don't really have many people that I go to when my heart is aching.  I didn't have anyone else in my life that lived close to me that I could share my thoughts, my dreams, and my girl time with.  

I was so lonely for a while.  I didn't even know how to start to find new friends.  Then, really in ways I still don't understand, they came to me.  Now I am surrounded.  I am so blessed with friends.  People who know my story.  People who are there for me.  Women who care.  I am overwhelmed with the love and support that have come to me through these amazing women in my life.  

I know that I didn't have anything to do with finding new friends.  The Lord sent them to me when I needed them most.  He let them know that I needed them.  It has been an amazing experience.  I am learning that real friends know that sometimes you give and sometimes you receive and that is OK.  Sometimes, they know what I need without me asking.  

One of my friends is a doctor who knows I get migraines.  One week, after a particularly nasty one that wouldn't go away, she saw me at church and asked if I was alright.  I told her that I still had a headache, but was going to go home and go to bed.  As soon as church was over, she showed up at my door, shot in hand to take away the pain.  

I suppose the best thing that I have learned from all this, the most sacred part, is that we need to lay our grief at the Lord's feet and trust Him that He will help us through.  We need to pour our hearts out to Him when we are needing and let Him decide what we really need to get us through.  I have learned that I am never alone.  That He is always by me.  I have learned that those who He sends stand with me through the hard times and support me no matter how difficult those times are.  

I cherish the great gift of friendship that is sent by Him.    

Five Minute Friday - Friends

So let’s spend our five minutes of writing today, sharing about friendship. Fight it, love it, hate it, hurt or healed by it, we were certainly built for it.

Set a timer and just write. Don’t worry about making it just right or not.

Go all in with your words.

Are you ready?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking

2. Link back over here at Lisa Jo's and invite others to join in.

3. Please visit the person who linked up before you and encourage them in their comments.

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

::

Friend…

START

A year ago, my life crashed in around my ears.  I lost my best friend.  She was a friend of my heart.  A friend of my soul.  Someone I trusted completely.  She turned away from friendship, from me, from all that I hold dear.  She broke my heart.
 I have always had a hard time making friends.  It is not something that comes easily to me.  I have always wanted them, needed them, but really struggled to find them.  I struggle to fit in with those who are around me.  It did not help that I uprooted our family to a new town seven years ago.  To a place where we had no family and knew no one.  My friends, that I had for most of my life, became, at that moment, out of reach.
I am a busy mom.  I work, I drive the kids everywhere, I teach, I try.  But lets face it, the time that I need to spend on my family is enormous.  The time I have for friends, not so much.   I have learned that friends require time.  They require nurturing, they require effort.  In the midst of my battle with depression and anxiety it is not the best time in my life to discover a way to change my focus outward and find new friends. 
I am learning.  I am starting all over again.  I am figuring out that there are people who care.  Who believe in me.  Who are there for me.  I am making new "best friends".  I am changing from having one friend to many.  I can't even begin to tell you how these amazing women have been there for me through this year.  I can't begin to describe the way they have reached out and taken me in.  How they remind me that I have worth and that everything will eventually work out OK. 
 I am learning that friends do not seek to destroy you; they lift you and help you, even when you are not in a place to return the favor.  I am finding love and friendship in places I never knew.  I find amazing friends in my own part of the blogging world, I find friendship in the minds and hearts of my grown daughters, I find friendship in an amazing doctor and a fellow EMT. 
I am finding friendship where I never thought to look before.  I am healing and being healed by the greatest Friend of all, my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.  In a way I don't yet understand, He has endured my hurts for me.  He knows the pain of depression and grief.  He loves me in spite of me and calls me His Friend.  And I am learning, that is enough.   

STOP

Song of my Heart

"A friend is someone 

who knows the song in your heart 

and can sing it back to you 

when you have forgotten the words".  

Bernard Meltzer

We all walk though trials in our lives.  Times when we feel lonely and alone.  But some people seem to go through more than others.  I know there are people around me whose crosses I would never want to bear.  The difficulties can be different things for each of us.  For some, the loss of a job or a family member.  They can be illness, debt or wayward children.  They can be family issues with parents or siblings.  They can be the loss of one home.  A true friend is one who stands by, with solid determination and love no matter what is being endured.  That friend helps heal the pain with laughter, encouragement, and filling a need.  They are truly a song of hope in the darkness. 
This past year has been a very hard time for me.  I have lost a lot.  The hardest was my best friend.  I have also learned a lot.  I am learning all over again how to make friends that are healthy for me and that treat me well.  I am learning to find love in the strangest of places.  I am learning to give a little more of myself.  As I learn these things, the aching grows a little less every day.  There are still trials, there are still heartaches, there is still grief.  But I have found goodness and mercy and hope in the eyes of my new friends. 

“And again, verily I say unto you, my friends … —
“Draw near unto me and I will draw near unto you; seek me diligently and ye shall find me; ask, and ye shall receive; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.
“Whatsoever ye ask the Father in my name it shall be given unto you, that is expedient for you.” (D&C 88:62–64.)

How can we help a friend? An Arabian proverb helps us answer: “A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one’s heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.”

Yes, a friend is a person who is willing to take me the way I am but who is willing and able to leave me better than he found me.