Standing upright

 

 

Such a good one to remember.  Especially for me!  For some awkward reason, what other people think of me matters.  Probably not as much as it used to.  My skin has gotten a little bit tougher over the years as people work so hard not to be nice.  But it still hurts.  I have often wondered why it is so easy for some people to be mean to others. 

I know that it is easy to believe that, as Christians, we are the only ones that really know better (yet we don't always live it in spite of ourselves).  As I was reading today, I found examples of the golden rule in several other world religions.  The list goes on and on, but these are ones most of you will recognize.   

The Universality of the Golden Rule in the World Religions

Christianity	All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye so to them; for this is the law and the prophets.       Matthew 7:1
Confucianism	Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no resentment against you, either in the family or in the state.       Analects 12:2
Buddhism	Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.       Udana-Varga 5,1
Hinduism	This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them do unto you.       Mahabharata 5,1517
Islam	No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he desires for himself.       Sunnah
Judaism	What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law; all the rest is commentary.       Talmud, Shabbat 3id
Taoism	Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your own loss.       Tai Shang Kan Yin P’ien
Zoroastrianism	That nature alone is good which refrains from doing another whatsoever is not good for itself.       Dadisten-I-dinik, 94,5

Adapted from "The Christopher Newsletter"


As I have tried to change my life, and specifically the way I treat others around me, I have discovered good in many places that I have not looked to before.  I think, part of standing up in this world is being able to recognize and find the good ground that is around us.  It is not, and never has been, popular opinion that matters.  It is how we treat those around us.  How well we accept others opinions and beliefs.  How much we love. 
I am learning that the harder we try and see through God's eyes, the more good we will find in those who seem different from ourselves. 

Embrace Belief

 

Sometimes, it is so easy to doubt.  It is a choice that we all succumb to now and then.  We live in a world of instant gratification.  We want something, and we want it right now.  We get instant TV, instant entertainment, instant meals, instant shipping.  We can order something today and have it later today or tomorrow, just as if we went to the store for it, but without all the bother of actually doing it.  In all of this crazy mixed up world of instantness, we also have our own fears and doubts. 

I think that Heavenly Father is not an instant God.  He doesn't give us what we are praying for right this minute.  He usually makes us exercise a little faith first.  Think about waiting for baptism, waiting for the Priesthood, waiting to go to the temple.  Waiting, constantly waiting.

I love the story of Meshach, Shadrach and Abednego in the Old Testament.  Three Hebrew men thrown into a fiery furnace by Nebuchadnezzar, king of Babylon, when they refuse to bow down to the king's image; the three are preserved from harm and the king sees four men walking in the flames, "the fourth ... like a son of God".   

I love that God did not ask them to go through this alone.  That He was there with them all through their trials.  I love that it mattered to Him that they felt His love for them.  Because they did not doubt, but instead embraced their belief, they were blessed to see God.  They were blessed to come out of their trials stronger than before.  They were blessed to bring change to the world around them. 

There are times when we all doubt, when we fear, when we questions, when we don't know the answers to the problems.  There are times when life is hard, when it is not fair, when their seems to be no justice or mercy or even love.   But I have learned that doubting is a choice.  I have learned that sometimes we have to wait for the answers to the questions.  Sometimes those answers take even longer to come than we ever imagined. 

In spite of the doubts, we can still find hope and belief and even joy.  We can choose to embrace the good and let go of whatever it is that is holding us back. 

We choose to embrace the light instead of the darkness. 

We choose hope.

We choose belief.

We choose joy.

We choose Him.

 

 

 

Wordless Wednesday - Hiking

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Lifting the hands that hang down

I am loving the new changes from visiting teaching to ministering.  I don't know why exactly, but there is just something about the work "ministering" that makes a difference to me.  It is a chance to lift another.  To help those who need help.  To watch over those who are ill or injured or just need a little extra help.  I think I might like it because it is my chance to really help others.  To keep them safe and go the extra mile in service.  For some reason, serving sounds so much better than teaching.  

I love having the opportunity to find ways to serve.  

This week, we had a fire in our area.  Actually, it is still burning and destroying part of my beloved forest.  However, when I found out where it was burning, the first thing I though of was to call those nearest the fire and see if I could help them in any way.  I wanted to make sure they were safe and secure and far away from danger.  

I make a lot of mistakes.  I can't fix everything that I wish I could.  I can't put out a fire that is burning over 22 miles of forest.  I can drive an ambulance and take care of others.  I can offer to help those who need to evacuate.  I can minister to those who need me.  I can lift up the hands that hang down.  

One of the things I have learned is that when I am busy helping others, I am also busy forgetting my own problems and issues.  I also feel better about myself when I can take the time to help those around me.  

I might not be a great teacher, but I can love those who need loving.  I can care for those who need caring.  I can make a difference.  

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Service

I know thy works, and charity, and service, and faith, and thy patience, and thy works; and the last to be more than the first.

Revelation 2:19

Sabbath Day Scribblings - We all need a Sabbath

Doctrine and Covenants 59:9-11

9 And that thou mayest more fully keep thyself unspotted from the world, thou shalt go to the house of prayer and offer up thy sacraments upon my holy day;

10 For verily this is a day appointed unto you to rest from your labors, and to pay thy devotions unto the Most High;

11 Nevertheless thy vows shall be offered up in righteousness on all days and at all times;

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Sin

Remember, the worth of souls is great
in the sight of God. 

D&C 18:10

Sabbath Day Scribblings - His Hands

The spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit,

that we are the children of God.

Romans 8:16

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Be of Good Cheer

In the Lord's time, solutions will come, peace will prevail, and happiness will be yours. 

Richard G. Scott

Hypocrites

I really believe this one.  Why is it that we want to be forgiven for our own sins, but somehow we also want to judge?  To say someone else's sin is worse than our own?  To say who or who should not be forgiven.  I don't mean that we have to continually allow others to hurt us or be in abusive relationships.  We have every right to protect ourselves.  But we also have to allow others the chance to repent and change their lives.  We need to allow them the opportunity to get to know the Savior for themselves, repent and change.
I have had amazing experiences in my own life for the change that can happen.  One of the most amazing experiences that I had involved and family who was newly baptized. 
They had a special needs son, whom the father did not like or want to be around.  He did not hold him or hug him or want to be with him at all.  They also had a younger, healthy son whom the father doted on and gave all the attention to.  The man had made a lot of mistakes in his life.  He had been a biker, and involved in gangs.  He was covered in tattoos.  He was very gruff around the edges.  The parents were seriously talking divorce.
I watched the gospel and the love of God change this entire family.  I especially watched the father change as his changes were visible to all of us.  He went from being gruff around the edges to one of the most concerned individuals I have ever met.  He treated his wife like she was his world and started treating his older son the same.  They became inseparable and nearly everywhere the father went the young boy was with him, riding on his shoulders.  I watched them bring so many others to the Savior with their love and acceptance and especially their believe that anyone could change. 
There is so much more I could add about them, but they touched my heart in so many ways.  I knew them for over two years before they were transferred.  His wife and I became good friends and we did many things together.  I saw those changes for myself and it taught me that we can never judge someone else by their past, perceived or known.  Every single one of us is capable of repentance and forgiveness.  It takes and willing heart and a true desire for change. 
I am grateful to have been able to call myself their friend. 

Born with Potential

 

It was interesting to me that it takes courage to practice any virtue.  Sometimes, I think it is easy to take goodness for granted.  After all, that is the way that we are supposed to be.  However, if you think about it, it can be hard to be good.  It is so much easier to follow the crowd. 

I have been blessed (or unblessed) to see so many examples of "group think".  Where the popular person makes a bad decision and everyone else in the group follows along because they want to be popular too.  They want to be accepted.  They want to fit in.  And, as a person who has been there, I can't blame them.  But, as a mother who has had to watch her children be bullied and left out, I do blame them for that.

Kindness is hard.  It is so hard for kids to stand up and be kind when the "popular" kids don't want them too.  It is so hard to realize that ignoring, making fun of, gossiping, and judging are all forms of bullying.  And if they hear or see their parents doing it, it is even worse.  I am pretty sure that most of them don't even realize how harmful it is for them to do.  And many adults excuse the behavior as "just being kids".  However, I have sat of the side of the parent whose children are being bullied.  I have seen the hurt in their eyes.  I have had them not want to go to church or school to deal with the other children. 

Maybe if we start teaching children that it is courageous to be kind and generous.  Maybe if we teach them that they can be proud of having courage.  Maybe then we can start to change our own little corner of the world. 

Lessons for the Weary - Even as Christ Forgives

 

Even as Christ Forgives You, So Also Do Ye

by Elder Larry J. Echo Hawk

 

"Today, I want to focus on forgiveness, an essential and precious gift offered to us from our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ.

On a December night in 1982, my wife, Terry, and I were awakened by a phone call to our home in Pocatello, Idaho. As I answered the phone, I heard only sobbing. Finally, my sister’s struggling voice said, “Tommy is dead.”

A 20-year-old drunk driver, speeding at more than 85 miles (135 km) per hour, recklessly ran a stoplight in a suburb of Denver, Colorado. He crashed violently into the car driven by my youngest brother, Tommy, instantly killing him and his wife, Joan. They were returning home to a young daughter after a Christmas party.

My wife and I immediately flew to Denver and made our way to the mortuary. We gathered with my parents and siblings and grieved the loss of our beloved Tommy and Joan. We had lost them to a senseless criminal act. Our hearts were broken, and anger toward the young offender began to well up inside me.

Tommy had served as a lawyer in the United States Department of Justice and was on a course to be a strong advocate for protection of Native American lands and natural resources for years to come.

After some time had passed, a court sentencing hearing was held for the young man found responsible for vehicular manslaughter. In their ongoing grief and sorrow, my parents and oldest sister, Katy, attended the hearing. The drunk driver’s parents were also there, and after the hearing concluded, they sat on a bench and wept. My parents and sister were sitting nearby as they sought to gain control of their own emotions. After a moment, my parents and sister stood up and walked to the driver’s parents and offered them words of comfort and forgiveness. The men shook hands; the women held hands; there was deep sorrow and tears for all and a recognition that both families had suffered immensely. Mom, Dad, and Katy led the way with their quiet strength and courage and showed our family what forgiveness looks like.

That outreach of forgiveness in those moments caused my own heart to soften and opened a pathway to healing. Over time I learned how to have a forgiving heart. Only with the help of the Prince of Peace was my painful burden lifted. My heart will always miss Tommy and Joan, but forgiveness now allows me to remember them with unfettered joy. And I know we will be together again as a family.

I am not suggesting that we condone unlawful conduct. We know full well that individuals are to be held accountable for their criminal acts and civil wrongdoings. However, we also know that, as sons and daughters of God, we follow the teachings of Jesus Christ. We are to be forgiving even when it seems others may not warrant our forgiveness."

 

I wanted to quote that story directly from his talk.  I too, have had terrible things happen to me in my life.  Forgiveness can be so hard.  I have been able to forgive most others without a lot of difficulty, even when they might not deserve it, there is a part of me that really feels judgment is not up to me and I can trust Heavenly Father to judge righteously in all things.  I have been given to understand that if they do not truly repent, they will suffer even as I have suffered and that makes me feel so much better than just thinking they will get away with it.  It also allows me to grow in faith and trust and allows me peace.  

Up until the past two years, I would have said that I was good at forgiving others and loving them anyway.  Than something happened which was way more difficult than I ever imagined.  Suddenly I found myself in a place where I did not WANT to forgive.  I could not even begin to understand what happened and why.  I have banged my head against the wall, been severely depressed and anxious and not been able to think with clarity.  My every waking moment was spent in the "what if" phase of life. 

I have prayed and fasted and read scriptures to no avail.  Finally, I have been lead to believe that all will be made right, probably not in this life, but later on.  I know that it doesn't matter what people think, it only matters what God thinks and knows.  

Finally, I am learning to let go.  I wish I could say it was easy, and that it is all behind me, but I can't.  It is a daily struggle.  

I did love this talk.  I pricked at my consciousness and made me want to change.  I hope that you have a chance to learn from this talk as I did.   

 

  “Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”        

Wordless Wednesday - Fun with Grammy

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Faith

 Know ye not that ye are in the hands of God?

Mormon 5:23

Lessons for the Weary - Conference 2018 - Am I a Child of God

 

Romans 8: 16 -  The Spirit itself beareth witness with our spirit, that we are the children of God

 

Am I a Child of God

by Elder Brian Taylor

 

President Boyd K. Packer’s words are plain and precious: “You are a child of God. He is the father of your spirit. Spiritually, you are of noble birth, the offspring of the King of Heaven. Fix that truth in your mind and hold to it. However many generations in your mortal ancestry, no matter what race or people you represent, the pedigree of your spirit can be written on a single line. You are a child of God!”

“When you … see our Father,” Brigham Young described, “you will see a being with whom you have long been acquainted, and he will receive you into his arms, and you will be ready to fall into his embrace and kiss him.”

 

This talk reached out to my heart and reminded me that no matter what you DNA says, you are identified as a Son or Daughter of God.  You have worth in His eyes, and He loves you.

 

The one who seeks to confuse us, wants our identities to be confused also.  He wants us to embrace our differences and to allow them to divide us, not bring us together.  You have only to look around you at the world today and you can see the evidence of confusion and anger.  You can see that we are challenged always in a world that doesn't want to acknowledge our spiritual identity. 

 

I invite each of us to seek God and His Beloved Son. “Nowhere,” President Nelson directed, “are those truths taught more clearly and powerfully than in the Book of Mormon.”²⁷ Open its pages and learn that God does “all things for [our] welfare and happiness”;²⁸ that He is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger, long-suffering and full of goodness”;²⁹ and that “all are alike unto [Him].”³⁰ When you feel hurt, lost, scared, upset, sad, hungry, or hopelessly abandoned in life’s extremities³¹—open the Book of Mormon, and you will come to know that “[God] will never desert us. He never has, and He never will. He cannot do it. It is not His character [to do so].”³²

Coming to know our Father changes everything, especially our hearts, as His gentle Spirit confirms our true identity and great worth in His sight.³³ God walks with us along the covenant path as we seek Him through prayerful pleadings, scriptural searchings, and obedient strivings.

 

The message of this talk to me is so clear.  We need to turn our hearts to Him, to seek to know Him, to know how very much we are loved by Him.  His hands are reaching toward each one of us.  It is up to you and me if we will reach out to take those hands, and the comfort and hope that they offer.  We are truly children of God. 

 

Wordless Wednesday - Good Day!

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

Notice the Miracles

 

I have been the receiver of so many tiny miracles in my life.  Things that have surrounded me that I try and make sure I take the time to notice.  They can be as simple as a sunset, or the nest of a pair of eagles.  They can be kind words and even kinder voices.  They can be the way someone notices something I have done or said.  There are so many miracles in each of our lives.  So many time that Heavenly Father reaches out to remind each one of us that we are loved and wanted and needed, right where we are. 

Occasionally, I forget that.  Occasionally I struggle to remember that I have worth.  Life can be hard.  It can be downright awful sometimes.  I am learning that if we forget to look for the miracles, it is too easy to get swallowed up in the storms. 

I have spent way too much of my life focusing on the rain, instead of the beauty of the rainbows.  Too much time remembering every single negative in life, without acknowledging the many positives.  Too much time focusing on the impossibilities rather than on the miracles that already surround me.

So, remember the miracles.  They are a testament of His love.  They remind us of His caring.  They remind us of who we are, and who we are meant to become. 
They are all around us if we will just take a moment to look and see. 

This Moment is Your LIFE

It has been an interesting couple of weeks in our home.  My husband was diagnosed with skin cancer.  We weren't sure how bad it was, or what getting rid of it would entail.  To be honest, we weren't even sure how bad it could possibly be.
So, he made the appointments, got the biopsy, received the results of the biopsy and made the appointment to have it removed.  That happened this Saturday.  Neither of us was ready for how much they would take off his face, or what type of scar he would have at the end.
To be honest, he was probably just a little more upset about cutting his beard than the scar.
I have spent a lot of time thinking this week and being grateful.  Thinking about how it could have been and being grateful for the medical care that came up on the mountain to take care of him.  I have also been grateful for all the thoughts and prayers and well wishes from so many around us.
We had no idea how aggressive skin Cancer could be.  We really had no idea what to expect at all.  So, it was a little disconcerting to find that he had two types of cancer.  One a slow growing kind, and one very aggressive type.  I am so grateful that they could get all the cancer and that the scar won't be too bad after it is healed.  I had time to reflect on what this man means to me and how very blessed I really am.
I have a husband who never goes to doctors.  He doesn't take any medication and he is very healthy.  He found a small sore on his face, it did not heal or get better and started to turn dark.  He called the doctor himself and went in to have it checked out.
I am so blessed that he knew something wasn't right and went in to have it looked at.
I realize how much he means to me and to our family.  This crazy, messy, chaotic life we live is really filled with pretty amazing moments in spite of it.  We have children who love us and care about us.  We have the opportunity to serve them and help them and be there for them.  We have them mostly raised and are blessed to see them grow and learn and develop.  We get to experience the joy of grandchildren and the love and blessings they bring into our lives.
I have lived too much of my life waiting for moments to pass.  Waiting for things to change. Waiting for something to be different.  Today, I am learning to just enjoy the moment I am in.  Each step of the way brings it own trials and blessings, but also so much joy.
My husband has always told me that I need to stop and smell the roses a little more often.  Today, I can see just how much he might be right.  This moment, right here and now, is worth everything to me.  And so I move forward, one small, tender mercy at a time.
This moment is life.

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Faith

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,
the evidence of things not seen.

Hebrews 11:1

 

I ask myself, How does the Savior see my faith?

and I ask you,

How does the Savior see your faith?

What are you doing to strengthen your faith?

Turn On the Light

 

 

 

I am afraid of the dark.  My imagination gets going and I can dream up any wickedness you can imagine.  When I was a child, I watched one, single, horror movie.  I have nightmares of drowning and bodies to this day.  My imagination needs no help!

I remember one night when I saw a face in the window.  It seemed to my child's mind to be very evil.  I saw dark hair and blue eyes.  I felt sure that he could see me too and that he wanted me. 

For the first time in my very young life, I got to my knees under the covers and prayed.  I prayed with all the sincerity of my 5 year old self.  I prayed that Heavenly Father would keep the man away and that he could not hurt me.  I didn't dare look at the window until much later, but I prayed until I was comforted.

During that prayer, I felt the knowledge come into my mind to know where a flash light was.  Tiptoeing silently through the small apartment, I went to he right drawer and pulled the flashlight that I found there, I also pulled some extra batteries.  I ran back to bed with that small light and kept it under the covers to protect me from the darkness.

I don't know what my mother thought happened to that small light, but I kept it for many years.  I put it carefully between the wall and the bed.  As a teenager, it was my reading light and my babysitting light.  I used it when I needed to see something and when I needed to feel secure.  I also used it when I needed to see my way home in the darkness. 

Not only can happiness be found when you remember to turn on the light, but I learned that safety and security could be found also.  I learned the God answers prayers, even for very young insecure children, and I learned that I really was loved and watched over.

I learned how to turn on the light. 

   



Stop Comparing

 

I am so guilty of this.  It is easier to fall into this trap than any other that I am tempted with.  It is so easy to look around at other women and see all the ways that they are better than I am.  It is easy to believe that they are more righteous, more willing, more happy, more holy.  More of just about anything I can imagine. 

The problem with that is that as long as I continue to believe it, I do not change.  I do not recognize my own strengths and use them to help others.  I just keep telling myself that "Sister So-and-So" can do it so much better than me.  I hold myself back and don't serve, when I really want to and need to be there for someone else. 

The problem with comparisons, is that they are NEVER true!  We are standing at the outside trying to look inside somebody else, and we are looking at our inside and comparing it to our own perception of someone else.  We can never win.  We either believe erroneously that we are better, or worse. 

We start to believe that we are not the same in God's eyes.  That He sees us with the harshness that we see ourselves.  We forget that He looks upon the heart and not the deeds.  He looks at what we are becoming and overcoming and not so much on the where we have been. 

He forgives when our own selves can't. 

Happiness is found when we stop trying to see ourselves through the eyes of others, and start trying to see ourselves through our Heavenly Father's eyes.  He loves us, exactly where we are right now, and who we are this minute.  He loves us in all our imperfect weakness as well as the attempts at becoming stronger than we are and more like Him. 

True happiness lies when we can accept ourselves, with all our mistakes and failures, while no longer judging ourselves against the world,

and working at becoming more like Him.

Happiness is looking at each other through the eyes of God. 

Lessons for the Weary- Conference 2018

 

Precious Gifts from God

by President M. Russell Ballard

 

 

How I love conference every six months.  I find myself enjoying it more and more the older that I get.  I find myself focusing on the words and how they apply to me.  This talk was wonderful.  He brought up so many good points.  I love taking the chance to review his words.  

“For verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.”

If we have faith as small as a mustard seed, the Lord can help us remove the mountains of discouragement and doubt in the tasks ahead of us as we serve with God’s children, including family members, Church members, and those who are not yet members of the Church.

Brothers and sisters, life can be filled with faith, joy, happiness, hope, and love when we exercise the smallest amount of real faith in Christ—even a mustard seed of faith.

 

I also loved how he talked about technology and how we spend so much time with it.  How it has good things about it, but also there are bad.  It can be addicting and influence people to never have a real conversation with each other.  Everything is online.  Everything is posted.  Everything is there waiting for someone to find it.  I love how he counseled us to unplug so that we may find the time to hear the still small voice. 

I also enjoyed reading about service.  How important that is for us and how Peter tells us in the scriptures tell us that Jesus, "went about doing much good". 

What a wonderful tribute to our Savior.  His ministry was one not only of teaching, but of serving others. 

Perhaps the words that mean the most to me, are simply,

In our discipleship, we have many demands, concerns, and assignments. However, some activities must always be at the heart of our Church membership. “Wherefore,” the Lord commands, “be faithful; stand in the office which I have appointed unto you; succor the weak, lift up the hands which hang down, and strengthen the feeble knees.”

 

May we all be responsible for serving those who need us most. 

 

Wordless Wednesday - Love this face!

 

 

 

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

What it is.

I found this one and it resonated with me.  I think I am guilty of being a person who has definite ideas of how things "should" be.  I know for a fact that when I live too much with the "would have's", "could have's" and "should have's" I am most certainly not happy.  I have decided that that lack of happiness is because I focus too much on how things should be, I am not living in the present, but more in the past or even the future. 
It has been hard for me to find my own "happy" place.  I have to focus constantly on living in the here and now, not next week or next month or even next year.  Raising so many children, it seems as if all the good was just around the corner.  When they are potty trained, when they are in school, when they graduate. 
Too often, I find myself not enjoying the spot right where I am.  I find myself waiting to see what else might happen.  I find myself not living right here.  I find myself in living the "What next" phase of life.  
I am learning that things are never the way I dreamed they would be.  People make their own choices, bad things happen to good people, promises are broken, and sometimes, it is as simple as illness that changes the way you always looked at the world around you.  
I am learning that we each look at life according to our own experiences, our own heartaches, trials, misadventures, and fears.  We look at life the way that we expect it to be based on our past.
As I read the above quote, I am reminded that I survived the past.   It is not longer here to disappoint me.  It is no longer part of my life to hurt me.  I can  hurt from it forever, or learn from it now.  The choice to be happy has always been mine.       

Don't let it be you!

It is very easy for me not to judge others most of the time.  There are few people that I can't forgive.  I am they type of person that when I get hurt by someone else, I always try and look at both sides.  Somehow, I come up lacking and it is easier to forgive than to judge.  However, when it comes to judging myself, I take all the things I know about me, and compare myself to everyone else at their Sunday best.  I don't come out on top. 
I work in retail and there are days it feels like nearly everyone is against me.  I have been yelled at, sworn at, called names, criticized and condemned for things I didn't even do.  I love having the customers that have real problems come in and actually talk to me instead of yelling at me, or calling my boss to complain.  I find myself more eager and willing to help them then the ones who only want to criticize. 
I think most of that is because I am harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.  I see everything that I do wrong and I don't like myself when I make bad choices.  This quote touched me today, because I find it easy to come down hard on myself when others are hard on me.  I believe I have failed even when only one person feels that way.  I look at the things I do and dislike myself for making any mistakes.  I want so much to be perfect, but I am not.
We all have struggles in life.  We all have trials and make mistakes.  We all choose wrong over right once in a while.  But He atoned for every sin that we have ever done or will ever do.  The price has already been paid.  He loved you so much that He did not want to spend eternity without you.  No matter who criticizes you, no matter who condemns you, no matter who judges you, don't ever let it be you!        

He Chose

This one hit me hard today.  I sometimes still struggle with feeling good about myself.  I struggle with feeling doubts and fears.  I struggle with feeling good enough, or righteous enough, or even worthy enough.  Lately, my struggle has been even more personal.  I am struggling with forgiving enough. 

It is easy to feel like I am not what I should be.  It is easy to let myself get swallowed up in thoughts of depression and anxiety.  It is easy to doubt myself.  It is even easier to look at my own sins and doubt that there is any forgiveness for one such as I.  

I have to remember that He already paid the price and that I am included in that.  I have to quit condemning myself for things I have already repented of.  I have to learn to let go and trust His mercy and His love.  

Something happened yesterday that really made me think.  I was talking to someone about forgiveness and the difficulty that I am having forgiving one person.  He asked me if I could forgive the fact that they were ill and not in their right mind.  He wondered if I could allow myself to not look at them as if they are whole, but to look at them as if they are mentally challenged.  (they are, and hopefully I can).  

Looking at sin as a result of an illness is slightly easier for me to accept and might allow me to have the peace in my heart that my Heavenly Father has always intended for me to have.   Peace doesn't mean I have to give anyone permission to hurt me.  It doesn't mean that I can't be sad it happened and that I have to trust someone who has never gotten any help for their illness.  It just means that I can put my trust in Heavenly Father and let Him judge.  

Jesus chose the nails, for you, for me and even for people we don't like very much.  He chose the nails so that we would all have the chance to repent and live with Him again.  We could not and can not ever do it alone.  He loved us enough to choose the suffering and the nails.                                           

Find your way back

More importantly to me is that we all have part of the light within us.  In our trials and difficulties, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are beautifully and wonderfully made.  He is not a Heavenly Father that does not welcome us back.  He is not a Father that doesn't forgive.  He is not a father who never forgets what we have done or who thinks that we have done things so terrible that we are not worth saving.  That has never been His message to us. 
He loves us exactly as we are right this minute.  He wants us to return to Him.  He wants us to know that we are loved and needed and wanted in this life and the next.  He wants us to know that there is still hope even when we feel wounded and hopeless. 

Luke 12:6-7

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

 

We have value, we have worth, we are so, so loved. 

We all Struggle

I have always loved to read.  I love mysteries, thrillers, fantasy and even an occasional love story.  Interestingly enough, every single story that I read has some sort of a struggle going on throughout the chapters.  Every Hero has to go through the trial before they find their happily ever after. 
The struggle is always a central factor of the story.  It wasn't until recently that I have been able to understand how this applies to my own life.  We all want the happily ever after ending.  We all want to have to good parts in our lives, but every one of us have to face our own struggles first in order to get there. 
Think of anyone you like or admire in History.  Everyone of them faced their own struggles. 
Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther, Joan of Arc, King Arthur, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and even Benjamin Franklin.  That is just a very short list of people, yet every one of them had struggle as part of their individual stories.  I could go through the scriptures and find even more.  For every person there are struggles.  I am not ever going to say that I like them, I don't even always appreciate them.  But I am trying to look at them as an important part of who I am.  An essential part of what makes me the person I am becoming. 
When I think of the people I admire most, they have always gone through great trials and struggles.  Some are overwhelming to me.  I can't even imagine having to endure those things.  But that is why I remember them as great people.  They did great things in the midst of struggle. 
From the time I was very young, I have admired Harriet Tubman for all she did on the underground railroad.  I did school reports on her and read everything that I could find about her.  I read about the people she rescued and the times she was injured and nearly died for what she believed in.  I always wanted to be brave like her.  To put the needs or others above my own and to right the wrongs around me. 
In the scriptures, one of my favorite stories is of Abraham and Sarah.  How he laughed at God when God told him that his wife, Sarah, would conceive.  She was 90 years old and Abraham was 100, when she bore him a son.  She lived her life believing she was infertile.  Never knowing that she would actually hold her own baby in her arms.  I can't even imagine the strength that she must have had to face that.  But her struggle is also part of her story.  Her love for her husband and her son are written in the life that she lived. 
There are so many more examples.  Both men and women, living in the past and present.  So many struggles, heartache and so much love all wrapped into the years of a life. 
The struggles have always been a part of your story. 

Following the Crowd

I am a very social person, at least, once I know you.   It makes my heart sing to be with others who enjoy my company as well as I enjoy theirs.  That being said, I know that once upon a time in my life, I went wherever and whenever I could be with the crowd.  I was lonely and so very tired of being alone.  I felt like I needed others in my life and I have even been guilty of changing the person I was to be a person who fit in better with the expectations of others.
I am older now.  And have found the above saying to be truer than I ever thought possible.  I no longer need a crowd.  A couple of good friends, and kind husband and family who love me are more than enough.  I walk alone through many things and yet I am not ever really truly alone. 
When I wanted so much to belong, I found myself settling for things that I was not interested in doing.  I found myself doing the things that others wanted.  I found myself feeling unhappy and very unfulfilled. 
When you have the opportunity to walk alone, you learn who you are.  It is not an easy journey, but it is an important one.  I have learned that I like art, I love drawing and painting.  I even was able to see the life story of Picasso in Kanas City with my family.  Don't get me wrong, I still don't like his art!  But I loved learning about his life and seeing the influence of African art, especially in the tribal masks, throughout his lifetime.  It made the way he paints a little more understandable and interesting to me. 
I have also learned that large crowds of people are hard for me.  It makes me feel closed in and vulnerable.  I prefer smaller groups.  I prefer quiet visits and shared experiences.  I have learned that those experiences that I walked through have given me the strength and desire and ability to help others on their own journey.  I have found myself in places that I never imagined I would be. 
And most of all, I have found joy in that journey. 

Two Cents

 

 

As I go through my struggles, it is hard to remember that not everyone else's opinions of me should count or do count in the grand scheme of things.  It is easy to have my day ruined by a customer that yells at me, or someone who is snarky to me.  By the person in the grocery store who runs over my foot or the person driving on the road and laying on their horn.  

I have discovered that it can be easy for my feeling to be hurt, for my heart to ache and for my anger to bubble up and sometimes even spill over.  

I am not sure why it matters so much, I only know that it does.  There are days when tears are right at the surface and when I literally can't face another bad word or angry person.  There are days when people can yell and I am just fine with it.  I have yet to figure out what in me responds in a bad or a good way.  

All I can say is that 2 cents doesn't buy us much today.  I remember when I was growing up and we would collect coke bottles for 3 cents each.  We thought that was such a lot of money.  And for children, it was.  

But sometimes I forget how little 2 cents really is and let it build all out of proportion to what is really going on.  I take that 2 cents and somehow, in my crazy world, it becomes equivalent to 10,000 dollars.   

So, as you go about your day, don't let someone else's belittling words matter more to you than they should.  You are worth so much more than the measly 2 cents. 

Our Inner David

This one gives me comfort when life is hard.  I think it is important to note, that although He allows us to face that Goliath, He does not leave us alone while we do it.  I also have found it to be true, that for every single struggle I face, I receive something in return.  It can be as simple as added compassion for the difficulties of others, or added strength for the difficulties that I will later face in life.  It can be my experience that gives me a baseline to help someone else going through similar circumstances.  It can be greater faith in my Heavenly Father, and a willingness to move forward with something that scares me.  It can be strength in opposition and understanding in His love. 
Regardless of what it is, the honest truth is that I find something about me changes.  It might not happen very quickly, but I change.   I might not want to be stronger, but I become.  I might not want to forgive, but, hopefully, I learn.
I have finally figured out that we are all going through hard things.  We don't have to try and "one up" each other.  The biggest fish story is not necessarily the best.  And there is no "extra credit" for keeping count.  Sometimes, the very best we can do is simply to endure and be willing to learn from the experience. 
Believe me when I say that I don't even like looking at trials as a gift, and I am not sure that they were meant to be that way, but Heavenly Father makes those difficulties become a gift to me by helping me along the way. 
He helps me to become "More Savior, like Thee". 

Wordless Wednesday - In Her Shoes

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.