Thursday, April 17, 2014
I'm Not Fat
I love these words. What a wonderful way to look at myself. My whole life I have struggled with my weight. I was anorexic in High School and ate once every three days. I keep my weight right at 100 lbs. It wasn't hard. I became so used to it that I never was hungry. Time passed and I started having children. My weight went up and down and back and forth. Sometimes I was thin, and sometimes I wasn't. I really wanted to stay thin. It seemed as if my entire family was thin except me. As I got older, the weight became even harder to keep off. I weighed well over 200 lbs and let me tell you, I did not feel very awesome.
In all of this, I have had to learn to like myself in spite of my body type. I have had to learn that my body is a wonderful gift. It is not always the same shape or size, but it is mine. I can walk, I can run, I can do things to make others happy. I can choose to be filled with misery or awesomeness. It really is up to me.
Today, I have lost over 60 lbs. I still have 30 more to go to get to my goal, but I am working on it. One moment, one day, one week and one year at a time. I have learned that what I weigh isn't near as important as how I see myself. I have had to learn to look at myself with just a little more forgiveness and understanding. I have had to learn that the person I want to be is not determined by weight. Rather, the person that I am is working on those traits and characteristics that make me more like my Heavenly Father.
I am learning how to be awesome.