Thursday, March 22, 2018
Following the Crowd
I am a very social person, at least, once I know you. It makes my heart sing to be with others who enjoy my company as well as I enjoy theirs. That being said, I know that once upon a time in my life, I went wherever and whenever I could be with the crowd. I was lonely and so very tired of being alone. I felt like I needed others in my life and I have even been guilty of changing the person I was to be a person who fit in better with the expectations of others.
I am older now. And have found the above saying to be truer than I ever thought possible. I no longer need a crowd. A couple of good friends, and kind husband and family who love me are more than enough. I walk alone through many things and yet I am not ever really truly alone.
When I wanted so much to belong, I found myself settling for things that I was not interested in doing. I found myself doing the things that others wanted. I found myself feeling unhappy and very unfulfilled.
When you have the opportunity to walk alone, you learn who you are. It is not an easy journey, but it is an important one. I have learned that I like art, I love drawing and painting. I even was able to see the life story of Picasso in Kanas City with my family. Don't get me wrong, I still don't like his art! But I loved learning about his life and seeing the influence of African art, especially in the tribal masks, throughout his lifetime. It made the way he paints a little more understandable and interesting to me.
I have also learned that large crowds of people are hard for me. It makes me feel closed in and vulnerable. I prefer smaller groups. I prefer quiet visits and shared experiences. I have learned that those experiences that I walked through have given me the strength and desire and ability to help others on their own journey. I have found myself in places that I never imagined I would be.
And most of all, I have found joy in that journey.