This one, jumped up and bit me today.
I find myself wanting to be nicer in my life. I really struggle with trying and then having others mash me down. I can't help but think that I am sometimes guilty of thinking that those around me should be nice back because I am nice to them.
I want to get along, I really do. It seems that most of my life, I was "that kid". You know, the one who is by themselves on the playground, the one who doesn't fit in, the one who doesn't belong. The one thing that is not like the others!
I really feel that way. I have a hard time making friends. I am very loyal, but I never have very many friends at once. I don't know how to be one of the popular people, not even as an adult. I only know how to be me.
I always thought I was nice, but this is making me question that. I think, if I am nice because it is something that I do, than that is ok, but if I am being nice because I want to fit in or belong, than it is not good enough. I need to treat others the way that Heavenly Father would want them treated, not the way that I think they deserve.
For me, that means that even if they are yelling or belittling, they deserve the same courteous treatment from me that they would get if they weren't behaving badly. That one is hard. If sends my mind back to my teenage years where that was common treatment and I don't respond at all well.
This week, I am working on behaving the way I would want someone to behave toward me, whether I think, they deserve it or not. I am not their judge and jury. I am only another imperfect person trying to live in this crazy, mixed-up world.
Kindness, just might go a long way toward changing things.
If not for someone else, than just maybe, for me.