Embrace Belief

 

Sometimes, it is so easy to doubt.  It is a choice that we all succumb to now and then.  We live in a world of instant gratification.  We want something, and we want it right now.  We get instant TV, instant entertainment, instant meals, instant shipping.  We can order something today and have it later today or tomorrow, just as if we went to the store for it, but without all the bother of actually doing it.  In all of this crazy mixed up world of instantness, we also have our own fears and doubts. 

I think that Heavenly Father is not an instant God.  He doesn't give us what we are praying for right this minute.  He usually makes us exercise a little faith first.  Think about waiting for baptism, waiting for the Priesthood, waiting to go to the temple.  Waiting, constantly waiting.

I love the story of Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego in the Old Testament.  Three Hebrew men thrown into a fiery furnace by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, when they refuse to bow down to the king's image; the three are preserved from harm and the king sees four men walking in the flames, "the fourth ... like a son of God".   

I love that God did not ask them to go through this alone.  That He was there with them all through their trials.  I love that it mattered to Him that they felt His love for them.  Because they did not doubt, but instead embraced their belief, they were blessed to see God.  They were blessed to come out of their trials stronger than before.  They were blessed to bring change to the world around them. 

There are times when we all doubt, when we fear, when we questions, when we don't know the answers to the problems.  There are times when life is hard, when it is not fair, when their seems to be no justice or mercy or even love.   But I have learned that doubting is a choice.  I have learned that sometimes we have to wait for the answers to the questions.  Sometimes those answers take even longer to come than we ever imagined. 

In spite of the doubts, we can still find hope and belief and even joy.  We can choose to embrace the good and let go of whatever it is that is holding us back. 

We choose to embrace the light instead of the darkness. 

We choose hope.

We choose belief.

We choose joy.

We choose Him.

 

 

 

Healing in His Wings

It has been a hard few years.  Maybe even a hard life.  Sometimes, I find it hard to feel hope.  I find it hard to remember God's love for me.  I feel alone, and lonely.  I feel broken.
Reading this reminds me that God loves the broken parts of me.  That He has a vision of the woman I am supposed to be, and that all I have done is not enough to have Him turn His back on me.  He created me.  He knows my name, He knows my Heart, He knows all the broken pieces that make up the person I have become.  This wonderful, loving Father of us all certainly has the power, not only to create us, but to heal our pain.  He has the power not only to forgive, and also to forget.

There is an old children's nursery rhyme that, I am sure, we all know. 
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

That king was not the one who counts the feathers on every sparrow and knows their fall.  That king is not the one who felt compassion for the woman at the well.  That king is not the one who healed the leapers or raised the dead.  That king is not the one who created man in His image and after His likeness.  That king is not the one who loves us and feels with us and desires to comfort us.  He is not the one who heals our very hearts and souls.

I am so thankful for a King who is willing and able to put all my pieces back together again.  For one who is willing to stay with me in the darkest of times.  For one who never, ever, leaves me alone. 

Walking into a Church

Billy Graham has said many times: “Walking into a church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than walking into a garage

makes you a car.”  

I love, love, love this saying.   It reminds me that we are made up of what we DO, and not so much because of where we ARE right this minute.  It also reminds me that Christians are more than just beliefs, they are designated by their behavior toward every one of God's sons and daughters.  It reminds me that my family is more than just my biological family or my church family.  My family encompasses friends, neighbors and even those who are hard to love.   

I suspect, that at various times in our lives, we are all a little hard to love.  I also suspect that there are times when each one of us behave in a very unchristian-like way.  We want to be a BMW, but instead, we are more like the common gremlin!  No matter how cool the outside looks, inside we are what we are.  And that person shows through, no matter how we disguise the outside.  Who we become, is the result of our choices. 

We all get to choose the person we become.  We do it each day through hundreds and thousands of individual decisions that we make.  We may not choose exactly what happens to us, but we choose how we react to it.  We might not get to choose the path we are on, but we choose what we see and what we realize.  We choose how we see the world that is around us.  Every choice we make brings us farther away, or closer to, the person that we want to become. 

So, maybe walking into the church doesn't make you Christian, but choosing to stay there, choosing to change, choosing to become, does.    And for me, the most wonderful part of this is that, although we can't change the past, every one of us has the ability to rewrite our futures.  We start today and use the Atonement for our good.  We repent, we grow, we change, we become. 

Isn't it wonderful, that we have a Father in Heaven, who loves us enough to provide a way for each of us to arrive home.  Our paths might be different.  Our pasts might be completely opposite, but none of us are forgotten on this journey.  He cares for each of us individually.  He gives us what we need to grow, and allows us to experience joy in our journey, no matter how rocky the path.   

Sabbath Day Scribblings - One Body

“But now hath God set the members every one of them in the body, as it hath pleased him.
“And if they were all one member, where were the body?
“But now are they many members, yet but one body.
“And the eye cannot say unto the hand, I have no need of thee: nor again the head to the feet, I have no need of you.
“Nay, much more those members of the body, which seem to be more feeble, are necessary:
“And those members of the body, which we think to be less honourable, upon these we bestow more abundant honour; and our uncomely parts have more abundant comeliness.
“For our comely parts have no need: but God hath tempered the body together, having given more abundant honour to that part which lacked:
“That there should be no schism in the body; but that the members should have the same care one for another.

“And whether one member suffer, all the members suffer with it; or one member be honoured, all the members rejoice with it.”

—1 Corinthians 12:18–26

If you listen

I have heard Paul Cardall speak, I have heard him sing.  He is pretty amazing.  What I really love about him though, is the things he has overcome.  How he keeps on being positive in spite of the trials he faces.  How he relies on his Heavenly Father to get him through it.  I am trying to be more like that. 
I try and listen.  I search.  I pray.  But I have a very hard time believing that everything is going to be OK.  I suppose it is a trust issue on my part.  I hate having bad things happen, and there is this part of me that believes they are going to keep happening, over and over again.  There is a part of me that believes I deserve the bad things and not the good.  There is a part that feels like I am being punished. 
I think there are times when we all feel that way.  When the prospect of grace is just too overwhelming to even begin to comprehend.  When our sins haunt our hearts and disturb our rest.  When perfection is something we should be obtaining.  Sometimes, it is as simple as what my mind thinks it knows and what my heart believes. 
Today, I am trying to convince myself that everything is going to work out alright.  Maybe, just maybe, I will do it.

AMAZING GRACE

Amazing grace how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost but now I'm found.
Was blind but now I see.
'Twas grace that taught my heart to fear
And grace my fears relieved.
How precious did that grace appear
The hour I first believed.
When we've been there ten thousand years
Bright shining as the sun
We've no less days to sing God's praise
Then when we first begun.
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound
That saved a wretch like me.
I once was lost, but now I'm found.
Was blind, but now I see

Everything is a Miracle

I have witnessed miracles.  Both my own, and someone else's.  I have come to believe that there is so much in life that can only be explained by miracles.  I choose to live my life surrounded by their beauty.  I witnessed one this week.  It was amazing.  It was sacred.  It was beautiful.  And since I can't share it with anyone, I will share one of my own miracles with you.

Many years ago, I was picking up my children from the babysitters house.  My young daughter was very excited to go home and ran right into the street to go get in the car.  There was a man driving on the street and he was going way to fast to stop.  In my mind, I saw her run over.  My heart felt like it would stop in my chest. 

Somehow, in a way that I can't even explain, that driver saw her and stomped on his brakes.  His car screeched to a stop leaving tread on the blacktop of the street.  She saw the danger and tried to turn and get out of the way.  He hit her right on her behind and knocked her sprawling in the street.  I never in my life imagined that crying could bring such happiness to me. 

She was bruised, but not broken.  He was so very sorry.  We did not call the police, it was not his fault and she was safe in my arms.  My own small miracle of the day.  

You are not a waste of time

 

I needed this reminder today.  It is easy to get caught up in what other people perceive me as.  It is easy to start to believe their perception of what I am, especially when they are particularly vocal about it.  I struggle daily with self worth and with even liking myself.  I see all the imperfections and find myself lacking from where I think He wants me to be.  Then I read something like this, from someone that I admire so much.  She has changed her life and turned it around to become who she needs and wants to be.  So today, I am going to keep repeating to my broken heart:

You are not a waste of time.

You are not a waste of time.

You are never and have never been a waste of time.

 

I hope that you remember always that you are loved.  He has placed you right where you are needed.  I know it is hard.  I know it can be heart-breaking.  I know it can be filled with anguish and even anger and hate.  But when I picture His face in my mind, it is always filled with love.  I truly believe that you and I are not a waste of anyone's time. 

Guilt and Peace

 

I am sometimes over come with guilt.  I judge myself harsher than you or anyone else could ever judge me.  I find more faults with my imperfections than anyone else I know.  I don't look at yours that way, only mine.  I am so much harder on myself and my own mistakes.  Like, somehow, I should have seen into the future to know how a person would respond.  I should have worded things differently or seen what was going to happen.  I find myself guilty in everything. 

Perhaps, that is why this quote touched me so much.  It promises that even with my guilt, I shall obtain peace.  Peace is possible for each one of us.  It is something to be desired and sought after.  It is something that might seem elusive, but actually is not.  It will happen in God's own time. 

I have found peace in many instances of my life.  I have found comfort in the words of the scriptures and in the kindness of others.  I have found peace as I seek to follow the Lord's council, even when I don't understand.  I have found peace when I finally, after fighting for so long, let go of those things that are not mine to bear.  When I give them over to His care, and let Him carry the burden. 

Peace is the opposite of anxiety.  I carry so much anxiety about the past and the future.  It is only when I am willing to let it all go that the blessing of peace comes quietly into my heart.  Peace is knowing that He has it under control.  It might not be quite the way I want it to be, but it will work out.  Peace is trusting Him. 

Cheering you on

 

I have felt alone for so much of my life.  Alone in a room full of people, alone in a town, alone in a city, alone in church.  Just alone.  I have felt and believed that no one could possibly understand what it is that I am going through.  I have felt like I had to keep the bad secret from everyone.  Like I had to showcase the good. 

Slowly, with a lot of effort and energy, I am learning that is not the case.  I am learning that the only way I am really alone is if I choose to believe it.  I do have good friends, although they are pretty much as busy as I am.  I have my family in my life, even if their needs are different from mine.  I am learning that I am really only alone when I choose to be.  I just haven't been aware that it was a choice. 

I love thinking about having heaven cheer us on.  Just to know that someone is rooting for me through all the hard times, and the hurtful times.  Just to know that someone has their arms around me even when I fail.  To know that they are calling for me to get back up and try again.  To know that mistakes are not the end. 

It does my heart good to feel like I am not in this by myself.  It reminds me that Heavenly Father wants me to succeed in all that I do in His name.  I believe that He wants us all to return to His loving embrace.  I believe that He doesn't want us left behind in this crazy, mixed up and very messy life.  He wants us to embrace each other and keep moving forward, even if it is one wobbly step at a time. 

Heaven is cheering us on. 

Thoughts of Peace

Jeremiah 29:11-13

  For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.

   Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

   And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

I have thought about this scripture a lot lately.  I have been pondering on how the Lord thinks of us.  He wants us to have peace.  He wants us to have joy.  He wants us to pray to Him and seek Him.  He wants us to know and really understand that we are loved.  

I have some children who don't believe the way that I do.  I have learned that my job is to love them anyway.  To wait for them.  To find them.  To be happy for them.  To accept them.  I know that if I can love those kids as much as I do in all my imperfectness, than our Heavenly Father, who is so much more perfect than I am, loves them even more.  He wants each of us to return to Him.  He waits to welcome us home.  He has promised that He is listening to our prayers.  He knows our hearts, and we WILL find Him.  

Some people believe that their can't be a God because bad things happen to them.  I have learned that bad things happen for mostly three reasons.  

1.  It is a part of life.  We are here to experience everything, and that includes trials.

2.  It is because of our own sins.  Every single sin has consequences, and although the Lord forgives us our sins when we repent, He doesn't take away the consequences of the sin.  Some things we just have to endure because of our mistakes.

3.  It is because of someone else's sin.  Sometimes, the choices others make can hurt us.  It can cause us physical or emotional damage.  It can leave us gasping for breath and unable to understand "why".  

In His love, the Lord gives us blessings even in the pain and tribulations of life.  He teaches us things that we need to know.  We learn to be more compassionate and loving.  We learn to have joy.  We learn to endure.  We learn kindness and love.  As we deal with consequences, we also learn forgiveness, not only for others, but for ourselves.  We learn to trust that the Lord will judge perfectly, each one of our hearts.  We learn to trust in His Mercy and His Justice. 

We learn to find Him.    

Into our hearts!

I think it is easy to struggle with this one.  I have watched so many others try and reconcile their heads and their hearts.  Sometimes, we think we know something with out heads, but we just can't feel it in our hearts.  But I don't think belief is something that we find in our heads.  It is something that grows in our hearts. 
I have had people that I love ask me how I can have faith in spite of this or that being "proven".  I really feel like science is all about theories.  Anything that science finds as fact will show there is a God.  People who don't believe in God spend too much time in their own heads and not enough time in their hearts.  All good things, and I really do mean all good things, bear witness of Him. 
Evolution is a theory, it is not a fact.  Man coming out of fish, or apes or anything else is a theory.  You can't find a single thing in recent history that proves beyond any doubt that evolution is currently happening across species. 
In order for us to believe anything, we have to think about it, then take it to heart.  I believe because my heart and my head bear witness to me.  I don't have to see all the facts in order to accept it.  There was a time in my life when I wanted someone to tell me what was true.  I wanted to understand all the mysteries.  I wanted to know all the answers.  And I wanted answers that could be irrevocably proven. 
Here's the problem with that, faith can not be proven.  That is why it is faith first.  As things change, I believe that faith can become knowledge.  But first, you have to believe.  As I have gotten older, it is easier for me not to need all the proof that the world requires.  I have learned the value of prayer and that answers do come with a still small voice and a burning in my heart.  That is enough for me to keep the fire of belief kindled even when I don't know all the answers.  Even when I lack certain proof. 
As you struggle with your own questions and concerns, remember that faith in something comes long before knowledge.  Just because we can't see in the darkness doesn't mean something isn't really there.  I wish that I had the words to explain how deep the feelings run in my heart.
Instead of looking for reasons why you shouldn't have faith, maybe we should look for reasons why we should, maybe as we strengthen our faith we can overcome our unbelief.  I love that Heavenly Father knew we would struggle with belief.  He knew that it would sometimes, be seemingly impossible for us.  And so He councils us to turn to Him.  He shows us how to gain belief in our hearts. 
Or, as the scriptures word it:

“Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

“And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.”