This one is hard for me to remember. Sometimes, I feel like it is Someone Else's responsibility to make sure I am happy. My head knows that is wrong, but my heart wants it to be true.
I found a great quote yesterday that says: "Plenty of people miss their share of happiness, not because they never found it, but because they never stopped to enjoy it!"
That is very much me. I don't stop and smell the roses as my husband would tell me. I just kind of go along trying and failing to get everything done and make everyone else happy. It hurts me when I can't make it happen! I get so busy with everyone else, that I forget to take the time that I need for me.
Fighting depression and anxiety is a constant struggle. I want so much to BE happy, but I go about it in all the wrong ways. I spend way too much time working and surviving and not nearly enough time sitting back and enjoying. I focus on the getting there, instead of on the journey itself.
I think maybe, my priorities for happiness are just a little bit (OK, maybe a lot), mixed up. I forget how things don't make us happy. It really is about what I am feeling inside, and when I am too tired to even enjoy the fruits of my labors, how can I ever think to find happiness.
So, here I am, taking a deep breath and moving on.
Happiness seems so elusive when we are getting down and dirty with life. Just when it seems that I will move forward, I sink into a hidden puddle and end up sliding back. Life is unpredictable. It is hard. It is lonely, it is rough and rowdy and really, really messy. But I also know that it is possible find those little, sparkling gems of happiness in the middle of the mud.
I have to find them inside myself first. It sounds so simple, but is in reality pretty hard. I have to look past the darkness and find those bits and pieces that can bring me joy. I have to live in the present moment, instead of the future and the past. I have to let go and trust that everything is in His hands and that He has my back.
I have to believe that I am lovable and worth loving. I have to believe that I am worth some tiny spark of happiness. I have to believe that there is good within myself.
I have to take time and make time to be happy.
