It can be so very hard to be forgiving. It takes a lot of effort and work and trust to do it. It takes a lot of prayer and desire to even try. I have found that it is easier to carry a grudge. But the problem is, as easy as it can be, it doesn't help me feel better. I actually makes me feel angrier and it means that I dwell on my own thoughts and feelings a lot longer. It become more difficult to put it aside and move one. I have discovered that the times I don't forgive, are some of the worst times in my life. Because I am not positive, a lot of things get me down and I struggle even more with what is going on in my world.
I am sure that forgiveness doesn't make sense to some people. I am equally sure that we justify it by thinking that some actions aren't worth forgiving, or should never be forgiven. Let me just be clear, I believe that we all need forgiveness. The Lord never quantifies sin. He doesn't talk about how some sin is worse than others. I am just grateful that I don't need to be judge and jury for anyone else's sins. I have enough of my own to worry about. I have had people do some horrible things to me and to those I love. I have been accused of things I have never done. I have been talked about, ridiculed and had more gossip involved around me than I ever cared to have. However, I do not forgive people for them. I do it for me. Only God has the power to forgive any of us. Only He can judge our hearts. Only He knows whether or not there is change and true repentance.
Since I don't know those things, I choose to forgive and not hate. I choose to let go of my anger and hurt and humiliation. I choose these things because I know that I need forgiveness in my own life. I know that I am also guilty of sin. I know that I need forgiveness and compassion just as much as anyone else.
However, saying that, does not mean that you can always trust again. There are some things that are so hurtful that you have to walk away. Forgiveness does not mean that you give anyone the chance to do abuse you again. It means, that when you think of them, you are not destroying yourself with anger and hate. It means that you trust God enough to know that He will somehow work it all out.
I honestly do not know what I would do if I didn't have that kind of faith. I believe we have a loving Father in Heaven who has walked with us every step of the journey. He knows exactly what we have been through. He knows our deepest, darkest secrets. He knows our trials and our joys. He knows our names.