Our Inner David

This one gives me comfort when life is hard.  I think it is important to note, that although He allows us to face that Goliath, He does not leave us alone while we do it.  I also have found it to be true, that for every single struggle I face, I receive something in return.  It can be as simple as added compassion for the difficulties of others, or added strength for the difficulties that I will later face in life.  It can be my experience that gives me a baseline to help someone else going through similar circumstances.  It can be greater faith in my Heavenly Father, and a willingness to move forward with something that scares me.  It can be strength in opposition and understanding in His love. 
Regardless of what it is, the honest truth is that I find something about me changes.  It might not happen very quickly, but I change.   I might not want to be stronger, but I become.  I might not want to forgive, but, hopefully, I learn.
I have finally figured out that we are all going through hard things.  We don't have to try and "one up" each other.  The biggest fish story is not necessarily the best.  And there is no "extra credit" for keeping count.  Sometimes, the very best we can do is simply to endure and be willing to learn from the experience. 
Believe me when I say that I don't even like looking at trials as a gift, and I am not sure that they were meant to be that way, but Heavenly Father makes those difficulties become a gift to me by helping me along the way. 
He helps me to become "More Savior, like Thee". 

Wordless Wednesday - In Her Shoes

A single photo 

– no words –
 

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

The magnitude of Trust

I am trying to remember this in my day to day moments.  I feel overwhelmed way too much of the time.  I have a hard time seeing the person that God trusts to get everything done.  I put a lot of expectations upon myself, and when I fail, I fail spectacularly. 
I love that President Eyring has addressed this.  I think many of us feel this way.  We want to do good.  Actually, we want to do more than good.  We want to be our best....all the time.  We want our homes to look nice.  We want people to enjoy visiting with us.  We want to cook good nutritious dinners and we want our children to behave and be happy.  Somehow, something always turns out wrong. 
I never thought of the difficulties that I face as a way that Heavenly Father has placed His trust in me.  I never saw myself as being that trustworthy.    Life is really not easy.  I used to think that the Pioneers had it so much harder than I ever would, but now I believe that each generation must accomplish hard things. 
We live in a fast paced world where we are constantly in a state of chaos.  It is hard to pull our families together when the entire world is striving to pull us apart.  We have technology that takes over our daily moments.  We can be reached in an instant.  We have so much going on all the time that there never seems to be enough time to just breathe. 
And so, we trust that the same God who placed us here, knew we were up to the challenges of this time and place.  We trust that He knows who we are and that He will help in every step of the way.
We breathe trust in and we breathe it out and we keep moving forward.
One tiny step at a time. 

Sabbath Day Scribblings- Risen Hope

This painting is entitled, “Risen Hope,” by Joseph Brickey  

“The light reinforces that idea of overcoming death and darkness, of rising above despair, of finding hope,” Brickey said. “Not only is Christ risen, but also Mary’s hope rises when she hears her name from His lips. She represents each of us—this very personal interaction typifies Christ’s role in our lives. He knows us. He watches over us when we weep. His voice overcomes darkness and brings resplendent hope.”

"Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord".  Romans 8:39 

Be Here

 

We live in an age of electronics and text messaging.  A time of blogging and facebook and twitter and even snapchat.  A time when it is easy to get lost in the view of the world, without really being part of what is going on around us. 

I have heard so often that there are times when we need to "disconnect".  It is easy to let life rule you with alarms and texts and emails and projects.  But sometimes, we just need to be in the here and now.  We need to stop and look around us.  We need to be right here, exactly where are feet are. 

When we are living in the moment, instead of in the future or the past, it is easier to be kind to ourselves.  It is easier to find joy and satisfaction.  When we can see our children playing with the puppy, or laughing at the birds or bouncing on the trampoline, we can be a part of their lives instead of passive observers along the way. 

I love to take pictures.  I love photography and the chances I have had to observe what is going on around me, however, I don't think I ever realized before how often I am not in the pictures.  I am the left out observer and recorder of the events.  When I look back through the family photography, I am missing from most of the shots.  I really do hate having my picture taken.  But I am realizing that there are times when we all need to be a participant, exactly here and now, and not on the outside looking in.  There are times when we need to come out from behind the viewer and be in front of the lens. 

We need to be

right where our feet are.

 

 

Healing in His Wings

It has been a hard few years.  Maybe even a hard life.  Sometimes, I find it hard to feel hope.  I find it hard to remember God's love for me.  I feel alone, and lonely.  I feel broken.
Reading this reminds me that God loves the broken parts of me.  That He has a vision of the woman I am supposed to be, and that all I have done is not enough to have Him turn His back on me.  He created me.  He knows my name, He knows my Heart, He knows all the broken pieces that make up the person I have become.  This wonderful, loving Father of us all certainly has the power, not only to create us, but to heal our pain.  He has the power not only to forgive, and also to forget.

There is an old children's nursery rhyme that, I am sure, we all know. 
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings horses
And all the kings men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

That king was not the one who counts the feathers on every sparrow and knows their fall.  That king is not the one who felt compassion for the woman at the well.  That king is not the one who healed the leapers or raised the dead.  That king is not the one who created man in His image and after His likeness.  That king is not the one who loves us and feels with us and desires to comfort us.  He is not the one who heals our very hearts and souls.

I am so thankful for a King who is willing and able to put all my pieces back together again.  For one who is willing to stay with me in the darkest of times.  For one who never, ever, leaves me alone. 

Grace

So often, I struggle to feel like I am worthy of His Grace.  Like it could even be possible for one like me.  I know that Grace is the help or strength given through the Atonement of the Lord Jesus Christ. Through the grace of God, everyone who has lived will be resurrected—our spirits will be reunited with our bodies, never again to be separated. Through His grace, the Lord also enables those who live His gospel to repent and be forgiven.  Through His grace, we have the chance to become stronger and more worthy.  Strong like the ocean.  It rushes toward the shore and bends with the wind and weather.  It holds life within and without.  It provides a home and a peace for all who wonder there.  

The grace of God helps us every day. It strengthens us to do good works we could not do on our own. It guides us to find ways to be better and to do better.  The Lord promised that if we humble ourselves before Him and have faith in Him, His grace will help us overcome all our personal weaknesses (see Ether 12:27).That is His promise.  We can do this.  We can become strong in Him.  His Grace is sufficient for each one of us, no matter what our past has been, no matter what mistakes we have made, no matter who we once were.  His Grace is enough.  

He Understands

I believe that there are times in each one of our lives when we truly feel alone.  Even the Savior had that moment.  You remember the story.  He was on the cross and cried out, "my god, my god, why hast thou forsaken me?"
As we seek to become more like Him, we will finding ourselves facing things we never imagined. If I could go back to the girl I was, I would tell her to have confidence in her dreams.  I would remind her that very few things in this life are permanent.  The important things, are found in the things that last... Good memories, love, respect, eternal principles.  I would tell her to study and learn and pray.  I would tell her that more people love her than she knows.  I would remind her that she has a loving Heavenly Father who has been with her every step of the way.
Sometimes, I wish that life wasn't quite so difficult.  I wish that we took more time to love and to be loved.  I wish that we could see the insecurities of those around us.  Then we might not feel so very alone and lonely.
Most of all, I wish that we could feel for ourselves just a tiny bit of what I have come to know He feels for each one of us.  He loves us unconditionally.  He knows our strengths as well as our weaknesses.  He know who we are and who we can become. 
Trusting in Him and His timing is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do.  But I know He understands my heart.  I know He hears my pleas.  I know He has experienced my pain.  And, most of all, I know that only He has the power to heal my hurts. 
And so, today, I choose to trust Him.  Right this minute and this place of my life.  I don't know all the answers to all the important questions, but without a single doubt, I know that He love me and He loves you and He is with us, guiding out steps and helping us along the path.
Sometimes in life, we all feel so very alone.  We all have challenges we never imagined.
But through it all, we all have His love.

Peaches

Believe it or not, this one is hard for me.  All my life, I have wanted to be liked.  I have wanted to have friends and people around me who care.  I have wanted to feel like I had worth.  Yet, most of my life, I have struggled on alone and often lonely.  I thought that I was friendless and unlovable.
When I was in school, I was the child who got off the bus, with over a mile to walk home, and got beat up just because I looked funny.  I learned to walk the five miles home through the desert to avoid the fights.  I never  could figure out what it was that I did in 9th grade to deserve that kind of treatment.
Looking back, I think it was mostly that I was a survivor.  I was abused, beaten, and ridiculed.  I never did learn how to just shut my mouth and take it.  I always had to have the last word.  Looking back, I probably was exactly the type of child they were looking for to pick on and beat up.
I was a child with no self esteem.  I did not know where I was going or what I wanted, but as I figured those things out, one at a time, I hung onto that truth with all the tenacity of my soul.

Trial after trial has come to my life.  Hope after hope has been vanquished.  But I have kept growing.  In my adult years, I have even discovered the joy of a few friends.  I have realized that you can be kind to everyone, yet people will still not like you.  I have also realized that I don't have to hate them for it.  That it is better for my heart if I love them anyway in spite of the fact that they hate peaches!  (and me).

As I have grown, I have discovered that really good friends do not surround you.  They don't suffocate you with attention or needs.  Mostly, they hold you up when you are down, they talk you through the hard times, they hold on tight when you are falling, and they love you through it all.   I have discovered that one or two good friends can do more than multitudes of acquaintances.  And that means everything to me.
I am so thankful for those few good friends who steady me, love me, and support me in my life.

Finding the Pearls

Sometimes, we focus so long and hard upon the storms, that we forget to look for the pearls.  I had a Relief Society Meeting Saturday at the Stake Center.  There were women who talked about the trials they are facing now.
One woman is a widow.  Her husband passed away from Cancer.  She talked of the trial of his illness and the grief.  She talked about the healing in the temple and the strength that she has found within herself.  She spoke of service, compassion and love.
Another sister spoke of having a disabled daughter.  The true light this daughter brings to their family.  The things she has taught them all.  Her smile and her laughter.  Her love.  Her mind will always be about a year old, but her joy is everlasting.
Another sister spoke of having a serious illness and the trials that have come from learning to deal with the results of major surgery to her face.  She talks of the difficulty of facing others, and of facing herself in the mirror.  She talks of the trials and the strength's and the blessings that she has received.
I would have loved to have copies of all the talks to share.  I am only sharing the bare bones of them.  Perhaps the gift for me is that I know them.  I know that they do not focus on the hard in their lives, but on the good.  I have seen them endure, smile and carry on.
But the most amazing thing to me is how their struggle and trials have helped their testimonies.  They have learned to find the pearls in the midst of continuing storms.  They each had a positive to share from their experiences.  They have each known hope and despair, trial and grief, pain and misunderstanding.  Yet through it all, they were each able to say that they knew Heavenly Father loved them, was with them, looked out for them and blessed them.
They found their pearls.  

Sabbath Day Scribblings - More Fully His

"Then said Jesus to those Jews which believed on him, If ye continue in my word, then are ye my disciples indeed;"  John 8:31

May we declare ourselves to be more fully disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, not in word only and not only in the flush of comfortable times but in deed and in courage and in faith, including when the path is lonely and when our cross is difficult to bear.

Elder Holland

Butterfly Healing

This short quote is so meaningful to me.  I have come to discover that some healing cannot and does not take place here upon the earth.  We can't understand everything for one thing, we see things as they are right this moment and in just this place.  We cannot see through the glass of eternity clearly.  The things from before and the things to come are hidden from our view.
We are eternal beings caught in a very literal slice of time.  So our focus is in the here and now.  Our hearts want to think eternally, but our heads tell us to be right in this moment.  Because we can't see into the eternities, and we don't remember our Heavenly Home, we don't realize how very much the atonement will wash away, not only each of our sins, but also our grief and suffering, our sorrows and pain.  He will heal us in every way.  He will make us whole.
I know that there are some things that cannot heal at this time in my life, and I am learning to be OK with those things.  I know that the time will come when I will see all things clearly.  When I will understand and comprehend the gift that He offers me.  For now, I am learning to trust, to wait, to allow, to be.  For now, I can wait to become.  

Credit For Trying

This is so comforting for me.  I am so, not perfect!  I keep working on it, and keep failing spectacularly in the process.  What a comfort for me to realize that Heavenly Father really does give us credit for trying to become better.   It makes me want to strive even harder to do those things that I know are right.

One of my trials is an ongoing struggle with depression and anxiety.  There are days when just getting out of bed and getting dressed takes every single bit of my energy.  There are days when I can't make myself take a shower or even brush my hair.  I have been known to stay in bed all day and get absolutely nothing done.  The voice in my head tells me I am lazy even though I know I am not.  There just comes a point when I can't continue moving forward until after I get some form of peace.

I have always been so hard on myself.  I grade myself on the pass fail system.  You know the kind, the one where if you are not perfect, and you don't have it all together, than you are a failure.  The one where I never win.  The one where I am not enough.

How grateful I am that I recognize my Heavenly Father grades me on a much better system.  One where repentance and forgiveness play a major part.  One where mistakes are learning experiences and change is always possible.  One where I have a loving Father who wants to see me succeed and not falter.    

How amazing it is to me that He loves me and cares for me always, no matter how many shortcomings I have or how often I don't do things the right way.  He is there to help me pick up the pieces of my life, dust myself off and try one more time.  

He gives me credit for my intent, not just my successes.  

He loves me just as I am and for Him,

I am enough.  

Blesson

I am trying so hard to find the "Blesson" in the challenges that I am surrounded by.  It can be a really hard concept to get right.  I always thought that I knew how to forgive, I thought that I had a handle on life.  I thought I could endure right through anything.  I was wrong. 
I think we all have moments when we feel like the bottom has literally dropped out of our world.  I think life can throw some real difficulties at us.  Just when I am sure I have it under control, something that I never imagined comes at me.  So, I am learning. 
I am growing.
I am struggling and I am trying to change my own personal view of the trials I face. 
I wish I could say it is easy, but it isn't.  So, I am just trying to view it as a learning experience.  I am trying to find the personal message in the struggles for me. 
I believe in a Loving, Giving, Understanding Heavenly Father.  I don't believe that he gives me hardships.  I do believe that He allows me to experience them and helps me through them.  He allows them to happen to us because He doesn't take away the free agency from any one of us.  Sometimes, people make bad choices and they cause pain and grief to others.  Sometimes, we make our own bad choices.  Sometimes, the things that happen are just part of life.
It is the hardest lesson I have ever had to learn.  Well, that and not hating the person who is responsible.  I am trying to find the compassion inside my own soul.  I am trying to give out kindness instead of anger and hate.  I am trying to heal with love. 
I am trying to see and recognize the BLESSON.