Find your way back

More importantly to me is that we all have part of the light within us.  In our trials and difficulties, it is easy to lose sight of the fact that we are beautifully and wonderfully made.  He is not a Heavenly Father that does not welcome us back.  He is not a Father that doesn't forgive.  He is not a father who never forgets what we have done or who thinks that we have done things so terrible that we are not worth saving.  That has never been His message to us. 
He loves us exactly as we are right this minute.  He wants us to return to Him.  He wants us to know that we are loved and needed and wanted in this life and the next.  He wants us to know that there is still hope even when we feel wounded and hopeless. 

Luke 12:6-7

Are not five sparrows sold for two farthings, and not one of them is forgotten before God?

But even the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore: ye are of more value than many sparrows.

 

We have value, we have worth, we are so, so loved. 

We all Struggle

I have always loved to read.  I love mysteries, thrillers, fantasy and even an occasional love story.  Interestingly enough, every single story that I read has some sort of a struggle going on throughout the chapters.  Every Hero has to go through the trial before they find their happily ever after. 
The struggle is always a central factor of the story.  It wasn't until recently that I have been able to understand how this applies to my own life.  We all want the happily ever after ending.  We all want to have to good parts in our lives, but every one of us have to face our own struggles first in order to get there. 
Think of anyone you like or admire in History.  Everyone of them faced their own struggles. 
Harriet Tubman, Martin Luther, Joan of Arc, King Arthur, Abraham Lincoln, George Washington, Thomas Jefferson and even Benjamin Franklin.  That is just a very short list of people, yet every one of them had struggle as part of their individual stories.  I could go through the scriptures and find even more.  For every person there are struggles.  I am not ever going to say that I like them, I don't even always appreciate them.  But I am trying to look at them as an important part of who I am.  An essential part of what makes me the person I am becoming. 
When I think of the people I admire most, they have always gone through great trials and struggles.  Some are overwhelming to me.  I can't even imagine having to endure those things.  But that is why I remember them as great people.  They did great things in the midst of struggle. 
From the time I was very young, I have admired Harriet Tubman for all she did on the underground railroad.  I did school reports on her and read everything that I could find about her.  I read about the people she rescued and the times she was injured and nearly died for what she believed in.  I always wanted to be brave like her.  To put the needs or others above my own and to right the wrongs around me. 
In the scriptures, one of my favorite stories is of Abraham and Sarah.  How he laughed at God when God told him that his wife, Sarah, would conceive.  She was 90 years old and Abraham was 100, when she bore him a son.  She lived her life believing she was infertile.  Never knowing that she would actually hold her own baby in her arms.  I can't even imagine the strength that she must have had to face that.  But her struggle is also part of her story.  Her love for her husband and her son are written in the life that she lived. 
There are so many more examples.  Both men and women, living in the past and present.  So many struggles, heartache and so much love all wrapped into the years of a life. 
The struggles have always been a part of your story. 

Following the Crowd

I am a very social person, at least, once I know you.   It makes my heart sing to be with others who enjoy my company as well as I enjoy theirs.  That being said, I know that once upon a time in my life, I went wherever and whenever I could be with the crowd.  I was lonely and so very tired of being alone.  I felt like I needed others in my life and I have even been guilty of changing the person I was to be a person who fit in better with the expectations of others.
I am older now.  And have found the above saying to be truer than I ever thought possible.  I no longer need a crowd.  A couple of good friends, and kind husband and family who love me are more than enough.  I walk alone through many things and yet I am not ever really truly alone. 
When I wanted so much to belong, I found myself settling for things that I was not interested in doing.  I found myself doing the things that others wanted.  I found myself feeling unhappy and very unfulfilled. 
When you have the opportunity to walk alone, you learn who you are.  It is not an easy journey, but it is an important one.  I have learned that I like art, I love drawing and painting.  I even was able to see the life story of Picasso in Kanas City with my family.  Don't get me wrong, I still don't like his art!  But I loved learning about his life and seeing the influence of African art, especially in the tribal masks, throughout his lifetime.  It made the way he paints a little more understandable and interesting to me. 
I have also learned that large crowds of people are hard for me.  It makes me feel closed in and vulnerable.  I prefer smaller groups.  I prefer quiet visits and shared experiences.  I have learned that those experiences that I walked through have given me the strength and desire and ability to help others on their own journey.  I have found myself in places that I never imagined I would be. 
And most of all, I have found joy in that journey. 

Two Cents

 

 

As I go through my struggles, it is hard to remember that not everyone else's opinions of me should count or do count in the grand scheme of things.  It is easy to have my day ruined by a customer that yells at me, or someone who is snarky to me.  By the person in the grocery store who runs over my foot or the person driving on the road and laying on their horn.  

I have discovered that it can be easy for my feeling to be hurt, for my heart to ache and for my anger to bubble up and sometimes even spill over.  

I am not sure why it matters so much, I only know that it does.  There are days when tears are right at the surface and when I literally can't face another bad word or angry person.  There are days when people can yell and I am just fine with it.  I have yet to figure out what in me responds in a bad or a good way.  

All I can say is that 2 cents doesn't buy us much today.  I remember when I was growing up and we would collect coke bottles for 3 cents each.  We thought that was such a lot of money.  And for children, it was.  

But sometimes I forget how little 2 cents really is and let it build all out of proportion to what is really going on.  I take that 2 cents and somehow, in my crazy world, it becomes equivalent to 10,000 dollars.   

So, as you go about your day, don't let someone else's belittling words matter more to you than they should.  You are worth so much more than the measly 2 cents.