Joy in this journey for her weekly writing of Life Unmasked. It is an opportunity to take down the masks in our lives and be real with one another. A chance to open ourselves up for learning and for knowing that not a single one of us is perfect. It is easy to loose sight of that in the blogging world where you don't actually get to meet people in real life. (Unless you are extremely lucky and live close together!) I thought that it sounded like fun to participate and to be "real" for a few moments on Wednesday. Although, I do always try and be real, I am sure there are things about me that you do not know! So, here goes, my attempt at reality unmasked!
Ten things about me that you might not know.
10. I live in chaos. Yes, you heard me right. I am so busy that I don't get the cleaning done like I should. Between working two jobs and blogging and being a mom, there is not much time left to get the oven and the fridge as clean as I would like. Currently, I am working on the flylady program (See http://www.flylady.net/ for information) and it is slowly starting to make a difference. Who knows, maybe one of these days I will actually post the after pictures on my blog. (Don't hold your breath for before shots though!)
9. I dress for comfort. I wear my EMT pants everywhere and a comfortable shirt and my crocs. It can be so bad that my older girls have all threatened to put me on the TV show, "What Not To Wear". Hopefully they will never embarrass me that badly, but I am always wondering. Seriously, comfort makes my world go round. I love blue jeans and t-shirts. I spill everything on myself and hate ruining clothes that cost money, so I am a totally relaxed non-dressup type of woman. It makes getting ready to go places so much faster!
8. I nearly never wear makeup. I don't like the way it feels or looks on me. I think it makes me look fake, and well, made up. Occasionally, for a very special occasion, I will wear mascara and blush. But that is about it.
7. I used to weigh 220 lbs. I have lost ???? (no I am not telling you!) and managed to keep it off, but I would still really like to lose 35 more lbs. Losing weight is one of the hardest things I have ever done. I still have all the clothes I used to have, only now they are baggy and don't fit. It makes me feel good to wear them! Plus, I really hate throwing good clothes away. My goal is to clean out the closets before the end of the year and have room to actually hang my clothes instead of stuff them.
6. I love crafts. I have a lot of unfinished projects around that I am waiting to have time to finish! I have a couple of quilt tops for my grandkids as well as pictures that I made, ect. It is hard for me to find all the time that I need to just get things done. Now that I have my craft room back, I am hoping that I can make some real progress in this area. Mostly with quilting. I really want to be able to make every one of my children and grandchildren a quilt.
5. I get my feelings hurt so easily. I cry when people don't like me or want to be around me. It is worse when I respect and like them. I know that my skin is thicker today than it used to be. (You can't survive in the business world without that thickening process), but sometimes I can't help wishing that we could learn to be just a little kinder to those around us. I have learned that just because you can't see trials doesn't mean that they aren't there in abundance. Often, the very worst things we will go through in this life and nearly invisible to everyone else.
4. I LOVE BOOKS! No seriously, I really love books. If you want to know my perfect vacation, it would be by the beach, under an umbrella and in the middle of an amazing story. Of course, part of that vacation would include oodles of family, but there would also be time for books. I am rarely without one somewhere on my person or in my car, and I read ever spare moment that I get. Lately, I have been doing so much writing, that I have neglected my reading. That has been difficult. For a large part of my life, books were my friends. They brought me comfort and taught me all kinds of things. I still have a hard time with digital media. There is something so comforting about turning pages and reading a good old fashioned novel.
3. My family means the world to me, but often they are the ones that get left out first. It is almost like I expect them to understand what I am doing and how much I need to be doing it. I expect them to not mind sharing my time and my attention. I expect them to make allowances for me. I am learning that they have wants and needs too and that those usually mean I need to be present a little more often. I have learned that love isn't something you just say. It is a verb. An action word that requires doing on my part. Showing your family that you love them is so much harder than just telling them, but also so much more rewarding. I also know that I love each and every single one of them. No matter what decisions they have made, they are still mine. I pray for them, cry for them, and want what is best for them. They each hold a piece of my heart.
2. My husband is amazing. He gets his own paragraph! Seriously, he married me at a time in my life when things were incredibly difficult. I had a lot of baggage. I was broken. I was ashamed. I was not well. Yet, he came in, took care of me, and loved me through all the problems. He loved my children, his children and our children. He tried his best to be whatever we needed him to be. I know it was not easy. He is not perfect, but he is perfect for me. He has never once, in all our married years, criticized me for not being enough. He loves me exactly as I am and in the place that I am in. He just loves me.
1. I love the gospel. It is something that I did not grow up knowing. I find that I crave the things that make me closer to my Heavenly Father. I want His spirit in my life, and I really want to know that I am doing OK. I have faith for many things, but always could use more. One of the biggest things I lack is patience. I don't want to wait, I want it right now! The older I get, the more I realize how much more we learn as we get older. I realize how much having the gospel in my life means to me. I realize how much I want to return to Him. I realize that He is my rock and my redeemer. I have come to realize that all happiness comes by Him and through Him. There are so many things that I can't do right, but with Him by my side, I am learning to be better each and every day. And through Him, I know that somehow, in ways I don't yet understand, I will be enough.