I'm Not Fat

 I'm not FAT!
That's just my awesomeness
Swelling up inside of me.

I love these words.  What a wonderful way to look at myself.  My whole life I have struggled with my weight.  I was anorexic in High School and ate once every three days.  I keep my weight right at 100 lbs.  It wasn't hard.  I became so used to it that I never was hungry.  Time passed and I started having children.  My weight went up and down and back and forth.  Sometimes I was thin, and sometimes I wasn't.  I really wanted to stay thin.  It seemed as if my entire family was thin except me.   As I got older, the weight became even harder to keep off.  I weighed well over 200 lbs and let me tell you, I did not feel very awesome.
In all of this, I have had to learn to like myself in spite of my body type.  I have had to learn that my body is a wonderful gift.  It is not always the same shape or size, but it is mine.  I can walk, I can run, I can do things to make others happy.  I can choose to be filled with misery or awesomeness.  It really is up to me.
Today, I have lost over 60 lbs.  I still have 30 more to go to get to my goal, but I am working on it.  One moment, one day, one week and one year at a time.  I have learned that what I weigh isn't near as important as how I see myself.  I have had to learn to look at myself with just a little more forgiveness and understanding.  I have had to learn that the person I want to be is not determined by weight.  Rather, the person that I am is working on those traits and characteristics that make me more like my Heavenly Father.
I am learning how to be awesome.