“Too late, I found you can't wait to become perfect, you got to go out and fall down and get up with everybody else.”
― Ray Bradbury,
― Ray Bradbury,
I go to church nearly every Sunday, rain or shine, sickness and health (well, not sickness if it is contagious). I help when I am able, I reach out to others, I stretch myself. In short, I do all the things that I think perfect people might do, the difference is that I know how very far I fall short.
Not everyone likes church. Not everyone likes the people. Not everyone wants to spend their Sundays sitting on a hard bench and listening to other people speak.
I have found that my week goes better when I am willing to sacrifice that small amount of time. When I am willing to gather in His name and with His love. Don't get me wrong, things don't always go all right. We are human after all. Sometimes we don't like others, sometimes we are angry, sometimes we hold grudges, sometimes we resent others, sometimes we feel lonely and weak and afraid. But I go in spite of myself, and in spite of those who don't like me. I go to worship a Heavenly Father who loves me. I go to find forgiveness and to turn my heart to him.
This past Sunday, we had two really amazing speakers. They talked about repentance and forgiveness. The spoke about a loving Heavenly Father who truly loves us and knows us each personally. It was such a comfort for me. I loved hearing them speak about choosing not to be offended. About loving one another and forgiving each other, because we are human. I used to never have a hard time forgiving. My problem was that I forgave too easily and endured the consequences as if they were mine alone. It took me a very long time to understand that forgiving was not forgetting and that we could forgive and still protect ourselves from future harm.
Now, sometimes I am very closed off. I am afraid to trust and afraid to love. In short, I am afraid of being hurt. Of having valuable pieces of myself thrown back in my face. And so, I listened and I learned, and I continue to learn and grow. I am amazed at how the simple things can mean the most. I know I have heard those words before, but Sunday, I could swear they were just for me. And so, I will try to reach out, and try to forgive, and try to quit worrying about whether or not my fingers are going to get burnt!
I am going to choose to live in the here and now. Moment by moment, step by step, until I arrive Home at last and am safe in His presence.
Life has thrown me lots of loops along the path, but I am learning, maybe a little slowly, but learning nevertheless. I am not perfect, and I am not trying to be, I am just falling down life everyone else and struggling to pick myself up and move forward. One small step at a time.