Today, my heart hurts. I am feeling so tired. It has been a very long year, and it is not over yet. I think I need just a little kindness from those around me. Instead, I am still faced with anger and resentment.
There are those who don't like me. I know, it sounds silly, but in a small town it can make a big difference. It is to the point where I don't like to leave my house. I never know who I will run into or what they will say. Even work is difficult, and church has become a place I face with tripredation. My heart hurts, with every single breath I take.
Still, I keep going on. I keep being where I am supposed to be and doing what I am supposed to be doing. I keep trying to make a difference in my own way. I keep trying to love, even when I don't want to. I am trying not to judge or hold a grudge. I am trying to forgive.
In my prayers, I think that I have found the answer. There is a book called 1000 Gifts. In the book, the author invites us all to take the time to embrace and recognize the blessings that are around us. It is only for expressing the gratitude for the life that we already have that we discover the life we have always wanted. This book is to help open our eyes to the amazing grace that surrounds us.
There are a group of bloggers out here over at A Holy Experience who keep a journal of three blessings every day (they have to be different) and then blog about them on Mondays. I think that I will do the same, except that I will blog about my blessings every day. I will list at least three (probably more since I am behind and the goal is 1000 gifts in 2013), and then blog about them in my life. I will still keep my blog what it is, but maybe, in discovering my own blessings, I will help you find joy in yours.
I have decided not to name all the people that are blessings to me (I have 11 children, 5 inlaw children, 11 grandchildren, numerous aunts, uncles and cousins) instead, I will group them together and find other blessings in my life. They are one of my greatest joys and I know and appreciate each of them. By grouping them together I am hoping to recognize even more gifts that the Lord has for me.
Perhaps if I focus on all that the Lord has given me, I will find less time to focus on all the things that I am unhappy with.
I have done similar things before, and I know it works if I focus on the joy instead of the sorrows in life. So, today, I am thankful for:
1. My Lord and Savior,
2. My Family,
(yes, all of them, each and every one,
with their differences, their joys, their sorrows,
and their amazing love.)
3. The Gospel in my life.
4. The kindness of friends.
5. The gentleness of strangers.