like there is a reward for it.
Living in a small town is hard. I love it though, although it can give me trials I never imagined. Everyone pretty much knows your name. They know your religion, they know your mistakes, they know when you are having problems. And so many people love to gossip. I know that it is the same in a larger city, but the difference is I didn't have to hear what they were saying about me. I didn't have to realize the lies and the jealousy, and the mean-ness. It was still there, but I could go home every night and escape into my own small part of the world.
Here, when someone doesn't like you, I can pretty much guarantee that you will see them everywhere. There are only a couple of restaurants in town, and only a few stores, and a few places to get gas or rent movies. I can't move out of my house with out being reminded that there are those who do not like me.
I have been snarled at, yelled at and even flipped off, all by people that I know. That is hard for me. I try hard to like everyone. I suppose that I try hard to be a people pleaser, but that can be very hard when you see people at their worst every day. I tease my girls that I always know their mistakes before they even get off the bus in the afternoon. I am not kidding either. Although there are days when I wish I was. The hardest thing for me is when I hear things that aren't true coming from people that I thought I could trust.
Over the past couple of years, I have had to really change who I trust and in what areas of my life I choose to give that trust. I have had to realize that everyone does not want to be my friend. Some people are not happy unless they do their utmost to make me miserable. So, the only way I can survive is to pretend that I do not care, or I do not know what they are doing.
Naiveté is bliss. That might sound bad, but it get me through the roughest times. Sometimes, you just have to act as if everything is fine and you don't realize that anything is wrong. Sometimes, you just have to pretend that all is right with the world and everyone is good. Some peoples greatest reward is succeeding in proving you are less than they are.
So, it works to let it go. To decide that it is not going to change you life. To choose to not let it tear you down. To believe that you are more than they could image. Sometimes, you have to acknowledge yourself and not worry about what others think. There is no reward for thinking the worst of any of Heavenly Father's children. There is no reward for finding fault. The reward is in loving others in spite of that. The reward is in treating those around you as His.
"An hypocrite with his mouth destroyeth his neighbour:
but through knowledge shall the just be delivered".
I will be content to wait for knowledge.