Live can be very hard. It doesn't change just because you want it to either. I often find myself feeling out of control with my world. There are people who act as if their greatest desire in life is to make me as miserable as possible.
One of the things I am learning is that it is impossible for others to make you miserable. It is also impossible for them to make you happy. We are in total control of those emotions. We choose to let others influence us, for good or bad. We choose to let them have that kind of power over us.
In my struggle with the demon depression in my life, I am trying to learn that I don't have to be in control of anyone else but myself. Sometimes, others actions affect me, but there is nothing that I can do about it. One of the biggest problems that I have is that I want to be in control. When something is wrong, I want to fix it and have it be right. When someone is unjust, I want to show them the error of their ways and have them change their actions. It has been incredibly hard for me to learn to let go of the monkey that belongs on someone else's back. Especially when it has to do with my children.
I struggle with a great desire to be happy and to see those I love happy too. But I am learning that my happiness is not dependent on the choices that others make. I can be happy even though someone hates me. I can be happy even though I am wronged. I can be kind even in the face of unkindness, and most of all, I can feel gratitude to my Heavenly Father, when there is a lot around me to not be grateful for. I am learning to find joy in the small things. I am learning that He really does know what is going on and that He knows I am innocent of accusations and others bitterness.
I am learning that I am not always in control of someone else. I am in control of how I respond to them. I get to choose to hate, or to love. To hold a grudge or to forgive. To be angry or loving.
I have the power to choose, and that is helping me to change.