It can be so hard for me to keep my eyes up. I suffer from depression and anxiety. I worry about everything and everyone. My life, seems to be filled with constant half empty glasses. I am trying to change that. This year, I picked for my word of the year, PRESENT. I know that worry is caused by focusing too much on the could happens of the future. Worry is caused by trying to do every thing myself. Worry is caused my holding tight to my own problems, needs, confusions, anger, resentment and fear.
The opposite of worry is trust. I think the only way for me to be truly present in the here and now is to trust God to take care of the future. This is going to be a hard thing for me to accomplish. I know it sounds easy, but it really isn't. Life is not always fair or kind or beautiful. Sometimes it is very, very hard. Sometimes those hard things teach you that you can only depend on yourself and never others.
This year, I want to be closer to Him. I want to let go of the past and the future and more consciously live in the present. This year, I want my yearning and searching and looking to be upward.
This year, I want to be PRESENT.
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