Sabbath Day Scribblings - Gratitude for Everything

"Thou Shalt

Thank 

The Lord 

Thy God

   In all things."  

D&C 59:7

It can be hard to be thankful for things that you don't think you want or need.  It can be hard to find the good under the winter snow of life.  But I have learned to rejoice in the seemingly endless days of winter.  One of my all time favorites quotes is simply, 
"The Bible often says, 'It came to pass,'
It never says, It came to stay!"
I love the early days of winter.  The first snow on the ground, the bite of cool in the air.  I love the whiteness and the simplicity of the time.  I also love having a fire in my fireplace.  But as the days go on, and the cold becomes deeper, I start to find myself wishing for spring to come.  I can't wait to see the growth start on the trees and in the ground.  I get antsy for the planting and the signs of new life.  So, at this time, I am trying to remember to Thank Him for everything.  Even snow in February.
 

Gratitude Each Day

"No matter our circumstances, 

no matter our challenges or trials, 

there is something in each day 

to embrace and cherish. 

There is something in each day 

that can bring gratitude and joy 

if only we will see and appreciate it".  Deiter F. Uchtdorf

 

This man is one of my favorite speakers.  He always seems to talk about the things that I need to know and be aware of.  It is easy for me to become "lost" in my trials and circumstances.  It is easy for me to focus on the hard things to the exclusion of all else. 

One of the things I am working very hard on right now is focusing on the joys that are abundant in my life.  I know they are there.  I know they are all around me.  I get to choose exactly what it is that I am going to embrace and cherish.  I am exhausted with embracing the bad.  I am choosing to focus on the things in my life that I have to be grateful for. 

I even started counseling again.  This was a hard decision for me as I keep telling myself that I "should" be better.  I found a new therapist who gives me homework.  (Yep, at my age, I am doing homework again!)  I am learning more about myself and my relationships that I ever thought possible.  I am even learning that I can change.  I can overcome.  I can be who I was always meant to be.  That is my joy today.  I can embrace and cherish the good.  I can find gratitude through the sorrows.

I can become like HIM.  

 

 

Wordless Wednesday - Growing up Sisters

 

A single photo 

– no words –

capturing a moment from our lives.

A simple, special, extraordinary moment.

A moment

I want to pause, savor and remember.

A moment

that brings a smile to my lips, 

and joy to my heart.

We Cannot Truly Love God

 

"WE CANNOT TRULY LOVE GOD

IF WE DO NOT LOVE

OUR FELLOW TRAVELERS

ON THIS MORTAL JOURNEY".

THOMAS MONSON

 

I have never in my life had a problem with loving.  For a long time, I thought it was one of my greatest strengths.  This past couple of years, has put that in greater perspective for me.  I have had some people who have treated me pretty badly.  They have worked hard to ruin my reputation, they have placed blame where none exists, they have slandered me, bad mouthed me and pretty much treated me like I don't matter.  

For a while, I was very angry.  I used to dwell on ways to "get even".  I wanted to move, to Alaska or Canada.   Just anywhere that would be far, far away where I couldn't get hurt again.  Sometimes, I still dream of moving, but I am learning that really won't cure anything.  I still have to face myself.  I still have to be able to laugh at myself and to disagree with their spoken words.  

For me, that is a hard one.  There is always a part that plays devil's advocate.  What if a single smidgen of their words are true?  What if I have done anything that could make me be perceived as guilty.  most of all, what if I can't ever truly forgive?

This week as been a week with prayer on my knees.  I am striving to forgive those who have wronged me.  I am praying for them and for their thoughts and their prayers.  I am hoping that faith can make the difference when I cannot.  I know that I will never get and apology for all of this.  Pride can be a hard thing to bear, so part of my prayer is to learn to live with the apologies that I have never received.  

I am learning to love, even when they don't love me back.  My mind keep drifting to the savior, to those who spit upon him, to those who mocked him, to those who whipped him and placed thorns upon his head.  Yet, he pled that our Heavenly Father could forgive them, for they knew not what they were doing.  Who am I to hold a grudge in this world.  I who am so far from perfect, and who have such need of him.  Who am I  to hold the anger deep within my self and keep it walled up behind the brick and mortar of my heart?  

I am learning that I am a Daughter of God.  I am His and He is my greatest example.  I am learning to follow Him.          

 

 

Sabbath Day Scribblings - Patience, A Calm Acceptance

Patience, is the calm acceptance

that things can happen 

in a different order than the one

you had in mind.  

 

I am forced to admit, that I don't like setbacks.  I struggle to find the time for healing and rest in my busy life.  I have found that Heavenly Father knows what I need so much better than I do.  We might not be able to take the hike we wanted, or walk in the mornings, but we learn to do other things and take care of ourselves in the meantime. 

My daughter struggled with a tendon tear on her left ankle for over a year.  It was very painful and her foot would pop out of place when she tried to do anything on it.  I would get a call from the school and have to go down to put it back in place again and tape it up.  We thought for sure it was going to mean surgery.  The doctor we saw was excellent and, with time, had her up and walking again.  It wasn't how she wanted to spend the year, but her calm acceptance of the situation and the blessings she received by not having surgery have made it all worthwhile.  

We don't always know why things aren't going the way we planned, but we can rest in peace knowing that HE KNOWS. 

Small Town Life

The nice part about living in a small town,

it that when you don't know what you are doing,

someone else always does.

 

This is so very true.  There seems to never be enough going on in a small town to stem the tide of gossip and innuendos.  It surrounds me on a daily, and even hourly basis.  However, I have to admit that most of the time, I don't mind the small town life.  

We moved here ten years ago from the large valley metro area.  It was a shocking change for all of us.  I had girls who were never allowed out of the back yard and then we moved to the wide open spaces of Northern Arizona.  We now have chickens and goats and dogs.  We have finally put a fence up on our property.  We garden and can and pretty much do as much as possible that is natural.  I have even learned to like Goat milk and that was a little interesting at first.  I milk her too.  All three of our goats have been bred this year and we should have baby goats in June.  I am not a fan of winter babies.  Summer is soooo much better for me!  

One thing I have learned about small town living is that there is always so very much to do!  So much so, that it is easy to get lost in the doing and be overly critical of all that doesn't get done.  I dwell way too much on the should haves, could haves, and would haves.  I need to remember to just stop and take a breath.  I need to quit worrying about the little things and focus on the ones that matter most. 

So, today, I want to share with you one of my favorite quotes to help remind you that you are enough just the way you are.

 

     "Sometimes, my dear sisters, you feel inadequate and ineffective because you can't do all that you feel you should.  Rather than continually dwelling on what still needs to be done, pause occasionally and reflect on all that you do and have done.  It is most significant. 

The good you have done, the kind words you have spoken, the love you have shown to others, can never be fully measured."  Thomas S. Monson

  

Becoming Angry

"Anger does not solve anything, 

it builds nothing. 

To be angry is to yield 

to the influence of Satan. 

No one can make us angry. 

It is our choice. 

If we desire to have a 

proper spirit with us at all times, 

we must choose to refrain 

from becoming angry. 

I testify that such is possible". 

Thomas S. Monson

I have had a lot of reasons to be angry this past year.  This really spoke to my heart and reminded me that anger is really a choice.  Not only that, but it only damages us on the inside.  I know that I don't like being angry.  I do not like the person that I become when I am angry.  I don't like the way I feel, or the way I behave.  Mostly, I don't like the way that I find even more ways to stay angry.  

I have never really been a stay angry kind of person until this past year.  I have always been the quick flash and it is over, type.  I explode all at once, and then it is finished and I go on.  Now, I find myself stewing in the juices of angry, like a very unhappy pot roast that has stewed so long it has lost its tenderness and become tough and nasty.  

I find myself in the position of needing to make different choices in my life.  I really am struggling with this one.  I don't think I have ever stayed angry for so long before.  So now, I find myself on my knees with a prayer in my heart for those who have done me wrong.  I find ways to remind myself that I am not perfect either, and that I never will be in this life.  

I am reminding myself that anger is a choice.  It is taking so much heart out of me and leaving me exhausted and overwhelmed.  

It is time to cast Satan out of my heart and welcome the love of the Savior back inside.  

I choose love.  I choose peace.  I choose joy.

Strength

Your strength

isn't just about how much 

you can handle

before you break;

It's also about 

how much you must handle

after you've broken.

I know that it has been a long time since I have written here.  There has been a lot going on in my life.  I am learning that life has a way of knocking us down when we least expect it.  I am learning that it is OK to be broken.  It is OK to not be able to handle everything by myself.  It is even OK to break down every once in a while and take time off from things I love.  

I always thought I was strong.  Heaven only knows that I have had so many challenges in my life.  But this past few years has shown me how very difficult life can be.  I keep having to face the same things that I faced as a child in different ways.  The things that I already thought I had handled and dealt with have come back in surprisingly, new ways.  It has really been difficult to figure out exactly what I am supposed to learn (again) from all of this.  

I still don't know.  I don't know what I have control of anymore.  I am trying to learn to just let it go.  I am trying to understand that I don't have to do it alone.  That I am not strong enough to do it on my own.  I am learning that God does often, give us more than we can handle, but he never gives us more than HE can handle.  In my brokenness, I am learning to lean just a little more on Him and a lot less on me.  Maybe that is the message that I needed.

I am also learning that we are all broken in some way.  Not a single one of us are perfect.  We go to church, not because we are better than anyone else, but because we know we are broken and we need Him to help us find our way.  He gave us the wonderful gift of the atonement so that we would be able to come home to Him, none of us, not a single one, could do that on our own.  

In my study, I am learning that the atonement covers so much more than our sins.  It also covers our grief, our despair, our depression, our anxiety, our pain.  He suffered for each of us individually.  He really knows my name.  He knows exactly who I am and what I need most, even if it is not clear to me.  

In my weakness, I am learning more about His Holiness, His forgiveness, and especially His great love.