"WE CANNOT TRULY LOVE GOD
IF WE DO NOT LOVE
OUR FELLOW TRAVELERS
ON THIS MORTAL JOURNEY".
I have never in my life had a problem with loving. For a long time, I thought it was one of my greatest strengths. This past couple of years, has put that in greater perspective for me. I have had some people who have treated me pretty badly. They have worked hard to ruin my reputation, they have placed blame where none exists, they have slandered me, bad mouthed me and pretty much treated me like I don't matter.
For a while, I was very angry. I used to dwell on ways to "get even". I wanted to move, to Alaska or Canada. Just anywhere that would be far, far away where I couldn't get hurt again. Sometimes, I still dream of moving, but I am learning that really won't cure anything. I still have to face myself. I still have to be able to laugh at myself and to disagree with their spoken words.
For me, that is a hard one. There is always a part that plays devil's advocate. What if a single smidgen of their words are true? What if I have done anything that could make me be perceived as guilty. most of all, what if I can't ever truly forgive?
This week as been a week with prayer on my knees. I am striving to forgive those who have wronged me. I am praying for them and for their thoughts and their prayers. I am hoping that faith can make the difference when I cannot. I know that I will never get and apology for all of this. Pride can be a hard thing to bear, so part of my prayer is to learn to live with the apologies that I have never received.
I am learning to love, even when they don't love me back. My mind keep drifting to the savior, to those who spit upon him, to those who mocked him, to those who whipped him and placed thorns upon his head. Yet, he pled that our Heavenly Father could forgive them, for they knew not what they were doing. Who am I to hold a grudge in this world. I who am so far from perfect, and who have such need of him. Who am I to hold the anger deep within my self and keep it walled up behind the brick and mortar of my heart?
I am learning that I am a Daughter of God. I am His and He is my greatest example. I am learning to follow Him.