It Starts With You

 

 

This one is hard for me to remember.  Sometimes, I feel like it is Someone Else's responsibility to make sure I am happy.  My head knows that is wrong, but my heart wants it to be true. 

I found a great quote yesterday that says:  "Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they never stopped to enjoy it!" 

That is very much me.  I don't stop and smell the roses as my husband would tell me.  I just kind of go along trying and failing to get everything done and make everyone else happy.  It hurts me when I can't make it happen!  I get so busy with everyone else, that I forget to take the time that I need for me.  

Fighting depression and anxiety is a constant struggle.  I want so much to BE happy, but I go about it in all the wrong ways.  I spend way too much time working and surviving and not nearly enough time sitting back and enjoying.  I focus on the getting there, instead of on the journey itself.

I think maybe, my priorities for happiness are just a little bit (OK, maybe a lot), mixed up.  I forget how things don't make us happy.  It really is about what I am feeling inside, and when I am too tired to even enjoy the fruits of my labors, how can I ever think to find happiness.  

So, here I am, taking a deep breath and moving on.  

Happiness seems so elusive when we are getting down and dirty with life.  Just when it seems that I will move forward, I sink into a hidden puddle and end up sliding back.  Life is unpredictable.  It is hard.  It is lonely, it is rough and rowdy and really, really messy.   But I also know that it is possible find those little, sparkling gems of happiness in the middle of the mud. 

I have to find them inside myself first.     It sounds so simple, but is in reality pretty hard.  I have to look past the darkness and find those bits and pieces that can bring me joy.  I have to live in the present moment, instead of the future and the past.  I have to let go and trust that everything is in His hands and that He has my back. 

I have to believe that I am lovable and worth loving.  I have to believe that I am worth some tiny spark of happiness.  I have to believe that there is good within myself. 

I have to take time and make time to be happy.